The space between effort and ease.

by

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Back in the olden days I was an avid climber.

Indoor walls. Outdoor bouldering. Indoor bouldering. Outdoor top-roping.

Oh, and also? I was a terrible climber.

I fared better indoors than out, but really that isn’t saying much.

At rock gyms I tried to muscle up the wall.

I attempted to force my way to the top.

I never stopped to read the wall before I began.

I never paused to map out a plan or path in my mind.

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Outdoors I did pretty much the same thing.

Brute force. All out exertion & muscle.

I tired quickly. I made poor hand/foot hold choices.

I had potential to be better (or so I still like to believe).

I never got out of my own way.

During my recent return to yoga I unknowingly followed the same damn pattern.

I was decades older.

I’d gained enough wisdom to know to check my ego at the door.

When only the “with weights” class fit my schedule I consciously chose to do class sans-weights.

I knew my current baggage limitations provided resistance enough.

Mantra Yoga Austin

And yet, I hadn’t learned.

The lesson I’d thought climbing taught me years prior (read the wall! read the wall! the boyfriend would shout) went forgotten.

In class I worked too hard.

I struggled with balance poses.

I fought them.

I forced myself to find a drishti and try again and again and again.

I wobbled. I fell. I wouldn’t give in.

Not in a resilient way. Not in a good way.

This was my approach until an instructor stopped me as I left her class and said:

You need to find the space between effort and ease.

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Intellectually I knew what she meant.

Bio-mechanically I couldn’t find my way to making my body listen.

And so I stopped.

Completely.

I didn’t warrior or tree—I watched.

I observed classmates who were precisely as I was: trying & forcing.

I witnessed others who slid effortlessly into poses, breathed through them, and held without visible struggle.

Focus on your breath. Anything else you achieve is icing on the cake.

A perfect ending to this post would be to say Ive found (my breath and) my space and reside in the bubble between effort and ease.

I have not.

What I have learned, however, is to relax into sensations regardless of the pleasure or discomfort they offer.

To not muscle my way through/use strengths I already possess (literal or metaphorical) as I only succeed in making those stronger and allowing my weaknesses to wither further.

To loosen my grip enough I still move forward (without brute force) and yet am at ease enough to be fluid and, if need be, adjust my course.

I’m not there yet. I’m not certain we ever permanently are.

As with fitness, marriage, motherhood and the rest of life I imagine it’s something we must recommit to each morning and love ourselves through not quite getting there each night.

And you?

  • Have you succeeded (even fleetingly) in finding the space between effort and ease?

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Comments

  1. I enjoy effort in most areas of physical fitness. With yoga, though, I am better at being where I am without trying to push further, although I am willing to see what my body will do today. Will my tree be strong and toll or will it wobble like it’s in a hurricane?

  2. “the space between effort and ease” what a fantastic way to put it. Yes, I know exactly what you are talking about! I’ve found that space in the running world. It took me many years, but I know that space. But yoga? I struggle through that like an awkward giraffe. I long to “flow” and have the grit and strength yoga requires. But I’m like you, I try to force my way through it. One day, one day…

  4. The space between effort and ease – I love that because it describes everything in life. For the most part, I feel like I have that in yoga. But there are days when I struggle. I struggle for balance, concentration and being present. Those days are a kick in the butt to remember not to force it.

  5. Always trying to find that space and, some days I do and some I don’t. It’s funny you’re talking about climbing since I just did an indoor class with my family. The instructor said women are usually better climbers than men because they DO read the wall and know that it’s a puzzle to figure out with your mind and not your body. So interesting.

  6. Love that phrase! I’d call that space “flow”. Some days I do it, others I don’t. There’s been lots of forcing here lately. Love that first pic of you!

  8. Oh Carla, what a great message: to feel and experience a moment and let it move on rather than running it off, wrestling with it. As often happens with your posts, I found real value in this because it’s been a summer of changes and I’ve fought with more than a few moments.

    You mention that it might never be one place that we reach, or stay. I believe that, But being mindful that there is such a place sets us up to enjoy the stay when we get there, I think.

  13. I can get competitive and yoga class.
    If the woman next to me on the mat is able to do a full bridge then I want to be able to do one, too.
    I’m not proud to say I’ve injured myself this way more than once.

  19. One of my yoga teachers once told our class that we have to “check our ego at the door”. That is especially true with balance poses. You’re right, you can’t force them. I think I’ve learned more about myself through those poses than through anything else. And yes, just breathe.

  20. I feel like I hit that a little bit in certain areas of my life this week, but only fleetingly. I still feel like I’m trying to muscle through life in a lot of ways.

  21. ok yes, I think I get what she’s saying, but its also that tenacity, that brute force that says, “I’m here and I’m not giving up!” that I love about you…and I love that about me as well. I don’t know if its ego….I think its an unwillingness to fail. Its the sheer will to live and to keep trying and to not give up. Its the small train going up the hill “I think I can, I think I can” even if its not easy. I love that, because sometimes stuff isn’t easy. And it may be years before it becomes easy…but to not give up even until you get there, that’s awesome. 🙂

    • I went back and read some of the comments and maybe I understand better what you meant. I’ve been working out at 5am taking a crossfit style/bootcamp style class. After a series of things, we had to take a lap around the building. There was about 25 people there. I finished my stuff and was the 3rd person to leave for my lap. And I’m such a slow runner. I was the last one to come back. As people passed me up, I kept talking to myself. “Its ok. You’re slow, that’s ok. Someone has to be first, someone has to be last. Its ok, at least you are here.” It was a little demoralizing, but then I thought, that’s ok. I’m here. I’m here and its ok. It didn’t feel easy to do any of it, but I knew I went as fast as I could go and that’s all I had. I can never be disappointed, if I give it all I have. (Thank you for always making me think.)

  22. Carla, One of the reasons I keep my eyes closed in yoga poses is I feel — rather than see –how I’m doing. I can never touch the floor with my fingers when I do a forward bend, but if I close my eyes I can feel the muscles working in their own way. Self-judgment be gone. Thanks for the reminder.

Trackbacks

  2. […] Tools Women Get Wrong via Corrine Dobbas 5 Things on Body Shaming  via Food, Pleasure, and Health Finding the Balance Between Effort and Ease via Carla Birnberg How to Survive a Diet Obsessed World via Avocado a Day Sorry, Not Sorry: […]

  3. […] Tools Women Get Wrong via Corrine Dobbas 5 Things on Body Shaming  via Food, Pleasure, and Health Finding the Balance Between Effort and Ease via Carla Birnberg How to Survive a Diet Obsessed World via Avocado a Day Sorry, Not Sorry: […]

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