How I fight the pressure to be perfect.

by

Oh people.

Believe me I know how vlogs can be a challenge to watch.

Word posts are easily read on the sly at the office (yes. I said it.)

Word posts are easily read in the morning while the Child is still pretending to slumber & you’re praying she actually falls back asleep.

That’s how important this video is to me.

Bookmark & watch later.

Watch now with the volume turned super-low (typically my choice).

I have a one word answer to the blog post title above.

It’s one word I recommit to each morning  and, on some days, each moment.

What word or wordS work for you?

Please to share/spread your wisdom in the comments below.

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Comments

  1. This couldn’t have come at a better time for me… I appreciate you breaking it down simple and easy to remember: choice. Love that!

  3. I like this, but I am struggling with making the right choices still and believing in myself.

    Any tips?

    • for me it truly is day by day and, most days around here, moment by moment.
      a recommitting frequently through out my 24 hours.

  9. Can it really be this simple, Miz?
    I’m not challenging you I just can’t believe that it could be.
    I’ve been struggling for decades 🙁

    • I can’t say it was easy at the start as for me it too practice and my CHOOSING to know I was enough as I am NOW was a muscle I needed to work and strengthen.
      It still is.

      Muscles have memory so it may bounce back faster than had I never worked it—-but I still need to focus choose and believe I’m ok as is.

      Daily.

    • I must say that I completely agree with you. It is very easy to say the right things and do what we must do but my question is how do you make that choice with such clarity when you feel like you are walking in darkness and no longer have the strength to carry on?

  12. For the reasons you say on your post I usually skip vlogs too.

    I watched this one and have two words:

    Grateful (for you).

    Faith (what makes me believe I am ok even if not society’s definition of perfect. Belief in my God loving me.)

  14. I really liked your post. It is so easy to think that we don’t have a choice and just give up and think you are helpless. It requires a lot more strength and self will to admit that you are the master and captain of your fate. You can wake up and decide what is going to happen (for the most part!) in your life that day.

    Thanks for inspiring words before I head to work.

  15. I usually skip vlogs.
    Even when I love the blogger they are either too long or I’m at the office.

    You intrigued me 🙂

    My words are definitely fake it till I make it.

  18. YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!

    This is hard.. how honest shall I be… people always say that I get down on myself too much but I think I am being honest about how I feel.

    It is a struggle. In the media, now all the talk is how older celebrities are looking so great. We know they are able to get work done, even it it is non-invasive, there are great things out there if you have the money & that is more pressure to look good.

    PLUS, people expect me to stay looking the way I do. BUT at 53, things are NOT the same & the bod is not the same nor does it work the same. 10 years ago, even 5, my body worked so much better than now. You have to get here to understand.

    I try to feel good about myself. I am much better than I was but I have a long way to go & yes, some days better than others.

    I loved this Carla, THX!

    • you know I can entirely relate Jody. Just last night I texted to a fitness blogger friend ‘i caint keep up with the 20 somethings! ;)’

      Intellectually even in that moment I knew I didn’t want to and was ok where I was and what I was doing and how I felt (owie my back)——but I needed a friend to remind me too.

  19. For me it’s been all about being consistent in working towards whatever my current goal may be. If I’m being consistent, even if I mess up a little I can get right back on the track. Without that I start to crumble.

  21. Best vlog ever. Totally what I needed today. You’re right, it is really just a choice, and it’s OUR choice.

    Btw, I made the apple/chicken salad recipe that you posted yesterday for dinner last night. I didn’t have bacon (do you really have bacon in your fridge? I find that hard to believe. 🙂 I used Canadian bacon and Greek yogurt instead, and it was wonderful! Thanks for sharing.

  22. LOL at the bacon comment. Yes. Usually turkey OR more likely the Morningstar Farms fake bacon. Seen it?

  25. I caught up on some magazines on vacation and am going to cancel my Shape subscription. There’s a whole section on different “cosmetic” procedures (drugs, lasers, surgery) to try depending on how old you are. I say 50 year olds don’t need to have the smooth skin of a 10 year old!

  26. There’s nothing wrong with being “perfect”… so long as you’re the perfect YOU and not the perfect someone else. I tell my kids, everyone is different, everyone unique. The most important thing is to strive continuously to be the best YOU you can be. If the world were all made up of one thing, following one ideal of perfection, it’d be like a tapestry whose threads are all one color and texture… and that wouldn’t be terribly interesting, or terribly beautiful, would it?

  27. This may not be a popular comment, but after watching the video I wondered how you could help me.

    You appear to be the ideal (fit etc) and I’m not sure you can relate.

    Nice video though.

  29. I’m peeking in from the smart phone so forgrive any thumbtypos/ramblings but I disagree Yvette and simultaneously LOVE you expressed your thoughts here.

    Perfection has so many definitions and ways we strive for it (physical career motherhood friendship spouse….).

    I hear what you’re saying and won’t argue with your percetion yet have to chime in that the messages we receive from the media/world are the same: be skinny look young be an amazing mother work and make lots of money keep your spouse happy have tons of friends cook amazing meals bake delectable delights have a clean home…..

  31. Very good Miz. Something I have ‘chosen’ to follow. But I sometimes still get sucked into the comparison game, and it does me in sometimes. Until I process, and then remember, I have chosen to live this way. I choose NOT to live that way. Then I’m good again for a while!

    BTW, bookmarked that chicken recipe you recommended–it looks fabulous!

  33. Good point, too, about thinking it would be easier as we aged.

    I knew there would be the pressure to stay wrinkle free and did not think there would be the pressure still to look like a 10 year old boy LOL

  34. This vlog made me cry…

    Choosing to love myself where I am is HARD. If I say those words, mentally or outloud, I don’t feel like I am being honest. Do I just have to keep saying it and eventually I’ll believe it?

    I love that I am making changes in my life. I love that I am putting forth effort to lead a healthier lifestyle and set a better example for my kids. But, I don’t love my body the way it looks now. I. Just. Don’t. And, I really don’t know how to change that!

    Thanks for your words, it is always good to be challenged in the way we think.

    • Laura, you may not love your body where it is now BUT can you still love YOU? I see it in a similar way that one would love one’s child or one’s best friend even if they were not skinny or beautiful. I am not saying it’s easy but one’s body is just a part of us. We can also love ourselves for being kind, open-hearted, compassionate or intelligent. We need to remind ourselves that we are enough even if we still have some challenges. I also think that as we begin to really love ourselves where we are we will naturally want to take more care of our bodies and be healthier.

    • Laura you do love yourself, and your body, and by chosing to lead a healthier lifestyle you are demonstrating that love. You may not love how your body looks or feels right now but you can love yourself for making changes and caring enough to do that. I had treatment for skin cancer on my face earlier this year and it meant all the skin on my face peeled off and then scabbed before healing. I certainly did not love how it looked/felt during the process but knew it would get better. Maybe you could chose to look at your body today as being in transition or healing mode and love it through the process. IMO loving yourself means caring enough to chose to eat healthily, exercise at the right pace for you now, working on emotional stuff as it comes up (and it will). I have been where you are, got heathy, got the weight off and more importantly kept it off. Hang in there Laura and know you ARE worth every bit of effort and love 🙂

  35. Yours is my very first vlog to watch on my shiny new computer. I couldn’t watch them on the antique computer. 🙂

    Anyway, to the topic at hand: love it! ‘Choice’ and ‘abundance’ are two of my go-to words to recenter my thoughts. (I used to use ‘enough’ but then I realized I had more than ‘enough.’)

  36. I never thought about a particular word, but I guess it would be “relinquish” – I relinquish other’s expectations of who I should be, how I should eat, what I should be doing with my life, and I just do what I’m discovering works for me. Not anyone else…just me. And that’s enough, you know?

  37. I CHOSE to watch this with my headphones on in my office. I muted Biggie 😉

    And I honestly couldn’t be happier that I did. Thank you so much for the message. I was writing a post along these same lines this weekend but mine was MUCH more critical of the industries themselves and failed to look inward.

    Thank you for the perspective.

  38. Nice. =)

    1. I have never been a fan of the word “perfect.” I’m not sure it’s helpful, and I can get stuck in perfectionism immobility, like when I was going to start a garden. There are 10,000 books and 10,000 ways to even compost, and I got overwhelmed.

    Then I got good advice from two smart, accomplished, wonderful people:
    a) do SOMEthing. ANYthing.

    Who cares what it looks like. Just do SOMEthing. She actually came to my house and stood over me as I planted seeds in some dinky, crappy looking raised bed (nails literally jutting out here and there) we’d made the weekend before. “It doesn’t matter what it looks like. Just do it!” =) And, voila, I had a garden! Only a square meter, but it grew plants. =)

    b) One of my favorite phrases, now, from a SUPER smart productive & fit person, is “Anything worth starting is worth finishing.”

    NOT “doing well” (implication possibly “perfectly”), but “finishing.” Just get it done.

    SO helpful. =)

    2. I think that if one avoids TV and much of the media (paid for by companies trying to make $) it’s easier to see that all those supposed standards (of beauty, fitness, fashion, a nice house, car, etc.) are frequently set & promoted & paid for by the companies that will make $$ if you buy INTO what they’re saying.

    If you DON’T buy into it, you recognize it’s NOT the brand name that’s important (much less having it visible to everyone to flaunt your “style”), it’s living a good life, a simple, quality, healthy life, taking care of you and yours and the planet.

    When I hear songs where someone is singing or rapping and mentions several brand names (’cause they reflect this super cool lifestyle), I just think, Man, he’s totally bought into the marketing put out there by some corporation that wants him to spend lots of $$$ so the corporation can profit.

    It seems so transparent. And, I’ve not owned a TV since about 2002, so I think that helps a lot. =)

  39. I risked the boss’ wrath for 90 seconds 🙂

    This is a challenge for me as I don’t tend to compare myself to celebs only to my friends.

    After watching this I wonder if my friend group is good for me or not.

    Definitely food for thought.

  40. I absolutely love this video. As someone who has struggled with perfectionist tendencies, it’s always such a nice reminder to remember that I CHOOSE my behaviors and my thoughts and my attitude. That I choose to love and accept myself, even if I’m not perfect. Thanks for this post! I enjoyed it.

  42. I seem to fight perfectionist tendencies in everything I do … I remind myself that I don’t need to be so hard on myself, I can give myself a break, its ok. I get frustrated when things get in the way of my plans.

    The best advice I read, can’t remember where now, was to BE WATER. Let life flow around you, and try to flow with it not against it. Not always easy, but it helps mentally.

  45. Beautiful. Just beautiful. Such an interesting comment about how you thought it would get easier with age and yet the pressures just change. I hadn’t thought of it that way but I love your answer: we choose every day with our actions what is important to us

  47. You timed this perfectly for me. I choose to accept my 38-year-old, “I had for kids” boobies. This morning I told myself I’m tired of the damn expensive push up bras with the excessive padding. I’m done with those things. I’m wearing regular bras from now one. Just like I am today. They are much more comfortable and I don’t look like I’m sporting missles on my chest anymore. I like it this way bettah. This is the “me” that I choose. xo

  48. Amen. Especially having just given, i must say i choose every day to be happy with where my body is and th amazing thing it just did

  49. It is soooo hard to not be affected by the airbrushed media. I worry so much more for my little nieces than myself.

    My word is love. I love myself as I am, just as I love all of my friends and family as they are.

  50. I’m sorry what did you say? I couldn’t hear over your awesome biceps! 🙂 Ok seriously I love that! I have 2 words one is mhian which is a celtic word that is close to my heart and truth.

  51. Thank you Carla…now and forever.

    I’ve been in a mighty struggle lately and I’ve forgotten my own, uniquely Karen path…the good news is that I’ve been *aware* of this…but not sure how to get my mojo back. But I’m working on it, step by step, choice by choice…

  52. What the media and popular culture push has never (in fifty years, though it’s changed a lot) looked like perfection to me. To my arrogance, it looks like Those Weird People who Aren’t Like Us. No, the pressure I feel from society is to be a Productive Person no matter what my body is doing at the moment. It has made me angry for decades that jobs demand that I be healthy. I’ve been looking for twenty years for a way to work at home so that I can control my environment for allergens, and I haven’t found one yet.

  54. Exhausting.
    I find the constant barrage and pressure to be perfect quite exhausting.

    great video, Carla.

  55. Yes. I have found lately that taking every new day as a fresh start has really helped me reset when I have negativity about myself. I hope that when I try and be “real” others will too…and we’ll all end up happer as a result 🙂

  56. Yes. I have found lately that taking every new day as a fresh start has really helped me reset when I have negativity about myself. I hope that when I try and be “real” others will too…and we’ll all end up happier as a result 🙂

  57. ‘Choice’ This word has been coming at me for months and months from so many different sources! I’m sure its a message for me from a higher force:)

    Thanks for this!

  61. oh those words resonated with me today Heather. This week and last week Ive been less than perfect (house, laundry, workouts :), lottsa stuff) and saying many NOs to things which I like but arent crucial (more work, time with friends etc) all because of what you said:

    setting priorities.

    I felt as though the Tornado needed my undivided attention for a long while before kindergarten started.

    She needed to know she was important and I was not distracted by anything else when we were together.

    it’s off topic here but it’s still the same.
    I had to remind myself to CHOOSE what mattered.

  63. Choice!!

    I love it. It’s the same idea I try to instill in my daughters. They have choices in EVERYTHING that they do. In the end we are responsible for our choices.

    Every day we have the opportunity to make good choices.

    What do you choose today??

    I choose ME!!

  65. If everyone was working for a living and taking care of their kids and making a difference in other people’s lives, then you wouldn’t have time to sit and wonder about what you look like, wrinkles, age spots, etc. Help others less fortunate than youand you will forget about yourselves and guess what…you wil be the happiest you have ever been!

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