Sweet Talking Ken

by

(please to excuse the blurry snapped in aisles photo)

The other day when I was shopping with the Tornado I got sick and tired of her lollygagging and plunged on ahead she ambled down the toy aisle and became entirely riveted by a Ken doll.

Mama!! Look! She shouted. It’s super cool! It’s a talking Ken guy!!

Seeing as she’s a Barbie-girl (to my chagrin) & rarely interested in Ken my curiousity was piqued enough to retrace my semi-annoyed steps.

When I found her she was standing in the aisle, GRINNING FROM EAR TO EAR, & cradling the doll pictured above as he announced repeatedly: You are a pretty princess, Tornado! in an odd, robotic, I-guess-that’s-how-Ken-sounds voice.

I laughed (it was kind of funny & Im easy like that) & then I took a closer look at the box in her hand.

And, as a feminist misfit raised on a steady diet of Free To Be You & Me, I was horrified.

Barbie dolls are bad enough (for the 9834578 reasons better bloggers than I have written about)––but a “sweet talking” male our daughters are supposed to long to own so he can SWEET TALK THEM (!)—–I lost my mizmind.

I fired off angry missives.

I ranted *at* poor Ren Man and anyone else who would listen.

I let my imagination run the proverbial a’muck with precisely what Mattel thought Ken would sweet talk my Tornado into.

Then I took a deep breath,  stepped back, &  had a little sweet talkin’ AH HA! moment of my own.

Was there a chance good ole intended as trashy Sweet Talking Ken could be utilized to teach The Tornado a positive self-esteem lesson?

I ‘got real’ with myself (as Dr.Phil would say).

I acknowledged I flew off the handle was displeased because as an adult I was aware what Mattel presumed our girls would program Sweet Talking Ken to say.

It was precisely what the Tornado initially had him utter.

It occurred to me, however, S.T.Ken was the perfect tool for teaching her how she should expect to be treated.

One of my fave quotes is we teach people how to treat us.

On an adult-level this alludes to complicated renegotiating of relationship dynamics. 

On a five year old level this is as simple as carefully choosing the words we program Sweet Talking Ken to say to us. 

As a parent to a five year old it’s about harnessing the power of a potentially trashtastic toy  & using it as a teaching tool about the power of words both good and bad.

The Tornado didn’t forget ole S.T.Ken as easily as she had other toys.

She begged (never works around here).

She whined (seriously?!).

She offered to earn him (that’s typically an option at Casa MizFit).

What transpired comes later this week.

First *YOU.*

Are you are offended as was I at first glance by Sweet Talking Ken? Or were my feminist-sensibilities merely on HIGH ALERT?

What’s YOUR definition of “sweet talking” & does it resemble my *immediate one* verging on coercion, convincing & underhanded?

Please to give me a reality-check in the comments below…

POSTS BY EMAIL

Never miss a post. Enter your email to get my latest posts delivered to your inbox.

Comments

  2. I like that quote about we teach people how to treat us.
    I don’t like what it says I am teaching people in my life 🙂

    Food for thought.

    DOWN WITH SWEET TALKING KEN LOL

  4. Hi Miz! Funny you should mention this doll – I just saw it in Toys R Us yesterday, and couldn’t resist trying it out.

    Admittedly, I didn’t think about the meaning of it very much – I thought it was funny that girls could make a male “boyfriend” doll say whatever they wanted him to say.

    My 10 year old daughter has never had an interest in Barbies AT ALL…she won’t even go in that section. (I, on the other hand, still have my Barbies from when I was a girl…and now I’m over 40!)

    I was with my friend (also over 40) and her 4 year old daughter in the store (she LOVES Barbies). I recorded “You’re beautiful, Mia.” She smiled, and then went back to searching for something else…

    All of this was to say that friend and I (the moms) had a bigger initial reaction (amusement) to the talking doll than her little girl.

    But…I can see what you’re saying about the hidden meaning in these dolls.

    Maybe you can sneak around in the stores and record “Don’t buy me” on all of them!

    xo Debbie

  5. I, too, have seen and been horrified at this piece of crap (excuse my French LOL).

    My daughter loves Barbies too.

    Any tips for changing that????

  6. ::raises hand:: Barbie lover here, even after all these years. (Just had to get that out of the way)

    So am I to understand you just make Ken say whatever you want? I would have been all OVER that! I think it’s cute that the Tornado had him tell her she’s a pretty princess. I mean, this is what she wanted him to say, right? I’m going to take the other side on this one and go with hey, it’s empowering girls to get a male figure to engage in a conversation that they want to have.

    Also? At least he’s not preprogrammed to say “math class is HARD” like talking Barbie did a while back…rolleyes.

  8. Almost everything Mattel does offends me on some level. This may be a new high. Or low.

    My version of “sweet talkin'” would be something along the lines of, “Don’t bother to cook dinner. I’ll take you out…just let me finish raking all your leaves first.” And then in the interest of equality, I would offer to do his taxes. For free, if I was really feeling romantic. 🙂

  9. Ok I have to admit I would not have thought about this at all (it’s good my girls are far past the Barbie stage I guess :)).

    But you make a compelling point.

    I need to look up what free to be is.

  10. Then there is the idea that ST Ken is an idiot and your Tornado and my #3 are brilliant young girls soon to be young women who are beautiful inside and out and will be ST Ken’s boss and put dumb asses like him in his place.

  11. *Disclaimer* – I don’t abhor Barbie, and I’m not nor will ever be considered a feminist. 🙂

    My initial thought on the Sweet Talk thing was where you went with it. (Which is funny, because I’ve NEVER been “sweet talked” into anything by anyone ever) But, you are right – since the owner can program whatever they want Ken to say, they it’s all about how we teach them – and how we empower them – to be treated.

    (and Alex would totally love this!!!)

  12. I go off on feminist rants so often that I’ll try to contain myself for once. But how depressing is it that girls are trained at such an early age to seek male approval of their looks & worthiness? Yeesh.

    But hmm, love the idea of a programmable doll that can say whatever you want. I could have a little Jillian for workouts, a Rachael Maddow to pretend I’m witty and well-informed, an Ellen to giggle with… and an all-purpose Mizfit to keep me inspired and amused throughout the day!

  13. Thats a real toy? You must be joking! I bet the marketing team had a blast with that one! Im not sure i have any more blog appropriate words

  14. My daughter loved Barbies. The one that I had a hard time with was Bay Watch Barbie because I didn’t like that show either. She still hasn’t forgiven me for making her wait for her bday to get Clean Shavin’ Ken — at which time he was nowhere to be found. (I think he had color change skin on his face that you could make “grow a beard” or “shave” with cold/warm water ….)

    I guess nothing Barbie really shocks me. It would be interesting to see what girls program their Kens to say, and if they program them to talk to Barbie or to themselves ….

  15. This is definitely offensive on a feminist level. Maybe if they’d just called him “Talking Ken” and not “Sweet Talking Ken”, I’d be less perturbed.

    On the other hand, this toy could be a helpful tool in ascertaining how well developed a child’s self-esteem is. If “Ken” is running her down, or scolding her, you’d know there’s a problem. “Ken” calling you a princess is priceless! (I’ve only just managed to get my husband to call me that – and only because I got a crown on Friday).

  17. At first I was mad about the feminist point . Then I started thinking, this is even worse for men. I am disgusted that a doll was made to teach young girls how to put words in a mans mouth. I mean how could any man ever live up to Ken now. Not only does he have the perfect body, but now he says exactly what every girl wants to hear…. I just think it might not be the best lesson that young girls could be learning. And man wont all these young girls be very disappointed when they grow up and realize that their boyfriends/husbands dont walk around singing their praises 🙂

    • heading to the bus stop but had to pop in and say FANTASTIC POINT!!

      I shall pick Ren Man’s brain about this while me frolic at the stop.

  18. One of my fave quotes is we teach people how to treat us.

    Same wave length today Carla since my post is about how the media effect are women AND men. It tells girls they are not good enough & can be treated poorly & it tells men that is OK.

    As for the doll, had not seen or heard of it BUT maybe it can be used as a teaching tool vs. the other crap they get on TV every day.

    I do think men need to tell women they are beautiful along with all the other non image stuff like being smart because it is just nice to say to them in this crazed world!

  19. I think it’s the terminology ‘sweet talkin’ that brings images of manipulation. Had they just called him talking ken, it would be different.

  20. precisely and oddly antiquated too huh?
    I dont know what the update for the 2000s would be (Im so far from hip these days)–but something different.

    smooth talkin’ ken?

    playa ken?

    why do I think @nomorebacon could come up with something *good*

  22. I have to say, my initial response was disgust. Then I thought a little about it, and have to admit, there are times I wish I had a programable guy… one who remembered to put the toilet seat down, and knew when I was down and really didn’t want to hear a rehash of the game again, and one who knew how to take “not tonight, honey, I have a headache” without those sad puppy dog eyes.

    OK… dreaming now…

    Then I thought a little about my family, and what my kids would likely have done with a Sweet Talking Ken doll, and I figure here are some of the conversations they’d learn:

    “ZOMBIE ATTACK: here’s the hatchet, honey!”

    Ken 1 “Ken, you’re my dream!”
    Ken 2 “I love you too, honey!”

    “That’s IT Barbie, no more plastic surgery for EITHER OF US!”

    “Force equals mass times acceleration. Velocity equals distance divided by time….”

    “Nam-myoho-renge-kyo…Nam-myoho-renge-kyo…”

    “GO BILLS!”

  23. I am not sure about the text on the case – I can make out “ultimate boyfriend” and the Mattel website says “He’s the ultimate boyfriend for every occasion. Why? Because this handsome Ken doll says whatever you want him to say!”
    So… super insulting to men. and hetrosexist. I don’t think a “record your voice” barbie would be marketed as sweet talking. overall, ugh.
    I don’t have kids, but what I hear from my friends choosing toys sure if hard if you want to be progressive (not to mention decide not to support 3rd world working conditions)
    Good luck.

  24. I’m a feminist. It was much easier to get outraged in college and in my 20’s…now I’m a feminist who operates in the real world (not to say that others don’t) so I don’t tend to get my hackles up quite as easily.

    I don’t love Ken or Barbie. If he was pre-programmed to say crap – I would likely rant. Allowing her (or me) to record the sayings? At that point it must makes me roll my eyes. I think your thinking that it could be used for good instead of evil gives it less power in E’s mind than if you outright banned it.

  27. My initial response to “sweet talking” was not that of manipulation but of course now the song Sweet Talking Guy by the Chiffons is running through my head and that’s its precise meaning.

    The toy itself is a harmless repeat of many others through the decades – beginning with Chatty Cathy (at least that was the first one in my aged memory). The marketing could be improved, I suppose but I have to wonder if kids, these days relate to the initial meaning behind these words or do they perceive it quite differently.

    I think Natasha’s angle is well said but mostly, I think we might just be over-thinking everything. Really, it’s just a recording device.

  28. It seems to me the Ultimate boyfriend! piece is what makes the toy go from ‘fine’ to anti-women and men.

    It’s plain insulting overall.

  29. UGH! I had the exact same initial response. It didn’t help that I hadn’t realized that we got to program it with what to say.

    I like your statement about teaching other people how to treat us – but I think it’s a dangerous one, too. In the wrong hands, it could be used to rationalize abusive behaviour as the fault of the victim.

  30. SO interesting that Tornado made him say she is a pretty princess! I wonder if you put that doll in front of a girl/woman of any age what she would have him say. Dangerous to both boys/men and girls/women that we should bend and flex to the whim of the other.

    I did love dolls back in the day, but it does seem that Barbies don’t help our little girls be strong women. This one certainly doesn’t.

  31. I grew up loving all things Barbie too. Personally, I think it is just a fun toy. Kids love to record their voice and I bet that is what she loves (a doll talking to her).

    She will outgrow Barbie, Ken, etc. soon enough. I sold all mine in a garage sale when I was 13 for a pair of Guess jeans. That will be the real phase to worry about! 😉

  32. I don’t know. After having been through the toy gambit a few times I probably wouldn’t have been offended nor would I have thought that it would be a good way to teach the kids positive things. I’d just chalk it up to another toy the kids use then discard within days. Barbie on the whole, while still promoting princess, has gotten much better about teaching kids that girls can be/do more, body image/looks aside.
    I think teaching positive self image has to come from us as parents and the dialogue always has to be open.
    My kids have barbies, and the movies and they all want to be doctors, dentists or mechanics. They are learning from me that body image/self worth comes from within and that they are beautiful no matter what.
    Wow I wrote a book.

  33. At first I agreed with the Chatty Cathy comment (I loved that doll!) then I clicked the photo and when it enlarged and I saw the ultimate boyfriend on the tee I changed my mind.

    I’d love to know what they meant or what their definition of ultimate boyfriend is.

  34. Overall, I’d have to say this is a good thing – who doesn’t need a little pick me up each day?
    Even if it comes from a Ken doll – little girls NEED to hear they are beautiful, that they are worth the world.
    I agree, it sets the stage to how you should talk to people and how you should be treated!

  35. I’m not feminist or any label for that matter..
    I’m just ME!
    but with that being said “sweet talkin’ REALLY?!
    Why do toys, companies, shows, etc. think that all girls want to be ‘sweet talked’ (and really what is sweet to one may not be the right sweet to another) and that they want to be Princesses or try to live up to Barbie.
    Your reaction to Ken was like my reaction to “Princess somethingortheothercrap on Disney last night”
    They take a girl from entries that are sent in to be “princess” for the day and while that’s all well and fine…the fact they worded it something like “EVERY girl wants to be a princess and should be” got me…
    perhaps this explains why you’ll find me in tank tops, cargo shorts and flip flops or barefoot and not in evening gowns and heels..but I NEVER wanted to be a princess, nor did I have barbie or any other doll…I did however have GI Joe (but he’s an action figure duh! ask any guy who has one! LOL) but seriously…I did a blog on being “princess” back in March at http://www.taraburner.com/misc/every-all-princess-or-not.php because I pissed off a lot of women w/my response to their “ALL women want to be princesses”… ummm NO! I want to be ME, and I don’t need a man to make me feel important or anything.

    so, no I don’t need “Sweet Talkin” Ken either but if you can teach Tornado something from him then I guess I’m ok with it…

    My daughter never had Ken but she had some of the ‘boy’ Bratz dolls back years ago when she was the doll age….

    wow I got sidetracked there..sorry…can you tell I’m about girls/women being strong, knowing who they are and not relying on someone else to make them feel that way or to be sucked in by some ‘sweet talk’

  36. *sigh* See, a brainwashed lovesick guy who says what you want him to say is not my idea of the “ultimate boyfriend.” in fact its quite the opposite. It was the guy I broke up with every time. No thanks. I dont need a man’s approval and I don’t need him to sit there and say what I tell him to say. Playa Ken is also a good name for him. I realize it’s just a toy and that I know I look too deeply into things (as a mom to boys, turning sweet zhu zhu pets into fighting ninja warriors REALLY PISSED ME OFF) but I just think some things are unnecessary. I do love your line about teaching people how to treat us as they take our cues. Still hate the doll. And i loved my barbies. (I never felt inferior to them either even tho I was short and stumpy and they were supposed to be all tall and skinny. I just liked playing dress up with them. I say, go mom! For that one.)

  37. Good grief!!! Seriously??? Sweet Talking Ken???? Blech. I see things like this, and I’m grateful I don’t have kids, because I’m not sure how I’d react. I DID have Barbies when I was little, and I loved them (in fact, they’re still in my parent’s attic) but there was no Ken in their world, or sweet talkin’. My Barbies pretty much “walked stuffed animals” and waved to each other. Look forward to hearing how this story progresses with Tornado! Have a fantastic Monday.

  38. HOWEVER –
    Don’t you remember the Free To Be …
    song by Alan Alda? About William – who wanted a doll?
    And then finally “got over it?”

    I myself played with little dolls….
    But they were all sick little patients.
    Who needed pills and shots and treatments…. etc….
    I was their Nurse – even back then!

    So yeah – it’s all good!

  40. My first reaction was “Where can I get one of these for myself?” 🙂 It’s a doll. No more, no less. Yeah it’s creepy and kinda weird, but then Ken has ALWAYS been a little creepy and weird if you ask me. Just like the Ultimate Boyfriend in high school – they’ll love him until they realize he’s just like all the other Ken dolls out there. My daughter is a big Barbie fan and she’s got loads of self esteem – she would be like Tornado and make Ken tell her all the things she already tells herself (“You are one smart cookie!”).

  41. I dunno – I’m not that bothered by it -it seems as equally lame as a Barbie doll to me…I figure if she has a Barbie already this isn’t such a big change.
    If anything it’s an opportunity for you to get a bit of insight into her head and see just how she thinks she should be treated. Maybe her and Renman could spend some time talking about that? I think we as adults are reading a lot more into this than there is…it’s a talking doll. That’s it really in the end… I’m far more worried by princess stuff than this to be honest.

  43. LOVE this post…very interesting. Have you seen the new Inked Barbie – with tattoos. MANY parents are up in arms about it – being a bad role model for young girls and all. What say you?

    • well as the mom to a child who MIKE TYSONED her barbies all the time I thought the pictures I saw were pretty benign.

      and silly.

      and too ED HARDYesque 🙂

  46. It doesn’t bother me a whole lot as I kind of lump all dolls together in my mind.

    I would find it more curious to hear what children make Ken say because it might really say a lot about their own self esteem.

  47. As a mom of a boy and a girl, whose Legos and cars and Littlest Pet Shop creatures are currently jumbled into a very loose replica of the Mos Eisley cantina, my first gut reaction was, “Hey! What’s up with the “ultimate boyfriend” not getting to have his own opinion?” (Never mind the icky connotations of “sweet talking” vs. “talking”.)

    Looking forward to hearing more about how you transformed it into a teaching moment.

    Here’s an idea: let’s record them all to say empowering phrases (ala Fab Kate’s suggestions); this could be wave 2 of Operation Beautiful!

  51. Is it terrible that the first place my mind went to is the immense possibility for practical jokes this doll has? I doubt I’d let my daughter have one (although she’s not at that age yet so I won’t say for sure) but I kinda want one now to put under Gym Hubby’s pillow… oh the things I could make Ken say;)

  52. Well when I played with him, I didn’t realize he was called “Sweet Talkin’ Ken” I just thought he was obnoxious and tried to steer Tornado towards the crayons. Now that I know his name, I tend to agree with you. Kind of a weird, subtle message.

  53. As the Tornado’s dad, I’m not terribly worried about the “sweet talking” part at her age; she doesn’t get what it means. I might be more concerned if she were 8 or 9. While the Barbie/Ken phase is a bit annoying, I don’t worry about the messages ST Ken might be sending Tornado about how a man should treat a woman. Her parents (Miz and I) are the ones who will teach her that (although I must admit, I am pretty sweet talking…)

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This