How do you lick your forearms?

by

053

Once upon a time we had a bullmastiff named Hercules (may he rest in peace/spill out some doggie chow for our fallen homie).

Hercules was an anxious dog.

He was so frazzle-ridden  we nicknamed him Flinchy because of his tendency to (waitforit) flinch at the slightest noise or merest of changes in his surroundings.

Flinchy Hercules possessed a habit which quickly caught our attention:

Whenever he was stressed or anxious he commenced licking his forearms & didnt stop until the feeling subsided.

As you can imagine  this quickly became a family joke, but there were more than a few things we learned from his odd & (st)icky ways.

  • Self-soothing is entirely personal. What felt good to Herc may not be what Id have chosen to soothe my stresses away (been there. tried that. didnt like the aftergoop.) but for all of us it should boil down to simple techniques which serve to immediately calm.
  • Self-soothing is always about experiencing the positive (as really, the forearm goop/dried crusting wasnt hurting anything) versus something negative or self punishing (for Herc that took the form of nail biting for us it might be over-eating, drinking, over-exercising etc.).
  • Self-soothing stops when the feeling dissipates. It never ceased to amaze me Herc would lick his forearms until he felt better & then lollop along his merrybrindleway. He never licked to irritation. It should be the same for us & our self-soothing techniques. All things in moderation are fine but even soothingstuffs (hello, one glass of wine. nice to meet you one trashy tv show) can drag us down if done too long.
  • Most importantly: Herc knew what soothed him & (to anthropomorphize a wee bit here) and knew he was “worth” feeling better.

(Admittedly anyone whos spent time around babies knows self-soothing is something we focus upon with them, too. I just r-e-a-l-l-y wanted to seize this opportunity to yammer about my dog. You’ll have that.)

When I first saw Herc goop himself what surprised me the most was the realization I had zero clue what my self-soothing technique would be.

And, after chatting with friends, I found most of them had nary a clue either.

As a result, we gathered as a group (swore each other to secrecy) and brainstormed about precisely what would soothe our stresses.

Most of our self-soothing ideas took the form of physical experiences. Ways of harnessing sensations to work for us and give us the calm, relaxed, centered feelings we needed.

Self-soothing for us  had to do with nurturing and being kind to ourselves & we started this exploration by focusing on/writing about what felt soothing to each of our five senses:

  • Vision
  • Hearing
  • Smell
  • Taste
  • Touch

For me self-soothing takes the form of TOUCH.

For a friend the mere SMELL of cookies baking is enough to spark calming memories/relax her even after the shittiest hardest of days.

For another it is listening to angry music (!) which allows her to release her frazzle & grow calm.

You get the idea…

So now I turn it back to you:

How do you lick your forearms?

Do you already have a tried & true method of self-soothing which works even under the greatest of stress?

How did you discover what worked for you?

And, if you’re not yet there, I encourage you to dedicate 5 days (any five!) to exploring what calms each of your senses.

You may be surprised by what you discover.  Not only did I learn how to self-soothe—–I learned a few other important things about myself as well.


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Comments

  1. I’d say I have several ways to soothe myself when stressed out. A glass of wine, loud music in the car, a massage, etc.

    (And it’s funny to hear about your dog’s self-soothing. I have a Siamese cat that licks the tip of his tail until it’s goopy as a way to self-soothe.)

  2. I have the entire series of Gilmore Girls on DVD, and whenever I am stressed I gravitate towards that show. I have no idea why Gilmore Girls makes me feel so calm (in fact the first time I saw the show I hated it), but it works!

  5. I really like this post but I don’t like how it’s made me realize I have no clue LOL!

    I need to figure this out and lessen my stress, Miz.

  6. I belong to a women’s group where we meet monthly and mainly chat about books.

    I like the idea of exploring this together like you did with your friends.

    It is intimidating, too.

  7. What struck me here is when you wrote that the self-soothing stops when the feeling dissipates, Miz.

    I would have said my running was my soothing but I run till I know I am damaging myself.

    🙁

    I need a new way to lick my forearms.

  9. Well, I am obviously trying to learn to NOT use the sense of Taste, since that’s is what gets me in trouble. But I guess now I tend towards hearing, with music. And at the same time drawing… the patterns, colors, design… I guess that’s sight and touch?

    I liked this post… got me thinking!

  10. Great post Miz, very thought provoking as I have no idea. When you talk about stress I get this mental image of curling myself into a ball and whimpering. Not the best coping mechanism. Guess I will need to explore this – I have a feeling that I don’t really have a good way of dealing.

    I do know that if things get too busy and I start to feel overwhelmed, then I just need to stop. I need to stay home, watch TV, read books, get some extra sleep, etc. But I can’t always do that. Definitely will put some thought into this.

  11. This is a perfect post for a Friday.
    I have not idea what calms me outside of carbs 🙂 and will work on this over the weekend.

    Thank you!!

  12. My 3rd son is an amazingly jolly little guy–so much so that he brings the happy wherever he goes. I immediately go to him (if he’s awake) for soothing. He’s only 17 months old but if his good nature stays with him I imagine I’ll still be able to get happy vibes off him for years to come. My other two boys are also good therapy with their hugs. I also find dancing around to happy music to be very soothing–and I can combine that with the kids so that I feel on top of the world.

  13. Yesterday I was laughing about how I went to the WordPress plugin galleries to rate plugins because I knew it would help me wind down after a pretty stressful day. I don’t know if that would work all the time but it worked yesterday.

    My go-to for soothing in most instances would probably have to be… 30 Rock. Tuning into that show and tuning out the world for 20 minutes does seem to relax my soul for some reason.

    (Loved the post title too!)

  14. Mine is the ocean, which now poses a problem since one that’s clean to surf/swim in is two 1/2 hrs away. So every year at least once I go home for 2 weeks to Maui and I recharge. I’m good for about 3-4 months. In-between getting outside for a short run or long walk and laying on a big pillow on the floor with the family watching 2-3 back to back movies with some yummy take-out fills the void. Oh and throw in some laughing via text messages with your besties helps too 😉

  16. Oh. My.
    I have always self soothed with food, and now that I’m trying to take that away I’ve never even thought of what to REPLACE it with. I more thought, get over it.
    Completely new concept for me.

  17. I have always had this weird little tick. Growing up in my house was stressful, so I had to find ways I could soothe myself without leaving my room. I had this blanket, with a trim of satin around it. (Very popular in the 70s.) I would run that soft, smooth satin through my fingers until I was calm. It’s still what I reach for when I have a bad day, or when I need a little help falling asleep.

    (I still keep a blanket with satin trim under my comforter so no one can see it.)

  18. Like most others, I found this post very thought provoking. When I considered in what positive ways I self soothe (reading, writing, yoga), I noticed that while those are the things that truly provide me with the solace that I’m looking for, often, I drive myself away from doing those things and participating in activities that eventually make me feel worse (couching it with a marathon of bad reality TV).

    Thanks for the post, Miz. It will definitely make me more concious of my choice the next time I’m in need of some soothin’.

  19. Anyone who has seen me in person knows: I am a rocker. I stand and rock; I sit and rock. I’ve done it my entire life and it’s the only thing that keeps this anxious soul from exploding. It’s definitely a touch sensation.

    In severe cases I throw, punch and get rather excitably violent- but it’s not about hurting myself or anyone else. It’s all about releasing excess nervous energy.

  20. I feel so many different things in response to this post. First I just want to give Hercules a hug. We had a cat, Claude, who was very much the same way! And our nickname for him was Flinch-Meister. I bet Hercules and Claude are up at the Rainbow Bridge exchanging stories.

    As for me? I used to use food and wine to soothe myself. I still do, sometimes, but not to extremes. Shopping used to be a soothing experience but it, too, had the tendency to be destructive, as well. Now I will “shop” but not spend money. It soothes me to go to a store and look at things.

    Other, more recent soothers: lighting a candle, focusing on my breath and/or doing a few yoga poses, reading (well, this isn’t recent…it’s something I’ve done since I was a child…and wow…I am having an ah-ha moment as I write this!!!), taking a walk to the beach, talking to a friend…

  22. I don’t think I have just one go-to thing. Too often it’s been food, but I try to work with it and either make it something nourishing or non-caloric (hot tea, flavored water) – not that I always “healthify” it, but more often than not.

    Deb Roby mentioned motion, and I’d have to say that works pretty well for me, too. We used to have this bench swing, and it was so soothing. Exercise helps me quite a lot when I’m dealing with nervous energy.

    Mental escapism – a good movie or rereading favorite books.

  23. This is a great post, Miz. I’m pretty sure that food (carbs in particular) has been how I lick my forearms. But unlike Herc, I’ve licked to irritation – gaining weight is not soothing.

    I think I soothe myself by getting outdoors. Riding my bike, walking, pulling weeds; just being outside soothes me. But for those times (heat, rain, bugs) when outdoors isn’t soothing, I need an alternative – reading blogs helps 🙂

    Loved the title and the story of Herc. My old dog, he’s 12 or 13 now, used to lick his forearms when he was younger. Now I guess he has nothing to stress out about!

  24. I had to replace “self-soothe” with “breathe deeply” before I could answer the question. Things that immediately make me breathe deeply:

    A foot rub
    A hand rub
    A neck rub (sensing a theme here?)
    Certain kinds of music, esp. if I’m wearing headphones

    Will definitely think more about this!

  25. depending on the source of my stress, i have several different ways to lick my forearms. i will admit that not all of them are healthy, and i am working on that, but here they are:
    1) trail running. and off-trail, too. being in the woods makes me feel small, yet powerful. not in a domineering sense, just in an ‘alive’ sense.
    2) exercising to the point of muscle failure. not good, i know. i don’t do it as often these days, but there was a time….
    3) long, nearly scalding hot, showers. inwhich i would sit on the floor of the tub and let the water just rain down on me. not good. (think “lobster boy”)
    4) my current fave, unless HE is the source, is curling up at night with our little guy. if i curl up with him for more than 15 minutes, there’s a 99% chance that i will relax enough to fall asleep. i love that.
    5) music that matches the mood.

    thank you for this exercise!

    -g-

  26. What works best for me is to analyze myself. Naming my stressor gives me power over the situation.

    In my statistics class there I sit near three other women with long hair (well past our shoulders). We noticed that by the 4th week of class, we had all started petting, finger combing, and twirling our hair when the subject matter gets mentally taxing. Two of the women have always done it as a self-soothing technique but for one of the women and myself it’s a new development. It doesn’t seem to work for me outside of that class.

  27. Carla, you have the most interesting way to get a point across! 🙂 LOVE IT!

    This really made me think because depending on what is bothering or stressing me & what is going on in my life, I think I do different things. Sometimes I have to just talk to a friend & just get it off my chest, other times I watch my fav TV shows that I record for future viewing so I can escape for a bit into that craziness or comedy, other times I just need to let it be & be mad or sad or whatever it is…

    Very interesting Carla!

  28. I love this post.
    To unwind I like to cook or bake. When it’s not cold enough outside that I may die (it’s a balmy -42 today…gbrrr) I’ll go walk down to the river and relax with a cup of tea. For now, I have some tea, put on some music and look out the window or read a bit.
    Exercise really zens me out too. There’s something about the right music and just pure movement that can be such an incredible outlet…
    And pretzels. I love me some pretzels 🙂

  29. L-O-V-E this! My self-soothing works-every-time thing is walking. Not for exercise, but for the movement and the breathing. Or if it’s February and raining, I might get lost in a book for a while.

    Fortunately, neither of those involve goop or crust. 🙂

  30. Obviously I also try NOT to self-soothe anymore through eating. (Not always successful.)
    When I can, watching lightning play as a storm approaches works wonders to calm my nerves. Also: Stroking a cat to purring point, breathing deeply, holding a glass pebble in my hand, feeling its contours, smelling my feather pillow and feeling its softness against my skin, watching old sitcoms, like The Golden Girls or The Cosby Show (those neat, in control homes DO it for me!) or getting some distance behind me on the bike. Strangely, I find that when I’m in the office and few of these options are available, simply IMAGINING something like stroking a cat, has exactly the SAME calming effect.
    Of course, slipping off to the ladies and having an earnest two-minute talk with God is definitely a way of licking my forearms!
    (Goodness, I never knew I’ve got so much in my arsenal of self-soothing activities!)

  31. Unfortunately, alcohol is always my go to for self-soothing (specifically wine)…but being such a HUGE Gleek, watching Glee, listening to Glee, even just talking about Glee is a big one for me too.

    Some nights, after a looooong day at work & school, all I want to do is sip on some wine & watch Glee. Now THAT sounds amazing to me even now 🙂

  32. A nice warm bath filled with essential oils and epsom salts or bubble bath can help me calm my nerves better than most things.

  33. I’ve never thought about this before…but I think I have to 2 ways. The first is drinking and the second is exercise. Now that I know, I will try to turn to cardio instead of the glass of wine… Thanks!

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