quick! what do YOU think when you see this woman?
We’ve talked about the fact I’m working not to be judgmental.
I’ve not walked miles in any shoes save my own and, while I may think I know how other people’s foot coverings feel, I have no idea.
For me, however, it all returns to semantics.
Judging is different from intuitive living.
Passing judgement is not equivalent to trusting our guts and heeding feedback they provide.
Being judgemental with regards to other people’s actions/lives isn’t the same, in my experience, as making snap judgements about those around us.
Judging reveals more truths about us than the other person or people..
When framed in the gut-tapping way, I’m all in *favor* of the snap judgements.
Here’s why.
Once upon a time the Child would assemble outfits based on instinct:
(yep– compression-sleeves.)
She’d dress her bod in what “felt right” (<—there’s that “gut” & intuitive living) and carry on with her day never giving her attire another thought.
One of my fave phases was when she’d top off each outfit with pink weight lifting gloves which she called her finger-puffs (?).
(sadly no puff pics can be found)
Another fave Tornado period was when she’d wake, spontaneously tattoo her face, inexplicably seeming to intuit Mike Tyson’ing herself was that day’s way to go:
Or the mornings when she’d snag her pink gloves (I still haven’t discovered mine), yank ’em on and proceed about her daily duties.
I never gave these sartorial selections much thought.
I, too, instinctively know what “feels good” to wear on any given day and respected her decisions.
As long as it wasn’t inappropriate, I let her wear whatever she’d chosen.
(I’d help, too, if asked.)
One morning, as she readied to board the school bus “finger puffs” firmly in place, the Husband called her back, hugged her, slipped off said ‘puffs and set her on her way.
In response to my quizzical look he explained:
People judge. As parents our job is to save her from herself.
I found this line of thought intriguing as it had never occurred to me until he shared it.
Sure, he was right. People could make snap judgements about how she looked and what she wore.
Perhaps, he was right. Kids might make snap judgements (At 40+ I may have forgotten how unkind kids can be?).
I realized in that moment, however, as a misfit who lives intuitively I spend my days making snap judgements and relying on them for information.
The difference was (here’s that nuance again) I frame it as going with my gut and assume others amble through life going with theirs.
People see my attire and make the snap judgement I workout all day.
Obviously I do not, but I do strive to fit-in-fitness and #wycwyc while I work—so their snaps aren’t entirely wrong.
workout wear = my WORK WEAR!
People judge my book by its CrAzY inked-up cover and make snap-assumptions about me, too.
And you know what? I’ll surrender much of the time their snaps are spot-on.
And, on occasions they’re not, the snap judgements are a direct result of the way Ive chosen to dress/present myself/am choosing to carry my exterior.
These initial impressions color (tattoo pun intended) how we connect with those around us from first sight forward.
And all of this happens in a SNAP.
Now you.
What do you think?
- When you’re honest with yourself–do you make snap judgements about others?
- Do you view these snaps as negative or as merely going with your gut?
Allie says
June 14, 2017 at 4:40 amI absolutely make snap judgements about others but, like you said, sometimes it’s helpful and not cruel. People ALWAYS make snap judgements about me and relate my body to me being a bitch while they’re at it. So, obviously they are wrong and I find myself trying to overly compensate when my Spidey senses pick it up 🙂
As for the husband and child with the puffs? My husband does that with the boys and I cannot stand it. I want them to be who they are and wear it all over themselves….but yes, I also get the protection.
So much to think about here…thank you!
Bea says
June 14, 2017 at 5:00 amI’m really strict with my twins.
They have a clear list of what they are allowed to wear and what they are not. When they were younger this list was written out, but now it’s just something we talked about constantly. People do judge and they need to learn this at a young age.
Susie @ Suzlyfe says
June 14, 2017 at 6:44 amI definitely make snap judgments. our brains are hardwired to. But I reaaaally do it as a server. I have to figure out how I am going to interact with someone, what our interaction is going to be like, etc all in a split second. I try to approach everyone the same way, but I will admit, I know patterns (particularly when it comes to tipping!) and though I never give anyone less than an A+ performance, I will admit to preconceptions about how the relationship will turn out.
Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home says
June 14, 2017 at 7:13 amI was thinking about this recently–I am judgmental and at times, I’m not happy about it. But I really believe it’s part of my job–it’s not that I have to judge people to be good at it, but when I’m evaluating a patient, I have to look at them and assess what’s really going on. Sometimes I have parents telling me a story about their child’s illness and it doesn’t fit what I’m seeing. Other times it’s a teenager telling me he can’t sleep, but he’s all twitchy and failing school. I look at the way he dresses, his hair, etc. Drugs? Or something else? It’s a fine line and I don’t know how not to judge sometimes.
Andrea Bates says
June 14, 2017 at 8:55 amAs always, you make such important points.
I worry less about the snap judgements. I worry more about how my child feels and what makes her feel good.
But yes, there are judgements and they do sting now and then. For the kids. For us. All of it. But you’re saying as much and you know we do them, too. I am simply commenting in solidarity. xo
Leanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au says
June 14, 2017 at 9:23 amIt’s human nature to make snap judgements – I used to worry about it more when I was younger (and your husband was right about kids and their judgements!) Now I just do my thing and hope it doesn’t get in anyone’s face too much – and I also really like it when the original judgement I made about someone gets completely turned on its head 🙂
Shari Broder says
June 14, 2017 at 10:11 amSo spot on. I think making spot judgments is part of our survival mechanism, but it’s what we do with them that matters. Plus those judgments we make really ARE about us and not the other person, and it’s good to remember that. You did make me fondly recall when my now-27 year old daughter used to wear three skirts at once. She layered two where skirts are often worn, and put one on her head as her “long hair.” My 19 y.o. is experimenting with looking crazy artsy. More power to her. Those people who are judging her harshly aren’t her peeps anyway.
Diane says
June 14, 2017 at 10:34 amOur middle son dresses in black, is tattooed, pierced, goat-bearded and head shaved. Yet he is the kindest, sweetest person I’ve ever met, whose specialty is working with special needs children and adults. He worked for years with children in our area, then moved to another province. Now he can’t seem to find a job. When I’ve tried to (gently) suggest that his looks may make a potential employer pause he always comes back with , “They have to accept me the way I am!” I see his point. I do. He shouldn’t have to change himself. But I see their point, too. His looks are all they have to go on. These ‘snap’ decisions are all we have until they give us more. Sometimes we are totally justified in those first impressions. Sometimes not. But we all make them. We have to make them.
messymimi says
June 14, 2017 at 12:12 pmOur brains come out with snap judgments before we can stop them. The trick is to grab and hold them, knowing how fast they came, and check them against further information before making a decision.
Paula Kiger says
June 14, 2017 at 9:12 pmI have to admit, Carla, my brain is a little fried from all the dying and all going on in our house (just keeping it real!) but yes oh yes — so much here, so deep. Thanks for showing us your (and her) hearts. <3
Elle says
June 19, 2017 at 11:48 amI do find myself making snap judgments and often I am happily surprised that they are WRONG!
TriGirl says
June 20, 2017 at 3:34 pmI think we all make snap judgments *and* I think that we are judged for doing so; which is unreasonable because we all do it (is that judgmental?) Our society works so hard to tamp down intuition, which is there to keep us safe and make choices that will also reward us. Of course, our experiences and what we’ve been taught can colour our intuition, so that does need to be taken into account because not every dog is going to bite you (or conversely lick you).
So, in conclusion: snap judgments=natural. Then take a moment to decide where that judgment came from and go from there.