The Dynamic Duo (guest post).

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The Dynamic Duo

The dynamic duo of being binge-free combined with working out has been the key to a happier me.  I feel better in mind, body and spirit. It hasn’t been easy and I know I’m facing an uphill battle, but as of this moment, I’m up for the fight.

I have been a compulsive (over)eater for 30+ years, although it never occurred to me I had an eating disorder, I thought I just had a sweet tooth all that time.
At 5’3”, my weight has been as high as 172 and as low as 105.  Like many women, during my high school and adult years, I have moved between those numbers like a yo-yo due to my obsession with food.  One thing that I think has always helped me is that I’ve always been athletic.  I’ve always worked out on my own or at a gym.  Fortunately, I’ve been at the low end of that weight range for a little over a year, which simply means you wouldn’t know by looking at me how fanatical I am with food and how badly I struggle with food issues every day of my life.
Though I played sports all through school and dabbled in various types of exercise over the years, I became a runner back in ’96. I ran as my sole form of exercise for 11 years, including running a marathon.  You’d think I would have been as thin as a rail from all the miles I ran, but my eating disorder (in hindsight) kept the weight on.  I’m sure I was healthier from all the running, but mentally and spiritually I still was not happy.  Due to a torn meniscus in my knee diagnosis a little over two years ago, I had to cut my running down to part time.  I joined a gym and included strength training and various other forms of cardio to my workout regime.  Wow, what a difference that has made to my 40-year old, having-two-kids body!  Who knew?!

It wasn’t until I recognized and embraced that I had an eating disorder two years ago, admitted it to my husband, started going to OA meetings and saw a therapist, that I could finally reign in my eating and reap the benefits of my working out at the gym 3-4 days a week.  Being honest was liberating then and it still is now.

I have now been binge-free for close to two years.  I feel good about myself and like what I see when I look in the mirror.  But more important than how I look, is how I feel.  I didn’t like how I felt when I was binging.  I would feel horrible, mentally, physically and spiritually.  I was very down on myself and of course self-medicated with more food. Every day I would vow it would be the last binge and that I would start eating sensibly the next day, but sadly, it took me a long time to get to the place in my head where I needed to be to really make that happen.

Of course my greatest fear is going back to the binging cycle.  I never had a normal relationship with food, but heaven help me, I will continue to learn how to fight this eating disorder and remain in recovery.  My goal is to keep learning and improving myself so that I can perhaps have a semi-normal relationship with food as time goes on.

I hope this dynamic duo sticks around for a while.  I am the only one who can make that happen.  One day at a time.

If you would like to read more about my daily struggles of being a compulsive eater, I invite you to check out my blog at Confessions of a Compulsive Eater.

Who am I? Im an anonymous blogger who is happily married with two kids. I feel like discovering that I was a compulsive overeater almost two years ago was a giant stepping stone in my personal growth as a woman.  I am now close to two years of being what OA’ers call abstinent, or binge-free.  However, every day is a struggle.  My gym workouts help to keep me sane and give me balance.

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Comments

  2. Thank you for sharing this. As a girl on my own journey recovering (can I FINALLY SAY THAT) w/ binge eating I understand when you say it’s something that you will forever be aware of.

    I love that you’re combining being fit with this and finding balance.

    It isn’t easy…but it gets easier and is worth the effort. You are speaking to THOUSANDS of women and men who struggle with this in different capacities and your honesty is worth more than weight in gold.

    Thank you.

  3. Thank you for sharing your story. I see much of myself in how you describe your relationship with food. Unfortunately I was never athletic until I reached my 40’s. Now, thankfully since I took up running and strength training, I have been able to keep my weight under control. I have been a Weight Watchers member for 3 years and have successfully maintained an 80 lb weight loss, but every day is a struggle. I think I’ll be reading your blog more often! Thanks again!

  5. Gee, this isn’t S. from my gym, is it? You sound just like a woman I know. Runs, runs, runs, thin as a rail. But there seems to be a desperation to her running, rather than a sense of fun. I’m guessing that she has an eating disorder and is trying to outrun the calories.

    But now she’s interested in some strength goals (pushups and pullups) and she knows darn well that she has to eat some good food to fuel that. I’d love to see her put on some muscle.

  6. I hadn’t come across this blog before! It looks excellent.

    You ARE strong and you can fight the eating disorder. Thank you for sharing your struggles!

  12. Binge eating disorder really is the quietest eating disorder. So much more attention needs to be given to this topic – love this anonymous mommy’s honesty! Thank you!

  13. first let me give you a ^5 for being brave enough to face your demons that alone makes you ROCK
    second continued success with the dynamic duo.. you will survive!

  14. MizFit – thanks SO much for giving me the opportunity to guest post today. the outpouring of support from your readers overwhelms me.
    i had no idea until i joined the blog world a few months ago how many other fellow sufferers were out there. though i wouldn’t wish this, or any eating disorder, on my worst enemy, it is so wonderful to know there is such a caring and supportive community of us out there. together we can get through this. thanks so much for your support!

  15. Amazing guest post! Glad to have a new blog to read. It feels good to know that not all eating disorders are obvious. I don’t feel so crazy now that I describe my eating patterns as ‘disordered’ (I have an inability to stop eating that bag of chocolate or bag of chips once it’s opened)

  16. Great story, I read the honesty and struggle in your words, it was something that really touched home and I hope that like you I can come out the other side of my eating problem with such confidence.

  19. OMG, this could be me! Just substitute running for other various forms of exercise. I have only recently come to a place where I feel my eating is under control. But it is mot easy.

  22. thanks, everyone, for all of your supportive comments, i am so truly touched. this is a long and difficult road of recovery, but just knowing there is such an amazing group of supportive women out there, i feel enveloped in hope.
    juice, to answer your question… we have a friend in the medical field who was kind enough to do a lot of legwork for me. the goal was to find a therapist who specialized in compulisve behaviors that had an office that wasn’t out in east jabip. turns out, the therapist (who is only 25 minutes away) is a recovering compulsive eater himself. jackpot!

  23. Thanks for sharing your story – I don’t know what I’d classify myself as, but I certainly didn’t have a healthy relationship with food at 265 lbs – heck, even 6 months ago, but I’m really working on it. Not trying to lose weight helps. Eating a lot of really good quality fresh foods and lots of protein/good fats really helps too. I wish you luck on your continued journey away from disordered eating!

  25. Your story sounds so familiar — binge eater, only 5’0″, have gone back and forth since age 12 between the low 90’s to 154lbs during my first pregnancy.

    The biggest difference between us is that I have always loathed exercise and have to force myself to do it even now.

    My road to sane eating has led me to drop the excess pounds and keep them off for almost two years. Along that road I lost my taste for sweets when I began juicing vegetables daily.

    Keep it up, day by day!

  32. you ladies are the best!
    mizfit is lucky to have such an amazing group of supporters, who are kind enough to extend their kind thoughts and support to me.
    thanks again!

  35. I think way too many people think that in order to lose weight all they have to do is pop some slimming pills. Although I think the best way is to get fit and active.

  37. I have a very similar story of binge eating and desperately to exercise and remain healthy for many years. I would work out hard, only to end up binge eating immediately afterwards. It wasnt until I acknowledged and sought help for the eating disorder that I got better.
    I have completely recovered from all eating disorders and have a healthy relationship with food and my body. I work out because it makes me feel better and I love it. I am also an intuitive eater and would not diet ever again

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