“Take What You Need” Day follow-up.

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First, thank you so much for playing along at home.

Whether you chimed in on instagram or hit the streets of your ‘hood the fact this became a group-thing made it all the more fun.

And, as with many ventures where I start out thinking this is so not about me! Im doing unto others!!, I learned a great deal about myself along the way.

It wasnt all pretty.

Allow me to elaborate.

I learned people really do want to smile.  I tried not to linger awkwardly after I taped up signs—but I frequently did anyway.  I spied people slink over grumpily to check out what Id left & watched the slightest of glimmer of grins spread across their collective faces as they read.  That, coupled with my raging HELPERS HIGH, made this misfit smile, too.

 

I learned many of us need more patience.  From me (seriously people. take what you need and GO. I wanna see what you ripped off! I cant hide here watching all morning! Do it!!) to OAKtown at large.  I came. I taped. I RETURNED to the scene of the crime taping and *patience* was typically the first word GONE!

I saw someone rip at this one...for PATIENCE.

I saw someone rip at this one. Yep. For PATIENCE.

I learned I underestimate the brain of a seven year old.  Id erroneously thought she’d happily join in with the pre-school neighborhood taping but wouldnt grasp the nuance of the poster.  She loves pink.  She loves tape. She loves playing before school.  I figured we’d tape-together on that fun, superficial level.   I was wrong.  Which brings me to my final learning moment…

 

her taping pride & joy

the child’s taping pride & joy

 

I learned I grew too caught up in the doing unto others & forgot the home-front.  (A lesson Im doomed to repeat till I get right) I saved a sign for us to put up after school.  I was excited for the Tornado to choose the location & to go out for snack after.  I was tired.  She was tired.  Id gotten up at 4a to work & she was wiped from school.  Longstoryshort we parked & I realized Id forgotten my wallet.  She, in her inimitable seven year old way, pressed a few of my buttons and I snapped.

The car grew silent, she ripped the last sign out of my hand, waved it in my face & shouted through her tears:

I need love!!

Her shout was like a slap in the face.

A great slap. A reminder slap. 

The rest of what transpired is personal & offline stuffs.

I unplugged.

We decided to save our final sign.

It’s now hung in our kitchen so she can always take what she needs/show me what shes “missing.”

Ahhh Take What You Need Day.

I loved you. I learned from you. And not in the way Id imagined.

And you?

  • Did you play along at home?
  • Do you find you are destined to learn & relearn the same lessons till you get it “right?”
  • Is your most needed thing these days PATIENCE, too?

 

 

 

 

Apparently some of us were concerned Id leave the ripped sheets to languish and potentially fall into the Bay.  No worries. I paper-retrieved.

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Comments

  1. Love this behind the scenes story. And I think it’s so great that she could voice how she felt like that, at her tender age. So important 🙂

  2. The “lesson” between you and your daughter is so powerful. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to receive it and brave enough to share it with the world.

    Another example of why you are awesome…I hope someday we all are as awesome as our kids.

  4. Every once in a while it takes something jarring to bring us back where we need to be.

    And yes, patience is something I can always use more of!

  5. Wow. I love this idea. Now the scientist in me wants someone to do it as a sociology experiment (against the point, I know, but I can’t help it) to see what people take/need. the fact that people took “patience” seems so selfless, because to me, patience relates to how we relate to others, and saying that you need patience is like saying that maybe you need to treat others with more kindness. And the whole melt-down with Tornado is awesome in that she knew what she needed and told you. You done good, Carla. You got this. 😉

  7. I love your daughter.
    At certain points in each day I need many things. Reflecting now as many of us are on Boston, I need healing, strength, and hope. I’m not ready for forgiveness yet. That that probably means that is what I need the most.

  8. Every parent has moments like these — where we learn we need to give the kids as much of us as we give others. It’s a good reminder to me that charity begins at home.

  9. Ah! Alas I missed this. But might just have to copy you … what a great idea! I once had an “assignment” I had to do one anonymous act of kindness a day for three weeks or so. I couldn’t tell anyone about it. So I would pay the toll for the car behind me drive away and not look at the person’s expression, I would get all the supermarket carts and put them back, leave flowers on someone’s doorstep etc. The hardest part was being anonymous! But it helped this very egocentric (non-mom then) learn a lesson in humility, and in letting go of results. But this was all pre-kids … must think of something now!

  11. Thank you for sharing this! My kids teach me so much daily. They’ve helped me become a better person. I realize things that I do brilliantly and … things where I actually suck. LOL! Motherhood is an AWESOME journey.

    Kudos to you for listening to her wisdom.

    Winks & Smiles,
    Wifey

  15. I need patience, strength, peace…
    Thank you for sharing the story about your daughter — sometimes I think I’m doing the right thing and then realize that it might be great for me or others but not my family. (and lots of times I just bomb at all of it!!)

  16. Do you find you are destined to learn & relearn the same lessons till you get it “right?”

    ME – YES!!!!!!!!!! OMG YES! You think I would learn by now!

    Thank you for this Carla – it mans a lot that you shared with us. I wish more would show that life is not perfect… nope, it is not!

    I need confidence – always have & beginning to think I always will…. Also on my blog – clarity which is not on your sign – I need clarity!!!

  17. OMG I totally did not know you were doing this! But hey, I can do it ANY day of the week. Unfortunately in LA, that sign would probably be IGNORED.

    I can honestly say though that I don’t NEED any of those things. I really feel so blessed to have everything, reading this first thing in the morning only makes me feel even better – this day is going to ROCK! Thank you 🙂

  18. I think that I most definitely would have grabbed the patience one first. Maybe with a side of forgiveness? 😉 I do love this idea and it seems like we are destined to learn the same lessons over and over. But if this helps those in our lives and families to express what they need more/better? I’m all for it.

  19. Great post, Carla! What insight and learning from a seemingly just fun activity…pretty powerful interactions and conversations with your daughter. I love this idea and would be curious as to what downtown Calgary needs…

  20. That must have been fun to see people’s faces when they realized what the sign said. I definitely think I, and everyone else, is destined to be faced with the same lesson over and over until we learn it and live by it. I do need patience, but I’m not sure if that’s what I need most.

  22. Tears just came pouring down my face. My daughter is like that with me sometimes. Your daughter was so adorable 2 years ago (not that she isn’t now) I can’t imagine her grown up like this.

  23. I love how children aren’t afraid to ask for what they need from us. As adults, we are much less willing to be that vulnerable. You’ve got me thinking about how I’ll keep my children from losing this ability as they get older…

  24. good or bad.
    right or wrong.
    Ive “taught” my child to say IM FEELING DELICATE.
    When Im sad or wonky or frazzled or WHATEVER she will frequently ask me:
    you ok mama?

    Thats so often my response in those moments.

    As shes gotten older we work together to get more specifics (from both of us).
    Im feeling delicate because ______.

    but it all started with the IM FEELING DELICATE.

  27. Do you find you are destined to learn & relearn the same lessons till you get it “right?” Absolutely. I slap myself in the face (not literally) from time to time because I need to…Sometimes, I need my own wake up call to learn and relearn what I have learned in order to move forward. What’s right, right now, may not be exactly right later on. It may be left. I think the ‘right’ way changes with time and growth.

    xo

  29. Interesting how when we think about doing things for others – even with the best of intentions – we put ourselves last, yet again.

  31. I would’ve smiled if I saw one of those signs too, it is great that you got to see people’s reactions and spread the love! I know I need patience, but I don’t know if that is what I need most right now.

  32. I love this! I love people watching to begin with so I would totally get a kick-out of spying on this. I totally need to incorporate more patience into my life. I’m finding lately that when I don’t try to FORCE things, more of the good energy I put out is received in a more positive way. I’m also trying to learn how to sit still more. I’m learning that too is a lot harder than it seems.

  40. Nope, I grasp all lessons immediately on the first attempt. (I count the subsequent “very similar” lessons as new ones. Is that cheating?)

    A friend says the worst moments of parenting are when you get caught not paying attention. Thankfully, there are almost always reboot opportunities. 🙂

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  43. Your story made me tear up a bit. This is something that would happen to me. I tend to get wrapped up and focused and then something will snap me back to what’s important. I love that your daughter pointed it out in such a poignant way and that you responded by taping it up in your house as a reminder and communication too. What a brilliant idea!

  47. Even though we hate it, IMO it doesn’t hurt for us to snap at our kids occasionally. We then have the opportunity to make it right. They learn from us that we ALL are going to respond in an “other than positive” way sometimes. It’s how you handle the AFTER of that angry/sad/frustrated response that counts. She handled it perfectly, and so did you.

  48. Your daughter is so lucky to grow up in a home where she can say “I need love”. Not only say it, but have it mean something. You also taught her to express what she needed through words–something many of us learn NOT to do far too quickly. I’d say you both learned something . 🙂

  53. Everybody in a family gets their buttons pressed every once in awhile. Don’t let it get to you. The more important part is that it led to the great idea of posting the last sign in your home. I think that is a great idea. Altho it came about accidentally, I think it is the greatest idea that should be shared with more parents. it can be hard to communicate with younger children but being able to point feelings out on a sign may make it easier.

  54. Maybe you should invent a reusable version (or fridge magnets etc) that family members (who find it hard to voice their needs) could subtly move to the fridge front from time to time.

    Or re-stickable ones…

    It can be so hard to ask for help or for what we need.

    Deb

  56. What a good idea. I think I’ll make one and post it on my fridge. I think I need a reminder to take time and space to get what I need. To often I have those snapping moments with my daughter…I’m often apologizing. Thanks for this reminder.

  61. Great idea. Patience is so important, especially with kids, but it is also important in every endeavor. I guess everyone snaps at something at some point, which is ultimately due to a lack of patience. What I realize when I do that is that nothing productive results unless, of course, I am at my fitness center kicking away at one of those big punching bags. Then I get a good workout! 🙂

  62. What a cool idea, very inspiring! I’m with the posters above who say they could use a little patience. I have 2 small children at home who test me constantly, and it has become my mission to try to understand their needs better instead of just getting annoyed with them!

    • Right on, Franko! I have the same problem and am working on being more patient with the kiddos! I’ve tried putting my daughter on my lap and giving her a hug when she’s “whiny” instead of getting annoyed with her and it works wonders! Keep spreading the love!

  63. Hey friends,

    My name is Katie North. I am the original creator of the Take What You Need sign (Here’s my whole story, with a picture of the original: http://lisavoisin.wordpress.com/2012/06/03/guest-post-from-the-originator-of-the-take-what-you-need-projects-katie-north/).

    I made this sign in September 2011 in response to some heartbreaking news about a friend who had attempted to end his own life. I will openly admit that I have struggled with depression, and the news weighed heavily on my heart. I turned to a wise friend for advice, telling her that I just wanted to be a person who helps people. She told me, “Then do it. Be it.” So I did. I made this sign and posted it around my college campus, not expecting anything to happen. A few days later, it went viral. It’s still amazing to see such wonderful responses to something so small that means so much to me. Thank you for loving so well. I am humbled and honored and blown away. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    With love,

    Katie
    katiejnorth@aol.com

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