her <3 language.
Almost exactly a year ago the Child & I experienced our worst morning ever.
The worst morning in the eight years I’d been a mother and, Id venture to say, worst for her *ever-ever.*
I dropped her at school, walked to
work, and remember feeling unable to shake the sense of “That sucked and it was mainly my fault. I snapped.”
What could I do to make things better?
I couldn’t come up with anything.
None of my ideas sparked a:
Yes! That’s what would convey to her how sorry I am and how much I love her.
I considered what she does to express love for others.
Her declarations encircle my wrist (hello rainbow loom!), wrap around my neck (yay! homemade necklaces!) and are hung all over the house.
That was the day it (finally) dawned on me her love language is receiving gifts.
More specifically, homemade items.
She’s a year older.
We’ve moved (again).
Yet, for the most part, little has changed.
Except one thing.
She, too, has identified her love language and learned to ask for it.
It’s this final piece which has blown my mind out (as she no longer says).
She treasures receiving her love-language gifts whether she asks for them or not.
(lunch box note surprises!)
As she packs her stuff for school she’s taken to asking:
Did you remember to leave me a note?
Even though I’ve *always* remembered (night before missive writing FTW!), I’m consistently surprised had I not & had I needed to dash one off right then it would still be enough.
Asking does not lessen its power or value.
When I questioned her (“Wouldn’t it be disappointing if I forgot & you received the note but had to remind me?”) she shook her head.
I wouldn’t mind. I just know I want a note when I open my lunch.
(note-gifts take myriad forms)
I attempted to explain how sometimes big people feel receiving our “gift” is diminished when we have to ask for it.
This made little sense to her (I don’t get it–but you get what you ask for right??) and, the more we discussed it, the less sense it made to me, too.
To that end, I’m recommitting to identifying what I need and clearly asking those around me for it.
I’m re-defining my language of encouargement and sharing the definition with others.
I’m mimicking the nine year old and I’ll let you know how it all turns out.
- Have you spent time identifying your Love Language?
- Does it diminish your joy when you “receive” after you ask?