Unapologetically Myself (musings on self-confidence).

this is all I want for her

this is all I want for her

Because I like to surround myself with the young-folk I have number of friends who turn forty this year.

(it blows my mind I had this blog when I turned forty.  please to take said disbelief as foreshadowing of shifts to MizFitCome.)

Because Im a semi-INTROVERT who shuns the small talk– we’ve had myriad conversations about aging, changing life perspective & goals we have for time that’s left.

In all of these conversations Ive found myself in the role of Oprah.

I play annoying-Oprah.  The Oprah who *repeatedly* shares how much better life is after 40.

(Im misfit enough to say this irritated me in my 30s.  It felt condescending.  Im certain, in my over-zealousness to convey the same sentiment, I potentially sound condescending. Im now such a  fervent believer I cannot help myself.)

40 is not afraid to shout this loudly.

40 is not afraid to live this out loud.

I also share with my friends a musing from Francis McDormand  (paraphrasing).

She (essentially) said 40 was no longer being ‘checked out’ by the young boys & 40 rocked because she no longer saw herself through their eyes.

Im myself...and thats enough

Only my eyes matter.

Im not sure if it is because life feels too short to fret about what others think?

(I came to that early in life)

Or because turning 40 is a nudge toward What are you waiting for?! If you dont embrace & love *you* how will anyone else?!

(I was late to marry. I waited until I came to that notion.)

Or just because it’s too damn exhausting to try & be anyone else other than who you are?

(Thats me. Thats why my online brand wholly meshes with who I am offline, too.)

Regardless, it was right before turning 40 I finally captured in two words what I longed to convey to others.


It’s what I am.

It’s what I want for my child.

It’s what Ive found myself repeatedly explaining recently to friends online and off.

  • Being Unapologetically Myself is quiet. It’s neither boisterous nor showy. It’s an authentic, natural expression of whom Ive grown to become and what my gifts are.
  • Being Unapologetially Myself is listening. It’s realizing I do not know everything. It’s knowing when to ask for help.  It’s listening to my gut above all else.
  • Being Unapologetically Myself is being willing to stand up.  For myself. For others. Not fearing being alone in my beliefs or being wrong out loud.
  • Being Unapologetically Myself is being honest with myself.  It’s admitting I have faults.  It’s being candid with myself about who I am & what I need to work on.

Being unapologetically myself means Im ever evolving, changing and growing…


although not ‘sans-skull’ grown-up yet!

and, for me, is about being comfortable enough in my own skin to realize there’s room enough for us *ALL* to rock.

Now you.

Help me & spare my friends another TheGreatAndMighty O was right!!! rant:

No matter your age–how do you define “unapologetically myself” or self-confidence?


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  1. says

    I’m going to be obnoxious and agree with the almighty O: the 40’s was my best decade. To me unapologetically myself means comfy enough in my own skin to never want to trade lives with anyone else.

  2. says

    “unapologetically myself” or self-confidence? Too me, they are two different aspects of women…
    Confidence is when everything is aligned within and outside of ourselves…

    “unapologetically myself” is when everything is jumbled, harried, stressful, being pulled in a thousand different ways and we can still HONOR who we are beneath it all!

  3. says

    While I’m not yet close to 40, I’m closer to 40 than I am to 20. Maybe I’m an early bloomer or maybe it’s your awesome influence, but with each month that goes by, I’m feeling more and more unapologetically myself.
    Yesterday, I was contacted by a brand…offering me product and payment…to promote a product that I don’t believe in and wouldn’t buy.
    Last year’s me might have gone for it. Free stuff! Yay! Money! Yay!
    Yesterday, my “thanks, but no thanks” response was immediate.
    I think I have you to thank that I’m 34 going on 41. 😉

  4. says

    A great post Carla – get people thinking! As one who struggles with this & always has, I will say that the 40’s were my best years in terms of physically & understanding that the most. The emotional & confidence & all that was still a struggle due to job issues & other crap. I think a lot of this doe shave to do with life circumstances & how we approach them – having to learn to change the mind. I have made a lot of progress for sure but I will say & unapologetically say over & over again that there is nothing like turning into the 50’s & having to deal with what hormones do to you physically & emotionally. It is the toughest time or at least for me… It is a time we have to work harder to feel that good stuff cause the hormones wreak havoc on the body & mind or have for me… BUT saying all that – I have learned to feel better about myself, care less about what others think I should be doing & saying & focusing more on what is right for me.. I have done that with the health/fitness/food for years but I am talking the other stuff. :)

    Always making us think!

  5. says

    Proud to say I am going to be 47 and finally okay that I am what I am! So proud of my kids, especially my 11th grader, who is his own total unique individual and never tried to kowtow to the cliques at school.

  6. Lilly says

    I have printed out what you say about being unapologetically yourself and am plastering on my fridge as a reminder.
    You are awesome.

  7. says

    Ah… the 40s…

    My 40th was an awakening. I was no longer “young”. I was “middle aged”. I got my first (and so far only) tattoo. I was awakened to the idea that I was beyond the age where my life had to be about pleasing anyone else first. I didn’t have to be “sexy”. I didn’t have to have “drive”. I could just be myself, whoever that was, at whatever point I was at.

    I would have said it was “quiet” in those days… but it really wasn’t. I mean, being “me” sometimes screams “I’m me, step back!” rather than “I’m comfortable with me”. I think the later is a process…

    The 50’s have more freedom for me. I’m not worried about “expressing myself”… at least not in the sense that I feel I have to put who I am on display. Like everyone else, I still want to be liked, but I don’t feel the need to make being liked by others more important than being liked by myself.

    I see the 40s as a second awakening… but like literal awakening, it’s a time when you’re not quite fully cognizant. You’re reorienting, re-evaluating, gathering a sense of where and who you are. That settles out by the end of the decade.

  8. says

    I just hit 30 a few years ago but I noticed that I am so much more confident in what I want in my 30s. I know myself well enough now to identify what it is that I want and to go after it…couldn’t do that in my 20s.

  9. says

    Completely agree with everything you said!
    Turning 30 was rough for me because I wasn’t unapologetically myself – I was still concerned with pleasing others and trying to fit a mold.
    My 30s were filled with learning and turning 40 was awesome!!! Every single year since passing the 40 mark has gotten better and better.
    I think being unapologetically myself means that I’m not afraid to be the one that’s different in any given situation.

  10. says

    While I’m over thirty, I used to fear becoming 40. I think Kelly Slater is one of the best examples of how turning 40 doesn’t have to be a bad thing if you take care of your body.

  11. says

    I LOVE 40. I feel great, and am looking forward to the person I’m becoming. I love this post as usual. It’s hard to include the unapologetic part – and just be happy with who we are and where we are going. As long as we aren’t trampling on anyone to get there.

  12. says

    It took me until about 40 to be okay with who I am (and not try to be what others want me to be). And it feels great. I know we all have to learn and grow, but I really wish I knew at 20 what I know now… :)

  13. Lara says

    I had missed your post on OLD TALK BEING THE NEW FAT TALK.
    Last night was my book club and we skipped the book and chatted only that.

  14. says

    You know that I agree with it all!
    Being 46 is incredibly freeing; wonder if it’ll get even better after 50!
    PS Don’t ever lose the skulls!

  15. says

    Unapologetically myself:
    Willing to fail, but try. Failing is not the end it is just one way that didn’t work. It is our job to find the way that does work, even if that means multiple failures.

  16. says

    I love a woman in her 40s embracing being in her 40s, even if it is Oprahesque. I can say that being unapologetically myself means that I am satisfied with my place in this life.

  17. says

    There is something so powerful – so beautiful – about this. I love your attitude. I love your platform, your soapbox, whatever it is. Thank you…..for being unapologetically YOU!

  18. says

    I love this. I am nearing the big 3-0 in just a few months so to say this speaks to where I am at is so true. I learned long ago to just be myself as well. I can say that being unapologetically myself means I don’t regret turning my back on medschool when everyone else thought I was crazy to create this fitness life.

  19. says

    Being comfortable in your own skin is something that changes your perspective on everything. More joy, more confidence and more strength to not only find and achieve your goals but to be a support and strength for others.

  20. says

    I’m not getting older, I’m getting bitter.

    No wait… I’m… okay, dammit, I guess I’m both getting older and bitter to be perfectly honest. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO PERFECTLY HONEST AROUND HERE ANYWAY?

  21. says

    As a 34-er. I want you to know, that I don’t find your “40’s Rock” mentality condescending. I find it refreshing. And hopeful!

    Turning 30 was AWFUL for me!! Now that’s I’m 4 years in to it, and have learned to be unapologetically myself, I feel like I want to be the “mother hen” to those women about to head in to their 30’s! And let them know they’re awesome, beautiful, and perfect just the way they are!

    And seeing you in all your 40-something awesomeness reiterates to me that we really ARE like a fine wine! We just keep getting better with age!!

  22. says

    I adore this post! I think that because I lost my father at such a young age (24), I’ve grown up a lot and grasped the fact (though it’s still a struggle) that life is too short to worry about what others think of you. I also agree that it is exhausting to try to be someone else just because others are expecting you to be a certain way. Thanks for posting this! It’s a really important message!

  23. says

    Not holding back, not nodding and agreeing with everything someone tell you and doing what works best for YOU. It works for me :)

  24. says

    I once asked my mom what the best age was. She replied “The age you’re at”.

    It does become easier to love who you are as the years pass… if you take the time to reflect on those issues.

    I won’t lie though, I still like being noticed by men. 😉

  25. says

    This year (41), I have completely learned and turned to be so unapologetically myself. And I love it! Can’t believe it took me So long to learn. Also, I so want the daughter to feel that its okay to be the same at her ripe young age of 13. So when there is something she needs time to do, I find myself giving it to her so her best self will know its okay to spend time to nurture, grow and be an individual.

  26. says

    Being content with where i am while still on the way to what i am striving to become. Does that make sense?

    As in, i didn’t yell at my baby taking his/her first tentative steps, “Why aren’t you running yet!” We celebrated where the child was, while knowing there was more to come, and being glad to leave room to grow.

  27. says

    Some days, I embrace my self (and all my quirks) and my age, and my wrinkles…and other days I sit back and wonder how the hell I got here, and what do I have to show for it. I’m hoping to have more embracing than questioning days, and am working hard to get there. Love this post Miz.

  28. says

    I love this and you and all the ways that you are unapologetically yourself. I do have to say that YOU have encouraged me in many many ways to really sit and be honest with myself as to who I am and what I want and to find my confidence again.

  29. says

    great post. it’s totally hard for me to be unapologetically myself sometimes around people my age. i know i recently blogged about hesitance over going out more on weekends, but on weeknights i almost always just want to stay in. a lot of people my age do NOT get that and i used to commit to way too many plans that i didn’t really want to do, just because they made me feel strange for wanting to get my 8 hours of sleep. i’m a lot better now about turning down plans if i want to stay home, but i still feel awkward when i do so, which i shouldn’t feel. i should just own it!

  30. says

    I think it is being at the stage where I say “This is me. Take it or leave it. I won’t change for you.” (And liking that me 😀 )

  31. says

    In my early 30’s and still finding my way to this line of thinking. I feel I have a loooong way to go. I find your honesty & outlook so refreshing and love how you are passing the same to your daughter. Would love to be able to say I’m comfortably & unapologetically myself, but right now I’m a work in progress.

  32. says

    I yam what I yam. As I get older, I get less tolerant in trying to be someone or something I’m not. Sometimes you have to fake it though. I wanted to be more outdoorsy, and I had to keep telling myself and pretending that I was outdoorsy (even though I wasn’t), and while I’m still a priss, I’m at least MORE outdoorsy.

    Either way, I’m coming up on the big 3-5 and all it really means to be is I’m in a different age group in races. :)

  33. says

    At 31, I am finally comfortable in my own skin. I don’t really care what other people think of me. My life is taking a huge turn and I am happy to say that I am unapologetically myself :)

  34. says

    AH I so needed to read this…I’m still learning to be unapologetically myself. There are things that I need to work on these next coming months that hopefully will allow me to get to this point, where I can scream it out loud. I think I’m a late bloomer…

  35. says

    Seriously you are such an awesome mom! She will grow up knowing she is good enough and smart, and awesome!! I mean just look at that smile!

  36. cheryl says

    I am sure we all went through the stage in middle school where others seemed to be “cuter, smarter, wittier” than our perceptions of who we were. Once I got over that (by 16) I feel I have followed my own path since that age. Just turned 60 and would not change a thing about my life and what I have accomplished and where I am still headed.
    I am shocked that young women still feel like I did at 13….
    Life is way too short to not just go for it…
    My reward is watching my 26 year old daughter living her life so fully and going after her dreams.

  37. says

    Cheryl, I’d have to agree and add to what you said. I think that there are plenty of people out there who feel like they aren’t where they want to be, but (like you said) you have to be ready to move past that and pursue your goals with everything you’ve got! It’s that moment when you realize what you truly want to be–and you become that.

  38. Alexandra Hewitt says

    This post could not have come at a better time for me- I turn 30 tomorrow and I suddenly find myself asking if I really know who I am… I love how honest and just YOU you always are- thank you for that :)

  39. says

    Count me as another of your friends turning 40! In January I will celebrate along with my husband, also turning 40- 17 days before I do,that we are seeking our best life and knowing that we don’t want to waste one more second doing things we don’t really want to do!
    40 is freeing!
    Like you, I came early to ‘apologetically doing my own thing’, but always held back with family- worrying they might think I’m going nuts like some others on the tree who didn’t turn out so well. Now I don’t care. They can think what they want and I won’t choose to hear it.
    My friends know and love me and would never let me crazy without them!!!

  40. says

    I love that you’re unapologetically yourself. I think I mostly am in all aspects but those relating to my weight, body and self-image. I’m really not sure who ‘I’ am – let alone projecting that to everyone else…. :-(