QUESTION: Praying for what we dont want.

by

(it’s like Jeopardy up in herre today!)

Answer:

What is worrying?

(Did you get it right? Please to bestow upon yourself the prize of skipping this post a happy zen-filled FRET-FREE Thursday)

Years ago, at a yoga instructor certification course, a woman made the above comment to me when I expressed concern about a situation.

For me the sentence was life altering.

I wasnt an active worrier, but was already a big believer in the law of attraction.

It made perfect sense to me that by focusing on precisely what I did not desire (Please dont let my plane be delayed. I need to get home.  Ive a deadline to nail) I was essentially praying (or attracting if youre not one for prayer) for the event to transpire.

And, when I say life altering moment, I mean it from my core.

Ive had relatively few of these AhHas! (this was another) & this one 100% shifted my life-view.

The conundrum was I still had lottsa frets & worries in my head and I needed something productive to do with them.

I give you MizFit’s Top Two Tips to Avoid Praying For What You Do Not Want.

Ask yourself if the worry is helpful or productive?

Is this a worry where you can take action and mitigate it?

Is this a fret where your attention could bring about a ‘better’ outcome?

Indeed worry and then ACT. 

Is this a fear-based worry where the matter is out of your hands (this is/are the majority of mine)?

Make 2011 the year where you work the muscle of LETTING GO of what you can not control. For some this is let go let G-d for others it’s merely letting go.  Use trial and error to find what works for you.

Create a dedicated worry place or time.

While this sounds silly (& against the whole notion of the law of attraction) it works for me.

I found, like any major life change, my ability to let go of worrying was a process not an overnight!success!

As a result I needed to create a way to manage my frets until I could (can? tomato tomaaaahto) re-train my brain to release them in general.

Some find dedicating a specific amount of time per day to addressing worries translates into the frets not invading the other 23.5 hours (or however long you choose).

For me a more tangible approach was needed.

Until I re-trained my brain to fret-less as a habit, I wore a necklace pouch. (The sort more earthy types carry crystals in.) During the day, when a worry threatened to derail my thinking, I wrote it on a small piece of paper & placed it in the pouch.

Not only was I able to ‘let the fret go’ it served as a tangible indicator, as the weeks progressed & the pouch was less full at days end, of my new way of thinking becoming a habit.

(Takes a moment, focuses & does not let herself worry if anyone is still reading)

confession: Most of my posts start out longlong & only make it to my blog after being trimmed down so much they resemble insert joke here about newly shockingly skinny celebrity. This post began as even longer & this version is indeed the Kelly Osborne Post-Dancing With the Stars revision.  That’s how life-altering this concept was for me.

And you?

Are you a worrier whos already experienced the AH HA! of setting the frets free?  What tactics/approaches worked for you?

Are you Miz or MizTer Footloose & Fancyfree and have utterly no idea what this entire post is even about?

Please to hit us all up in the comments below.

Oh, and this post is brought to you by the fit-minded Peeps at Sears Fit Club.

And yes Im now worrying that they wont like it.

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Comments

  2. Okay first, ohmygosh you’re funny. Kelly Osbourne. Hilarious.

    Second, I love the idea of writing it down for later. I’ll bet the simple act of writing it helps diffuse it before the designated worry time.

    Third, are there cocktails at worrytime?

  4. Fantastic post Miz.
    I know you were joking about the “is anyone reading?” line yet I wonder at times if I am boring my readers.

    I worry about it.

  5. I don’t believe much in the law of attracting, but you make a good point about ruminating on all we do not desire.

  6. Your post is so coincidental with my life today. It’s a long story but here goes. I recently got reconnected with my godmother and after the long series of messages, woke to her post saying. Do not worry, it is a complete waste of time! And during my quiet time i stumbled upon Matt 6:34 saying that do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

    I am a worries and today I feel so relieved to experience the AHA moment.

    I really thank you for telling us about this pouch thing. I will start on it tomorrow and I hope this year I will be full of those AHA’s! 🙂

    Real nice post…. 🙂

  7. Your post is so coincidental with my life today. It’s a long story but here goes. I recently got reconnected with my godmother and after the long series of messages, woke to her post saying. Do not worry, it is a complete waste of time! And during my quiet time i stumbled upon Matt 6:34 saying that do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
    I am a worries and today I feel so relieved to experience the AHA moment.
    I really thank you for telling us about this pouch thing. I will start on it tomorrow and I hope this year I will be full of those AHA’s! 🙂

  9. This is just what I needed to hear this morning.
    I am not a pessimist or worrier by nature and recently have fallen into that bad habit.

  10. I do tends toward worrying. And it’s usually right when I lay my head down at night. But I’m able to back my way out of a worrying thought. Sort of like imagining a long hallway and watching myself back out and the worry getting smaller. Works!

  11. I’m thinking that my necklace pouch would begin to look like a sack of potatoes, but I love the idea of writing something down and then letting it go. Great action to dissipate that negative energy.

    • My necklace totally did at the start. When tucked into my shirt it resembled a THIRD BOOB of sorts.

  13. So much insight first thing in the morning! I probably should have another cup of coffee before I reply.

    I am prone to worrying, worrying, worrying, mostly about my kids, sometimes about my work, once in a while about myself.

    Like Beachbody, I try to draw on Bible passages. There is also Matthew 6:26:

    Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

    I bet the process of articulating the worry in order to put it in words and write it down helps draw lines around it and limit it.

    I also find that telling someone (which can be hard if you think its a silly, irrational worry) can help dispell its power. On the other hand, if I leave it to simmer and fester in my head it just grows like dark storm clouds gathering.

  14. I adore the idea of writing down and putting somewhere.

    I couldn’t do a necklace. I have too many worries 😉

  15. I am one whose worries invade all 24 hours.

    At first read I thought your post was a bit superficial, however, I am a tremendous believer in The Secret.

    I have been compartmentalizing a great deal and focusing on my abilty to attract good in my life while simultaneously worrying it all away.

    Thank for these thoughts, Miz.

    I needed to examine this.

  16. This reminded me of a quote that the Dalai Lama said in an interview. I’m messing it up but it went something like this “If you’re worried about a situation, really look hard at it, if there’s something you can do about it then do it, if not then why worry about it?”

  18. I just recently read this in a book and it was like, BAM. Duh. LOVE the idea of writing it down, that alone may help me. Lately what I do is when a worry comes up, I turn it into a positive (or outcome I want) prayer. Going to be a process, I’ve always been a huge worrier.

  19. Oh and thank you for not always talking about exercise.

    These posts help me maintain my focus more.

  20. You write the most amazing posts! I am a worry wart.. really never have learned how to get past that. You have me thinking along with a post I have for Monday re: a great article on living in the present….

    I need to go back & read this post a few times. Thx Carla!

  21. Help a reader out, Miz.
    I’ve printed so many of your posts and slapped in a binder.

    It’s a mess. BOOK TIME! Ebook?

  22. You’ve told me this before and I have learned to ask myself “is this in my hands or someone elses?” But you’re timing is perfect because after two sleepless nights I needed a REMINDER! So please repost this post at least once a year…for me 🙂

  23. Great post with a fantastic, tangible takeaway for me – I’m going to create a specific “worry place” so it doesn’t cloud my thinking the rest of the day. When I put my worries aside and just trust my gut, wonderful things happen. Thanks!

  24. I’m a worry-as-much-as-you-want-for-the-next-10-minutes-and-then-move-on type person. Often when I take that time to visualize the worst that could happen in any given situation, I find that it’s nowhere near the disaster I’d first thought.

  25. Number 1: Third BOOB.

    Number 2: I echo Lindsay (eBook).

    Number 3: I’ve been worrying a lot about a bunch of different stuff. Some major life changes going on right now and lots of “what-ifs” float around in that cabeza of mine. This was beyond timely.

    Number 4: Third BOOB.

  27. I worry myself into overtraining and injury.

    I appreciate this post immensely Miz.

    Thank you.

  28. I think you and I have hit on this before. I don’t believe in the so called “law of attraction”. It smacks of stuff like “the Secret” where it involves a blame the victim mentality: If you don’t have what you want in life, it’s because you’re doing something wrong. Considering the economic environment, and considering those who are born into disadvantage, have chronic illness or are victims of crime or natural disaster, that really isn’t fair. People don’t “attract” theses things.

    I think the most important point you made is to look at whether or not worry is productive. Sitting around worrying about things you have no control over is counterproductive. But if there IS something you can do, even if it’s not to change the situation but your reaction to it, worry could be the motivating factor.

    And I like the idea of having set aside a time to feel the worry, even if it’s NOT something you can change. I think it’s too fashionable and not terribly healthy to stuff down the feelings of fear or uncertainty. We need to acknowledge them in order to let them go.

  29. A prayer box also works. If you are concerned, and you can’t do anything about it, pray, put a paper in the box, and leave it. If it comes back to mind, pray again and remember you put it in the box.

    Thanks for the great post.

  30. I love that your posts cause me to pause and take inventory. I notice that I can stop worry dead in it’s tracks by taking my eyes off the situation or myself and focus on someone else. Seems to cure what ails me every time. I just wish I was better at it!

  31. Well this is pretty darn timely! Yep, I’ve been doing a lot of worrying lately. Mostly imagining all the worst case scenarios with this little surgery I am having tomorrow. I need to let it go. Phew. Gone. Almost.

  32. Good timing on this post, as yesterday I discovered I’m dealing with a *slight* *minute* *tiny* injury five weeks before my half. But, I’m doing what needs to be done to heal it. That’s all I can do – worrying will not make it get better faster. So I needed this reminder.

    The other thing about your boob bag? I learned that trick (ok, they called it a god box but whatever, I would have jumped on the boob bag quicker) years ago and it really did help me to let things go of which I have no control. So much so that sometimes Jeff says “why aren’t you upset about XXX?” – and I have to remember that not everyone does what you and I are able to do. It is quite a relief to be able to live this way. 🙂

  33. Great post. I, too, am a chronic worrier. But as I’ve spent the last 3 years of my life worried (literally) sick that my mom was going to die TODAY, I’ve found that it does NO good. She’s still kicking, by the way. Merrily, while living with heart and kidney failure and terminal stage 4 lung cancer.

    Your post also reminded me of a great article I read a couple of months ago in Real Simple magazine, about a woman whose mother used a “G-d box” much the same way you used a pouch around your neck. Here’s the link:

    http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/relationships/inside-god-box-00000000045743/index.html

  34. I try very hard not to worry too much. My mother is a chronic worrywart, as was my grandmother and they spend/t too much time on that.

    I have been reading a book lately about worry about risk taking and it tells you to ask yourself the question “If you do A, what is the absolute worst possible thing you think could happen?” Then if that happens, what will be your plan?

    Seeing it written down makes it not seem so bad.

  35. I dont’ know – I tend to almost worry too little. I’m one of those fret a bit and then hunker down and just do it sort of people. I used to worry more (hello ulcer!), but I realised in a lot of cases the only person who was concerned was me…and found that if I just did my best what would be would be. The end…and so much less stress for me. My shuband worries…and worries. I think I balance him out. I see how his worry really holds him back. If I stopped to worry about everything I’d curl up in a ball and get nothing done.
    I firmly believe I can do almost anything through sheer force of will and determination.
    The odd tiem this blows up in my face, and I can be oerconfident and not think things thru enough…but that’s what I trust my husband to point out for me. 🙂

  36. I am a worryier as of lately. I like your idea of writing the thought down & tucking it away. I may have to give this a try, because at the rate I worry a full head of gray hair is on its way!
    Wonderful post, you have a silly writing style,I like it!

  37. Wow, it seems like I always have something to worry about…would the hubby get hired permanently, will I lose weight this week, will the car get stuck in the snow , etc… I love the idea of letting go of what I can’t control and tucking it away somewhere. I need to remember this!

  39. I kinda wish you’d left in the rest of the post! As an inveterate worrier I need all the tutelage I can get in moving to your side of the fence! For me, worrying is as innate as breathing. I can’t just tell myself not to do it. That said, maybe if start worrying that my worrying will cause what I fear to happen that will help? Thanks for sharing your a-ha moment!

  41. a third boob of sorts… lol! Since I have many worries maybe I can take with me two pouches, hide them inside my bra so that I’ll look like betty boop at the end of the day. Now that’s one worry down! 🙂 just woke up and I was surprised with all the past comments. way to go Miz!

  44. My dearest Miz, the universe is using you to speak (shout?) to me today. Thank you for being its mouthpiece. Point taken and plan of action already being implemented as I write. Freedom just around the corner from here…

  45. Uff da, I’m always in worry mode, and have been ever since I could remember. (Mmmm maybe middle school? Way to early for someone to become a worrier.)

    I’m going to try keeping a list of “worries” to be attended to at a set point in the evening. Hopefully I can then train my brain to begin dismissing all the silly worries I don’t have control over.

  46. I USED to worry all the time. As I’m getting older, *ahem*, and a tad bit wiser (at least about some things), I’ve been able to let a lot of my worries go.

    This is a great reminder!

    Winks & Smiles,
    Wifey

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