Fat Daddy Rants (guest post).

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It’s all too infrequently (hinthint) that we get the male perspective at MizFit. I was THRILLED when Fat Daddy agreed to share his wizdom up in herre.

Please to enjoy.

Being Fat and Fighting Fat…The Loneliest War

The Fat Daddy is a veteran of many diets.  Since my first attempt to lose unwanted pounds (roughly 1986) I have been on just about every fad diet that has ever been invented.  From the truly insane (The Master Cleanser) to the mainstream (Lean Cuisine).  I have covered the spectrum.  Two things I have learned from all this dieting.

First, if you stay on any of these diets, you will lose weight.  The key to any of them is just staying on them. (no shit, Fat Daddy, is that the best you have to say?)

The second thing I have learned is just how lonely dieting is.  Now to be honest, it’s my own damn fault.  Like paying a credit card I have run up from too many trips to Vegas or the strip bars,  It seemed like fun at the time, but now I am making minimum payments and the progress seems excruciatingly slow.

And while it was quite the party getting fat…it has been awfully lonely at times being fat.  Unable to fit on rides at amusement parks, unwilling to showcase my big ass at swimming pools,  physically unable to play sports with kids and friends.  Sentenced to shopping at “Omar the Tent Maker’s Store” (otherwise known as the big and tall).  At one time struggling to get dates, let alone girlfriends.

Being fat makes you feel isolated…from life.

Then you decide to do something about it.  And if you’re like me, the first month or so flies by.  The weight falls off, and after a week or two the belly stops rumbling as much.  And that is about the time I come up for my first breath and realize that I am pretty much on my own.

If you’re like me, you are the fattest person you know.  The rest of my world may be trying to lose ten or twenty pounds, but they’re not where I am, and they don’t want or need to be as dedicated.

How many times having I just wanted to slap the shit out of someone who just dropped 15 pounds and explains it as follows, “yeah, I just quit drinking beer and the weight just fell off.”

That’s how it is when you need to drop ten maybe…but when you have to lose 175 pounds, you have to give your whole self to the quest, and that is when it gets lonely.

That is when I have learned to dread family functions and holidays – too much temptations.  I stopped having lunch with my workmates, and instead walk in the park at lunch.  I quit laying in bed watching TV at night, and instead ride my stationary bike.

I am pretty much a diet Nazi, and no one else in my life is quite as committed.  Now I don’t mean to suggest that anyone is sabotaging me.  They just don’t understand why I don’t want to order pizza on Fridays anymore.  Or why I insist that we stop buying snacks, and fill the fridge with fruit instead.

They don’t get why I get so pissed if life’s events cost me a walk or bike ride.  Or why I have to be so “hard core”.  I’ve had family and friends tell me when they are trying to get me to go out to a restaurant, “if you keep going this Nazi, you will burn yourself out.”

But my problem is, I just cannot lose weight and flirt with temptation at the same time.  I don’t have the will power to have just one beer, or have just a small handful of chips, or just a few bites of an appetizer at Appleby’s etc.  For me it’s like waving the booze under the nose of the alcoholic.

So for the most part, I keep myself isolated from temptation…and it gets damn lonely.

But like all good parties, fat fest ended for me on May 5, 2009 when I kicked off this diet.  Now it’s time to clean up the mess that I have been piling up for 27 years.

What feels different…what has made things bearable this time for me has been meeting a group of people isolated in the same fashion.  Floggers (fat bloggers) all sharing and supporting each other from thousands of miles away from each other.  Many times it is only these folks who know exactly how I feel, or where I have been, or where I am going.

It is the one thing that gives me hope that this time it might actually be different.  They give me…hope.

The Fat Daddy is a 42 year old, married, father of four. Fat since age 19, I am trying to lose 175 pounds. So far I have lost 70. I write at fatdaddyrantsblog.blogspot.com. Sometimes I rant, sometimes I make you laugh, sometimes I whine, sometimes I offer a helping hand, and sometimes I need one myself.

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Comments

  1. Great guest post Fat Daddy. I’m so going to wander over to your blog on a regular basis from now on.

    Some of the things you wrote are things I could have wrote myself. You are right on about being fat making you feel isolated. While on my journey to better health I was called hardcore all the time and wasn’t understood for a lot of the same reasons you had in your post.

    When I started I was the biggest one of my friends and the most unhealthy and now I’m the thinnest and healthiest. That in itself brings on some challenges as well. There are some who now struggle with how that has changed our relationship and the activities that we share together. Eating a meal out with some of my friends is a challenge for some of them because they tell me they feel guilty about their own food choices now when they see how healthy I eat. And then there are some who I can tell have some jealousy because they make comments about how they think I look too muscular but never once made a negative comment about my body when I was 100lbs heavier.

    I too have found support and comfort in blogs of people who are currently loosing weight or are maintaining their loss.

  3. Fat Daddy, thanks for your honesty and transparency. You’ve expressed a sentiment I think many people are unwilling (or unable to express): being fit (or trying to be, anyway) is a difficult thing in our culture.

    Why? Because while thin is indeed in, overall fitness is not. That’s why all the people in McDonald’s commercials are skinny.

    I would add that it’s not just the fat who feel this way, although it is certainly a higher-risk proposition for those with more weight to lose. It’s lonely just to maintain a healthy weight, or even just a healthy eating pattern. Friends don’t understand why you don’t want a beer tonight (because you had one last night). Family isn’t willing to subsist on fruit and forego the Oreos just because you are. What they don’t realize is that you’re giving them an opportunity (or at least an excuse) to live a better lifestyle, or in your case, a chance to avoid making the mistakes that you made.

    I’ve found help in online community (Floggers, raw food websites, Primal bloggers). But what’s much better is a face-to-face support network. My suggestions? Find a group fitness community. Cycling classes. Water aerobics. Gentle aerobics. At my gym, those are the classes that have the best chance of giving you more than a workout; they give you community. The other suggestion is to find a trainer. It should be someone knowledgeable and understanding, and someone whom you could consider a friend (i.e. you need good chemistry). Your trainer won’t judge you, and will understand your struggle. And they should also be able to deliver a kick-ass workout.

    Good look, Daddy!

  4. Great post! Yes, it can be a lonely gig at times. I have been doing this for years but it did not take me too long to just do what was right for me & screw the rest. After you do it long enough, people get used to it & they “just know” that this is the way it is going to be. Plus once they see the results, they may come on the Fat Daddy train. I don’t get people questioning me anymore because they see my results. If they do say something like I don’t need to do that because I am already in shape.. I say, I am here because I do this, not because I don’t!

    I think with time you will get to a place when you feel comfortable being in front of those temptations but it does take time & for me it did too.

    Thx for sharing!

  5. Diet Nazi…wow. I thought I was the only one with that nickname! I wear it with pride, despite the negative connotations, because to me it signifies the unwillingness to allow myself to make excuses, to slip back into old habits, to listen to justifications and look for loopholes. It’s not about being fanatical – it’s about being serious and committed. In our culture, not many people associate those things with food or exercise, unfortunately.

    It makes me very thoughtful, reading this, because it’s exactly how I felt when I discovered that there was a whole world out there of people blogging about the same journey I was on…it’s like trying to feel your way through a dark room for what seems like forever, and then someone flips on the lights and you realize there are warm, wonderful people all around you, feeling their way too. So much relief and…yes, hope.

    It doesn’t change the fact that the people who are physically around you can’t understand where you are or what you’re doing, but it certainly makes it bearable. And some of those “floggers” have become very close, much-loved, important friends to me.

    Thanks so much for sharing this, FD. You ARE on the right path, and it’s not a foregone conclusion that you will burn yourself out. No one knows you, and your needs and your limitations, better than you do. If you can’t have it in the house without eating it, then the smart thing to do is not to have it in the house. People will tell you that isn’t true, and that you have to learn to live with temptation, but I don’t agree. I will say that eventually, your new habits become so solid that temptation really doesn’t tempt you that much – and at that point, maybe it’s safer to have it around. But only YOU can decide that. And kudos to you for doing so.

    V.

  6. Would it help if someone who has committed to change their lifestyle would benefit from a home visit by a fitness mentor? I agree that family and friends will unconsciously sabotage lifestyle changes because they are used to the ‘old’ you and do not want to feel guilty because they are not making the positive changes that you are.
    If you invited your new running coach or personal trainer over for dinner and had him/her praise your steps toward a healthful lifestyle and answer questions about how family members can help motivate your weight loss, would it result in a healthier social environment at home?
    Kathleen Lisson

  7. As a dedicated FD follower, I just have to say WOOT WOOT! While this post reads almost a bit wistful in nature, I’ve found his writing to be some of the funniest, most honest, most inspiring blogging ever. The Fat Daddy rocks! Thanks for this guest post Miz.

  8. I sure agree, Fat Daddy, that losing weight can be isolating. And after almost 5 years at this, I still find it hard to go out to eat too often. ‘Making healthy choices’ at restaurants is HARD. But eventually, some of the choices become easier, if not automatic. Thanks for the good writing.

  9. Love the credit card analogy – I certainly am “paying” for those boxes of See’s Candies that I ate 4 years ago!

    Great guest post!

  10. yeah, I need to chime in THANKS AGAIN.
    In rereading this post I adore it as much as the first time.

  11. “For me it’s like waving the booze under the nose of the alcoholic.”

    Yes. yes yes yes. I may not have as much weight to loose (my goal is to loose 20 lbs from where I am now, and was 40 from where I started), but this statement (along with the credit card analogy) rings so very very true.

    Thank you for the great guest post!

  12. Another great post by FD. He is indeed honest about his life as the Fat Guy and thus lets us be open and honest about our own fatness and our experiences. Takes the shame out of it.
    Thanks for sharing FD with everyone, Miz!

  13. I rarely think about the loneliness factor, but you’re right. It IS a very lonely lifestyle. Even just trying to be healthy in general without “dieting”, sometimes I feel a big gap between myself and others- there’s this confusion that they get when, like you say, they want pizza and I don’t. It gets all awkward. It’s lonely, sometimes.

    Good thing there are floggers and health bloggers etc for a nice little community base 🙂

  14. I’m with Jamie, Sagan, and others on this: you’re not as alone as it may seem! Just trying to live a healthy lifestyle can feel isolating.

    I’ve never had a weight problem, so in some ways I get even less sympathy for refusing pizza than if I were overweight. It’s so tiresome to hear, “You’re skinny – you can eat whatever you want!”

    No. I’m skinny because I *don’t* eat whatever I want.

    I wish you officed with me, Fat Daddy, because I always feel like the Lone Ranger, turning down donuts, pizza, soft drinks, etc, at office parties. Heck, I don’t even go to office parties if I can help it because I feel so awkward refusing chips, cookies, and ice cream while I drink green tea. I wish I had someone to walk with at lunch because I love getting outdoors. I wish I had at least one co-worker who ate like I do, so we could sit together and feel less like freaks.

    If you haven’t tried it yet, see if you can find some fellow fitness fanatics to hang out with. Don’t think that just because someone is thin and runs marathons that they’ll look down on you. People who really take health seriously will take you seriously because you care enough to be doing the right things. You have more in common with some of us skinny folk than you might think, and we get lonely in our Oreo-avoidance, too.

  15. Thanks for a great post FatDaddy. Here’s to success on your journey.

    I will agree with Jamie (#4) that it is isolating and lonely any time you make a change from the “social norm” of eating. Choosing to eat clean and healthy can mean saying no to cake and ice cream at 8pm with friends. Then sitting with them and feeling -what? envious? Self-righteous? both?

    Still we make choices…

  16. How do you know exactly how I have felt and feel Fat Daddy? I’m not a man but I had a lot to lose and people just didn’t understand. Even now at pretty much my goal people still don’t understand why going out for icecream is not good for me, or eating out at restaurants that I know don’t have good options. I’ve gotten better at being a bit more comfortable but I’m not about to fall down that slippery slope…my balance isn’t always the greatest and I’d tumble all the way back to the start.

    I’m going to head over to your blog. Sounds like you have a perspective I’d really understand and relate to.

  17. Thanks again so much for the guest shot, Miz! I am falling off the internet access highway in about 30 min. Will not be back until Monday eve. But I will carry the advice and support from your readers with me.

    Fat Daddy Out

  18. What a great topic! Thanks, FD. Many women (including myself!) are ignorant in thinking that men aren’t subjected to the same problems, frustrations, etc. as we are. You are completely right too…I was just taking to my hubby about how we’re all a bunch of misfits (hahaha…didn’t even catch it when saying it to the hubby, sorry MizFit 🙂 ) that get together because we have common goals or problems that others just don’t get.
    Thanks for the post! I think you’ll have a few more regulars now FD 🙂

  19. Great post Fat Daddy. This is the first time I have heard the word flogger. Makes me feel the need to say. “Hi. my name is Kat and I am a flogger” You are an inspiration to me FD. I love the way you end your posts with FD Out! You too are an inspiration Miz. Sending positive vibes to both of you today!

  21. Great post:)
    I like flogger…

    I think having loved ones sabotage you when you’re trying to live well is one of the hardest things about it. After years I am starting to feel like I can be in a normal world and still eat well, but I don’t think people who’ve neer struggled with weight like food as much as I do…coming to terms with it being a rest of my life things was the hardest part. It’s so inspring to hear you’ve lost so much, and still have work to do, but you’re doing it.
    I could relate to your words…I had less to lose and I still struggle with food…
    The rewards come in all the things I can do now that I could not before… Every day 🙂

  22. wow, are you right. i have felt exactly the same way for so long now! sure it is nice if everyone jumps on the bandwagon with you, but it just hasn’t happened like that in my life. eventually, one by one, people are starting to jump in with me and start getting healthy, but it seems to take so long for influence to catch on (other people have to just be ready I guess!)

    But even still, i used to get so (secretly) angry at family functions where there were zero healthy options. And people would either see me nibbling a pretzel (because I’ll wait till I get home to eat) or wonder why I’m not eating enough or eating at all. Nothing like saying no to food to draw attention and family gatherings! At least in my world! (“What, are you on a diet??”)

    It also still upsets me when family members get upset because won’t meet up instead of do spin class or run.

    It’s a lonely world paying attention to what I’m ordering when everyone’s ordering the wings, and it’s lonely having to schedule “eating out” into my food allowances or say no to places where there are no healthy options.

    I’ve finally gotten past the major weightloss I’ve needed, so I can allow a little more freedom in moving things around, but still, the healthy lifestyle doesn’t seem to match up with a lot of those around me. I wish you lots of luck and hope you find the support you need here in the online megaworld! I know I have!!

  23. But my problem is, I just cannot lose weight and flirt with temptation at the same time. I don’t have the will power to have just one beer, or have just a small handful of chips, or just a few bites of an appetizer at Appleby’s etc. For me it’s like waving the booze under the nose of the alcoholic.
    So for the most part, I keep myself isolated from temptation…and it gets damn lonely.

    Yup to both those sentiments. If I’m around crap food, I eat crap food. On the other hand, if I get too isolated, I go to the opposite extreme and get sucked into the numbers obssession. So for myself, I’m still looking for the balance.

  24. It’s lonely not just because not everyone understands or shares your dedication to your goal, but also because you don’t have food as a friend anymore. Food never was a very good friend, mind you; it never was enough, and never fills up that empty place. Here’s to the real, more positive friends we meet, IRL and online!

  25. It sounds like you definitely have the attitude in place … over the years I’ve noticed a very clear distinction between those who achieve phenomenal change and those who get nowhere. It all comes down to approaching life, each day, with the absolute certainty that you will eat well, and you will make time for exercise. No ifs, buts or maybes. There will always be something that could be seen as more important than working out, there’ll always be a reason why you can’t be bothered preparing healthy food. But it it’s truly important to you, you’ll make it happen. It will become part of who you are, and you won’t even have to think about it. Which definitely makes it all the easier to stay on track! Sounds like you’re definitely on that path FD.

  27. I really enjoyed this post, Fat Daddy. You’re right, I am the fattest person I know, and because of certain health issues I lose weight very slowly. So not only am I a Diet Nazi, but I’m not wowing the crowds with my results. Fortunately I KNOW I’m on the right track, but others don’t, so I’m subjected to all kinds of assvice and criticism.

  28. Sounds like your head is in the right place – good for you!

    I was never the fattest person I knew, but I also work in the video game industry. Which is why I stayed fat as long as I did – because there was always someone *wayworse*.

    I love it, and I totally feel ya. My friends also gave me crap for being so “hardcore” – but at 265 lbs I had to do something and even now at 155 – it feels like I’m just a breath away from being back there if I don’t watch it. When I loosen up a little I can maintain, but I can’t lose. I have to totally be diet nazi as well if I want to shed any weight.

    I’ve found that I don’t mind being lonely dedicated to my race training – that feels good. Lonely dedicated to my eating – torture. So I prefer to err on the side of moving more rather than eating less.

  30. It’s a sad state of affairs when the health & fitness-minded are in the minority. Makes me long for the early 80’s when exercise was in vogue (or at least, the clothing was).

    Your post really underscores how food…bad food…has become such a fixture in everyday lives. But food, unlike drugs or alcohol, is necessary for living.

    Balance seems like an elusive thing, so we feel more secure doing the “all or nothing” approach. I wish there was some magic mental switch for the perfect mindset. Until that’s discovered, it will be a process of trial and error (and more error) to find ways to assimilate like the normals but still stay healthy. It can be done, tho. You can have your cake, and eat it too.

  31. Thanks Fat Daddy for an inspiring and very honest post. Although you didn’t reach your goal, I salute you for the hard work and sacrifices that you made cause I know how hard it is to resist so many temptation.

    Great job FD.

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