Whats wrong with average?

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The photo which started it all…

The Child and I have been going through old pictures.

Everything from Great Grandparents to Mama back in the olden days.

Pre-child. Pre-marriage.

She discovered a stack from when I was in college and immediately remarked how different I looked.

She couldn’t come up with words to capture precisely how (I think she was too sweet to point out my current wrinkled, unkempt state), but in the way of all kids she marveled at the very thought I had a life long before moving to Guatemala.

rsz_screen_shot_2015-08-21_at_44457_amShe was shocked I’d once cropped/bleached my hair.

She scrutinized photos and asked for stories.

I watched as she began to formulate an image of who I was and what I did before she was in our lives.

As she lingered on a photo from a bodybuilding competition she asked:

Does it make you sad you don’t have muscles like this any more?

To say I could hear the Husband gasp from the other room would be an understatement.

I think he wondered if her honesty (to her it’s all just information) would hurt my feelings?

The thing is, as the saying goes, we can lie to others but we can’t lie to ourselves.

I’m honest with me.

Not having resistance training as a focal point in my life has been a choice and not an accident.

It’s just not a priority right now.

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currently, lately being “just OKAY” is just perfect!

In a world filled with people competing to be the next big thing (or Periscope star)–right now I’m OK being average.

In a world filled with people vying for the spotlight, right now I’m content in the middle of the pack.

I’m happily average and it isn’t about being lazy either.

Here’s why.

Successful doesn’t mean extraordinary.

Realization of that statement was an eyeopener for me.  Ponder it for a moment.  Sure some successful people are quite extraordinary.  Others are merely a confluence of being in the right place at the right time with a dash of luck on top.

I believe I’ve touched and helped a number of people in a variety of small ways.

I’m OK with that level of OKAYness.

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Consistency of effort is OKAY too.

Consistency is not typically lauded as success.  In my world consistency is all the success I need.

Average doesn’t mean I don’t try or I’m not happy.

This last idea is a pivotal one for me.  It’s the cornerstone of my life and of our #wycwyc concept.

I’ve identified my goals. I’ve named my priorities. I work toward living/achieving both each day.  All these together result in a happy me.

And yet I realize we’re all different.  For some not striving each day to be #1 would be less than living fully.

For me happiness is a direct result of *not* striving for perfection. 

My happy emerges when I do what I can each day without becoming all consumed by goal achievement in any arena.

In the end, I simply explained to the Child I didn’t mind my muscles weren’t “big” any more. 

I shared with her my musings on being average in a way a 9 year old could understand.

I’m average. In most realms.  And I’m happy about that.

And you?

  • What are your thoughts on how average has transitioned to mean “less than?”
  • Do you believe average as negative & striving to be #1 is more intense in social media than offline?

 

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Comments

  1. I think in MOST things I strive for average because that is a happy place and basically all I can deal with. Right now I can only strive to be #1 athletically and sometimes I am and most of the time I am not. I think it’s more the training and the journey I am in love with and where most of the effort is expended.
    And YES I think striving to be #1 is way more intense on social media!

  2. NOTHING! And I dont believe anyone is truly average. Everyone has their own unique talents and specialities, and as you have shown, those can change and grow over time. Although I am INCREDIBLY jealous of your ripped-ness now, if this is okay……phew! I will never get to your impressive 😉

  5. I was raised to believe middle of anything wasn’t good enough.
    So it doesn’t make me feel happy when I am there which is really exhausting.

    • I think that is what sparked depression in me for the first half of my life, too.
      I needed to be the best.
      At everything and none of us are the best at all things.

  7. YOU KNOW I AM SO WITH YOU.
    Right now? I am not concerned with being fast. I want to be the best coach I can be, and the best runner where I am right now, which is average/maybe even above average. I love my blog, and I put a lot of time into it, but I would rather be a better friend with an okayer blog. So with you here.

    • oh. see? and now you have me thinking IM SO SO OK WITH BEING THE OAKYEST except when it comes to being a cheerleader/encourager. Then I wanna be the best because that means you are your best and now Im rethinking and pondering. again. which is why I adore the commentversation 🙂

  8. I love the OKAYEST tees, Carla.
    I think it was you where I first heard the idea of it is funny because it is true?
    That’s why I want all the tees LOL

  9. I have come to terms that I will never be “the best” in life. It is not in my nature; wasn’t in school or sports or running or being a mom or anything else for that matter. I was “okayest” in school and got by just fine and I’m content with being “okayest” in life right now too.

  10. I’d not thought about the fact success does not mean extraordinary.
    I know many successful women who are neither happy nor extraordinary.
    Thank you for always making me think.

  12. Most areas of my life–average (in my eyes) is O.K.. Just okay. I’m not thrilled with average, nor is it the season of my discontent. However, I believe it is essential human nature to be truly competitive (even if our fiercest foe is only reflected to us in the mirror) in some aspect of our lives at any given time. It forces us from the quotidian realities of the ambiguous average, and sets upon us challenge and excitement. But my deltoids? Yeah, they’re never going to be anything to which one would pen sonnets. But I am a devoted competitor to myself on my scholarship.

    • And you are someone who really makes life seem effortlessly perfect. AND NOT BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU ENDEAVOR TO DO–but that you are gifted and talented and take the same ole 24 hours we all receive and just make them count and work for you.

  13. I think it’s interesting that people have different standards for themselves and others, and where these come from to begin with. Your “average” might be someone else’s extraordinary in one way and in another area vis versa. I’ve been told I have high standards even when I feel like I’m going for average. I don’t know who’s right or if there’s an answer!

    • OH. Id not pondered that either. The idea you feel you are NOT going for perfection yet it is someone else’s perfection. And now my brain is all…tangled up. Imperfectly 🙂

    • you may have nailed it for me as well. I joke Im Type B—but Im not really joking. It’s great in some situations and not so great in others.

  15. This comes up in our performance reviews. Everyone want to “exceed expectations” but some people “meet expectations” and that’s OK with us, but not with them. We can’t all be above average, unless we live on Lake Wobegon! I am happy being an average runner and an average blogger. I hope I’m an average/ okay mother. I know I’m an above-average attorney. So I’ve got my strengths and weaknesses!

    • LOVE THAT WOBEGON REFERENCE 🙂 and I cannot believe I didnt weave that in as I grew up with it.

  16. I pick and choose – no one can be exceptional in everything. I’m an average housekeeper, good writer, great friend and sister and keep myself in shape. Sometimes I get on FB and have the same thoughts I think many do – everyone else who is a (in my case) travel blogger is way more successful than I am. But then I remember that many of them gave up their homes and rarely see their friends or families so they can travel all of the time. That wouldn’t be worth it for me. Others have been doing travel writing as a career and I just started 3 years ago. So I just remind myself to keep doing well for me, not by the standards of others and it mostly works!

  17. For me it’s not so much striving to be *average* as it is being the best me that I can in this precise moment. Sometimes that means I’m very average indeed! But to me there isn’t ONLY average vs. being #1. I think there’s a lot of in between there.

    I guess it’s about accepting and being happy about where we’re at in life, and making goals for the future.

  18. I love your thoughts on this. It sounds more like you’ve found peace in this – I think it’s impossible to be the best in everything – too many of us. My being the “best” may cause someone else’s “best” to not seem as applaudable to themselves – I wish it weren’t perceived that way. Be the best occasionally at whatever you choose – I think the goal for all is happiness – for oneself and for the happiness you can bring others.

  19. When I first saw your OKAYEST tee shirt I think I liked it because it felt so amazing someone would admit they weren’t the best.
    If more of us admitted then less of us would feel pressured.

  20. I like being number one in races. In other realms of my life I am okay with just being me…and have never actually put a name to it other than just living my life. It’s other people’s perceptions-and most of the time (pretty much all of the time) I don’t care enough about what the other person thinks to even have it on my radar. I am just doing what I have to , to contribute to society and doing what I love to do , to nourish my soul and be a conscious contributor to society…

  21. What a great message. We think of striving for the best as being successful, but learning to love yourself at all stages is so much more important. A real eye opener for me and probably so many more!

  22. I LOVE THIS POST! I LOVE YOU! I love your candid honesty with parenting, fitness, and LIFE. 🙂

    And… to be honest, I have met you and I think you have some STRONG BIG muscles still! (Even if you aren’t as defined as you were when you competed, you are still super strong and buff) <3

    From one okayest mom to the next… this okay blogger (and NOT-so-at-all-periscope-super star) Average is okay with me! 🙂

  23. YES, I just ‘scoped about this last week! I love working with people to grow their blogs and online spaces BUT for me, it’s not about becoming the biggest or the best. I really am happy with small-scale success: having enough clients to pay my bills, even if it means I can’t live in a mansion and drive a luxury car; being a good-enough mom while balancing work and fun.

    I like to nap and read books after work and enjoy weekends off. The hustle stops for me at some point and if that means I’ll never be a multi-millionaire entrepreneur, that’s TOTALLY ok with me!

    • I like to nap and read books after work and enjoy weekends off. YES! during the heyday of Gary V’s “Crush IT!” I used to joke Id never evah crush it! for just that very reason. and Im ok and HAPPY with that 🙂

  24. I’m am so OK with being average and not glorifying the “busy”.
    I like who I am right now. I am content with me being very laid
    back, easy going. I see nothing wrong with being average as long
    as you are Ok with affixing that label to yourself.

  25. Oh my goodness–yes, can we all just be ok with ok? The non-stop striving to “be your best,” in our society (greatly fueled by social media) is just exhausting. At the age of 49, there are SO many areas of my life where I’m just on cruise–and perfectly, totally happy with that. Bottom line to me is that happiness IS success, whether that’s bottom, middle or top rung of the ladder in any area.

  28. As always, this post is like coming up for air. You hit the nail on the head. I’ve never wanted to be “just average” and I think that’s where a lot of my anxiety originates. Thank you for helping me realize that there’s no such thing as “just average” and that average in itself can be a place of happiness and contentment. 🙂

  29. When I was pregnant, people would ask, “Do you want a boy or a girl?”. And I would respond with the canned, “It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s healthy.”

    But that has morphed – now that I have an 18 month old – into accepting, even HOPING for, a “perfectly average” kiddo. Because I see kids who are hungry, or unloved, or disabled, or hurting, and I feel so incredibly LUCKY to have a “perfectly average” kid. Do I wish he was walking, and worry that he’s not? Yes. But he will, because he’s average. Not early, not quite late. Average.

    And I’m so grateful for it.

  30. The entire notion of perfection, success, being the best, whatever you want to call it is such a trap! One sure fire way to suck the life out of yourself is strive for that. Of course, as you say, this doesn’t mean that we completely throw in the towel, but buying into the notion that we need fame or putting a definition on what success is, is a recipe for feverishly chasing ones tail. Love you! xoxo

  31. I recently had a conversation with a friend about this. No one can excel at everything. It’s extraordinary if you can live a life that is, for the most part, happy and productive.

    • and it’s so…interesting how we (the royal) have begun to associate AVERAGE with less than happy.

  32. Success is being who or what makes you happy. 🙂 I’ve always believed that the real goal of this fitness journey is to be capable of doing whatever is you want to do. That comes in all forms, shapes and sizes. Average can make us happy just like being number #1 might make us happy on another day. It’s about where you are right now.

  33. Such excellent points here about the perception of average as much as anything. Like a lot of things I wish I knew in my high-achieving twenties and thirties, it’s enough to finish something you never thought you’d do at all.

    I just really like the way you put these thoughts across. I always do some much needed reflection.

    Thanks!

  34. I find it interesting that everyone is competing with each other and themselves. Just drive a street in Phoenix and you will see everyone chasing each other. The competition is confusion. I don’t mind being average. I only want to be happy and healthy.

  35. I’m okay at being average at a lot of things. But I’m NOT okay with average at the things I know I’m talented at and inspired to excel at. The little voice inside my cranium is not okay with average there. But as for laundry-doing, cooking, parenting, good looks, etc. I’m totally okay with average. This a great post. We need to learn to be okay with our life sometimes and embrace it instead of trying to grasp for every little thing.

  36. LOVE your insight about successful doesn’t mean extraordinary. This really resonated with me, affirming that achieving my personal goals – defined by me – is good enough (and some days these goals might be to just get through the day!). The older I get, the less pressure I feel to live up to others’ expectations — and that, in itself, is a form of success, IMO. Thanks for sharing a great, though-provoking post!

  37. Your posts always make me feel so at ease. I think we all try SO hard to be the best.. runner, lifter, mom, friend, sister, co-worker, daughter.. whatever. But I’m coming to accept that I’m average. And average is pretty awesome.

  38. There was a time in my life where I strived to be “the best”, but I’ve realized it’s more important to be happy with where I am. I’d rather be average and have time to travel and time to spend with my kids than jump back in the rat race and push for more money, more kudos, more power. That doesn’t mean I don’t try to do things to the best of my ability, I just don’t care if my ability is only average.

  40. A fantastic post Carla! I feel I have been average my whole life. Like you – trying & doing my thing. I think it is more all that stuff out there.. social media, TV, mags, all that stuff that makes us feel average is not enough & maybe average is really better than the definition average but all that out there makes us feel less…

    You have done plenty & to me, way above average!

  42. Strive to be the best you can be in the things that are most important. Even if you are average, you are the best you can be, and so it’s enough.

  43. There is no possible comment that could express how awesome I think this post is. There is so much depth and truth in your words. Greatness is all about perspective, and you’ve got it. xoxo

  45. I don’t think average is less than – as long as it doesn’t come from a place of fear. I spent years being average because I was afraid to stand-out.

    With women there is constant pressure to be #1 – the thinnest, the most devoted mom etc. and I do think social media increases this human tendency to compare ourselves. We only put the “good” pictures on Facebook and Instagram.

  46. success does not mean extraordinary. I so agree. Success and average and happiness CAN go hand in hand, if you see the SMALL successes in your every day life. I need that reminder. Like today. Like every day.
    and that hair —> LOVE IT! haha

  47. I think of myself as average because I spent too much of my life thinking I was BELOW AVERAGE in too many things where I was actually ABOVE AVERAGE and then my whole perspective was skewed and now I realize I’m everywhere and anywhere on the success curve depending solely on who/what I choose to use for comparison.

    Consistency is everything. It’s the one thing I’m really good at when it comes to parenting but I’m not consistent with everything all the time in all areas. Thus….AVERAGE.

  48. Right now I am okay with average…maybe as I get older I am happier and more confident with what I am doing and more comfortable in my skin and realizing that I don’t need to be at the top of everything. I am doing what I can when I can and that feels right. And most importantly, I am HAPPY!

  50. This is great, Carla. I think in the last couple years, I’ve learned that “average” is NOT a negative thing. Although once a huge overachiever, I’ve realized that my personality, while tough on myself, is more content making small goals and living a quiet life rather than always climbing. I prefer the background to the spotlight, honestly! But the world certainly needs BOTH types of people.

  53. Nothing wrong with being average at things. Not everyone can be a superstar at everything . While you may be average in one area, guarantee there is another where you excel.

  55. Nothing is wrong with average!! I have been guilty of thinking that average is “less than”, but you got me to stop myself because NOTHING is wrong with average.
    Side note: I love children’s tendencies to say exactly what’s on their mind, without any intention of offending or harming. They just say it! Can we be more like that?

  57. Great post. I must admit that I still want to be above average in my results. When I am not above average in results, I am learning to settle for being above average in effort. Your post has given me something to think about. Thanks again.

  58. It is part of life, having a wrinkled skin. If were not so, we would all be young.

    Let us give thanks, that we got to the age level, showing our skin, our years of life in this world.

    In addition, that it shows a healthy life.

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