How do you make introductions?

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Meet Sam. She’s tremendously loyal and loves fiercely.

15 years ago, after living in Austin for only a few weeks, I was invited to join a women’s group.

It was all serendipity.

I befriended a stranger in the craft store checkout line (perhaps it was fate. I never go to craft stores.) and, as we chatted, she invited me to join the group.

I thrilled to be included and eager to make friends create connection in my new city.

Over the intervening week, however, I grew obsessed with regards to how to introduce myself.

I was a Carla in transition.

I wasn’t currently doing anything (except panicking about my intro).

As the first meeting began one of the women pulled out a copy of the poem The Invitation.

She shared how special it was to her and wondered if she might read it aloud.

After listening to her read we unanimously decided to skip the introductions and move straight to the heart of why we’d gathered:

Searching for and working toward our passions.

No introductions were necessary. What we currently did for work, where we lived etc rendered unimportant by Oriah Mountain Dreamer‘s words.

I found the entire poem thought provoking yet one line particularly resonated with me given my apprehension before the meeting:

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.

15 years later those lines remain in my head each time I introduce myself and as I listen to how others choose to introduce themselves to me.

I share with people what lights me up inside. I want to hear from them what fills their heart with joy & gives them peace. I care not what they do which pays the bills.

It was with that in mind I started my daily except when not shout outs on Facebook.

I considered how many people may *not* realize how much I appreciate them.

I thought about how I wanted to “introduce” these people to others and shout out to precisely how wonderful they are.

In the same way I’d have chosen to introduce them at a party:

Not by what they did for work, but who they were which made them absolutely, positively unique.

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Meet my friend, Charlie. She’s fucken amazing.

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.

My Facebook-fun is kind of the obituary exercise tweaked to be less morbid.

I strive to remind my friends of how I perceive them and “introduce” them to others that way.

In sharing why I adore/admire these people I’d not mind if I we started a revolution of sorts.

If we we able to shift how we introduce ourselves to others and how we share our friends with the rest of the room.

I want to know what you ache for.

In that vein I ask you:

  • How would you introduce your BFF to others?
  • How would you want a BFF to introduce you?

 

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Comments

  3. I would say my BFF lives fearlessly.
    I don’t even know how I would want to be introduced!!
    I need to think about this.

  4. It’s funny because a few times lately, while in a new group, a woman has said to me “oh you’re that runner!!!” and I’m like “um, ok yes I am a runner!” But of course I’m smiling SO BIG because that is what I love to do and I love being recognized as “that runner!”

    LOVE the shout outs on FB and that should definitely be a thing.

  5. I am me, not what I do for a living. Thankfully, what I do now is more closely aligned with my passions, etc, but there are so many facets to my personality. I feel the same way about my friends.

  6. I would want to be introduced as someone who gives more than she takes.
    I hope I am that woman to others. I try to be.

  7. I love this! It speaks to the essence of our being. If only…
    Tweeted this to share…I hope others are as moved as I am.

  8. After quitting my high ranking corporate America job, I suffered with trying to figure out who I was when people asked. I didn’t realize how much of my identity was tied into what I do. Thankfully I’ve been able to easily let go of that. Probably because I love what I do now so much more even though sometimes I’m not sure what that is.

    • LOVE THIS COMMENT SO MUCH. Your heart aches for what you do now…even if sometimes you cant define that. <3

  9. It was always hard for me to introduce myself to people when I had a job I didn’t like or I didnt think was good enough. It’s like I KNEW that what I did didn’t define me, but I still had a hard time during that period owning who I was as a person. Great post and always something important to remember!

  10. So much orbits around “what we do is what we are” maybe it’s time to take a step sideways and define ourselves by what we love (if that’s also what we do then – great!) I’d rather be known for my qualities as a friend or a wife or a mum or whatever – great post as usual Carla x

  11. My BFF from high school is ballsy and fucken awesome and deserves to be introduced that way. I love her to pieces. She is, like you, unapologetically herself. Actually, I seem to be attracted to “zany” people and that’s how I introduce them. Or people who are fiercely loyal friends.

    I never thought about it, but when I meet people I tell them I’m a runner. Sometimes I tell them I am a nurse practitioner. Does any of that matter?

    • And it only all matters if it matters to YOU…and isn’t just a reflex way of defining who you are.

  14. My friend DiDreaming is easy to introduce. She is a survivor (of inflamatory breast cancer no less!) and can do almost anything. In fact, if she sets her mind to it, it will get done.

    Introducing me is the big problem.

    • And it shouldnt be 🙂 You are multifaceted, generous, spiritual, tenacious, and a fabulous talented writer.

  16. I have a new-ish friend that introduces me as a “big deal” and “completely famous” which like makes this brown girl blush in every way possible. As I am making a huge transition in a few weeks, I am going to have to introduce myself as a blogger and business owner (!) It’s seriously scary to even type. 🙂

  17. This is so beautiful. Having met you recently, myself, I think you would be an HONOR to introduce. And coincidently, Oriah is one of my blog readers and a very dear FB friend whose comments you will see from time to time on my blog or FB. I go back with The Invitation to, well the, beginning. It always spoke to me. I love this post. I adore YOU!

  18. Fun exercise. Meet my husband Zliten, who is passionate, hilarious, silly, a big dreamer, unpredictable, and would give someone the shirt off his back even if that meant he was naked. He lives for the ocean and would rather be riding his bike, most likely.

    For me… it’s definitely a little hard if you take out the “I work in video games (yes, it is cool, no we don’t just get to play games all day). I like to train for triathlons (yes, that’s swimming biking AND running without a break, no there’s nowhere to change in the middle of most races). I guess I’d start with….the water is my happy place. One of my goals in life is to take such beautiful pictures scuba diving it would make more people get over the fear of doing it. If I don’t get my dose of vitamin D, I’m not me lately. I am relentlessly persistent if the inner fire is properly stoked. If I don’t vacation at least a few times a year, I get sad and burnt out, and I wish I could be a little more of a nomad than I am afforded right now.

  19. I have often introduced my BFF as “This is Rob Lo (no not THAT Rob Lowe, it’s spelled differently). We’ve known each other since the 6th grade and he knows where all the bodies are buried. He helped me bury some of them so don’t let him hear you’ve crossed me because he’s always got my back.” It’s a joke, goes over great at cocktail parties. But to borrow a phrase, it’s more Truth Said In Jest.

    My friend Jill is simply the Best Person That I Know.

    Any my friend Heather, “she used to be my husband’s best friend, but I borrowed her and never gave her back. She is The Calm in ANY Sea of Chaos.”

  20. This one is hard for me because I am pretty invested in what I do for a living. I don’t ache for it when I’m off the clock but I do care about it.

    • That comment is so interesting because I DONT immediately of your workwork when I think of you. I do think of it–but I first think FRIEND, CHRISTIAN, ENCOURAGER, RUNNER, KIND KIND KIND, amazing mother, STRONG WOMAN….then day job 🙂

  22. CARLA!!!!! GDang IT! I’ve had wine, and now I’m WEEPING!
    How many times have you encouraged me when I was at my wits end? How many times did you LOVE MY SOUL when I was so broken I couldn’t breathe?
    Sigh. I can’t even begin to thank you for all that you are to me.
    (Weeps more. But joyfully and thankfully)

  23. We do tend to introduce others by what they do for a living, but it’s totally not who we are! I’ll have to practice my introductions of people. Reading your posts are always a joy, always insightful!

  24. Oh Carla, I do love this. This is one of the reasons I adore my little trail running family. Out there the trails are a great equalizer, there’s hardly ever discussion of politics or religion or work or the things that make each other quick to “judge” based on what we think we know. Instead we discuss our hopes and dreams and goals, even with complete strangers. We run to get away from the day to day responsibilities and realities, and as a result, we really break down those social barriers and truly get to know each other. It is magical <3

  25. When I was a new mom, staying home with my daughter, someone asked me what I did and when I told her SAHM, I got the “that’s ALL you do?? There are nannies for that” I hate to say it but I felt like “less” and cringed whenever intros needed to be made because I felt like I’d be judged. I SO love your approach.

  26. So freakin awesome! Joining in the cry-fest — now who is the one you met in the Craft Store — charlie or sam or another? Cracking me up, I can just envision at the check out . . . ummh, errr, nice choice in bedazzling rhinestones and glitter glue there . . .whatcha making?!

  27. You are a MASTER at this. And I’m soooooooo eternally thankful to have been there on that fateful day you strode across the parking lot leading with your incredibly toned belly and I looked out the window and thought, “Dang, I wish I was meeting her for lunch,”….and then you sat down at our table and it was ON. I have loved you ever since.

  28. I just like to be introduced by my first name. As for others, I feel the same. If someone wants to tell me things about themselves, I am more than happy to listen, but it’s been amazing how over the years, many people like how I’m not intrusive about “who” they are. I have some neighbors who begin most questions with, “I hope you don’t mine my asking.” If you need to say that, don’t ask the question 🙂

  29. Interesting to think about. I don’t kn ow at all what I would say about myself.

  30. I had a teacher in high school that had The Invitation on a poster. I remember reading it for the first time, and the impact it had on my very awkward, out-of-place 15 year old self. Still one of my favorites today.

    And now a funny intro story… in college I had an amazing, gregarious roommate named Bonnie. Bonnie would drag me out to all of her guy friends’ parties… and introduce me (loudly) as follows: “This is Laura. She’s a lesbian.” Like… don’t fuck with her. I died laughing every time.

  31. Many yeses to this! I don’t know that I can fully articulate an answer to your excellent questions right now. I do feel …. **ODD** …. over the last 2 years when I introduce myself, because I always state that in addition to my work with Weaving Influence, I am the primary caregiver for my FIL. When I said that at a NASA Social with all those smarty-pants people, I wondered “does that make them think less of me”? When I said that to a Mastermind group that had already vetted me (two members) after “meeting” with the whole group, I got an email within a few hours that they were not in unanimous support of me and see you later ….. it may NOT have been about the caregiving but when one of the hard-driving sales guys said, “YOU MEAN YOU DO YOUR WORK WITH HIM SITTING FIVE FEET AWAY?” I said yes. A world that doesn’t comprehend the degree to which we have to sacrifice to take care of one another is a pretty weird world indeed, IMO.

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