Hey Miz, I know I’ve seen this same question in your comments before but I dont remember your answering it. Forgive me if I’m repeating stuff. Here is my problem (and I think it’s a common one): my husband wont work out. He wont take care of himself healthwise at all. He makes poor food choices and whines to me and then gets mad when I try to encourage or help him. Besides leading by example (which I know you talk about and I am doing!) do you have any ideas for me?I find that I am growing angry with him which I know isn’t healthy for either of us.
The emailer is indeed correct: this is a comment I receive often as well as an email I get frequently. The person is often different (husband, wife, partner, mother, friend, child etc.) but the scenario is the same: how to encourage someone to get healthy/be healthier when they seem to both ask for your help/grow angry when you offer it.
The emailer is also correct that my go to response is to encourage people to lead by example. To exercise regularly themselves. To eat healthy foods and treats in moderation. That type of thing.
The hard part here is that her husband seems to *want* to be encouraged (which is a step in the healthy direction!) & yet grows irritated when she tries to make suggestions.
My only thought here, emailer, is that your language of encouragement is not the same as his.
The notion of what one woman might hear as thoughtful encouragement another woman might interpret as practically criticism.
I encourage you to ask your husband what his language of encouragement is.
Choose a time when weight/weightloss/eating healthy foods isnt remotely a topic (preferably out of the house but outside of the kitchen for sure) & gently ask him what he needs from you.
Let him know that you hear him asking you for help, that you know how you like to be encouraged (perhaps give examples of what works & doesnt work for you), and ask how you may best help him achieve his goal?
(use the words HIS GOAL so he realizes that this is not something you want for him/are trying to push him to achieve.)
Ask him to list specifics with regards to what he needs support-wise?
Inquire if he wants to brainstorm together for healthy ideas or if he just wants you to listen?
Convey, in the manner you think will best be heard by him, that you need his language of encouragement or you will fall back upon using your language which may not be what resonates with him.
Thoughts, oh wise Bumbling Band? I know many of you have experienced this same thing.
What did you do to help your ‘person’ & to not grow frustrated in the process?
Wanna share *your*language of encouragement?
please to hit us up in the comments (I’ll join you there as you KNOW I have more thoughts on the subject…)
Speaking of laughter being the best medicine (ahhh, you love me for my segues, People. Dont deny it.)
Please to sit back & enjoy the video below.
Something I could not resist requesting he share with the Bumbling Band.