Years ago I shared on social media what I’d found to be a powerful quote:
If it doesn’t open it’s not your door.
I stumbled upon the line somewhere (Google didn’t help with origin) and the first time I read it my jaw dropped. Literally as the kids say these days and, in this instance, the word literally for once applies.
The eight words strung together stunned me.
Until that sentence I’d presupposed every door, to duck inside the bubble for a moment, was my f*cking door.
Others consumed time finagling key in lock and even more to release.
And still other openings demanded I did that hip-slam-thing to swing them free.
Movement normally reserved for inside the house when hands are full/drawer needs to be closed, but far more violent and hard.
Yet, no matter the work or creativity involved, I’d successfully opened each ‘life-door’ I’d encountered.
I prided myself on the fact I forced situations to change if they weren’t initially as I desired and, through repeated attempts, produced outcomes to which I aspired.
Or so I’d thought.
Now, with the benefit of hindsight, I see I shifted situations and navigated entryways short-term.
This lack of sustainable success didn’t indicate failure, but it also didn’t mean progress.
A glimpse into the fact if too much force or crazyeffort is required to force or keep something open it may not be the doorway I’m meant to walk through.
It may be, even simply short term, a bigger victory to acknowledge that fact and surrender.
Growth could come from leaning against experiences we believe we’re to have, but unless we possess tools and traits required nothing will shift.
We may see minuscule movements/indications we’re ‘almost there’ (and choose to hope momentum will come), but unless we possess the proper key it will never be our door.
(I know, right? That’s why it took years for me to ‘suddenly’ have all this make sense.)
I now harness the power of this idea to remind The Child it’s OK to seek a wide variety of experiences.
I encourage her to try all the doors in order to discover which ones work and which wont budge.
If she’s not happy with her friend-group I remind her sometimes things ‘swing open’ and still aren’t meant for us long-term.
I’ve witnessed how this notion applies to relationships, work, personal style, and overall life-circumstances.
Here, these days, it’s concurrently literal and metaphorical.
I’m backing away from all the doors and settling into the uncomfortable space between what was and what will be.
Metaphorically I’ve invested years (in everything from friendships to employment) forcing open entryways which opened fleetingly or not at all and it’s time for a new approach.
In the literal sense I’m moving and choosing condo-life doors for the first time in a while.
If you asked me today I’d say I’m involved but not committed.
I think the door opens. It’s shifted already.
And still it remains to be seen if its a long-term result I’ll choose to live with.
For today and for right now it’s begun to swing open and I believe it to be my door.
- Do you believe if it doesn’t open it’s not your door?
- Do you contend with tenacity/perseverance we can make opportunity a fit?