Monday Facetime

by

Subtitle: I tried not to run long. I really did.

subsubtitle: may I blame you? it was your emails which sparketh the ramble.

This week’s theme? Not letting the negative people in our lives impact our internal monologue.

This week’s winner? GENA! Email me at MizFit08@yahoo.com and I shall get you yer water!

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Comments

  1. Really good advice, as usual!

    I am extremely lucky not to have those sort of people in my life, so I don’t get to practice ignoring them. But I’m fine with living in a blissful little bubble where no one says mean things, even if I’m not learning to build thick skin like I would be if I had to defend myself.

    But good luck to all those who DO have to interact with negative folks, I don’t envy you!

  2. and I GIGGLE, Crabby, that I probably go too far with the “eh, whatevs. it’s so not about me.” mindset.

    my husband cracks UP *at* me.

    Im sure I mightshould revisit some of the scenarios and address whether Im wrong but I figure Ill take the devilmaycare self esteem and let the criticisms fall where they may.

    M.

  3. Hi MizFit,

    Well I did manage to get up at 6.30 am this morning and shake my booty (and the scales had good news for me this morning — I will post later).

    In answer to your question on my blog (which I have also posted on my blog, but I’m never sure whether people go back and look) …..

    Bearing in mind the time difference, it is currently 11.30 am in the UK so in an hour and nine minutes I will be having lunch — a carefully calorie counted lunch, of course!

    Best wishes,
    Sharon

    P.S. I will look at the clip later as, again, I cannot view it while at work (yadda, yadda, yadda).

  4. Great advice here Miz!! It got me thinking though. What can a person do (okay I’m talking about myself here) when, truthfully, the dominant negative voice in the picture IS myself. Then I guess it runs the other way, it is all about us then but starting to get a handle on it is hard and I’m intimidated about it for sure. I realized how deep this runs when you were talking in the video about examples of negative things people might say. I thought about it and realized that, in my life, pretty much the only person in my life saying that to me is ME. Scary stuff. I think I’ll start with writing down that negative self talk to review it at the end of the day. I’ll see where that leaves me tomorrow evening.

  6. Anyone with teens or pre-teens needs to make that video a part of their daily meditations!

    I only made it to the gym once last week and my Punch and Judy psyche really let me have it (more Punch than Judy).

    And if Mizfit says I only have to start with 5 minutes of cardio (not my favorite as it hurts my knees), so be it and no guilt!!

    Happy Monday to all! Last week of school here in Ann Arbor!

  7. many many thoughts so I shall just distill down to:

    thank you for making the time to watch.

    I appreciate it as *I* think it’s important but Im also sorely aware how little free time we all have.

    M.

  9. I recently had to “evict” a very negative person from my life. It was an unpleasant process, but talk about a HUGE RELIEF!

  10. Hmmm… my first defense is a sarcastic yet witty retort. You know, the kind that only work well on the Internet because in real life you’re usually forced to explain them and that’s not pretty.

    Anyhow, thanks for the reminder and the tips! I’m generally too sensitive to those kinds of comments – will practice obliviousness today:)

  11. As usual, this is something I needed to hear and has gotten me thinking. I’m very very blessed in that I really don’t have any negative reinforcement from people as to my healthy lifestyle…but I do have some regarding work. The problem is, it’s totally warranted.

    So I really like what you said about getting defensive. It’s completely true that I’m getting upset and defensive about it because I know it’s something I need to work on…but that doesn’t mean I need to react strongly at the time. It’s much better and healthier to stay calm, and then go back and work on it when I’m out of the negative atmosphere. It’s not the negativity that’s the problem here – that only has as much power over me as I give it – it’s my reaction, which has a profound effect on me.

    Thanks for the food for thought!

    V.

  13. Fantabulous as usual. It has taken me a long time to learn how to not automatically react when something negative is said to me, but i’m not 100% there. I think I grew up on the defense about a lot of things so I have to ‘check’ myself not to spew back venom. But I like your thought process of realizing its their own thing that is the issue.

    how exactly do you apply this with your toddler?…my lovely wee-one seems to have grown fangs this weekend…

  14. well, FitaRUNNINGella, when it comes to the Tornado I one hundred percent use this to keep my cool. She’s a physical wonder (fast strong) but a LATE talker so with her it’s all the “THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME” as she is having a full blown hissy fit about not wanting to leave the park.

    (you know, while all the other NOT SWEATY perfectly coiffed mamas stare on in horror. it allows me to keep a grin pasted on my face)

    were she a talker and being inexplicably RUDE Id do the same thing.

    as a mantra.

    to keep from losing my cool.

    It’s not about me. It’s not about me. It’s not about me.

    and *then* Id be able to better ponder what it’s about (hungry? tired? stressed? sad?) ON HER END. Easier said than done, I know.
    But in my NOT YET AT THE TEEN YEARS mind it’s the same as someone lashing out and saying XYZ is going to be a failure and why am I (MizFit) even trying when THEY are certain it wont work.

    Thumb typed rambling love,

    M.

  16. thanks again for the reminder- my husband is the jedi master of this mantra- so it helps to hear it again, and again- thick skull, thin skin that I have!

    the whole what’s it sparking in me, why does this bug me so much?, i’ve been better until yesterday where this dad at the pool was scratching his balls (with swim trucks on, standing on a bleacher above me) while talking to me? Now I’m wondering if my breast were hanging out of my suit?! It was an yuk moment.

  17. definitely need this as well, unfortunately I am my own worst critic. need to get that mantra going on in my head.

    love how you apply this to toddler too. Mine has also grown fangs (LOL fitarella!) and way too often pushes me over the boiling point. I need to just remind myself “this too, shall pass”.

  19. Great post and good stuff to keep thinking about. Also, I use the “no trying only doing” theme with my four year old and he likes it! Thanks. 😉

  20. I always wonder what they are trying to get at with neg. comments. I mean, to me its like are they really my friend? Is this someone I want to be around all the time? No, not really. I have learned to find people that enrich my life and let the rest be on their way. It will be harder if the neg. people in your life are family, but maybe if you dont hang around them so much they might ask you why, and then you can just say, you don’t make me feel good when I’m around you. Sometimes people are negative in their head so much they don’t even realize they are doing it to others. And at the point its exactly what Mixfit says, its not really about you. 🙂 Happy Monday everyone!

  21. Running has been such a great work out for me. Though I have to watch my heart rate to make certain that I am on task (i.e. zone 2 for fat burning). The impact of running can cause some stress on my body, so I do an occasional change to my routine by including some alternate cardio works out such as an elliptical machine. Taking it one step at a time. “every waterfall starts with a drop!”

  22. That’s a great outlook. I encountered a lot of “nay-sayers” when I first started to get healthy. I was actually surprised at how many of my friends were NOT supportive. But now, I realize that is totally their issue (not mine). Especially now that they come to me for health and fitness advice.

    I also got to a point where I would rather be alone then have negative friends. I went as far as to “break up” with 2 friends that were negative nellys. It was hard, but the best thing I’ve done.

  23. You are very inspiring.

    “It has nothing to do with me”. That’s really powerful.

    I have this weird need to get other people’s approval. I am 37… it’s time for me to grow up and stop giving others so much power.

    Thank you.

  24. P.O.M?

    I went as far as to “break up” with 2 friends that were negative nellys.
    —-
    it IS difficult but when Ive been there it always reminds me of the “Id rather be alone and lonely than be in a crowd and feel painfully alone.”

    M.

  25. Vered?
    this is precisely it:

    stop giving others so much power.

    it’s why the negative self chatter—for as debilitating as it can be—is actually a good thing in that the power is ALL OURS to effect a change.

    M.

  30. Excellent post, Miz! I’ve pretty much exorcised the negative people from my life. I just don’t have the time or energy for putting up with their issues. Now if I just get train my boss to stop being a food pusher, then I’d be in business. LOL

  31. I like to just be way superior to them and know more and be awesomer so that if they’re like “you know you shouldn’t do that” or whatever, immediately counter with some evidence to the contrary (you can make it up if you have to, just say this study said blah blah). Plus I realize unless they’re perfect (aka, already lean, fit, where I want to be, and they never are) then they obviously don’t know what they’re talking about. If they are awesome, then maybe they’ve got a point.

  32. I’m working on being positive, have been for awhile, but now I’ve got an issue where people are saying I’m still a negative nelly and talking smack behind my back.

    Different story all together but I’m trying to rise above it because I’m realizing it is what’s bringing me down lately.

    I *need* to remove toxic people from my life in order to be stronger.

    If I happen to become the crazy cat lady in the process, so be it 😛

  33. different but the same, mousearoo. it’s the removing of the negative people, sure, but also the mantra of:

    they do not see me as I am.

    or some such reminder to yourself that, perhaps, you might have been negative in the past (which surprised me as I never saw it in your writing!) but youre NOT any more.

    it’s a choice. it’s an effort. and sc*** the naysayers.

    M., who for a time was the crazy dog lady and LOVED every minute of it!

  34. AMEN, MizFit. I guess with age (wisdom) comes the knowledge that we have a CHOICE what we absorb and what we do not. Naysayers make me tired.

  37. I’ve separated myself from negative people. As others have said, it’s difficult but so far, I’ve been glad I did. This was after I encouraged them to be more positive, I want to add, but they were just hard-wired negative, so I gave up trying.

    I wonder if you put these folks in a positive reinforcing environment for a while if they would be able to change.

  38. What a wonderful, wonderful post/video today! This is such an important message and you are right on, as usual! 🙂 When people lash out at us or are negative, it really doesn’t have anything to do with us. I struggled with this for a long time until it finally sunk in.

    I will often try to put myself in the other persons shoes and realize that I don’t have a clue what’s going on in their lives. Maybe they just lost a parent, maybe they just found out their husband is cheating, perhaps they just lost their job… like you said, it really has nothing to do with me! I may not know what it does have to do with but I try to always remember that we’re all in this together and that every person I see is only trying to do the best they can at that very moment.

    Thanks for all your wonderful messages!

  39. Excellent advice! While riding my bike on the roads, I’ve met up with a number of rude drivers who’ve tried to run me off the road, yelled at me or even occasionally thrown things at me (worst one was a beer bottle). These things could so easily have caused me to give up riding altogether or at least ruin my workout. Learning to let things go by not reacting negatively or reacting in an unexpectedly friendly manner has really helped. You can’t control how other people behave but you can control yourself.

  40. I won something? Me? Awesome!

    Great advice as always, Mizfit. I’m very fortunate that I have mostly positive people in my life, and my most negative coworker recently moved away. My husband is full of positive reinforcement, so most of the time the negative talk comes from within.

    But after the conversations of last week I have made more of an effort to take the negative thoughts and replace them with something positive. It’s amazing how much better a day can be when you get rid of the negativity!

  42. Damn those Energy Sucks! I love how you said you don’t give them power and you don’t buy into what they’re saying. You look at them, and then you put them out of your mind (unless you get defensive, of course, and then you might think about it later). I’m lucky in that I purposefully don’t keep people like that in my life, but I know it’s unavoidable to come certain across random people who just like to bring others down.

  43. My problem is not people saying negative things to me, but about themselves. It makes me so sad to hear someone I love and admire berate themselves. I try sharing the tidbits of wisdom I learn here, but if they don’t want to change, what can I do? Any advice?

  44. Oh man my new boss is all about not trying just doing. He has some yoda poster up to encourage us to never say we will try to do something, but just do it. ahha.

    Thanks for the entertainment and sound advice!

    PS: Austin is amazing.

  45. Amazing video and I love the advice.

    You’ll be happy to know that in order to get me through the last mile of my long run yesterday, I had to keep saying “there is no trying – only doing”. It worked, and I did finish 6 miles. 🙂

  46. Hi Mizfit,

    Good facetime. It is so important to know whose problem is really coming to the surface. That is an important piece of mental health in my oh so humble opinion.

    BTW, I put up another shot at my blog at explaining how low carb works. It builds on the preivous one about Good Calories, Bad Calories.

    tony

  47. Great video! I have to tell you that I am super jealous of your arms! They look awesome!

  48. Negative people in my life that tried to sabotage my Ironman and my workouts….well, I got rid of them. Not in the “snuff” sense, but I didn’t NEED them, so I either left them or asked them to leave! NO MORE negative in MY life!
    (And they are STILL who they choose to be!)

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