Which of these friends do you have?

fluevog shoes

I brought my funky friends dress shoes!

I spent the past few days at a conference.

The focus was learning & networking–but ever the misfit attending sparked me to consider my larger social experience.

To ponder my introvert status and realize how much I need my community.

Meeting so many amazing women served to highlight my dependency on different friends for different reasons.

How we *all* have different friends to meet different emotional “demands”—and that’s OK.

I spent the past few days at a conference.

I met a NUMBER of potential funky fashion friends this weekend, a few stilettos, two whom I hope some day will be flip-flops, and maybe—just maybe—a pair of sneakers.

Allow me to elaborate.

I made plans for this weekend at the urging of a flip-flip friend.


A comfy friend.

A friend who’s as much a necessity in my life as my beloved flip-flops. 

The shoes which feel part of the fabric of my life–yet I can’t recall buying (it’s as if they’ve always been in my possession), are invariably there when I need them, and which I wish I could be with don daily.

 This weekend I met a number of new of Funky-Fashion-Shoe friends.


Quirky, dynamic women whose very spirit brings out the same in me.  

Women with whom I hope to stay connected.

Women I hope to collaborate with or seek advice from when I need a booster-shot of BRAZEN.

This weekend I stumbled upon a few fantastic stilettos-friends.


Stilettos, as you may surmise, are not really my thing.

I own none (hence the high wedge pictured above. It’s as close as I come).

I love the look of a stiletto.  I’m envious of those who can wear with ease for long periods of time.

I adore these women for fun, fleeting moments and then, as with the shoes, I’m exhausted. 

I’m reminded of my introvert, flip-flop’y status.

 Time will tell if this weekend created any Sneaker-Friends.

At my very core I’m a sneakers woman.

I love all my other shoes—but for comfort, traction, speed and navigating life’s oft rocky terrain nothing will ever eclipse my sneakers.

These are the shoes I’m with for the long haul, that I bring move-to-move with me, and which I’m hard pressed to ever surrender.

No matter what.



The conference was amazing–for myriad reasons–and yet I left feeling most bolstered by the sense of camaraderie.

I returned feeling hopeful by virtue of the realization I may be an introvert—but I really do possess the four friend-types I require to create the community I desire.

And you?

Do your friend-types match mine?  Which is your most important “shoe?”



EDITED to say: upon reading & rereading this post reminds me of my dear friend, Sue. An everySHOE friend who was gone too soon.


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  1. says

    What a great way to think about friendships! I also have a variety of shoes…err, friends in my life that fill particular niches and one, who fills them all. I’m definitely a sneaker girl 100% but I do love the stiletto in me.

  2. says

    I was once adept at navigating in stilettos, alas the urge to do that has passed. I’m a flip-flop/sneakers kind of girl and it seems most of my friends are too.

  3. Runner Girl says

    I’m a sneaker but have so mant stilettos in my friend life!!!!!!
    I need them.

  4. Bea says

    I love the way you tell a story, Carla.
    I find myself nodding and thinking ME TOO!!!! each post.

    • Carla says

      high high praise as THAT’S why I blog. To tell stories. To share stories. In hopes MY STORIES are, in a way, your stories as well.
      And to hear stories.
      Here in the comments.

  5. says

    As an elite athlete and Cross Country/Track coach, I am definitely a sneakers/running shoe kind of lady! I wear them for my 75+ mile weeks of running, and then to coach in during the day. I can often be found in snow shoes or converse! I am not sure our shoes would be the best of friends, but I think we definitely could still be :)

  6. says

    This is brilliant. At work I am a pumps girl — professional yet functional. My colleagues prefer stillettos, or at least fancier shoes, and I feel the same way about our friendships. Not quite genuine ….

    • says

      Oh I love this comment too!! I’ve always had different groups of friends from different parts of my life or different aspects of my life. There are some with whom I do not compare shoes with and those who always are fancier than me.

  7. says

    I prefer bare feet…but it’s flip flops all the way for me. I even burned a pair for my blog banner. Fun fact..flip flops don’t so much melt as they catch on fire.

    I wanted melted shoes..but burnt works.

    And I used to wear stilettos, but I gave them up years ago. I’m all about comfort.

  8. Hannah says

    I love the introvert post you linked back to, too.
    We are so alike as I’m an introvert people always assume is a tremendous extrovert.

  9. Lila says

    I LOVE the funky shoe friends (are those your boots? WANT!!!) because they make me feel more hip than I really am.
    Some day I will be hip LOL until then I’ll pretend.

  10. says

    I love this post – it’s so true. Those fun stilletto ladies are a fun novelty but the sneakers are the ones I need at all time!

  11. Kaya says

    The shoes which are not comfy (heels!!!) can sometimes serve to stretch me as a person.

  12. says

    I’m a sneakers girl. All the time. Functional, comfortable and help me manage my own issues.

    But, I have several stilletto friends and treasure their contribution to my life. (I’m clearly not a stilleto girl, I can’t even spell the word).

    Love this.

  13. Olive says

    I love this idea because I think I want to be what I am not.
    I wish I could be the stillettos (I’m a wedge too. I think I’ve misspelled stilettos as well?) because they are always the life of the party.

    I need to think about this more.

  14. says

    Brilliant and thought-provoking as always Carla! In my younger days I was a stilettos girl, as were many of my friends. Some of those friends like me evolved over time into flip-flop and sneakers types. I still have one or two stilettos in my life, but most of my friends now are sneakers, flip flops or funky fashion types.

  15. Kelley Burrus says

    Ah, this post has me remembering some very important discovery days–days I’ll never forget. I’m a flip-flop gal all the way but I dream in super cute wedges.

    Love this post.

  16. says

    What an interesting metaphor. Personally, I’m the odd shoe girl. Never quite comfortable in a heel (a wedge is ok but rare), sneakers for exercise only (or quick jaunts) and flip flops now living in LA. Mostly though I’m comfortable in my odd shoes – my red patent clogs, my big chunky half clogs (kind of like you first picture) and my friends always comment that my shoes are odd. I’m an extravert in nature but with an introvert heart. I’m not sure what that says about my shoes or my friends.

  17. says

    Big introvert, here, but I appreciate my many different types of friends for all the different characteristics they bring to the table. I have some of each of these types in my “closet,” and at my core, I am a sneakers (minimalist!) gal at heart.

  18. says

    I just adore your freedom of expression! There are so many choices today in footwear. Finding something that still screams your personal style is my personal goal when show shopping…whether it is flip flops or running shoes! Thanks for sharing!

  19. Valerie says

    I have friends – and shoes! – of each type, but at heart I am and have always been a barefoot kind of gal. I’m also happiest being alone, so maybe that’s an extension of your metaphor?

    Since I’m wearing snow boots today, I wonder what friend that would be – the one you don’t see very often, but who’s always there when you need them, and without whom you just couldn’t get through some days? I have a few of those, as well. :-)

  20. says

    We are “sole” mates!
    Now if only we’d met up with some gum boots chicks the weekend would have been perfect 😉

  21. says

    I really do have a wide variety of friends – it is fun that way but the comfy ones stick with you thru think & thin, bad & good times, my hibernating & not due to struggles – they get it no matter words said or not. :)

    They all – all kinds- make up life & make it fun though.

  22. says

    Love this analogy!

    I am totally a sneakers gal, and feel out of my element with the stiletto crowd, though they are fun at parties.

    And like my comfortable sneakers, I have a few favorite friends I choose over and over, and some fancier “special event” pals who I feel a bit less my self with. I’m lucky not to have to get myself rubbed the wrong way very often by ill-fitting friends… or shoes!

    Glad you had a great time and got to try on all kinds of new, um, “shoes!”

  23. says

    I’m not a stiletto girl, but I play one from 9-5 in corporate america.

    In all reality, I can’t wait for 5:00 to roll around so I can kick off my “power shoes” and don my sneakers!

    I equate it to the relief some ladies feel taking their bra off in the evening. (hee hee)

  24. Vonnie says

    I love this because I can feel needy sometimes with all the people I require to keep me sane LOL.
    Now I will classify them as my shoes and know I just need a closet not too many peeps.

  25. says

    I love these! I think I have a lot of flip-flop friends. A lot of girlfriends have been in my life for almost as long as I can remember, so we are comfortable, we know each other, and we spend a whole lot of time laughing!

  26. Ashley M says

    I’m with your girl flip flops and sneakers all the way – in both friends and shoes.

  27. says

    As you know, I love shoes. (But not flip flops. They kinda creep me out. Actually, toes creep me out, so any shoes that involve acknowledging that there are toes in there REALLY REALLY creep me out.)

    My shoe closet: 40% cute yet moderately comfortable dress shoes (wedges, pumps, boots, dressy things); 40% sneakers (I own so many running shoes I could probably open my own store – if you could have a store where all the shoes are the same size) and other comfy shoes; 8% stilettos; and 2% flip-flops (hey! I swim a lot).

    In the last two years, I’ve really moved from a much higher percentage of cute but impractical shoes to the 80% cute/comfy and functional/comfy ratio I currently have. Strangely enough, I’ve also lost (it was involuntary on my part) a huge percentage of my high-maintenance friends (those people that were fun to hang out with but when I look at our interactions, I find that there was no sincere closeness there). I’m still looking to refill that gap in my shoe-friend closet, but if my actual shoe closet trend is a good predictor, I’m going to have some awesome people come into my life.

    Yay! :)

  28. says

    With my semi-veri-yes erratic brain I need combat boots the most because, they’re rugged and thick-skinned and can wade through the mud w/me.
    Slippers, because I need people who understand I need my time alone at home.
    Louboutins because someone has to drag me out occasionally , and rocket-propelled shoes for when I NEED to follow an idea to the moon.

  29. says

    KLOG clogs!!!!! All the chefs wear them. I don’t cook. If you have foot problems they are the best friends ever. Like flip flops you can go barefoot in an instant but unlike flip flops they are tall enough you can take the garbage out on a snowy day and stay dry. You can also wear them in the office!

  30. says

    First – I have a tiny bit of shoe envy – I love the clogs and those pink wedges?! I’m thinking I need to do some shoe shopping – maybe that will bring on spring!!!
    I love the analogy between shoe types and friends. I sort of feel like I’m missing the tennis shoes these days – I have a lot of the fun/funky shoes/friends but not many of the super comfy daily shoes!

  31. says

    I think the ‘familiar’ or ‘old’ shoe is something I miss. I’m seeing my besties when I’m away this weekend and it’s about a year since I last saw them. We’re in close and regular contact, but it’s not the same as seeing them in person.

    PS. LOVE those first clogs and the black boots with the funky heel!

    I’m now a thong wearer, but I was a sneaker wearer before…

  32. says

    I only have a few pairs of shoes that I’m very loyal to – my running shoes that I’ve been wearing for a year, one pair of flip flops, a pair of work heels, and an everyday casual tall boot that goes with everything. I think my shoe collection closely resembles my collection of friends – only a few do I let into my innermost thoughts but I am terribly loyal to them.

  33. says

    Are those silver fluevogs I spy?
    I’m a Doc Martens girl myself. Comfy, lab-permitted and rain safe. :)
    I am not good at heels over 1 inch…with my tiny feet it’s like walking on stilts!

  34. says

    Very creative!

    I used to wear clogs when I was doing surgery, but cross trainers replaced that. Never could sneak up on anyone with clogs, lol!

    When out and about, sneakers mostly unless full dress-up is required.

    Barefoot the rest of the time.

    PS I like Florida girls barefoot best :-)