I’m his person.
I’m in love with the Netflix series: Grace and Frankie.
I s-l-o-w-l-y consume each episode (no binge watching) pausing frequently to rewind/re-hear conversations or phrases.
(I wanna be Frankie. Yam lube and all. But that’s a post for another day.)
If you’ve never watched F&G
the premise is simple: Fonda and Tomlin become unlikely friends after their husbands announce they’ve fallen in love with each other.
It sounds slapstick. It’s most definitely not.
In a recent episode the newlywed husbands become estranged.
One launches a voicemail campaign to get the other back and, in the course of 80 messages, announces:
I need you. You’re my person.
she was his person.
The comment made my eyes go wide (and pause the show. it’s good I watch alone).
I’d made the remark to a friend recently along the lines of She’s not my person and my friend laughed and responded You sound like the dog memes on the internet.
You’re my person.
She was right. I had seen the phrase used more often with canines than people and yet, when Saul directed it toward Robert, it resonated deeply with me. Again.
I knew what Saul meant.
I knew how hard it was to find your person and how, when you did, you clung (pestered with relentless apologetic voice-mails) and didn’t let go.
She’s not my person.
Later that day, post friend-convo and G&F viewing, I returned home to an exuberant You’re my person!! greeting from the Doodle.
It wasn’t the first time I was jealous of my dog and, as his tail wagged vigorously, I considered how easy it is to identify your person when you’re an animal.
I love him. I feed him. I play with him. I walk him. I feed him. I’m his person.
Everything feels more challenging when you’re a grown-up human.
she was my person.
The signs are there, but we need to search for them and (if you’re anything like I am) be cognizant of what we’re looking for.
Your person wont necessarily be a romantic partner or even someone your same age.
The crucial element in identifying one’s person? An almost overwhelming sense the relationship’s connection and commitment defy definition.
• She intuitively knows when something is wrong…and when not to ask about it. She knows when you require time to process versus when you need to download everything STAT. When your person gives you space it never hurts your feelings. You’re aware it’s a choice on their part. You know when you decide you’re ready your person is there waiting to listen.
• Things aren’t official until she knows. It can feel as though there’s an interminable gap between when something good (or excruciatingly painful) happens and we can share it with our person. To our minds the event hasn’t really occurred until she knows, she’s shared in our joy/sadness, she’s had a chance to weigh in and add perspective.
• She’s are unflaggingly honest in the most kind of ways. Your person doesn’t believe in white lies so as not to hurt feelings. That said, you’re a team. She always presents a united front in public and calls you lovingly on your bullshit in private. She’s candid (whether you seek it or not) and won’t let you lie to yourself, either. She loves you enough to invest the time honesty often entails.
• You’re never lonely when with her. I valiantly resist the word never, but with this I know never to be true. It doesn’t mean your person always “gets you” immediately or understands you completely, but interaction with your person never results in an alone in a crowd feeling. Whether chatting or silent there’s always connection.
• You have a language. It’s a love language, a language of encouragement with a slathering of inappropriate (just me?) on top. It’s a language born from history, shared experiences and there-from-birth commonalities.
As I wrote this and reflected on life in general, I started to wonder if social media has begun to replace the concept of having a person for some of us?
I frequently see people joke: Did it really happen if it’s not shared on multiple social media platforms?
I watch as we (the royal) wait seek feedback/support from places like Facebook and mused if social media as a whole has replaced a singular “person” for many?
I concluded, at least right now, I require more connection than social media provides. It wouldn’t be enough.
- Do you have “a person?” Or multiple people you look to for support depending on your need?
- Do you think social media is replacing the idea of a soulmate friend or person?