What’s that you said? I couldnt hear you!

by

This week’s tip is an obvious one.

One which, in my opinion, we should all practice on a daily basis.

A tip/notion which I was slow to learn in life and one *big* way in which I hope you (the royal. the Bumbling Band) are not at all like I am.

My tip? Dont take no for an answer.

(I told you it was obvious.)

For me the path to not taking no has been a long & circuitous one.

It started with the baby-step of not taking a no from someone who didnt have the ability to give me a yes (hello, front desk manager at Holiday Inn!) & wove its way around to finally produce the tenacious MizFit you see (on Mondays at least) before you.

The shift, in fact, was almost imperceptible.

A change I barely realized had occurred until I noticed that my *answers* to numerous emails (*waves at Bumbling Band*) were all entirely the same.

How did you get a magazine column?

How did you get xyz freebie from xyz company?

How did you get the advice columns you write to be published in a newspaper?

How did you get Person Z to do a guest post?

How did you get (and I jest not) your Renaissance Man to watch your daughter in the morning so that you could work out?

The answer to all of those questions: I refused to take no for an answer.

I didnt let NO be an option (yes, this includes the last question. All delicately negotiated of course and with reciprocity involved but a wouldnt take a no none the less).

I was persistent.

The advice columns one freelance writer inquired about? Two years worth of no’s to get to my YES!

Each time I was told NO I stepped back, examined the reasoning behind the negative response, and figured out a way to overcome the objections. I didnt let the no deter me from what I really wanted to (and knew I could) do.

The freebies manymany bloggers ask me how I procure? Most times the initial response to my request for a product give away is a curt: NO THANKS!

(or the ever popular NO RESPONSE)

It takes a great deal of research/work, after the initial We’ll pass! (or silence) from a company, to show them that not only will the donation benefit them but that I’m not one to easily give up.

Sometimes I think that companies (& businesses and *life*) tell us no simply to see if we’re persistent enough to *return* again & again.

Were I to respond with an “oh, ok.” each time I received that “no, no way” from companies we’d never have a freebie up in herre!

Bottom line? If you truly believe in yourself & desire something you cant allow one (or thirty) no(s) to cause you to give up or quit.

As I said in the beginning of this post, it’s an obvious lesson yet one which people do the complete opposite of on a daily basis.

Individuals start excitedly down a path toward their goal—whatever the goal may be— and STOP at the first pothole or NO they encounter.

That’s my challenge for you: what will you NOT take no as an answer for this week?

Where will you be persistent in the face of “nah, no thanks!” where you previously might have been convinced to give up?

Me? (thanks for asking)

I like to always have at least one “seriously, People, you have no clue what you’re turning down & I’m so gonna keep coming back until you have your Ah Ha! moment of needing what Im offering!” out in the world at all times.

Currently it’s between MizFit and a certain magazine.

I think they want me to write a monthly MizFit column.

Them? NotSoMuch.

(no worries. they’ll have their epiphany in due time…)

That’s me. You?

Please to ponder & hit us up in the comments.

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Comments

  1. Thank you SO MUCH for this post.

    Sometimes I take no for an answer because I am afraid of persistence making me look like an idiot (funny how when my mom pushes me to be persistent, it always ends in success, not idiocy).

    I needed this kick in the pants! 🙂

  2. I have a feeling I needed to read this today. Success is definitely 9/10 persistence. I know this, but too often I do give up on the things I want the most.

    I tell myself I’m doing this for a number of reasons – none of which are because I am a quitter. Moi? Of course not. It’s more complicated than that (It’s amazing how well I can bullshit myself). Usually my reasoning is”

    “I’m not sure I want this”
    “I don’t know what I want”,
    “It’s a big ask and not many people succeed anyway”
    “This is totally unrealistic Kelly – you just want and expect too damn much!”

    But really it comes down to fear. There are many thigns I have gone for and won in life and I didn’t take NO for an answer. My husband was one of them. But when it comes to personal heartfelt creative ambitions or wanting someone to do something for me that REALLY matters, too often I make an excuse and reced into the background.

    I applaud you MIzFit for having the success you’ve had and for being honest about what it really takes to make it big in this world. Later, when you get your magazine gig people might say you’re an overnight success, but we’ll all know how much you pushed to get it.

    Cheers
    Kelly

  3. MizFit, you KNOW I’m with you on this one – especially in the freelance department. What a trial of rejection or, more often, no response at all – even worse than a “no” imho! But you’re right, persistence pays. I’m having two articles published this month. Can’t wait!

    Another bit of related advice that was once offered to me by a banker of all people was this:

    Always say YES to a good opportunity when it presents itself.

    That means, if someone says “hey, if you ever want to swing by my desk and talk more about starting a business” or “if you need a spot, let me know”, TAKE THEM UP ON THE OFFER. People don’t say these things just to be nice. They mean it. And this is the stuff that builds bodies, minds and networks – social, business or otherwise. MizFit, you epitomize this so well because you RESPOND to viewer mail with thought and personality. And you take the time to really read what people are saying around the net and so you GET what your readers want.

    So never accept “no” for an answer and always say yes (within reason). That’s my mantra for today. Of course the whole “within reason” could warrant a diatribe on its own (especially for writers, who are often victimized by low-paying jobs). But I digress… great post! =)

  4. Amanda? I have completely felt that way. ENTIRELY. and what Ive chosen to tell myself (true or not…) is that I appear to be more of a mo-ron if I give up immediately—–than if I trytrytry and the answer is still NO.

    people will always admire you, A, for TRYING & being committed.

    Kelly?

    I wanna thank you for taking the topic and running with it in a direction I hoped someone would.

    The FEAR.

    I, too, feel what you listed at times and, FOR ME, I choose to reframe this way:

    “I’m not sure I want this”
    BUT IM SURE AS HECK GONNA FIND OUT. IF I DONT IN THE END I CAN CHANGE THINGS AROUND. IM NOT MARRYING X,Y,Z (that only works if the ‘thing’ in question isnt marriage :))

    “I don’t know what I want”
    (I LIVE THIS) I DEFINITELY WONT KNOW UNTIL I TRY SOME STUFF OUT THEN ILL BE ABLE TO HAVE A MORE CLEAR SENSE. HERE I GO!

    “It’s a big ask and not many people succeed anyway”
    YEP, BIG ASK & NOT THAT MANY PEOPLE SUCCEED AND IM SOOOO GONNA BE THE FIRST (OR THE ONE THEY REMEMBER TURNING DOWN THE MOST. EITHER WAY!)

    “This is totally unrealistic Kelly – you just want and expect too damn much!”
    YEP, MIZFIT, YOU TOTALLY EXPECT TOO MUCH BUT IF YOU DONT ASK YOU CAN COMPLETELY KNOW THAT NO ONE IS GONNA SEEK YOU OUT AND *OFFER* SO WHAT CAN IT HURT TO GIVE IT A SHOT?

    Of course 90% of the above is fake it till you make it and the remaining 10 is simply chutzpah (shout out to the Jewish MizFits & our adopted Bag Lady)—but it works.

    I promise you.

    even if the answer is still NAH youve given it your best shot and you NEVER KNOW whom youve impressed along the way.

    M.

    **I was typing while you were Monica. THANKS FOR CHIMINING in with your thoughts as I know youre a sister in persevering….

  5. This is really great. I think sometimes people (me included) are afraid to ask for something they want because they don’t want to seem pushy or rude, but then others ask and get the same things! Honestly, what do you have to lose by asking?

  6. Well. I want a pair of guinea pigs but when I asked my apartment manager about it she had to look up what the regulation was and her manager told her no guinea pigs, no way no how… but cats, birds, and fish are allowed. This does not make one bit of sense to me. I’ve left a voicemail and an email with them asking for them to either let me have guinea pigs or at least tell me WHY guinea pigs are not allowed. Both times they answered NO to BOTH requests.

    That’s right. They will not tell me why.

    This has got me hella discouraged. But I will not take an unqualified “no” as an answer… because it’s not an answer, damnit!

  7. Great post. I am prone to giving up. First hurdle? RUN AWAY!

    You know what’s starting to change my mind? Seeing all my talented friends who haven’t got where they might like to be. Then looking at all the GOOFS who actually got there instead, and noticing that they are often considerably less talented than my friends. The difference? Self belief. A willingness to adapt. And persistence.

    I’m starting to realise that you make your own luck. And that the BelieveAdaptPersist mantra is something you can LEARN but talent isn’t. And I have talent, so it would be a waste not to learn to use it, right?

    Right.

    TA x (who is planning her next writing project this week and starting at the end of the month – she has an agent who likes her writing and she’s LISTENING to what the agent wants and adapting to the market.)

  8. and MizFit would never be an advocate of lying by omission to your landlord and secreting a pet away.

    NEVER.

    (& should the Ren. Man stop by and beg to differ she’ll deny it to the end)

    And Hangry? It’s all in the ask, too.

    The gently lovingly SMILINGLY (through yer fingertips if it’s via email) pointing out the winwin of it all.

    The bountiful gifts you/one bring to the proverbial table.

    Because we all come bearing gifts if we take the time to allow ourselves to see/ACKNOWLEDGE them.

    M.

  9. i don’t take no very often. i convince people to say yes every day for work and at internship. seriously. half of advocating for teens is the battle to get another service provider to agree with me.

    me? i needs to learn HOW to say no to others. i need to stop saying yes b/c i want people to like me, want to feel important, want to seem like a bleeding heart martyr….you get the drift. 80% of the time, i am doing something because i want to…but that 20% drives me nuts (especially peer pressure to go out on Halloween dressed as a skanky girl scout) (i DON’T like dressing up skanky for halloween and i dont’ want to be in a theme)

    hmm i guess i have another issue on my hands here…

  10. TA?? An agent?!

    3 cheers for YOU, Missy.

    *runs to check her email in-box for the deets*

    And ALL OF YOU?
    Please to read:

    I almost did a post on (brace your collective selves):

    No ISN’T a four letter word.

    (*eyeroll* I know)

    But the answer to FGF is a simple one.

    MAKE IT YOUR POLICY NEVER EVER EVER TO SAY YES OR NO IN THE MOMENT.

    No matter the question (from would you like to have your own TV show on HBO to can you bring cupcakes to the party) *always* respond:

    I need to check and get back to you.

    If they won’t take that & need a yay or nay STAT then for *me* it’s a nay.

    I’ve often ended up saying NO to things where, in the moment, I either felt pressured or erroneously thought I had the TIME.

    Pause. Sit with the request. THEN respond.

    Works for me, anyway….

    M.

  11. Love the post Miz; it helps to explain how you have achieved so many successes, and deservedly so. It’s so easy to feel disheartened and give up at the first signs of resistance, it takes courage and self-belief to strive for more.

    Kelly really hit home for me too, with her comment above “But when it comes to personal heartfelt creative ambitions or wanting someone to do something for me that REALLY matters, too often I make an excuse and reced into the background.” – I hear that!!

    It can feel easy to fight our corners sometimes, but then when it really hits home, and is really important to me, it can feel all too easy to slunk away with my tail between my legs.

    And Monica is right too; sometimes life just gives us wonderful opportunities, and we need to say Yes!

    I guess it all links in with our sense of self-worth.

  12. ok after this I shall, as we say in Casa Miz, SHUTTIE.

    but Shivers?

    this?

    I guess it all links in with our sense of self-worth.

    YOU NAILED IT.

    It all goes back to NOT taking a no as entirely indicative of your selfworth.

    you have no idea why the response is a NAH.

    could be that their budget for freelancers is depleted.

    could be that in the moment the hot waiterdude you asked out for coffee PANICKED and really *was* giving you the eyeball all dinner long.

    thanks for reminding us that a no is by NO MEANS an evaluation of who we are——-it has nothing to do with that.

    it’s merely a word. a roadblock or not depending on how you choose to view it.

    M.

  13. Just to clarify that I do NOT “have” a literary agent, I just have appalling grammar and have been very much encouraged by an agent to keep her in the loop and keep writing, and this was my “overcoming the No” and keeping persistent angle for this month.

    Every “no” is a “maybe” in disguise. You’ve just gotta figure out why they’re saying no to you in the first place, right?

    Then adapt until you turn the no into a yes.

    So easy when you put it like that :0)

    TA x

  14. Kelly beat me to it: fear.

    Someone a long time ago told me this: Never be afraid to ask for what you want. So, I’ve been working on asking for what I want for a long time. I’m trying to get the boy to work on that as well. I guess it’s the other side of the coin to fearing the response being “no”

    The training: You ask for what you what. What’s the worst thing that can happen? “They say, “no.” But what if they say YES? (usually I get an optimistic smile here.)

    Sounds to me like the next step in the training is to work with that no to ensure that it really means no. Hmmm, won’t be working on this for a few years. He’s all about nagging and negotiating when I say no to a new action figure or game…When do we STOP that behavior? Me must learn it somewhere…to STOP begging for the things we want….Hmmmm. I’m rambling.

    Make it a great day.

  15. As always, interesting post for me to ponder. I think I take a lot of “no” in my life but not on the things that REALLY matter…but perhaps it is worth a little more reflection. Thanks Miz.

  16. Teaching that to our toddler, are we???

    You know who says NO to me too much and gets away with it? ME. Ugh, hate that biotch. When she’s not looking I say YES. Prozak (tried and true!) won’t shut her up, but cardio seems to.

    I think you hit it right on, “no” is an opportunity for a little self reflection and redirection.

    It’s gonna be tearful Tuesday…my baby is going away for the first time w/o Mom or Dad. He is currently sleeping on our bedroom floor.

  17. Being a naturally pushy person, I try to focus on not asking too much from other people, lest they have the problem FGF mentioned about saying YES too often. I must use my Power of Push for good, not evil.

  18. I’m aggressive and don’t take the NO thing well, either. I can take it, if it’s what needs to be done… but I push back a lot too. Although, I walk a fine line between needing to say NO, I have enough on my plate, thanks, and always saying “I guess I can do that.”

    But then, people telling me no as a kid was always about telling me I couldn’t do something, they didn’t think I could do it. That lights a fire under you. Or, well, me anyway. They told my mom I might not ever walk, and certainly wouldn’t run – and I ran a marathon. So ha! 😉

  19. You’re so right. How many times have we gone complacent in our lives to only succumb to negative behavoirs? I *want* but don’t *need* is all “taking it as it lay” does.

    You hit the nail on the head on how this mantra fits in with career and life… but even on a smaller scale we all need to realize how damaging “yes” can really be.

    I’m surrounded by (me-self included) people with goals… lose 20 lbs, quit smoking, whatever. But when it comes to social gatherings or whatever…. it turns into a “I’ll just have one cupcake/french fry/cigarette/martini/whatever” scenario… why? Someone else took advantage of our inability to “nay.”

    Embrace thy inner horse, nay away sinful complacency :-)!

  20. hmmm…great advice. I am running my first 1/2 marathon this weekend – so I will NOT take no from MYSELF! As in, “I just can’t do it!” NO! I CAN! hehe

  21. I think this is a great point. Too many people stop as soon as they hit their first bump. People are satisfied with just settling for what they can get. That is not me…no way.

  22. I don’t take no when I have a consumer complaint. I had a problem with my cable company after I switched over to letting it provide my Internet service. They wanted me to pay more than $100 for something. By the time the phone call was over they owed me $16.
    I like your way of accepting the “no for now” as a lesson that something needs improving. Great way to look at it.
    This gave me something to think about because I consider no, on the personal level, to be important to backbone. We roll over and say yes to all kinds of things we don’t want instead of sticking up for ourselves. Your post is another angle to growing and nurturing a backbone. Thanks.

  23. Wow. What a great post. I so needed to hear this right now. I’m having a rough time professionally and after getting one two many “thanks but no thanks” I’m feeling deflated and… done.

    Thanks for this post. Really made me think.

  24. struggling. not. to. say. anything.

    so Ill quote.

    such a fab point I dont want anyone to miss it:

    Your post is another angle to growing and nurturing a backbone.

    and, IMO, having a BACKBONE is possessing selflove.

    we can all get there.
    I promise.

    M.

  25. Oh, don’t shut up, Miz, I love your comment talk as much as your posts! Honestly! 🙂

    I love this post. Taking no for an answer is a problem for me but never even having the chutzpah to ASK is a bigger one. This post speaks to both issues. If you never ask, or take the first no for an answer, you never will really know…

    And “no” never, ever killed anyone. Even if they heard it a hundred thousand times. (Unless the question was “will you treat me even though I don’t have insurance” and that’s a different post.) So really…what is there to lose by asking and asking and asking? Maybe a little scrape or two to the dignity but again, that never killed anyone…

    I need constant reminders of this. I believe I shall make a little reminder and stick it on my Gratitude Board…

    And for me? This week, I refuse to take no for an answer from myself. I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to living healthy. This week, when my knee-jerk answer is “no” (to ten more squats, another 10 minutes on the treadmill, 15 more crunches, whatEVER) I am NOT accepting it. Accepting your limitations is a wonderful thing, but most of mine (okay, nearly ALL) are self-imposed. So I’m not accepting them anymore. No more No. 🙂

    V.

  27. Wow! What an excellent post, and so in the center of my life right now.
    I might just have to print it up and place it somewhere visible:-)
    People, me included, tend to hear not only the ‘no’ but a whole lot of other stuff that wasn’t said intended or thought, interpreting the ‘no’ into ‘you’re no good’ or other things along that line.
    Listening to the ‘no’ instead of just hearing it, may make it possible to hear the reasons and logic behind it (I know that I am repeating you…mizfit) making it easier to turn it around.
    This is a life long lesson for me, popping up again and again at different points and situations in life.
    I am adopting ‘NO IS NOT AN OPTION’ as my current slogan.

  28. There are many many things I admire about you but I think this particular trait of yours tops the list. You are so right. Persistence trumps genius every single time. As for what I refuse to take no as an answer for… I will have to ponder on that. As I am generally a take people at their word kind of girl. But I WILL think on it.

  29. This is something some (a lot) of us learn growing up. No was not negotiable with me growing up, but my hubby? EVERYTHING is negotiable. So what does that mean? He knows how to get his way with people. He’s good at it and he believes he can really get anything. Me? Not so much.

    But, at some point we need to grow up and strive to be the people we wnat to be. Do you want to give up when you hit a small obsticle or do you want to get what you want out of life? People really need to take lessons from you (or him…but he’s not available online to the masses here :)…it’s something that really limits a lot of us.

  30. Thanks V, Sue, Diana & charlotte for your thoughtful comments.

    (char? you may not ever wanna change! what works for me might not necessarily be your thing and, perhaps, there *are* times I should take peeps at their word…)

    and Dr J? I am afraid. she is toeing that line between fab confidence and cocky ALREADY.

    this all made me think back to this post (CLICK HERE) in the vein of a NO may have NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

    dont internalize it that way.

    it’s simply a word—whether you accept it or not!

    M.

  31. I am going to have a tree put in my front breezeway. We had a huge tree there until a couple months ago while construction on the road went on – they removed all the trees. We were told we would get a replacement one.

    So this week – they planted trees, but did not give us one. We have been getting the runaround as to why not, and I decided last night that it was going to come down to me pestering them multiple times a day until I see them plop a tree out there. I told DH that either they were going to plant a tree, or I was going to plant it and make them pay for it.

  32. That’s me to a T at work. I think my boss is sick of my “won’t take a no” attitude. Usually it has to do with money and travel… but he caves in after the first round 🙂

  33. This was a terrific post, Miz!

    The person who says no the most to the Bag Lady is herself. Need to work on that.

    The Bag Lady also has trouble saying no. Guess she needs to follow cousin Leah’s lead and grow a damned backbone.

  34. So much good stuff here and in the comments. I too give up too easily because I hate to be a bother. Mostly because I don’t like conflict. I grew up with a lot of it and have learned to avoid it whenever possible…which is definitely not healthy for me or others.

    I need to push myself more, be stronger and more confident and learn to stand up for myself more, the opinions of others be damned. Because seriously, they’re not the ones who have to live with me and my regrets. That’s all me.

    And I am seconding Chia on learning to say no to others. Opposite side of the coin of this issue, but just as important to focus on IMO.

  35. This is great! Like many of the others sometimes I have a problem of doing this with myself. But its no good to underestimate your own capabilities!

    This week will be the week of “IcanIcanIcan” and “doitdoitdoit”. Am perfectly capable of all I aspire to. We’ve just gotta have that belief:)

  36. This week I’m not going to accept “no” from myself in response to the following questions

    Am I going to workout today?
    Am I going to make the healthy choice right now?
    Am I going to do the dishes tonight?

    🙂

  37. Yes. Good post.

    Did you ever read “Yes Man”? A writer decided that he would go for a year saying ‘yes’ every time someone asked him to do something. It led him into some interesting situations (especially with the telemarketers and the Nigerian prince who needed a loan) but it also got him a raise and led him to meeting a woman he fell in love with and… well, lots of other stuff.

  38. Very good post…
    I’m one of those who accepts “No” too many times because I’m afraid of “Yes”.

    Do I really want this? If they say No, I’ll just forget it and move on…

  39. LOVED Yes Man.

    (Soon to be released in film, I think, staring Mister Jenny McCarthy aka Jim Carrey)

    M.

  40. LOL. I’m going to call my urologist again today and see what the possibility is that I now have a bladder or UTI from that stupid kidney stone! I’m a mess!

  41. It’s ironic. I encourage myself and my blog readers to say “no” more often. And it’s also important to not take no for an answer sometimes. Ironic, isn’t it? I think I’m going to need to leverage your quote “Seriously. People. You have no clue what you’re turning down & I’m so going to keep coming back until you have your Ah Ha! moment of needing what I’m offering!” I love that. I will not take No for answer regarding my dream of building an online life balance tool. I just need to find the right people so I can give them my pitch.

  42. hahah i thought the “them” part was a link– i was ready to click on it and thinking “who would NOT want miz to write a monthly column”. they’ll realize their mistake and come crawling and begging in due time 😀
    it’s interesting that you wrote this because i’ve been pondering about this for a few months– i used to be the girl who always got what she wanted. it was because i fought for it to make it happen. i’ve gotten a little weak in that regard and that’s for reminding me that i don’t have to take no for an answer.
    happy tuesday miz!

  43. stacey? It IS like raaaain on your wedding day!

    (Shout out to Alanis my favorite misuser o’the word irony)

    The DON’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER, PEOPLE & START SAYING NO! PEOPLE.

    Ahhhh the duality of life.

    M

  44. I am getting much better at this. For one, being a personal trainer has helped me to not take “no” for an answer and its not just to make a “buck” but to help change someone’s life! For them, saying NO to me, just might mean their life!

    But not just with my training, but in all aspects of life. I used to just take my no and walk away, now I ask “why” and work with that!

    Great post as always MizFit! 😀

  45. Argh. This may be the toughest challenge you’ve ever posed (for me).

    I need more introspection because for some reason I can assert myself and persist on the behalf of others but when it comes to myself “no” sends me scuttling shame-faced into a corner.

    I suspect it has to do with my stupid ego. I take things personally. I’m not sure what my “won’t take no” thing is going to be, but my task for myself is to begin acting as my own representative– maybe if I can try to detach myself from Me I can better persist on behalf of Myself.

  46. For anyone to attempt to put their thoughts down for the world to read on a consistent basis takes immense amount of chutzpa. You need certain calmness or patience, scheduling that doesn’t always fit with your life, a degree of humor and some fear. The fear comes from the thought of rejection, are you in over your head, and questioning if this was the right move. The overwhelming majority of people get stuck because they don’t even try from their original thought. I applaud you MizFit for the ability to maneuver around the minutia and go with your gut. That’s where you have become truly successful. Not standing for the “no” makes you much more a threat to the competition that eventually you have to be heard. I always show this blog to anyone that thinks about starting one as someone that really gets it. Great Post Today!

  48. and this all isn’t to say that I don’t, at times, CRINGE for myself at my ballsyness (ballsiness?) but I feel the fear & do it anyway.

    (Please to see CONTACTING JILLIAN OF BIGGEST LOSER FAME & cross reference under GUEST POST FOR MIZFIT, PLEASE.)

    And yes.

    I wanted to link the mag….but my inner grownasswoman won out.

    M

  49. Great post. I’m working on ignoring people who tell me “you can’t” right now. I’ll get around to the “no’s” eventually.

    Baby steps

  50. great post. My husband is the post person for not taking no for an answer. We had on our fridge, on an 8×10 piece of paper “you will hear no and it went all the way down the paper to the final, and then you’ll hear “yes”.

    This helped us when he was becoming a firefighter 18 years ago. Out here in California, everyone and their sister, brother and cousin wanted to be a FF. So there would be 1 position open for 1000 applicants! It took 8 years of testing on the entire west coast, OR. and Washington included. But he persisted, and got his FF job, in our town home! He’s now a 10 year veteran, a paramedic and captain. He loves his job, knew he wanted it and didn’t let NO stop him. I forgot to mention he was #1 in his fire academy class!

    Needless to say, NO can mean Yes. Now our kids do use this to their advantage at times:)

    Long response, but a topic near and dear!

    Thanks miz fit.

  51. Seriously… Do you have psychic powers? How did you know I SO needed to hear this today? This week? This month? So many things that are weighing on my mind all lead to the fact that if I DO NOT GIVE UP and DO NOT TAKE NO for an answer, my problems will eventually work out! Thank you woman! 🙂 Thank you!

  52. What a great post – Gave me alot to think about… I have been getting better at No and how to react if I hear it – so when the dreaded word creaps in I just simply alter my approach and most of the time the plan b,c,d,e,f etc… well one of them works 🙂 and even if for whatever reason it does not so much of it has to do with my attitude and brain – I keep things positive even the No’s and it puts me in a better frame of mind for the next go around.

  53. So funny… just this morning I told my daughters: “Today you cannot tell me ‘no.’ Today is too crazy, mom has too much to think about and do. So do not, absolutely under no circumstances, tell me no!” But that’s not *exactly* what you meant. I practice this on my kids, so why not everyone else??

  54. WONDERFUL ADVICE! Having run sales teams for companies generating hundreds of millions of dollars a year, not accepting “no” as an answer is a long time mantra of mine.

    Another favorite … never say I CAN’T.

    A positive attitude leads to positive results!!

    Susan
    http://www.catapultfitnessblog.com

  55. and the ole adage THERE’S NO ‘I’ IN MIZFIT.

    Wait 😉

    There is.

    UPDATE: we getting a Jillian guestpost!

    *Cue confetti shaped like Miz & Jillian holding hands and skipping off into the sunset *

  56. Yeah! Good stuff! We were told when my son was diagnosed with autism that he’d never talk, never have friends, never have a relationship with us….
    Lots of BIG no’s. We decided they were wrong and went to work. He has overcome every obstacle predicted so far. Don’t give up! I think I’ll get my art portfolio back out and get back to work on my children’s book ideas.

  57. I’m with HangryPants – I don’t want to seem rude. I guess I’d rather seem meek! Honestly, not because I’m hoping to inherit the earth.

    This week I will not take ‘no’ from my advisor on my beloved dissertation topic. I will keep coming up with answers to his hesitations until he realizes this is a good idea and I can do it!

  60. great advice.

    Everyone always says how jealous they are they I get such and such giveaway or review or whatever…but they dont see how many “pshh” and “no thanks” I get. some get offered to me, but most of the time, im out there busting my butt emailling people.

    i have yet to get an article published (that my company didnt have to pay for the space), but thats my next goal!

    Kelly Turner
    http://www.groundedfitness.com

  61. This week I am not taking “no” for an answer from my GFs. They keep giving lame excuses for not working out after they asked me to kick their butts. So I keep giving them new options and I warned them that if Friday rolls around and they haven’t shown up for a workout yet I will be at their door at 6AM to run. No one, wants me at their door at 6AM let alone chipper and hyper to run.

    Also, not letting the BF get away with saying “No” and then doing what I’ve asked of him anyways. He is starting to say “Yes” instead of acting like an ass.

  63. Been thinking about this a little more. I love how you’re not saying that we should try to steamroll our way to success – more just that ‘no’ isn’t the end of whatever work you’ve done. A little persistance and probably a little additional work on the ideas you’ve already developed is one key to on the keyring of success.

  64. That magazine should be so lucky!
    I’m not going to take “no” for an answer from my body. It keeps doing stupid things like allowing injury when training for a marathon. I’m going to keep going to the doc and doing recovery until it’s better and I can get back to training.

  65. Great timing on the guest post from Jillian! I was just looking at Charlotte’s experiment with her 30 day plan and considering investing in her book. Can’t wait to see what she says. :o)

  66. Amen to this post, sister! I’m a fellow member of the Church of Persistence, I walk that walk and I SEE it work, hallelujah!

    I respectfully offer the following effective advice as a prologue: Never be afraid to ask. ASK, ASK, ASK. Ask for what you want. Sure, they can say no. So what? Besides, you might be surprised how often you get a YES! Sometimes you’re the only one who bothered to ask because everyone ELSE was too afraid, so the prize goes to you by default. Sometimes the one you’re asking has never even thought of your request before, and may be intrigued by its originality. ASK AWAY! I’m telling you, it’s a fabulous habit to get into. It opens up your world to endless, magical possibilities.

  67. First? THURSDAY’S GUEST POSTER IN THE HOUSE (waves at Kim).
    Do.Not.Miss.This.One.

    Kelly? AMEN. the older I get the more I realize if something looks easy then that must mean it is hard as shit to do!

    Ann? THANK YOU for phrasing that so clearly….the not steamrolling. what I intended yet far more eloquently put.

    and seabreeze? Im gittin’ it Missy. just you wait 🙂

    ok.
    Thumbs must cease flying.
    M.

  68. Great post. I do give up too easily on some things and this will help me remember to hang in there.
    Can’t wait for the magazine column!

  71. following your advice missy! I just sent my video in to the food network! :~)

    yeah, um, I almost called this post RONI? OH RONI?! IM CALLING YOU OUT!!

    but I didnt.

    dont thank me. make dinner for my Toddler.

    M

  73. OMG Miz – this post SO hit home for me… I am a total push over.. I hate telling people no, yet if I receive a NO as an answer I will shy away with an “Okay, thanks anyway” and not even think about giving it a second chance. I KNOW I am like this and it is actually one of my personal goals I am working on right now! Goal: Learn to be assertive and don’t take no for an answer when you really want/believe in something. I’ll have to think quick about what I won’t take a “no” for this week…

    As always, great post, thanks a million for reminding me it’s okay to be pushy and try to get what I want. 🙂

  74. I also thought of how many people can’t say no, and so we encourage each other to say “no” but not to take “no” from others. Huh. I take no for a final answer all the time, maybe because I hope others will take my “no”. I’m usually just saying “no” to random people on my doorstep, though.

    Anyway, this is probably a good post for me to read since I’m rather wimpy when I hear a “no.” I even tried a sales job once and lasted approximately 2 days (it’s like when I try a low-carb diet–some things I’m just not meant to do).

    I’d like to find more ways to get more freebies for my own readers, at least. I just fell bass-ackwards into a few yesterday, though. 🙂

  75. My dad raised me with the mantra “Squeaky wheel gets the grease” which is a variant of your truism, don’t take no for an answer. Both philosophies have helped propel me in my career and personal life. I don’t take No – I think maybe once I did, when I didn’t make the cut for high school cheerleading. And I’m still bitter.

    Fantastic post!

  76. Excellent advise. I’ll have to think about what I’m not going to say no to this week. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of opportunities to take advantage of not saying No. It kinda goes hand in hand w/ my latest motto… feel the fear, but do it anyway.

    Also, thanks for all your support on my blog. =) xoxo

  77. thanks a million for reminding me it’s okay to be pushy and try to get what I want.

    it’s not just ok—it’s required.

    (see? look! no smiley emoticon or anything. I serious.)

    M.

  78. I guess I’d have to say that sometimes I just give up when someone tells me “no”. But what I need to work on more is saying no. like to that date that I got pulled into on saturday. probably should have said no when he asked me out. Ok, time to work on both.

  80. So true, Miz Fit! Persistence, tenacity, and maybe a little attitude are all good things when you have a goal. (At the same time, I’d like to take away a little of my lovely daughter’s talent at saying no sometimes… Maybe I should encourage it as a useful life skill?)

    I’m impressed at your roster of things you wouldn’t take no for. Inspiration with an attitude – I like it!

  81. Hm. I find that I need to say NO more in my life and then I read this! Not that I am a push-over, but acts of service is something near and dear to me, so I always try to say yes to help out because we all know how it is when we are in a pinch, be it with our kids or a project. But recently, while trying to find more balance in things, am putting more of the NO in my vocab. Maybe I need to work on not taking no for an answer when it comes to people pulling their weight or getting other volunteers to pull through? This has me thinking…

  82. cathy? thanks. and it only took me 39 long years to get here.

    (which is truly what prompted me to write the post. to save others that long of a time.)

    and Hannah? you nailed something I didnt even realize I was thinking:

    acts of service are something near and dear to me

    THAT’S SO WHAT I MEAN. saving the yesyesyes for those who need it and not for those who (waitforit) might just be too lazy to do it themselves.

    (sure, Im painting with a broad brush but you get what I mean.)

    M.

  83. depending on what you’re asking for, being prepared for a no is the way to go… know why ‘no’ isn’t acceptable, then you’ll have the confidence to be persistence. it’s something i’m working on, so i don’t shy away in acceptance of the no

  84. Oh my goodness I needed to hear this today especially. I’m dealing with a particularly difficult rotation in my internship including difficult people. (oddly enough, people that are supposed to be on MY side, not even patients) and I was feeling beat down before I read your post. You are awesome.

  85. Looks like it’s a common theme. I too have been learning to say no. I made a BIG mistake a few months ago when I agreed to take over the aquatics department at my gym. It was not an in-the-moment yes. I had a good week to think about it, and I’d known it was coming for a good month before that. I knew that it would be too much for me to handle, and that it wouldn’t end well for either party. And yet, Mizfit, I said yes anyway. Le sigh . . .

    This week, I am not going to take no for an answer to the question “So would you like to go ahead and set up another training session?” First two sessions at my gym are on the club. After that point, it’s our responsibility to sell personal training to the members. And I am NOT going to take no for an answer anymore, Miz.

    Because I need the money, dammit.

  86. ok, Sister, since Ive been in your same shoes (nike air rifts size 8?) Jamie Im gonna shove some words in yer piehole.

    instead of this:

    “So would you like to go ahead and set up another training session?”

    perhaps cringe inwardly (or at least I always did) and say with a bright cheery confident smile on your face:

    when can we schedule you for a check in session? 4 weeks? 6 weeks?

    act as if (they are going to want to revamp their work out so they dont plateau or burn out—-which they do need!) and see what happens.

    but no. I never was pushy enough to say the:

    so. wanna sign up for 3 times a week in perpetuity?

    M.

  87. I’m telling the “me” that wants to sit all cozy at home, curled up on the couch or in front of the computer NO! Got my arse moving today and hit the gym…it’s been waaaaay too long. Tomorrow…the journaling begins.

  88. GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, post!!! I’m the person that doesn’t ask because I’m afraid that I will get a “no”. I’m the one that doesn’t even try. Sad isn’t it?! Now you’ve got my wheels turning. Can you smell the smoke?

  89. This is excellent. I will ask again. and again. Forgot that I need to re prioritize what is most important and ask for THAT.

    Personally, I say yes too much. Need to work on that too.

  90. This is a tough one for me. My problem isn’t the not taking no for an answer, it’s in not even bothering to ask for fear of rejection (like Natalia). So I think I need to back-pedal.

    This hit me pretty hard:
    Because we all come bearing gifts if we take the time to allow ourselves to see/ACKNOWLEDGE them.

    And Shivers pretty much summed it up:
    I guess it all links in with our sense of self-worth.

    Part of it is fear, but I definitely short-change myself in not seeing and acknowledging my gifts. So much of my self-worth is locked up in what others think of me (my Love Language is totally “Words of Affirmation”).

    Therefore, to take a step in the right direction, I’m going to bust out my journal (don’t even remember the last time I wrote) and make a nice long list of all of my good qualities. Then I will type up a miniature version of it and put it in my planner, along with my motivation pictures, so that I will see it often, and remember that “I”m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone people like me”.

    Then maybe I can work on not accepting the “no” answer.

  91. YAY ROO FOR BEING THE ONE TO FINALLY MENTION STUART SMALLEY!

    and why am I surprised that you dont see your selfworth? for some reason, as an avid rooreader, I dont see/sense that in your writing (& really hope you do bust out the journal tonight).

    speaking of writing, Sassy, here’s hoping you TOO brush the cobwebs off the journal in the a.m.

    sniffing and smelling the smoke Natalia,

    Miz, who is FINALLY done with her article and ready to pronounced her tuesday FINISHED.

  92. From a business perspective, “No” is just the beginning of the sales cycle. Sometimes you get a no because your pitch is not spot on yet, every rejection teaches you something new if you ask “why No?” Sometimes you get a no because the timing is not right today, but that could all change tomorrow. Sometimes a no means there is a better “yes” somewhere else. Sometimes the no is the Universe testing to see how committed and determined you are. Sometimes no can be to your advantage whether you realize it or not.

    But indeed, hold onto your dream, keep persisting, and be open to the possibility that the path to your dream may look very different than what you pictured. But never give up!

  93. I definitely need more time for pondering, but I SOOOOO needed this today. Thank you!

  94. I love-love-love the “don’t take no for an answer” thing. And I completely understand how it was gradual process for you. I experienced the same thing earlier this year when I realized that I’ve become a much more confident person than I was in years past. It’s a great thing. I need to work on not taking no for an answer, though. If I hear a “no,” I’m not so good with the follow-up…

  96. Wow, what a timely post. Thank you! I’m not wimpy, but sometimes surprise myself with how easily I back down – mostly in business matters. I think it’s all about confidence and knowing what I’m worth, and thanks to people like you I’m slowly getting there.

    I’ll be putting in the biggest proposal of my life in the next two days, and I’m going to force myself to just GO FOR IT.

    Thank you!

  97. Great advice! A little tenacity goes a long way and I think it tends to separate passive people who let stuff happen to them, from people who fight for and get what they want. Kudos to you for not taking no for an answer!

  98. Commenting first, then going back to read everyone else’s.

    My BIG no: My family doctor (without talking to me), decided the problem with my left shoulder is really a problem with a disc in my neck, I should get 4 shots of a cortisone something and then just get used it. (hello? should I exercise? How long do I hold back on upper body work? why did it happen suddenly?).

    Insisted upon an MRI to rule out the possibility that I’ve torn some cartiledge. And if I’m confused by his answers/response I’ll go to a specialist.

    And I’ll get answers. May not like them, but I’ll get them.

  99. You beat me to the punch Miz 🙂 I tried to set up an interview with Jillian when I met her in August, and never had a chance. Still working on it and I won’t take NO for an answer!!!

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