Out & proud with the SecretStroller.
Secrets are complicated.
Some were fun (don’t tell Mom, but for her birthday I got her…).
Some were not so (don’t tell Mom and Dad, but I didn’t get that job….).
Some were to spare people’s feelings (don’t tell Sarah you heard he didn’t like her…)
Whatever kind of secret it was—the secret was all mine.
Until marriage and child plopped in the mix.
Suddenly things I’d have identified as “secret” turned into “information” (outside of the gifts, but I’ve always been bad at keeping secrets about gifts).
These “secrets” now involved others and felt as though they required I bring other people into the proverbial loop.
I figured this was fine. I assumed this was marriage. I decided this was sharing your life with another.
Over time I learned this new lack of
filter secret-keeping was a gift.
Ala this quote:
By not holding back from others I DID feel increased connection to all the people in my life.
I didn’t consider secrets again until the the Child started kindergarten.
I remember remarking to a friend:
It’s going to be different. I wont know every single thing she’s done during the day.
My friend informed me this would be great (waitforit) for the Child.
She shared her belief in the fact the “right” secrets, starting as young as six, empower children and help them grow independent in a healthy fashion.
First day of kinder and secrets?
She was right.
In ways I couldn’t have imagined holding those benign, kinder-secrets helped her begin to sprout wings.
Flash forward and secrets have reared their heads again.
Yet I’ve done a 360 and am back to where I previously stood with regards to keeping them:
Secrets isolate. Secrets weigh on us. We are only as sick as our secrets.
the Child & I have a BUBBLE for our secrets.
My daughter is entering the age where she’ll have the opportunity to keep big, ugly secrets from me.
I plan to do all I can to let her know I’m here to hold them with her when she’s ready.
I’m waiting inside the bubble–no judgement, no punishment–should she ask to come inside and share.
Informal Carla research shows those whose default reaction is SECRET!!SECRET!! are a baffling, curious thing (to Carla).
I shared this and immediately received this response:
If you get a cart for your dog please keep it a secret. Who does that??!!
This reaction sparked two things:
First, it triggered my return to Nothing I’m OK & comfortable with will ever be hidden away as secret.
Next and more importantly it crystallized this for me:
Sharing secrets helps build real relationships.
Sharing about silly dog strollers, about life altering opportunities and everything in between.
Sharing secrets—en mass and in private—creates trust and and forges bonds.
I told you secrets are complicated.
At least they are here.
In my head.
- Do you believe we are only as sick (or lonely) as our secrets?
- Have you seen secrets work in connecting, empowering ways?