An introvert outside her comfort zone.

by

This post has rattled around in my head for a while.  It crystallized recently as we edge toward book release and I’m repeatedly shoved from my zone of comfy.

And finding it exhausting.

Once upon a time, I was chatting with the Foodie McBody pictured below, when she remarked:

You know, people say you’re like a ninja.

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I pressed her to explain.

I wondered if my self-appointed moniker of self-esteem ninja had taken off?

She clarified it was the way I’d be “intensely mingling,” seemingly spontaneously vanish, & *poof* reappear as quickly as Id left.

I didn’t enjoy this use of my fave ninja-term and yet I immediately grasped what she said.

  • I LOVE meeting people & learning what makes them unique.  I believe we’re all special snowflakes (to quote a dear friend).

All that said:  THIS IS WHO I AM.

When people ask—this topic is frequently discussed in social media—I categorize myself as introvert for a few reasons.

The largest being because of the manner in which I re-charge:

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ahhh sweet sweet solitude.

The classification of introvert seems to vary with the individual claiming it.

I have friends who insist the mere fact I pranced the catwalk in my Handful bra exempts me from introvert status (I disagree).

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Others say the fact I love–not just tolerate–presenting at conference etc. knocks me out of introvert status (I do not concur).

I concede I’m a mix of introvert & extrovert, yet I find myself running to be with the introvert crew identify far more with introv-camp residents.

Here’s why:

  • I require alone time to re-charge.  And *quiet.*  Even at conferences. I confess to not understanding people who seek roommates at these events & look forward to the 24/7 nonstop interaction the bring.  I love you. I really am excited to see you. Room with you? I cannot.

 

  • I’m an observer.  I ‘read a room’ or group before jumping into the fray.  Who’s talking a lot? Who’s holding back & listening? Who looks uncomfortable? Bored? As if she’s about to dash for the door? You’ll never find me entering a party/event and *immediately* trying to seize center stage.  Ever.

 

  • I’m drained after events/parties even if I adored them. I discovered recently not all people feel this way.  I’d assumed everyone went out, had a great time, laughed, talked, enjoyed, and walked to her car thinking: That was fun and great mother of crap I’m talked out!   Who knew it’s only us introverts?

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in-real-time photo of a “talked out Carla”

As with all things, I guess, even though I identify more with one group over another– I’m a mix.

An omnivert (to use a word slowly coming into vogue), perhaps?

  • I watch, listen, learn, & recharge solo. 
  • I’m eager to head out, BRAZENLY share my introverted-learnings with the world without fear or hesitation.

Until I need to recharge again.

And you?

According to my jumbled thoughts definition do you identify as predominantly introvert or extrovert?  

Do you think we all could just be MiXeD uP omniverts?

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Comments

  1. OMG I AM A HUGE INTROVERT but because I am not shy (there is a big difference) no one ever understands that.

  2. I am an introvert for certain.
    I recharge by myself and it takes days for me to recover from a night out.

  3. I’ve become so much more of an extrovert in my older age – 45. I used to fear what people thought and realized that other will think what they want to regardless of how much I would hide in the corner. It is very liberating for sure!

  4. I never, ever thought of myself as an introvert HOWEVER, the more I think, learn, read things like this, I’m pretty sure I am one! I always leave a party completely exhausted, talked out and wanting my bed and, before reading this, I assumed everyone did. Holy crap. I think I’m an introvert.

  5. I’m an extrovert!
    With EXTRA 🙂
    I love to room with friends at conferences and require their energy to recharge.
    You would find me weird!!!

  6. So me! People argue when I tell them I’m an introvert…but just like you I need to recharge alone, I am exhausted when I have to be an extrovert at parties/events, I love people I do…I love talking…I love doing things with people…BUT I NEED ALONE TIME AND QUIET! I think it is bad to qualify ourselves as any one thing..at different times, different places, different stages of our lives we may be different people…one label is much too restrictive!

  9. this is me to a T! i need QUIET and ALONE time to recharge, but will talk and speak and “socialize” no prob. I am a mix of course but probably prefer the introvert in me. haha

  10. I LOVE this. I realized not too long ago that I might be more of an introvert than I thought I was. Like you, I love people, I love communicating, exchanging ideas (hence the blog), connecting at a deeper level, you name it. However, I also feel drain after parties, and need to recharge ALONE on a daily basis. Coming to respect that part of me is one of the goals I plan to reach before I turn 40. 🙂

  11. I’m more of the classic Introvert. I’m shy and quiet, I love my alone time and am lost in crowds.
    But, every once in a while, I love to be center of attention. And if I am going to be out there, I embrace it and go whole hog. Its just acting. I pretend to be the Ruth who is extroverted and happy to be noticed.

  12. In the book Quiet, they use the term ambivert. 🙂 I am the same way. I get to play extrovert when I am doing something I am passionate about but I can only do it in short bursts. I need my restorative niches to recharge. I can only do about 3 training sessions back to back before I need a break to myself. I have to have the quiet time so I can be “onstage” again.

  13. I’ve heard the word “ambivert” to describe a mix of extrovert and introvert, and I think that’s the right description for me! I need my alone time to recharge but I also love being with people.

  14. I think I’m mostly an introvert but being a parent taught me to speak up and that has carried over into other areas of my life.

  15. Omnivert– I’m going with that! If it’s a small group of friends that I know, I can talk for days. But put me in a large group of unknowns and I am awkwardly shy!

  16. I lean way more toward introvert as well. It’s interesting that you are such an outgoing introvert, but I think you’re right- it’s more about how we recharge, not how much of a people person we are.

  17. I’m a mix of the two. If I have known you for years and/or am with a group of people I know very well, you’d think I was a social butterfly. But I tend to hang back and analyze a room of new people before going in. I also tend to NEED “me” time to recharge my batteries.

  19. I think many people conflate being introverted and being shy, but the two do not always go hand-in-hand. You are certainly not shy, but are also introverted. I am shy and introverted. I am uncomfortable in large groups and am exhausted by social interactions. I can talk myself out of my shyness and force myself to get out there, because being shy and introverted does not mean that I don’t need human interactions. However, I cannot do a single thing about my introversion. It’s one of those things I have had to learn to live with.

  21. TOTALLY like you. I’m all for being social and public speaking etc. etc., but when it comes to recharging, I NEED my alone time and my own space.

    (Working from home = one of my best ideas ever)

    It’s all about what you need to recharge 🙂

  22. I am similar in all of the points you mention and I am definitely an introvert. That being said, I get up and lead fitness classes and I speak to rooms with hundreds of people in them. Doing those two things are possible as an introvert because there is still an invisible separation between me and other people. Standing on a stage separates me from the people; put me in with them and require me to mingle makes me tired just to think about.

    I love my alone time to recharge and find balance. Thanks for sharing!

  23. As always I love this and I can relate. I am an introvert but I can behave like an extrovert. When that happens, I need a lot of downtime to recharge or my anxiety gets to unmanageable levels.

  24. I am very similar: an introvert who NEEDS downtime to recharge and is drained by large groups, but…I’m also comfortable in front of crowds and would never classify myself as shy. So I’d say maybe we can be one thing but with a few tendencies from the other mixed in? Which is what you said! ; )

  25. So well said. Yes, I’m an introvert as well. I am nervous in front of groups however but much better one-on-one. I love people but I love my alone time.

  26. Wow, so many introverts here. Me too! Sometimes I need a day off after a big party. I really need a day off, it’s overload. The book Quiet, was really important for me. Growing up I was around a lot of high achieving extroverts. I thought that’s what you had to be to be “successful.” So I pushed myself to be extroverted, but that, of course, was forced and seemed fake. The only time I’m truly extroverted is in front of a yoga class, then I turn into a combo drill sergeant/mother of dragons. Perhaps we are writers, because here we can be alone but with others at the same time?

    Anita

  28. HAHAAA yes I get called a ninja a lot. I’m there and then well I’m just not. I don’t always take the time to say I’m leaving because that usually drags me back in when I’ve hit a point where I know I’m ready for my moments alone. I love my friends I love doing new things and I love just me, alone.

  30. Love the term “omnivert.” Here’s what I’ve figured out about me: I used to think I was an extrovert but only because I thought that’s what was valued. It wasn’t until I fully understood what it means to be an introvert that I started identifying more that way. That said, my Myers-Briggs PTI has me ENFP (extrovert) AND I’ve come to find out that ENFPs tend to be the most introverted of the extroverts LOL. But really, I try not to force myself into neat and clean “types.”

  31. i used to think i was an extrovert because i love presenting at conferences, spending time with friends, etc, but now i think i am probably an introvert. i need alone time to recharge, even if it’s just sitting by myself in a quiet room, lol! being around people can be draining after a while. although i think i am probably low on the introvert scale. i know many people that are more introverted than me.

  33. I am definitely an introvert who wishes she was more of an extrovert. I become so nervous around people that I start to actually vomit words that make no sense. Going to the BAM was stepping WAY out of my comfort zone but I am so glad I did…even if I didn’t make it through the whole day. I would not be able to share a room with someone either that’s why I took my husband haha!

  34. Good golly! What a lot of comments! I’m a introvert who is decidedly not shy. Besides the characteristics you and others describe, here’s one more. I process information internally. Extroverts process externally, i.e. talking it out. I contemplate, mull-over, sleep on it. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with a solution.

    Even though you don’t list that attribute. You start your post with “This post has rattled around in my head for a while. It crystallized recently…” Introvert extraordinaire.

  35. After thinking about it, I definitely straddle the line too.

    I tend to read a room before diving in. I feel lonely without people around but too much social and I need to recharge with just my husband (my version of alone time, it’s rare that I’m truly BY MYSELF). My job is CONSTANTLY talking and interacting, so sometimes after work I just don’t want to talk or decide or do anything but veg. I hate talking on the phone. I love going on runs by myself just to think things through or just BE.

    However, my idea of hell is being completely isolated and not around people (I’m a city mouse vs country mouse) and although it sounds lovely sometimes, I don’t think I’d be great at working from home 100% of the time because I’d miss people. I’m a performer by nature even if sometimes it makes me nervous. I like attention (not in a OMG LOOK AT MEEEEEE way, but I will happily get in the center of the circle and dance my turn :D).

    Deep thought Wednesday. Thanks for the great topic!

  36. Great post to read 🙂 love your blog. I think we can all be a mix of both, some leaning more to one side than the others. I feel like I’m more introverted than extroverted – rarely the one who talks in group hangouts, mentally exhausted after a day of personal training or after a party, etc. But love people and talking to them! Maybe you and I are in the same boat? 🙂

  37. I very similar to you. People may see me as an extrovert and in many ways I am, but I am both extro and intro. I self reflect and am an observer. I too am drained by large groups, but love going to parties. It’s confusing… that’s me… confusing. xo

  40. I’m very social. I love being with my friends (preferrably in groups not larger than about 3). I’m also unquestionably an introvert, and if I don’t get that alone time after a Big Social Thing, I go to pieces like a toddler.

    At the same time, I’m a performer, onstage. I’m a professional extrovert. I LOVE what I do and enjoy the social charge that comes with it, but it also wipes me out and I need my rejuvenation time after a big event.

    Introvert /= recluse, and social /= extrovert. I’m a social introvert and a professional extrovert. Makes perfect sense to me.

  41. Oh I am with you! I call myself an extroverted introvert. Most of us aren’t ALL one or the other. You should read the book, Quiet, you’d love it.

  42. Introvert. It’s great to get out and be among people, and then, when i need to recharge, leave me to a “feets up and crossword puzzle” hour.

  43. I think some folks confuse introvert with shy. Walking a catwalk or presenting at a conference doesn’t really have to do with being an introvert.

    I am an introvert for most of the same reasons you sited. I love, love, love my peeps and need some social interaction regularly. But I need quiet time alone to recharge. When in large groups for an extended period, I need a space to excuse myself to so that I can be quiet for a few minutes and then rejoin. Summer vacation with my girls is so fun but now that they are too old to nap, I have to take my own quiet time during the day or things start getting ugly by dinner.

  44. I totally get you on this topic. I am an introvert who sang opera for 10 years. I love being on stage because I can express all these amazing emotions in front of people, but still there’s that invisible fourth wall protecting me. I love the after parties too, but I’m also VERY much looking forward to getting away for some rejuvenating alone time.

  45. I think with each passing year I’ve become more and more introverted. I’m perfectly happy at home in my comfy clothes and try to have a day every week that involves minimal interaction with others (outside of my family). The weeks that isn’t possible I end up completely exhausted!!!

  46. I definitely identify with both introverts and extroverts. I have to present a lot for my day to day job, which i probably couldn’t do as an introvert, though my introvert nerve creeps up with every presentation that i have. but like you, i relish, love and crave alone time. I LOVE hanging out by myself, having lunch alone sometimes. I am really big with reading a room before i jump right in. I study people and feel the energy out. i’m a total omnivert.

  48. I need people. I love people. I recharge by being with people.

    I also need time by myself to recharge.

    I don’t know what I am.

    I live with 2 complete and total introverts (my husband and older son) and a card carrying, over the top extrovert (my younger son). It’s an interesting dynamic.

  50. You make some great points here and examples. I totally relate to this as well. Thanks for sharing. It’s good to hear about other folks with the same situation!

  51. I am an introvert for many of the same reasons you are. I need me time, I need thinking time, and I like taking it all in. Unlike you, I can’t stand to be infront of a group (it terrifies me).

  52. I am most definitely an introvert – and prefer that. I can, however, do extroverted things. When I was a musician, I had to be center stage, so I did that – even though it made me uncomfortable. It’s part of life to do these things that make us uncomfortable.

    I truly enjoy solitude and I also enjoy company. Large events exhaust me. I would much rather have one on one time or small intimate groups – then you can’t shut me up.

  53. I hear ya. Over time I’ve been pushing myself to be more social, but it doesn’t come naturally to me. I can enjoy social occasions and need the company of others sometimes, but usually I end up exhausted emotionally after I’ve been busy doing a lot and need time alone to recharge. After spending a lot of time alone during treatment I’m really pushing myself to be more social again…I’d be happy just being at home most nights now. I’ve come to realize that isn’t a negative thing – it’s just finding a balance between making myself be more social and outgoing and taking the time I need to reboot.

  54. I have to agree with you on this one. I don’t like how people like to put people into the introvert or extrovert box because of reasons x, y, and z.

    Everyone’s different and sometimes we don’t exactly fit into either one 100%. We can be introverted with some extroverted qualities and vice versa!

  59. Wow i was reading this post and i’m feeling that i am just like you! a mixture of introvert and extrovert! “OMNIVERT” love this haha 🙂

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