Blogger cliques.

by


Our Tribe at Fitbloggin’ 10.

There’s been lots of chatter as of late about bloggers, clique’ynessment (technical term) & the integration of newbie bloggers into the proverbial fold.

(translation: I had an entirely different post planned for today, caught a glimpse of my navel, & decided to keep on gazing.  I apologize in advance for the length.)

Lest anyone think Im singling her out—this discussion has not been limited to healthy living bloggers either.

One the most interesting ‘sessions’ at TypeAMom conference was a Town Hall meeting.  In this session various bloggers (previously selected which I found to be a smart move. otherwise mayhem could easily have ensued) took to the microphone and voiced what was on their minds.

In a tangential way (the topic was more what do established bloggers ‘owe’ up & come’ers in terms of mentoring?) cliques were address there in the mom-sphere as well.

While this topic has been addressed more eloquently elsewhere, Ive received so many emails asking about my thoughts & experiences I wanted to share en masse (briefly. Im getting to the brevity I promise).

Ive had two experiences which, I hope, will shed some light on the whole Are bloggers clique’y topic.

Ive blogged at MizFit for almost four years & in general for almost ten.  When I launched MizFit I’m a little embarrassed to say I burst on the scene like a house a’fire.  Id planned the launch for so long that, well, I pretty much assumed everyone else in the blog-world was a dripping with anticipation as was I.

Including those whom I perceived to be the big bloggers of our Tribe (many of whom no longer blog).

Ill admit I was a wee bit miffed these women didnt descend upon my blog from day one and commence commenting.

I commented on their blogs (& had long before MizFit) & they seemed to comment on each others.

And then I watched.  And then I read their comments (this was before Twitter).  And then it slowly dawned on me they were FRIENDS and in a not only  a blog-commenting sense of the word.  They knew each others story.  They had inside jokes. They, like any friendship group, had a shared history.

And so I reached out.  I asked one of these ‘big bloggers’ to do a guest post on my new little blog.

And you know what? She said no. She told me she was slammed & no longer did guest posts.

And you know what? A friendship was born.

I was so thrilled she responded I barely registered her NO & we’ve been close virtual friends for almost four years.

My point: Sometimes what appears to be cliquishness is merely a friendship group.  Many of us have known each other for years.  Many of us have met offline for conferences & trips. I lean really damn hard on some of these bloggers via phone, text, DMs, emails, & IMs Many of us communicate regularly off-blog about NONBLOG issues just like regular friends and now have shared history.  This in no way means there’s not room for new friendPEEPS —- it simply means, as with all friendships, it takes time.

My next experience is far more recent (& sparked this powerful post which I encourage you all to read).

Lately Ive had the amazing opportunity to hang out with bloggers outside our Tribe.

Blissdom. Yahoo! Mother Board. TypeAMom.

They’ve all been amazing conferences and yet, since they were a little outside my comfort-zone, Ill readily admit to having some of those same Uh ladies? You are so clique’y!! feelings as I did before.

My name is MizFit and Im socially awkward.

Seriously.  In that I was alluding to MISFIT (not Miss. Fit) when I created my brand.  Im fine in a room of total strangers  when we are ALL new to each other.  Place me in a room where 99% of the women know each other (or at least read one another’s blogs) & Im pretty damn paralyzed.

Please to see Blissdom, cross-reference under Yahoo! Mother Board and find me FINALLY getting it at TypeAMom.

Yep.  I was essentially the newbie blogger (few of these women were familiar with MizFit) who felt both PERCEIVED cliquishness & though these more experienced bloggers should reach out & lend me a hand.

I watched them (I did a lot of watching at Blissdom. 500 women & I knew one.  There was only a certain about of clinging I could do to that one.) chat, laugh, network & reminisce and grew a little pissed surprised no one  introduced herself to me and asked how I was/who I was.  Until I remembered all my rambles above.

My point: These women did all know each other.  The woman at Yahoo! Mother Board had been reading each others’ blogs (outside our genre) for years even if they’d never met in person.  These women were friends offline & outside of their writing/vlogging.  And you know what? These women were very friendly.  It was simply incumbent upon ME to suck it up, introduce myself & let them know I was there alone.  I needed to take the first step and they were more than willing to meet me half-way.  Exactly the same as when I emailed the ‘big blogger’ when I was a Tribe-newbie.

**steps off soapbox, grabs some beef jerky & takes a big swig of water**

I really do wanna wrap this post up here and not only because it is far too long already.

Your emails asked for my thoughts, opinions & experiences.

Ive given you mine and now I long for yours.

Do you perceive a certain level of cliquishness in our Tribe?

Do you feel, as I do, that the groups are more friendship based than anything else?

Have you ventured off-Tribe & had the same fleeting feelings of raging insecurity as I did?

Please to hit us all up in the comments….and feel free to be anonymous if you choose.

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Comments

  1. I’ll be honest that to begin with I wasn’t sure if my comments would be welcomed on MizFit due to my “male-ness”, but fortunately this wasn’t the case!

  2. As a “loner”, blogging has been such a revelation. I’ve been blogging in some form or another for almost ten years. It has allowed me to overcome some of that social awkwardness you spoke of and to reach out, albeit via the web initially, and create and be a part of this amazing social network of support, encouragement and just plain fun.

    As I converse more “off-blog”, these relationships and friendships are increased. Do I think we are cliquish? No, I don’t. I do know that I don’t blog shop as much as I used to, but if someone leaves a comment on my blog (small following) I’ll return the compliment and follow along with them.

  3. As a blog read I can say at times blog comments do feel filled with inside jokes and I can be hesitant to comment.

    That is why I come here as at first the jokes felt like inside ones but I realized it was only because I was a new reader.

  4. I, too, am a non-blogger but feel on Twitter as though I am at a party and no one is chatting with me 🙂

    Some days that gets me down.

  5. I agree that a lot of the cliqueness is perceived and that if we try to open up and make friendly contact with others it will be received well. I truly believe most in the blogging community are kind hearted and wanting to support others and connect. It’s why many of us blog! Sure, there will always be someone rude or self-centered who doesn’t want to bother with a “small blogger”, but on the whole it’s a great community that if you try to get to know on a more personal level will provide great relationships.

  6. Honestly, I found ‘food bloggers’ very clicky, and very closed off to other blogging communities or whatever you want to call it in general. They appear to be more branded than health, weightloss, fitness blogs (in my experience), and I guess for me I find that more authentic. Plus, I’m not into cliques. Sponsorship is great, but you still need to be yourself as a blogger, and you are an awesome example.

    I’m not part of the pack, and that’s okay.

    • Lucinda – I had the same experience with some of the food blogging community. And I did give it a chance, think about it, wait, try to be friendly…but some were just not open to it.

  7. “Sometimes what appears to be cliquishness is merely a friendship group.”

    Agreed!!! If you’ve met people in real life, email them behind the scenes, etc, then you are bound to be more interested in that person because they are a friend.

    I think also it seems sometimes that there are cliques based on what blogs people comment on. For many people you just don’t have enough time in the day to read and comment on EVERYONE’s blog. You have to pick and choose. Sometimes that can make other people feel left out (why do they not comment on my blog? why don’t they care about me?), but it’s just not possible for such a HUGE community to have everyone be friends and support all bloggers. In a group of such number there is inevitable breakdown. It might hurt when you get stuck on the outside of a group you like, but it happens.

    Sometimes, with some groups, it does feel a little bit like high school. I always felt like the outsider in high school, and I still feel that way in the blog world sometimes. It’s probably my own insecurities, but it’s there, despite all the readers and comments that I love.

  8. I remember when I first really started blogging I was so overwhelmed with how I would never fit in. I had a small handful of readers — primarily family members and folks I had met on other social sites — but no one that I read seemed to know that I existed even when I commented.
    I remember how ecstatic I was the first time you commented on my blog (which I believe was still back in the Babyfat Go Bye-Bye days)… and when Jack and I started having running jokes that would crop up in comments (and now on twitter) from time to time. I thought I would burst with glee. I was finally “in.”
    The high school I went to had a huge reputation of being cliquish and I was terrified of transferring in there because of it. Once I got there, though, it was different. Sure, there were “cliques” if you looked at it from the outside. There were the musicians, the geeks, the Future Farmers of America, the athletes … but the school was so small that we all tended to overlap at some point and some of the FFA girls were also our head cheerleaders and our quarterback was also the lead in the spring musical. I think it’s one of the big reasons I do my Blog Pimpings when I get a new follower or commenter who seems to be fairly new to the scene. I was “the new kid” a lot growing up. I was “the new kid” in the blog world. It can be a daunting place and you might feel like you’re sitting all alone in the cafeteria for eons … but it’s also pretty amazing when you find all the different places you can fit.

  9. I think there is a clique thing that happens within any large group of people, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, especially in the weight loss/fitness blogging community where so many of us are seeking people of similar experiences. For most people in this realm, blogging is a personal endeavor, not a business opportunity, and it makes sense that the personal connections would be strong. It seems like a natural thing to me.

  10. OH.
    I am one who emailed you about all the cliques and feeling excluded.

    Food for thoughts here as always Miz.

    Thank you for responding.

  11. I realize you may be choosing to avoid this topic MizFit, but I wanted to add in my experience the “big 6” have been nothing but exclusionary and unfriendly.

    I was very surprised how NOT like that you are as I view you as a big six.

    Big 7? 🙂

    • I used to not care about being a nobody in the blogosphere. But now that I realize I don’t even know who the “Big 6” are, I really feel marginalized 🙂

  12. I agree that there are many that are friends offline or behind the scenes that only enhances what may “look” or be perceived as clique-ish…however,I don’t think that is always the case. I’ve seen the snarkiness, chatter and sometimes mean-girlish type behavior in some groups that are just flat out “cliques” not interested in welcoming others.

    Great discussion Mizzy!

  13. you have to make sure your building them with likeminded people. For instance, if you dont just eat raw food and you are trying to get in with the raw food crowd just because, it’s probably not going to happen easy OR be enjoyable to you! You will click with blogs that click with you. It’s easier for a blogger to resonate with an authentic comment from a new reader rather then ‘what a pretty color’ ‘great post’ ‘yum that looks good!’. I am attracted to intuitive eating blogs and blogs which showcase people just being themselves no matter what 🙂

    Plus as you said . . . It takes TIME!

    You can’t expect someone you meet face to face to be friends right away as you can’t expect to be BFF BLOG BUDZ right away either 🙂

  14. Sometimes what appears to be cliquishness appears to be that way because people have met in real life & may make you feel the need to stop blogging. Or not.

  15. It’s funny because I was just having this conversation with a friend a couple weeks ago. I even told her I was going to do a blog post comparing the blogosphere to high school.

    You mentioned the time you got a “NO” when you asked someone to do a guest post. My experience has been not receiving an answer at all…and for me, THAT feels just like high school. Having people be right there in the same virtual room as I and flat out ignore me like I didn’t exist. That was my high school experience.

    I recently redid the layout of my blog. I was hoping to get a new header and maybe even a logo. I found a few bloggers who “offered” this as a service. A payable service. I contacted them for quotes and never even received a response back. That was disheartening. And now everytime I see a blog with the “designed by ________” It takes me right back to high school and that feeling of rejection and being ignored. Why would they be so willing to help blogger x and blogger y but not me? I was willing to pay?

    Are there cliques? Sure. Those don’t bother me so much because I can sense the friendships there. We will gather with the people that we like the most. We shouldn’t have to connect with every blogger just because they blog. A little respect and common decency, however, goes a long way.

    Great insightful post as always Miz!!!!

    • Hey Josie!
      I just visited your blog this morning via your facebook. I love the layout, and I really liked your post today about the soda. You had some AWESOME content there.

      I would think that it is difficult to not get an email back. At first I really felt that way too. I’d get even more self conscious and wonder if it was because of me being open about bipolar, or they thought I was a drag about my life drama etc. Now, I don’t really care.

      I’m sure when I get my life back from the crazy moving stress I will care more, but it’s nice to have confident business to attend to to distract me. I would contact that person again. It’s been a really busy time for blog dress-ups. Maybe they lost the email, or were just too busy? I betcha they will be sympathetic.

      Mostly, GREAT POST today. I’m glad you’re using FAcebook too. It helps me reach out a bit more.

  16. When I perceive cliqueishness, I try to really challenge myself to consider the others’ perspective and what alternate explanations (besides, wa-wa they hate me!!!) could be viable as to why I feel like an outsider. While I do wish it was easier to become more included in established communities, usually my feelings that others are clique-y comes from a.) insecurity b.) jealousy c.) a & b

  17. When reading through hundreds of comments a day, particularly when there’s no avatar, it takes a while to even be able to identify a particular person, let alone consider them to be friends. Is this Wendy the whiner who makes us roll our eyes with every new excuse, or Wendy who likes to do hot yoga and trampoline and always has exciting new ideas? It takes time to develop a personality and a relationship.

  18. This has been a great topic floating around and I too mentioned it this week. I agree with Josie and Ashley. It’s like high school days! (Josie) and it stems from insecurity etc.(Ashley) Yes, cliques are friendships. In your face friendships and when you are just starting out their is a LOT of the high school feelings AND insecurities, for weight loss blogs particularly..DUH emotions and food.(it is all about relationships) I, myself, whether I like to admit it or not, still try to fit in. I don’t have the confidence and the *social* graces online. On twitter and FB especially,it is so rapid fire that it is okay I will talk to you until the BFF or the *better* one comes along.Then poof you are in the dust. BUT that is what occurs offline too..it feeds a NOT GOOD Enough vain that seems common when you have *struggled* with weight for years. I love you dearly Miz…you have helped me SO much. Your exercises and posts make me think..BUT..Yes, I still feel there are friendships that are OBVIOUS tight circles and its difficult to break into that circle. Time, distance and everyday life gets in the way….AND hurt feelings do happen…That too is everyday life. Your right..you don’t know what goes on behind the scenes…IN anyone’s private circle..whether they are big or small.

  19. I tend to treat blogging as I do real life…I gravitate to and attract people that have similar interests.

    If you are a chronic complainer–I give you three strikes.
    If you only talk about yourself–I lose interest.
    If you are into fitness, (healthy)food, or fashion–I’ll love you forever.

  20. Sometimes Twitter can feel clique-y, but it’s *very* easy to unfollow if I find a particular person obnoxious. I just shrug and remind myself that snobbery online doesn’t mean that the culprit has social skills in the real world – anyone can write a blog, and it’s easy to hide behind a screen and judge people.

    But for the most part, I find bloggers and twitterers reasonably friendly, and often sincere (& not just looking for more followers, etc) and helpful.

    Do I think established bloggers should go out of their way to give new bloggers a hand up? Depends – so many people have good intentions and no follow-through, so it would be frustrating to invest time & effort into someone who’s enthusiastic about blogging for 5 minutes and then abandons it.

    Good post, Miz!

  21. I think everything has cliques if you think about it. The cool part about this is gaining the confidence to not care.

    It is not easy. When I started over two years ago I was so timid. I would leave the most PC comments and write the most PC things. As “Camp Rock” as this sound, being yourself breaks cliques.

    Also, do you think I can hang out with the popular kids?

  22. I have mixed feelings about this topic. I think a lot of it is in perception and how we are looking at things. For me, the best part of blogging is the sense of community. But I have worked hard to help build that myself over time by supporting other bloggers; it is reciprocal. There are some blogs I have commented on multiple times and gotten no response so I have just not gone back. Too many blogs, too little time.

    I was intrigued by the comment about the big 6 and wonder who they are! I don’t feel that big bloggers “owe” anything to new bloggers although sometimes they do reach out and that is great. (BTW – you could have knocked me over with a feather when you asked me to guest post; I had no idea you were even reading my blog!) There is only so much time in the day for any of us to spend out here. The bigger the blogger, the more comments, and the less time to visit other blogs. I get the friendship thing and I think others do as well. And as some other commenters have said already, for me, Twitter and Facebook feel more clique-ish. But I think that is because I have not figured out the “rules” or etiquette and have not reached out myself on there.

    All this talk in the last weeks made me really, really wish I could go to fitbloggin and meet other bloggers in person. Darn my son for graduating from high school that weekend!

  23. I will admit I feel unpopular on Twitter.

    I am not on enough lists 🙂 and may many times I tweet at a big blogger only to be ignored.

    over and over.
    Thank you for writing about this Miz.

  24. only commenting to clarify/remind you 🙂 I am indeed reading every single word of every single comment.

    want to let you all have your say here without barging in.

    I yammered enough for a month above.

  25. I don’t have time to read the comments right now but I wanted to add I’ve found no cliques in fitness arena but he foodie bloggers?

    Not welcoming.

    To me at least.

  26. I sort of see blogs in the same way you do. Like life, you connect with some people and others you do not. You hang out with some people and others you do not. Therefore, cliques (although I hate the word) are born through that in a way. But I don’t really like to call them cliques but rather groups of people who share a common thread.

  27. I disagree, MizFit.
    When I was blogging more it felt as though the bigger bloggers had no time for bloggers like me with not enough traffic or prestige to be worth their while.

  28. Oh Miz…how do you always know what to say and when?

    I am really struggling with this, because I’ve been on both sides. It can be really deflating to work on your blog and give it love, and sit back and wait for the love to return.

    On the other side, since I make a point of meeting as many bloggers as I can, I understand that you can’t be everything to everybody…and the line between friendships and perceived clique’yness is a very fine one.

    So, I guess my takeaway is that if your own blogging mission is pure, and you don’t do it for page views, comments or tweets, you’ll continue to do what you do regardless of the reaction.

  29. Oh, and I have NEVER met a blogger that wasn’t incredibly sweet and supportive in person. I think sometimes we forget that blogging is time consuming and takes a ton of work — emotionally as well as actual posting work.

    It’s easy to develop negative feelings when the only interaction is online…dangerous, but understandable. So my advice is to try and meet as many bloggers in person as possible.

    And, when you start to find “success,” remember how it felt to be on the outside and bring people inside your own expanding bubble.

  30. hmmm….i have mixed feelings. I have met some bloggers in person who were super nice to my face and then never responded to me again. (on twitter, blogs, etc.) some of them are even in our “tribe”. It left me with a very high school feeling.

    on the flip side, I admit that at conferences I tend to hang with the same peeps because I do KNOW them and we have that friendship. I try to remember all the new people I meet and reach out to them and their blogs.

    I don’t get a chance to read as many blogs anymore simply because that 3rd kid has thrown me for a loop. I try to do the best that I can but my blog comments have dropped drastically. I want to scream “I AM STILL HERE!” —and I worry I will get dropped from the tribe.

    Fortunately, I can lean on carla to keep me in the loop. 🙂
    and others.

  31. When I first started blogging, I would look at the “big time” bloggers (*ahem* you, Miz) and think “I’ll never be as popular, never get as many comments, be in the cool kids club, etc” What I realized is that it was my own insecurities projecting that the blogger world wouldn’t accept me and my story and I wouldn’t be able to “break in’ to the fitness blogger world being morbidly obese. The truth is that these insecurities are ALWAYS there, not just with fitness blogging. For work, I travel to marketing related conferences and am scared shitless at first. No one knows who I am, no one knows what I do, they all know each other, etc.
    Essentially, we stand in our own ways of just being who we are and letting the chips fall where they may. If you put yourself out there and get a “no” or no response, that doesn’t mean you should stop trying, just means you should go another route.
    Great conversation to have.

  32. It’s really easy to say things are too cliquey. However, you are totally right about jumping in. I realized that at a couple conferences this year that I just need to put on my big girl pants, grab a business card and walk up for a handshake (or sometimes it turns into a hug, and hell that makes me super uncomfortable, but at least they’re taking me in right.)

  33. Something I haven’t seen brought up yet is the fact that even though the blogging community can form connections very quickly, they are VERY superficial connections. This isn’t true with everyone, but initially some people are going to be skeptical about virtual relationships. They may have been burned by another blogger previously or just aren’t that quick to trust considering to them, the blogger is text on a page initially. People want to know that motives are true and that you’re attempting to forge the relationship because you really want to be their friend. They may not be responsive right off the bat, but that doesn’t mean they’re not listening.

    IT TAKES TIME! Keep at it. Play the annoying little brother like I do. Results may vary but eventually most people come around.

  34. Yes to cliques on blogs AND on Twitter (some of which I belive have carried over from blogs). In fact, I joined Twitter because I was asked but virtually no one ever converses with me so I don’t tweet much any more.

    The better question, maybe, is does it bother me? No, it doesn’t. I didn’t start blogging to be part of a group. And though I am quite honestly developing some real “virtual” friendships, i.e., people I really, really want to meet in real life if I ever have the chance, I blog because it’s one place I have an outlet. If people find that attractive and want to be my friend, then bonus for me.

  35. I am friends with several bloggers. In Philly, my only new friends that did not previously known my husband are bloggers. In the blog world, I am close with a bunch of bloggers.

    I wasn’t always that way.

    In fact, when I went to Foodbuzz last year I knew about 5 people. However, I am friendly and social and I introduced myself to everyone I could. What could have been very awkward ended up being really fun. Same with BlogHer.

    I say, what’s the worst that could happen? That you have a 2 minute conversation and move on? If that’s the worst, then why not introduce yourself to everyone! If you don’t say something, how is someone supposed to know you’re there and don’t know anyone?

    I do, however, think it is the responsibility of those who already have established friendships and feel comfortable in those situations to welcome in the newbies.

    At BlogHer I was genuinely impressed to see Ree of Pioneer Woman, Elise of Simply Recipes, and Jaden of Steamy Kitchen completely take this new blogger under their wing. He was young, didn’t know anyone, and was a bit shy. They took him right under and even when he was a bit shy to go along somewhere with them, they would insist he would come. I felt proud of our community in that moment.

  36. I do think in a way that cliques are out there.. I visit these types of blogs & fitness competitor types & yes, there is a certain following to each & those that have been around longer & “know” each other better BUT I have not felt “left out” for the most part.. maybe a couple but in general, I think all are so kind & open & wanting to help no matter what!

    Miz, you were the first “biggie” I commented to & you really are open to all & wanting to help all… a great intro for me!

  37. I started blogging about 6 months ago. I felt like I was talking to an empty roomon my blog. I saw your website, I saw Roni’s many websites, JackSh*t and Mama Rocks and I started to read. I looked up to you guys. I was terrified to comment. What if it sounded stupid? What if I got blasted for having a different opinion? What if I got ignored completely? Oh god, what if it got deleted? I would hover over the submit button and then decide to erase it all. I felt like I was on the outside looking in, a lot.

    Then came twitter. I can talk on twitter, that was easy. But would anyone respond? I started out and it felt like I was back to talking to an empty room. But very slowly, people started to talk back to me. @amerrylife was one of the first “popular” bloggers to talk back to me. I swear, I could have fainted away right there. Then @kwidrick started her #fitblog chats, and I found friends, and a community. I even got a guest post on @workoutmommy’s blog through that chat. It took 6 months to feel like I belong, and it’s still on the fringes in some parts. I know I can’t attract traffic like the big-time bloggers, but I’m happy where I am right now.

    • This totally made me laugh in a good way. One of the many reasons I love Twitter, it’s a lot easier to talk to other bloggers. I’m glad you started talking to me on Twitter! 🙂

  38. Oooh. I totally feel like an outsider 99% of the time. But that’s an improvement over 100%. 😉 I agree completely that the cliques are more friendship groups than anything else. I feel a little twinge of jealousy at that, but I also completely get it.. Friendships take time. I have cliquey friendship groups of my own in various aspects of my life. I think in some respect, that’s WHY it’s so hard to be the outsider in a large “tribe” like this.

    I’ve also reached out to quite a few tribe members with questions and gotten an amazing amount of fabulous people willing to answer and help me out. Some people just ignored me and hoped I went away. As in ALL aspects of life, I figure that’s one of my big filters… Not willing to acknowledge my existence when I put myself out there and reach out and meet you at least half way? Then you aren’t someone I need to talk to. I’m not entirely sure that’s a fair way to look at it all the time, or a healthy way of going about it, but it’s the way I look at it.

  39. thanks mizfit! i’m a noob and def think there are some clique tendencies in the community but it doesn’t turn me off. 1. we’re women! it’s just what we do 2. i think i really do have some interesting content worth reading 3. nothing good ever comes for free so i’m gonna keep pushing and doing my “time.”

  40. When I first started blogging . . . well started this blog . . . the power structure/cliques of the blogosphere almost drove me to dispair. But I’ve found, if you’re noisy enough, people are kind and do listen/pay attention to you. (I’ve found on Twitter.)

  41. Wow, that is a cool picture. But I must ask, are all of you geared up and ready to set off for a Fitbloggin fun run?

    On the topic, I suppose just about all areas of life have what we can call ‘in’ crowds. Likely it is here in blogland somewhere too. But I have yet to come upon a blog where I have not felt my comments were accepted or welcomed.

    As your time in the blogs matures you develop bonds with some bloggers that are closer than those with others. In some cases those bonds become sincere friendships, or perhaps partnerships of one nature or another. If that is by definition cliquishness, so be it. If those there are drawing genuine benefit from being here then the more power to them I say.

    Yes, some bloggers are light-years more popular than the majority of us will ever come close to. Here & there you read comments by some which hints at a desire for acceptance by the most popular at this art form. It is human to want to be accepted, so no fault there in my eyes. But I will suggest that if your main aim at coming to the fitness blogs is to win popularity, you might find that hard to achieve.

    The vast majority of those who call these blogs their 2nd home are quite a bright bunch. No, they are rather brilliant. It is easy to tell when someone’s intent is to genuinely share and receive support and when their motives lay largely with upping their reputation. And in my humble opinion those at the head of the class are there because they are just that, genuine.

    All that said, I nominate Carla for Clique President 🙂

  42. As a non-blogger/new blogger, I sort of realized off the bat that those who had been blogging “together” have strong bonds, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t chime in in the Twitterverse. I have found such positive reinforcement from little tweets and comments and that’s really all I need. Also, I read different blogs (health/fitness, arts/crafts, retail…) and the same sort of thing that could be perceived as “cliquiness” is just people who have had a repor with each other for a long time. I have learned to speak my mind, and if I get a response, that’s wonderful! But the blogosphere is too huge for me to get upset if someone isn’t able to comment or tweet back. It is what it is!

  43. I have to say when I first started blogging I thought it was rude to be an “expert” and comment on someone else’s blog. I didn’t want to offend anyone. So I read a lot, RT’d a decent amount and stayed off the comment sections. I was happy for anyone to comment on my blog, welcomed disagreement because I believe it fosters stronger community and more informed readers. BUT I still didn’t connect that with talking on others blogs … (duh)

    So I always felt a little outsider-y as a fitness blogger. Then I stumbled on #fitblog and felt a little better about everything.

    Hafta say I covered fashion week and was hanging out with all the Fashion bloggers (not my tribe!) Felt like the dork with braces who suddenly got trapped in an elevator with the cool kids … lol. I realized after an hour or two in the media pit they all had known each other forever. After a couple of exchanges they welcomed me with open arms and I had a blast. Someone lended me some cool kid clothes and I was good to go … (just kidding but it felt like that)

    Since Fashion Week I’ve had a much better understanding of my tribe. Thanks for this post Carla 🙂 very appreciated.

    Lisa

  44. Because you are wonderful, I know you’ll take what I’m about to say as confession rather than criticism…

    I thought you were clique-y when I first met you. Especially after the Fitbloggin video you posted of a bunch of people up in your room.

    Now, after reading you for a while and especially after this post, I realize that what you say is an excellent point: don’t confuse long term friendship with cliqueyness.

    I’m an introvert at heart. Large groups of people scare the poop out of me. I’m much more comfortable hanging out with the handful of people that I know…which could be construed as cliquey for someone that is not sitting at my table.

    I need to learn to step out of my own comfort zone and just talk to people. If the talk back, the door has been opened. If they don’t, at least I tried.

  45. Some will bond and some won’t. Some will have closer friendship than others. It’s that simple. It’s not so cliquey, really.

    I’m not that good at being social, but I try. I can be friendly and people can like me, but I can’t be the greatest of friends with everyone out there. I watch as other bloggers and women who post on a weight loss board have become the best of friends around me. They let me in sometimes and allow me to share with them in their gatherings but I’m the outsider for the most part and I’m FINE with that. They’re not a clique, though. They’re a lovely group of women who just have a tighter bond.

    I can appreciate that, I just don’t have the social skills to REALLY be one of them 🙂

  47. First, I agree with Mary, we all don’t have time to comment on every awesome blog out there. Second,
    I still consider myself a newbie blogger, but when I started I remember thinking how nice and supportive everyone was. Then, I realized I hadn’t run into some of the other circles yet. I do see some of these groups as real friendships, but I also think there are definitely cliques of people in the ‘healthy living’ blogger realm. I’ve tried conversing with them on twitter, commenting, etc and been flat ignored and even unfollowed. I was hurt for a while, but won’t waste any energy on it. You never know why people do what they do. However, the people I tend to gravitate toward rock. I guess basically just as in life you’ll have both ways. The cliques that don’t want you at the cool kid table and the groups that are simply good people.

  48. I’ve never been to the conferences but its so hard to walk into a room full of strangers. I would imagine it would be much easier to connect with people whose story you’ve been following for months or even years via blogging.

    I think that with blogging, like anything in life, you get out of it what you put into it. At one point I was visiting the blogs of fabulous people and found I was the only one leaving comments most of the time and thats when I started the HYC. I wanted everyone to have a chance to have their voice heard and to connect people with common interests and goals who might otherwise never have found each other.

    I guess I’m obvious, I didn’t realize there were blogging cliques. I didn’t know there was a top 6. It makes me sad to think so many people feel left out and I really hope those people will find others with like interests and bond with them.

  49. I’ve found that for me, it’s easier to be accepted in blogland (as in real life) if you:

    1. Show up.

    and

    2. Be authentic.

    Showing up has been tough for me lately. My life circumstances are such that I can’t spend as much time online as I’d like, and when I do, it’s in fits and starts. I think it also hasn’t helped me that I blog and tweet under two different names (@sandwiched and @sohelpmekath). I spent a lot of time online as “Sandwiched,” but when I started commenting as “SoHelpMeKath,” I don’t think people knew I was me, if you know what I mean.

    Being authentic has gotten easier for me as my life circumstances have gotten tougher. I don’t have as much time to spend reading blogs and tweeting, so I save my “breath” for those posts and tweets which really resonate with me.

    Great discussion, Miz!!

  50. I read many different genres of blog and have found fitness (healthy living?) to be pretty accepting of all sorts.

    The ‘big six’?

    Mean girls.

    • I am not defending anyone, but I feel the need to say that 1. no one ever used the term big 6 before that MC article came out and 2. they are actually really nice and friendly. They are some of the first girls to be friendly to me at blog conferences, and I thank them for that (which is why I even felt the need to reply to this)

    • I would have to say I disagree. I’ve met a couple of the “big six” in person and talk with them through email/twitter and they are quite nice. They can’t possibly be inclusive/reply to/visit all readers since they have thousands upon thousands. But that doesn’t make them mean girls.

    • Anon –

      Hello. If you email me, I will respond. If you comment on my blog, I will respond. If you ask me to promote your bake sale, blog event, or special post, I usually do that, too. I can’t read every blog in the world, unfortunately, although I really wish I could. I’m not sure how that means me a mean person, but reading your comment about me makes me feel sad.

      Caitlin

    • Anon –

      Apparently my comment got eaten in cyberspace so I will try again.

      If you email me with a question, I will respond always. If you ask me a question on my blog, I will respond. If you email me and ask me to promote your blog’s bake sale, special feature, or whatever, I usually do that too. I try to read as many blogs as possibly but there’s a lot out there and I can’t read them all, although I wish I could. I don’t see how this makes me a “mean girl,” but your comment on Mizfit’s blog sure hurt MY feelings.

      Caitlin

  51. Hey Miz,
    Long time reader (& listener) but a rare commenter. I rarely comment on other people’s blogs, but I also rarely read comments on blogs. I’m usually attracted to blogs for inspiration & motivation. I seek positivity in the blogs that I read and try to find commonality. With that said, I do find that when I comment, I hope that the author of the blog would a) read what I wrote and respond back & b) hope that they could offer some support over on my blog.

    I have noticed the cliques, which have been formed because of meet ups, conferences, etc., but it only inspires me to seek out others within my reach to meet new people and form friendships with them. Sure, cliques can be intimidating but that doesn’t stop me reading what they have to offer me in terms of advice, recipes and general pictures.

    Just my two centavos!

  52. I think it depends largely on how you define cliques.

    I often find new blogs by following links on blogrolls or from comments. I’ve noticed that there are definite circles of friends. And that’s how I look at it. They’re friends and they know each other better then they know me.

    My blog has also morphed in it’s focus since I’ve started. I started as a weight loss blog, and have moved to be more of a running and triathlon blog. All 3 of those blogging arenas seem to have different circles within them.

    I think part of it also comes down to “why do you blog?” If you are just blogging to be part of a group, it’s the wrong reason. I know that I blog because it’s an outlet for me. I enjoy writing and I enjoy knowing someone reads it. In that respect, it’s important for me to have followers, but not that I am part of the “clique”.

    Truthfully, I’ve noticed that one of the biggest things that gets your blog read is to post regularly. If you get new readers, but then don’t put anything new on your blog for weeks, they lose interest.

    Another thing is that, realistically, all of us have to set limits. I’ve had times in my personal life where I made the choice to stop investing in a friendship that didn’t give me anything back. Realistically, a person can be acquaintances with many people, but to expect a deep and abiding friendship with everyone is unrealistic.

  53. Great topic! I am not even sure what I am considered a newbie oldbie or a in betweenbie. No matter what it is there are a few things I have learned.
    The cliques are only as powerful as you allow them to be. I have seen people come in and leave upset because they felt left out. It makes me question why they are here in the first place. Blogging is a 2 way street. If you put sincere intent out there people see it and respond in a positive way. If you are here to just get commments and a certain # of hits on your blog it is as obvious as the nose on your face.
    It is easy to get caught up in all of it but I think time is the key to blogging. In time if you stick it out and really participate you will build relationships that will cross the internet boundries. It is important to realize that everyone has their own personality and sets of friends. Make your own with who ever you fit with and don’t worry about how long they have blogged or who is who in the blog world and it will come together. Bottom line is it comes down to why you are here in the first place and how sincere you are. Of course this is all my super long opinion 😉

  54. Great post and I loved reading all the comments too! I think it’s about friendship and how much you put into comments and twitter chat. I have a handful of bloggers whom I adore and love keeping in touch with but I also love NEW bloggers and when they contact me I run over to check out how they are doing. I love being a blogger and enjoy the relationships I have build along the way because it is so helpful to me along my journey.

  55. I am learning not be attached to, but appreciative of, of any outcome, whether it feels positive or negative, if that makes any sense at all. When I started blogging I had no idea that I would become part of a community. And that’s surprising because I’ve been part of several online communities in the past (and still am). There have been times when I’ve felt slighted and, if I am honest, there are probably folks out there who may have felt slighted by mean. When I realize that it certainly not my intention to slight anyone, I realize that the times I’ve felt slighted were most likely not intentional either.

    Something else I’ve noticed (especially with the advent of Facebook and finding old classmates)? Even the “cool kids” are insecure sometimes.

  56. I have been doing personal blogging for some time, and only more recently started incorporating my weight loss journey into my blog. So I can’t really say that I’ve been trying to break in to the fitness/health blogging world in the way that others are. I am grateful to have found this community, however, for inspiration along this journey. And I’ll tweet that I have a new blog post, so others can come and visit. I can’t tell you how exciting it has been to get a few comments from Ryan or Miz or Shauna or the fabulous Mrs. Fatass. I’m not a big time blogger, I can’t afford to go to conferences and meet all of these people, as much as I would love to. But, I can say, that they have been welcoming. I don’t have the blog stats that everyone else does. And sometimes blog posts bring on nothing but the sound of crickets chirping. But it’s okay. I can’t always comment on other blogs either. Sometimes I want to comment, but my four year old is calling. I mean to get back but by the time I do there’s another post up and I feel like I’ve lost my chance. So it goes. I’m just glad y’all are there.

    Sorry for the ramble. The four year old is calling.

  57. I do think some of it is a clique but isnt that normal with a social setting with millions of people? But if the leaders of the clique are not cool and dont welcome the little people in then that really sucks. All ego should be checked at the door. Afterall isnt it all about helping each other out? The moment u get too busy to help someone up the hill –you will fall down it.

  58. When I think about the blogs that I read and how they are constantly referring back to one another, I certainly feel like there is some degree of clique’yness. It is great to read your post, though, becuase it reminds me that I can’t forget that these people do have those relationships outside their blogs. As a new blogger myself, I am slowly working to make those friendships…and hopefully won’t forget to introduce myself to newbies and be welcoming.

  59. I used to read a lot of blogs and want to be like one of ‘them’ The Exposed Movement catapulted me to a new level and it freaked me out. I felt inaqequate to be in the likes of ‘big bloggers’ and I shut down. I tried to write about oatmeal, almond butter, runs and salads, but it felt trite.

    Then I quit, came back, quit and came back. My numbers are low and I don’t give a sh–. Cause I am writing from the heart. If you write to be like someone else, you’ll never be complete. If you write from your heart, comment back to people’s comments, tweet when you have time..then you start of develop your own voice and find your stride.

    I have found my stride. If one person or 1,000,000 want to come along…I’ll be striding away.

  60. When I began blogging years ago.. it was a FRIEND who encouraged me to do this.. I then began to read others who shared the same interests as me.. and we then developed a “virtual friendship” when I took my hiatus.. I still interacted with those folks via email/im/commenting on their blogs…

    it’s all about relationship building.. sometimes they work out and sometimes they don’t.. What may seem like a great group to get involved with and then you realize while yes they are great.. they aren’t great for me.. bloggin is no different than real life.. EVERYBODY WILL NOT LIKE YOU NOR WANT TO INTERRACT WITH YOU..

    engage those that engage you.. and be happy with you

    great discussion Miz..

  62. I find this discussion fascinating because blogging has been a goldmine for me in terms of friendship. Through blogging I have found some real, true deep friendships, friends I NEVER would have met otherwise. You included. I have met not just other bloggers, but people who have read my blogs (the current one and previous one). And that is something I will cherish forever!

  63. Hi, my name is Nicole, and I’m socially awkward as well. Sometimes I take this same socially awkwardness as snobbiness by other bloggers. At Fitbloggin’ last year, I really prematurely judged some people b/c of this. I’m sure others judged me about the same thing! Halfway through the event, I realized how wrong I was, and the cliquewalls were “let down” b/c I let them down. Thanks for being so thought-provoking. 😉

  64. I think that most bloggers are just friends with others. No one has time to follow everyone’s blog and comment on how each is doing. When I don’t have time there are definitely blogs that I chose to read over others.

    That being said, I think that some bloggers are a little clique-y…but I don’t blame them.

  65. Miz, I think you totally HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD. I have been very baffled by this whole “clique” thing which I’ve heard being batted around and it made me wonder: Am I in a clique? Am I so out of it I don’t know who the cliques are? And you brought it home. CLIQUES ARE FRIENDSHIPS.

    I have a lot of online friends now, and you, Miz, were one of the VERY FIRST who said “hello” to me when I was floundering and awkward and freaked out and alone in my very first days. You and Dinneen at EatWithoutGuilt were the first “biggies” who looked my way and reached out a kind hand, maybe in the form of a tiny Tweet that said, “You can do this.” And then more and more people joined on in a big paperdollchain of connection and now I feel so amazingly enriched and connected.

    I’m sure there are lot of people out there who are new and wondering, how do I get in on that love-fest? Well it starts with getting to know people. I always respond to people who @ me. Sometimes it is one-time but often, a real CONVERSATION will emerge. That’s how we get to know each other. I Tweet something about my dog, and someone will say, “What kind of dog do you have?” and I answer and then they say “OH CUTE!” and then slowly it morphs into something deeper like “I wish I could run a 5k” and I say “Did you ever try couch to 5k?” and then voila I will be your personal cheerleader and cry tears of joy when you Tweet at the finish line.

    That’s how it works. If you just Tweet or blog and expect people to come to you it won’t happen. But if you reach out… especially directly, you will make friends.

    Also what Ryan @nomorebacon said: it takes time. Just like everywhere. Be patient, be friendly. It will happen.

  66. Thank you for your honesty and sharing that you, too, feel awkward at times.

    I’d never have guessed.

  67. I admit that yes, I feel health/diet/weight-loss bloggers are cliquey. I’ve been trying to break into it for almost 2 years, and even on twitter and facebook, my comments and inquiries are usually ignored. Yes, I have reached out and every once in a while get a response but more often than not, nothing. There are a few women who visit and comment on my blog almost daily and I’m thankful for them. Yes, it’s frustrating.

  68. I do feel like the community is a bit clique-y. I think for the most part people are friendly but there still seems to be that weird “high school clique” feel to a lot of blogs.

  69. I could have used this post a couple of years ago – we need to make this required reading for anyone starting a blog.

    When I started my blog, I definitely felt like I was standing outside with my face pressed up to the window, watching all the cool kids interact. It took time to feel welcomed into the group (and yes, Carla, you were one of the first to do so, thank you more than you will ever know), and some of the “biggies” never acknowledged my comments, which stung, especially when I could see them interacting with other bloggers. Eventually I found my own “tribe” and have tried to support newcomers as well.

    I will say, with as many blogs out there as there are now, that sometimes I’ve sat on my butt in front of the computer reading and commenting and emailing all day long, which doesn’t lend itself to the active lifestyle that I need to be doing in order to lose/maintain my weight, lol!

    An unexpected benefit of blogging has been the “off-blog” friendships I have formed with a few wonderful people, which is something I’m very grateful for. After nearly two and a half years blogging, I’m better equipped to be able to brush off the biggie bloggers who ignore me and instead cherish the others that I have great friendships with.

  70. This is the part that scares me most about blogging. It terrifies me that I will not be accepted for what I choose to write. Of course, I feel this way in the real world too – outside the cliques, wanting to be invited in. For me, blogging is a way to put myself out there and be seen, in a way that I can’t seem to bring myself to do in the real world.

    ((My blog is a work in progress – nothing published yet – but someday I’ll get it out there.))

  71. Great discussion.
    I am a newbie blogger and have found other bloggers (like you Miz) that I’ve reached out to to be welcoming and super friendly.
    My own blog is largely self indulgent and for my own accountability so I haven’t really been “pushing” it anywhere. But I absolutely love it when I get emails or comments; discussion, being supported and having the opportunity to be supportive to other people just like me is really rewarding. I love feeling like part of something bigger and better than I’d be on my own.

  72. I think it may all depend upon why the blog was started in the first place. If it’s more of a personal journal open for the world to read, then the lack of comments or community involvement probably doesn’t matter much. But if blogging is initiated with the hope of linking into the community of other bloggers, then I can see how it would be upsetting to be left out. Your point is a good one: when people know your story, they’re more likely to want to leave feedback on your little blurbs. And it does just take some time for others to ge to know you 🙂

  73. I do think that all types of blogs have cliques. I used to do crafting blogs. I got tons of hits, but not many subscribers or commenters. After 4 years, I quit. I felt like I couldn’t compete in the world of the top craft bloggers. I didn’t have a book coming out. I didn’t have a convention I could readily go to. It became much too much. I stopped crafting and moved to health and fitness. I love the comments I get. Even if they are far and few in between. And I thank you for sharing a thought or two on my blog. It was wonderful to read that you “read me” and had a thought about it. I am beyond appreciative. But I think that sometimes we get caught up in the numbers of blogging and forget why we are blogging in the first place; to share our accomplishments and struggles for others and ourselves to learn from.

    Great post.

  74. When I started blogging my weight loss I had no idea this whole community existed. For me its like a big life long AA meeting. You have your old school bloggers that have been at it forever. They are there to help us newbies to keep coming back and showing up that weight loss and life changes are possible. Then you have your newbies that band together on this journey and forge life long friendships until eventually they become the new old school. In both groups you’ll have those you want to be around and those you don’t. You have those you will connect with and those you won’t. You’ll have those you learn from and those you teach.

    I blog from the heart. I blog raw. I blog to save my life. The fact that I’ve made some pretty awesome friends along the way and learned how to inspire others coming behind me is just added goodness!

  75. As a new blogger I think this is a great post. I don’t feel intimidated by the cliques, but I’m kind of jealous that some bloggers live so close and can meet, etc. I like in the middle of know where – DC is the closest “city”.

  76. Yeah, I ALWAYS feel outside the group. Even at BlogHer -even when I was a CE for them- I felt like an outsider. I blogged one of the “outlier” topics- not politics or mommy/family- so almost nobody knew who I was.

    FitBloggin? At times I wanted to pack my bags and leave early I felt so much outsider -with what SHOULD BE MY TRIBE.

    Is it my awkward shyness that defeats me? Maybe. I don’t know. But I do know that I have confront and defeat that sense of aloneness every single minute while I attend a conference. During the regular blogging time, I just accept that I’m a teeny tiny speck of dust in the blogosphere…

  77. Wow.

    I am speechless after reading this post and all the great comments.

    I had no idea that anyone else out there even questioned that – I watch the big names in the fitness industry and see clearly that they are all connected and are all friends, online and offline.

    The problem I see I have, thanks to reading this post, is that I have never even thought to reach out to any of them. Why would any of them want a relationship with me? I’ve never asked anyone for help, advice, or to guest post. But I have left comments on their blogs and even given them “link love” on numerous occasions. It never occurred to me that they might reciprocate – but they haven’t, so I guess it was for the best that I didn’t expect anything, right?

    Thanks so much for the insight and all the corresponding ideas that are now flowing on how to build my community because of them. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for any of you to help you.

    Susan
    @susancampbell24
    FB: physiologix

  78. This place is like one huge clique this morning!
    I have yet to meet anyone who blogs or reads my blog – that I can recall. I may have met someone but suffered from memory loss after the meeting.

  79. When I started blogging I had a reaction much like my freshman year of high school. As much as I really really really like the popular bloggers (and my definition is probably slightly different than MC’s), I’m doing my best not to be upset if I don’t receive any comments from them. I feel like a new kid on the block and the only way to make friends is to keep at it, become visible, and be myself. Just like high school, I’m taking my time to nurture relationships with the people who do comment on my blog. In the mean time I’m going to keep posting away and maybe try that twitter thing (although I’m very afraid I’ll get sucked into it and not get anything done.) The goal of my blog is to help people who had gone through similar experience I had and to help be an online presence of support if readers do not feel like they have support in real life.

  81. Honestly, I never perceived it as anyone trying to snub me, but I wrote a healthy living blog for nearly two years and never felt like I developed any of the really close relationships bloggers talk about- even though I was a regular reader/commenter on a number of blogs.

    It is disheartening to pour your soul into something and receive 3 comments over the course of a month- no matter how much you tell yourself it does not matter.

    So I have stopped blogging and am back to just quietly lurking, which I really do enjoy. It just feels a little more like reading a magazine than chatting with my friends…

  82. I don’t want to start anything, but I have to disagree somewhat. Cliques are indeed friendships, but they are a special kind–one that is not interested in adding new friends. When you go to a conference or meetup and feel unwelcome because no one notices that you are there alone, that is evidence of clique-ish-ness.

    When one doesn’t feel comfortable even posting comments to a blog, that seems like further evidence.

    So many people commenting that they are not a clique? Yeah, even more clique-like.

    Sorry, feeling b****y today. Everytime someone brings up this topic, I remember the time I finally commented on a fairly large fitness blog that I had been following since I started my weightloss, and I expressed how that blogger had been instrumental in much of my success through her awesome advice. My comment was not only not responded to, but DELETED. Ouch.

    So, kudos to Miz for creating a blog where I actually feel OK clicking the ‘Submit Comment’ button.

  83. I think it’s possible that there are both cliques and friendships groups here in blogland. Seems human interaction has unfortunate high school and Lord-of-the-Flies tendencies.

    As several commenters have noted, this discussion provides a good prompting to stop and mull about why one blogs in the first place. It may not come down to a single reason and/or the reasons may shift with time and circumstances, but how you perceive the experience has a lot to do with your expectations.

    I’ve suspected at times that there is a insider-outsider thing going on within the fitblogger community with regard to how much weight someone has lost or is trying to lose. But that is only with a very small number of bloggers. It’s sort of like an unless you’ve lost 100 pounds, you don’t have credibility to share your weight loss-fitness journey. But, overall this is an inclusive cyber community. And you, mizfit are a big reason why. Thanks for initiating this conversation.

  84. Wow, this has been the hot topic lately!

    Sure, any large group of people are going to have some sub-groups. Are they necessarily cliques? Maybe I don’t get around the healthy living blogosphere as widely as I should, but I have a feeling that most perceived cliquishness is accidental; for example, maybe the blogger you love (and whom you want to love you back) has trouble keeping up with everyone? Sometimes it’s hard to read all the blogs I want to read, and comment on my regular commenters’ blogs meaningfully…I have no idea how folks with a following like Miz’s manage the outreach that they do. Especially Miz – she’s one of the first bloggers that gave me that “Wow! Thanks for noticing me!” moment.

    Also, this Tribe is quite varied. Like in real life, different people are going to resonate with different blogs. For example, I tend to be drawn to blogs where the people have dealt with similar health and wellness issues, or are in a place in their journey where I want to be, or where I really like the blogger’s writing style, or that not mind my posting big ol’ rambling comments. 😉 Sure, sometimes I venture outside my chosen sub-group or off-Tribe, and I usually learn a lot when I do so. It’s probably something that I should do more often.

    Then there are the various forms of social media. I tend to hang back more on Twitter and Facebook than I do in the blogosphere. Blogging and commenting gives me time to think about a response….whereas with Twitter, I end up feeling like I’m hours too late to the party, or that I shouldn’t tweet unless I have something really compelling to say…and then never get around to it. I also might be using it wrong – I don’t automatically follow everyone who follows me, I kind of follow the Facebook “friending” convention there, and maybe that’s not the purpose of following on Twitter?

  85. I’m still at the ‘talking to myself’ stage of blogging, excluding one loyal reader! I think it is a matter of throwing yourself in, though; so many times I find myself thinking ‘oh, they won’t care about my opinion’ so I don’t comment on blogs, which is silly. You need to give to recieve! 🙂

  86. I think there really are cliques sometimes and then there are perceived cliques.

    Sometimes you don’t want to seem rude or anything, but really – there are only just so many blogs you can visit and comment on in a given day (and have some kind of life outside the internet 😀 ). Some people may view you as snobby then because they see you commenting on the same blogs over and over, which are the ones with whom you have developed friendships with.

    Sometimes it is an age thing as well. At times I don’t feel like I necessarily fit in to some types of blogs because I am not in my 20s LOL!

  87. I’m relatively new to the Fit tribe but dang it I hit the ground running too. Although I wasn’t at Fit Bloggin my image was and I expect that when I do attend next year folks will at least have heard my story. And if they haven’t? Well, I will tell it because I am proud of what I’ve accomplished in less than a year.

    When I was a newbie blogger (I guess technically a Mom blogger) I visited and commented on all blogs – big, small, medium. Asked questions and when I met folks in real life I went up and introduced myself or fawned (joking, I don’t fawn, ok, maybe a little) and dang near fell out when people knew me!

    I am VERY social. You know that, we met at Blissdom and you had an email in your in box from me shortly thereafter. I have no shame. I love me and hope when folks meet me they will love me too. If not? I will pack up my toys and move on to the next.

  88. Even though I’ve been blogging for about 2 years I still feel like an outsider. I feel like I’m very different than the average fitblogger and while I like peeking in on the tribe, I just don’t feel like part of it.

    I just don’t have the time to put into it lately so unfortunately my blog is and will probably always be just my little soapbox. 🙂

  89. I find I have a circle that I am comfortable in…I am more comfortable in the ‘positive mindset and go getter” circle..I hang out there and have occasional forays into the hinterlands, but not often. Which is probably why I will never be a jack or sean or even a mizfit. This whole blog thing is very personal for me. vEry. I need personal people to hang with.

  90. Mind-blown am I.

    Cliques? I can accept their existence. But I cannot imagine a clique that would not be honored to encounter Ms. Mizfit.

    MizFit, you’ve always — to me — fit where’ere you’ve been. I mean, you come across as warm, friendly, and non-judgmental. So… how could anyone not immediately perceive you to be one of the group, and a welcome addition thereof?

  91. I have been blogging on and off for seven years now. Are there cliques in this area? There probably are…there always seems to be one in any group. I am a huge introvert, and it still is hard for me to butt into Twitter conversations or posting comments. There is sooo much participation required to finally get noticed. Once you finally get some attention, you have to keep at it or online peeps will forget all about you. I have to admit, part of the reason I blog is to connect with others…with my odd hours at work and where I live, it is really hard to meet like-minded folks in real life. So when I can joke with Miz about a Fitbloggin clarinet choir or Tony from The Anti Jared leaves me a comment, I finally feel a part of something! Well anyways, I am rambling, there may be some cliques, but not right here.

  92. Thank you for writing this post.

    While it has not been my experience (I have not found the blog world at all welcoming no matter what I have done) at least people are talking about cliques.

  93. I started blogging years ago just about my life in general, in the past, I’ve done a little blogging about weight loss. Then I fell off the blogging wagon for awhile. In the past year, I’ve dusted myself off, recommitted to my weight loss journey and started blogging again, then I got on twitter, and saw “the tribe”, and started reading their blogs. I find motivation from others successes. Even the failures would motivate me, it lets me know that we are all human.

    I guess I never started blogging, for the sake of friendships or “to belong” – it just kinda happened. And like others have said, the friendships seemed to be forged from people who are like minded with me, or on similar paths.

    I still consider myself a “blog newbie”. I started this blogging journey to keep a record of my struggles and successes, and I am happy to say that I’ve gained some new friends / support group because of it. Something I totally wasn’t expecting.

  94. I think there are perceived cliques EVERYWHERE… This about your kids at school and the other parents. The people at the grocery store that chat and you wonder how they know one another. The tables of bloggers at a conference. In my opinion most cliques are all perceived. It normally comes from an insecurity on the part of the person doing the perceiving. This is why I assume no one knows each other. I do my own thing and welcome any and all that want to share, learn and chat.

    *MOST* Bloggers are friendly souls or they wouldn’t be blogging. That, I truly believe.

  95. What a terrific, powerful and real blog. I loved it. It’s so easy for us newbies to make assumptions without looking at the bigger picture. The old time bloggers worked hard to get where they are and i think a lot of the newbies forget that, and instead focus on the fruits of the labor.

    Terrific piece, as usual, but i love how you manage to be inspirational but also informative in such a positive way at the same time. You rock, MizFit.

  97. So well written. I remember when I began about 15 months ago. I felt isolated too. And I emailed some bloggers to ask for advice. Some blew me off. Some gave me advice. Some gave me advice that was actually good. Some actually visited my blog. Some actually commented. Some became my friends.

    Kinda like life.

    You have to put yourself out there. Sure it’s scary. But it is in person too.

  98. I so loved seeing your comment on my blog. 🙂 And I think you’re right, ya haffta be vulnerable to have a single friend. It’s easier (and harder) not to… And on the flipside, it’s easier to stay with your circle of friends (clique) rather than reach outside of your comfort zone…there’s the vulnerability again.

  99. I haven’t read through all the other comments yet but the town hall meeting portion WAS open mic. Anyone was welcome to stand and make a comment – total free for all with the caveat to play nice. 😉

    Yes, the potential for chaos was there but I think what we had was a good conversation with some interesting questions.

    Angela <

  100. Speaking of socially awkward my friend, am I that “big” blogger that turned you down? Hoping to goodness not but if so, sooo glad you didn’t think I was some beeotch lol! I <3 you!!! I've enjoyed every moment that you and I have laughed, shared, and grown together through the years 😀

    I loved how you pointed out about branching into other communities. From a blog standpoint, that is SO important for growing traffic & influence. For example, when people ask me how I got to 50K Twitter Followers, one big factor is because I go out and Follow and friend folks from areas outside of fitness and food…as well I have other interests like photography, social media, muscle cars, science fiction, and gossip (my junk food for the mind 🙂

  101. I have been blogging for nine months. My blog is pretty small. Occasionally “big” bloggers comment, but most often it is just my closer group of small, blogging friends. And you know what? I kinda like it that way. At the same time, I feel a part of the larger blogging community (healthy living community) because I read their blogs, can email them, and have met many of them IRL. I may lack the shared history with them, but that’s okay because I am creating a new history, both with them and with other, newer bloggers.

  102. I love you Miz. You know I do.

    But I’m going to stick by my opinion, as stubborn as that may be.

    It’s cliquey. It may be real friendships but I can’t tell you how often I *have* tried to interact with people only to be snubbed or ignored.

    Maybe I’m “too” whatever for some people. That’s fine. I’m also “unapologetically” myself. I like it that way.

    I literally had to stop “seeing” some of my favourite bloggers because I felt like that kid who no one wanted to pick for their team. It took doing that to get my security back within myself.

    To be honest, I totally rock. You know that. Others don’t. That’s ok 🙂

  103. I am a small blogger. I have been blogging for nine months. My experience has been that, while some of the more established healthy living bloggers can seem a bit cliquey, they really are quite kind, just overwhelmed. They also have a shared history with one another and therefore will go out of their way to keep that up. So it may appear that they’re playing favorites, but, if you email them or ever have a meetup with them, they’re very kind, thoughtful, etc. So: I have developed wonderful close friendships with some bloggers of my “generation” and also feel like I am a member of the same community as some bigger bloggers. It all works out in the end; occasionally I’ll get a comment from a big blogger, but no worries if I don’t. I just keep doing my thing.

  104. Doh! I just posted a comment that required moderating. Sorry Carla.

    I’ve mentally wrestled with the clique blogging thing many times.

    What’s the difference between a clique and a friendship?

    clique a group of exclusive people. its the exclusion that makes a clique.

    Then again, don’t friends exclude people? Not everyone is going to be friends with everyone.

    Yet, cliques are those people who are not just exclusive in my mind, but are darn right rude to new people.

    Then again, Isn’t it rude of the me, the newbie, to be butting into conversations of friends?

    Now, you can see the mental wrestling going on. Back and Forth.

    There’s a balance.

    Relationships take time to build. Some people will connect, some will not.

    I think there is a jealousy of some bloggers who see others who are more successful or better off. Yet, since some bloggers have connections, they get better page rank and more interactions.

    We have to be confident with ourselves. As you say above in your post, take the first step and say, Hey I’m new here. let’s talk.

    Look at all those comments. Once again a great post.

  105. I’m really happy you wrote this. I blogged under a rock for almost 2 years. I had NO IDEA that there was a fitness blogging “community”. I did a guest post for a friend who I had met on a message board a year before and my numbers went way up for a few days. I emailed her and asked why. She explained the community aspect of blogging to me. I was dumbfounded. How had I missed that!! As a really shy person who often feels insecure this was somewhat of a rude awakening for me. I suddenly felt on the outside whereas before ignorance was bliss. However, I have since developed a few really great friendships just because I stepped out and took a risk. These new friendships have really added a another (fun) layer to blogging.

    That was really long. What I really wanted to say was it’s glad to not feel alone. Thanks for sharing your feelings.

  106. I am grateful for this post, and to you. I arrived to the fit/health tribe chat late at TypeAMom. I was the hurried one who stumbled in quite happily yet on-the-brink-of-tears with an empty stroller. I sat down, fighting back emotions, wondering if I’d done the right thing in arriving so late, wondering if I belonged. I write about eating all-natural and organic food for families, as well as diet/exercise for busy moms, but that isn’t my main focus, I write about being a parent and have a parenting blog. I’m not a fitness or health blogger solely, so how would that play with my involvement, would I be welcomed? Because I arrived as you were smack-dab in the middle of talking, so thankfully I didn’t have to worry about my “who” or “why” I was there. I shuffled in, perked up, grabbed my pen and paper at-the-ready and listened, absorbed, loved. You see, I may or may not have been known by any of you at the time, but I felt welcomed just because we related to the same topics. I mean, that’s why they had that tribe/session, yes? We were all woven together by the string that ties us to what we love – health.

    I long for more of that, both online and at conferences/events – opportunities to mingle with people who align with my interests in a non-cliquish fashion. I often find when left on your own, people gravitate to what they know, and often times, those “on the outside” are left alone. I have to admit that sometimes I witness this and wonder why? Why is it so hard to let someone in that you don’t know? They could be your best friend you’ve never met.

    I know that there is pressure of being in public, in huge groups, etc. Sometimes strength is in numbers, being reinforced by people who are familiar in the unfamiliar, but I’ve been to events where there is “that table” of women who won’t even think to talk to you, or who, when you pass them, look at your name tag and dash off because they don’t recognize you, your name, or blog. Like you are not worthy. Really? They sure are missing out by doing that.

    I applaud you for writing this and for allowing such a wonderful conversation about it. Thank you, Carla. I am most grateful for having met you at TypeA. So, so grateful. 🙂

  107. I used to not care about being a nobody in the blogosphere. Then I realized that I don’t even know who the “Big 6” are, and then I felt really marginalized.

    Then I tried to reply to that comment (that first mentioned the “Big 6” and when I hit “submit”, my comment disappeared into the ether. I really am a nobody. 🙂

  108. I am always amazed when you comment to me. I think of you as star status and what are you doing reading my blog? Then I realize it is always in the 5’s and I think that you pick blogs that were posted earliest that morning. Half the time that I read comments you are first and I get a little giggle because I see how damn early it was.
    You are SO not clicky….sure, I see it out there, and am a wanna be, but it’s sure ain’t 8th grade, aren’t we grateful for that?

  109. Maybe I’m just immune to this clique-ish feeling. I think it’s always been ingrained in my head that friendship groups are hard to step into at first, but if you make the effort, are genuine and sincere, most people will not overlook that for long.

    I think sometimes people expect immediate feedback because their blogs are a reflection of themselves, and when they aren’t accepted immediately, it’s almost as if somebody is shoving them into the “loser” corner (yes, this is back to elementary school). But really, it’s not like that. All the blogs that I read regularly, I absolutely love. I email most of the bloggers, stalk them on Facebook if I can, or tweet them because I want to be a part of their lives.

    Newcomers I want to know too, but it takes more of an effort on their part to introduce themselves and reach out. It’s how things are, both in online world and real life.

    Being the new kid? You gotta just take a deep breath, believe in yourself and your message, and step out of that comfort zone. I guess I got over the clique stuff from traveling by myself for 7.5 months. If I didn’t make an effort to talk to people, most likely people weren’t going to talk to me back.

    And hey, if they don’t like what I have to say? That’s ok! There are so many other wonderful people out there waiting for me to meet them!

  110. After four years of blogging and making many friends in the process, I still hesitate to leave comments on a lot of the blogs I read. Sometimes I feel as though I don’t belong, or am not in the same league as the blogger whose words have made an impact on me – silly, I know. Sometimes I just don’t have time (I read a lot of blogs in my feed reader whilst scoffing my breakfast).

    Mostly though, it’s because I’m shy and a bit insecure.

    Look what you made me do…I left a comment!

  111. Well, sure it feels clique-y. And it can be discouraging to blog and not have anyone respond or really follow. It can make it hard to make yourself blog frequently when you feel like you aren’t really connecting or no one is reading anyway. Which is why I think it is important that you blog for yourself first…and I am working on really knowing that. Also, I think that if you don’t have Twitter (which I don’t because I don’t have a phone that I could use it with) you don’t really have a chance to get inside the circle. It is like sitting across the cafeteria at lunch and wondering why the cool group isn’t talking to you – they can’t even hear you!

    I will say that when I have gotten a comment from you, it sends me over the moon, because you are so amazing. And when I get comments from bloggers who I read and really respect, it is huge. Someday maybe I will make my way into the circle of friends (because yes, I believe that you guys have real friendships that have been built and earned.) Until then, I just have to keep writing and trying to be consistent.

  113. MizFit. Thanks for having this discussion. I think a lot of us need to talk this out. From the noobies to the Biggies. We all have invested our time and ourselves into our blogs, and a lot of times it is the most authentic version of ourselves.

    So it hurts when we feel:
    ignored
    victimized
    ciphered
    shot down

    AND it hurts when we feel:
    clamored after
    stalked
    stifled
    swamped

    I think if we recognize that people are people are people, then we will be able to give each other some room to be human. I respond fairly equally to emails/comments/tweets. But I am drawn in by content and replies that speak to me directly. My life, my humor, my problems. That can’t be packaged. It’s just me. Everyone will find their niche, but I think we all have to put down our victim security blanket for a while when we leave our own comfy blog homes. And think about Them.

  114. This is so cute, Miz.

    I know what you mean. When I see a group of people together and I don’t know anyone but they know each other, I get all quiet and awkward and uncomfortable.

    And I’m not going to lie – sometimes I feel like a bit of an outsider because a) I’m from Canada, and b) I’m not a “big blogger”. Because of those two things, I don’t get much of a chance to meet other bloggers… but then I see people who live near each other having blogger meet-ups all the time and carrying out REAL friendships. It makes me a little nervous for things like FitBloggin because I just KNOW that tons of people there will be well-acquainted.

    It’s reassuring to know that you feel somewhat the same way 🙂 (And yes. While I don’t think that the clique-ness OVERRIDES the health blogging community, I certainly think that it is present.)

  115. I’ve been blogging for over a year but just came on the Mommy Blog scene. The mothers I’ve met so far have been more then welcoming to me. Commenting on my blog as I comment on theirs! I’ve been pretty much house bound since a car accident left me disabled back in 06 so making friends on the internet is very important to me. Also having the new role of mother, these women are my advisers and guide me through situations I wouldn’t as a new mother know how to handle on my own.

  116. I use my blog as a journal so I don’t really care about the comments but I do see the friendship thing and say, good for them. 🙂

  117. When I started blogging almost two years ago, I had no idea that there was any community – I just wanted somewhere I could get my thoughts down in writing. Then people started reading and commenting and I started checking out their blogs and realised just how big the blogging community is.

    Do I think cliques exist? Yes. Do I feel bad about it? No. I was a regular member on a forum some years ago and was accused of being in a clique myself. We didn’t realise that was how people saw us – we were just a group of girls that got to know each other away from the boards, emailed, texted, met up in real life and became friends. I see that’s how it is for the bigger bloggers.

    I do sometimes feel invisible to others though – I’ve emailed and tweeted certain bloggers with a question or advice and it has gone ignored, completely. However, I am terrible myself for reading an email when I’m up to my eyes in work and thinking “I’ll reply later” and then forgetting so I try not to take it personally. One person that ALWAYS replies to my emails, no matter how busy she is, is Caitlin at HTP – she’s a really lovely lady and has given me lots of help and advice in the past and no matter what my question is, she always responds.

    I also want to say a big thank you to you Carla – the first time you commented on my blog, I damn near had a heart attack – you are totally awesome and I heart* you.

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