(Carla note: I adore The Invitation, too.)
Please welcome my writer-friend, Valerie.
And, because writers WRITE, the below was simply her comment about my Happiness Bullying post.
Because it resonated with me Ive asked her to share it here.
I hope it resonates with you as well.
I’ve spent several days pondering this post. Carla always makes me think – some days more than others. Sometimes it’s an immediate, “Yes!”, while others times I may spend days cogitating and letting something resonate before I’m ready to discuss.
This was one of the latter occasions.
It made sense to me right away, but I could feel something simmering at a deeper level, so I took time to think about it before commenting.
Today, I woke up just struggling with a few things, and as I pondered how to “handle” that, this sort of fell into place, and I realized why it resonated with me. It’s this:
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.”
—Oriah Mountain Dreamer, “The Invitation”
There is value in sitting with one’s own pain, one’s own grief, one’s own self-doubt and uncertainty, rather than constantly working to be positive.
I do believe that, especially if you suffer from depression, it’s important not to wallow in constant negativity.
That can become a neverending downward spiral if you let it.
I also have learned that if you are incessantly batting away painful feelings, you’ll miss important things that your soul is trying to tell you.
Sometimes, you’re sad for a reason, and it might not be what you think it is – but you’ll never figure that out if you just try to eliminate that sadness without ever sitting with it and letting it find voice within your heart and mind.
It’s not wallowing, it’s a conscious holding of space for pain because generally, pain has a purpose and you need to know what that is.
Some pain, particularly the pain of losing someone you love, just demands to be felt. Other pain carries a lesson with it. But all pain deserves to be acknowledged and respected, because it’s what you feel and it’s valid and real.
Sometimes it’s really important to do that yourself, and sometimes it’s important to let others do it as well.
Sit with their pain, and your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
Valerie is a mom, a writer, and a paralegal, in that order, who’s decided there’s just no finer thing to be than a woman in her 40s with decades of learning and experience behind and decades of the same in store.
When she’s not working, #wycwycing her fitness, or shepherding daughters through the pitfalls of life, she’s feverishly committing to digital paper the 1001 story ideas clamoring in the lovely chaos of her mind. And she’s navel-gazing. A LOT.