The other morning the Tornado emerged earlier than usual from her bedroom.
Typically by the time she comes out Ive moved on from meditating to my morning cup of coffee. Im already at the computer and Im hanging out with you guys (AKA blog reading).
This particular morning, however, I was still seated on my meditation pillow quietly focusing inward and preparing for my day.
I looked like this I imagine? (Actually Id like to imagine theres a halo of light & energy around me which the camera would capture as a mass of color, but I digress…)
She stood quietly and watched me, but I knew she was there. (Ive still got the monkey mind & immediately registered her tiny footsteps) When I was finished & opened my eyes she asked what I was doing.
Meditating. I like to start my morning by being very quiet and focusing on what’s inside me. On the thoughts and feelings Im having and then try to let them all disappear so I can be very calm.
She got this. Sort of.
She and I chat a lot about ways we can calm ourselves when we’re feeling nervous, anxious or even overly excited.
She s-l-o-w-l-y considered my response & decided it wasnt enough.
But what do you think about? How do you think about everything and make it all go away at the same time.
Her question stumped me.
It does seem a Herculean task some mornings to empty my manic mind. The day is about to start and my to-do list is always miles long.
I grabbed a blank sheet of paper from my desk and held it toward her.
I try and be this. I focus on letting go and making my mind like this paper. Smooth, empty and blank.
She mulled this over and clarified she still had one more question:
But what does it DO, Mama? Is it like at night when we pray for stuff?
I thought for a bit and what came to me is something Ive said before and which Im certain is not my own.**
Mama’s meditation doesnt change things. Meditation changes ME—-it calms me and centers me—-so I am able to change things.
In that moment I remembered saying the above to Shauna once when she asked me about meditation.
I dont know if Im doing it “right.”
I know Im not doing it for very long (five minutes or so).
I do know it changes me. It slows me down so I am capable of changing things & having an impact on my world.
Meditation doesnt change things in my life. Meditation causes me to be open & willing to change myself.
** I googled this to no avail yet remain convinced there is NO WAY I coined this expression. Anyone know who initially said it? I must have read it somewhere…