This is the after (guest post).

by

 

“What are you trying to get to?” asks a stranger with a sweaty, kind face and muscles of steel.

 

“Excuse me?” I huff, having zero idea what he is asking.

 

He looks confused and points at my shirt. “How much are you trying to lose?”

 

I stare down at my shirt emblazoned with the Skinny Emmie character that proclaims I’m “down 110+ pounds, a lifetime to go.”

 

Taken aback, I look at my the ground beneath the moving ARC trainer and mumble, “oh, I don’t know. I’m just trying to keep progressing.”

 

“Yeah, but what’s the number?” he retorts.

 

In my haste to satiate him enough to go away, I indecisively reply “oh, I maybe need to lose, like, 225 pounds? I don’t know.”

 

Sweaty gym man gave a cursory nod and a “keep on going!” and went back to his stair runs.

 

My attention turns back to the ARC trainer screen, numbers flashing with my speed. My legs continue to move without hesitation, their strides in sync with the beat of my iPod. My mind, however, is whirling.  Why don’t I know the number? How will I know if I’ve reached the “after?” How will people know when I’m a success story? How will I know I am a success story?

 

When will I be able to strut around in my “after” outfit and spout to the world that I did it – I conquered my personal Everest.

 

The encounter above happened a few months ago. It happens quite frequently from those who graciously give compliments and throw in the curious question, “how much have you lost NOW?”

 

For three months, my answer has been the same.

112.

112.

112.

 

It’s like letting a scratched record skip over and over – the needle jumping the same section of vinyl repeatedly until the noise becomes a part of the normal rumble of the day.  A frustrating stall that lingers as I continue to try hard every day.

I don’t fault people in asking – it comes with the territory of being a weight loss blogger. I am thankful people take an interest. My frustrations lie not with them, but with myself for not being able to answer their questions.

 

“What are you trying to get to?”

 

Under 200 pounds.

A 200 pound loss.

Fit in a size 10.

The finish line.

 

All of these answers have been with me through crash diets, prescription pills, maniac workouts and major bouts of depression and anxiety. Over twenty years of fighting myself to find the will to make it happen.

 

Now, however, those answers don’t seem right. That’s not what I’m trying to get to. None of it. It’s also not as much of a fight anymore. It just is. I just DO.  It’s been maddening to try to figure out what the right answer is. What is the “end”?

 

Literally as I was writing these words and giving myself quite a mental beating, this comment came through on my blog:

 

“What are you striving for? You aren’t going to get there. You’re already there.”

 

*Cue lightbulb moment*

 

There isn’t a beginning and an end. There is a beginning and a DOING. The messy progress between what you had called the “beginning” and looked forward to getting rid of at the “end?” THAT is the goal. Continual progress, day in and day out. Progress that isn’t always a walk in the park, but progress that you’re choosing for yourself. I have gone over 1 year choosing to work every day at honoring my body. This is repeated progress, and dare I say, my new LIFEstyle.

 

What if we stop trying to define our achievements in numbers and define it in the NOW? Release the striving and longing and exchange it for celebration and living.

 

So I ask you: What are you trying to get to?

 

Emmie is the weight loss blogger behind Skinny Emmie. She has lost 112 pounds so far on a journey to being happy and healthy. You can find her at http://skinnyemmie.com, Facebook, or Twitter.

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Comments

  1. Wonderful words, Emmie, and thank you for sharing them! What a great lightbulb moment to have. I’d like to get to a place where my eating and inactivity don’t cause me physical pain and mental and emotional distress. For me, that will always be about the journey, about every single day, making the right food choices and staying mobile and active. So I guess, in that way, I’m in the after as well. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for pointing that out. 🙂 And well done on your new life!

    • Thank YOU for the kind words. When you think about it, doing something “every single day” seems daunting, yet it’s so simple, it’s stupid!

  2. What a wonderful post & a great attitude about it all! I really love the progression!

    When I lost, I was young & just did not want to be fat but I agree, now t is just about continual progress & doing.

    Thx for sharing with us!

  3. I love your story and was wondering have you ever seen a doctor or a nutritionist about your eating?

    Well done on the 112lbs lost! At still over 300lbs and exercising as much and as well as you do though, surely there must either be a medical reason behind the weight loss stall or you’re just consuming too many calories?

    I get what you are saying here about ‘doing’ but surely you want to see results of all your hard work? You started this for a reason and to be encouraged to continue surely results play a part in that??

    Well done! Keep it up!

    • It isn’t always eating too much or medical reasons. Plateaus in which the body makes metabolic adjustments after long-term weight loss are common and to be expected. They can last for months or even a year. Losing weight is hard on your body and it will eventually dig in and hold on. Do a search on plateaus. The recommendation is to eat at maintenance level and build muscle and to take the time necessary for your body to readjust, then go back to eating a bit less.

    • Hi Arianna- yes, I regularly see a doctor, have bloodwork drawn, and go to a Registered Dietician. I have had tests done to determine exactly how many calories my body burns and such. I’m having another round of testing done in 2 weeks. Sometimes I wish there were a biological error somewhere that could be remedied by a pill, but alas my body tells me I’m normal 🙂

  4. This is a great post… you’re going to keep on living, day in and day out, so is there really an after? There’s just a ‘now’ 🙂 Thanks for the inspiring words!

  5. An awesome reminder that sometimes the scale doesn’t move but that progress can be measured otherwise. I have not had any major losses recently, but your post reminded me that I should focus on the things I am doing well. Thanks!

    • It’s so hard to focus on the daily successes we have just by making the proper choices, but it’s time to flip the switch on that old way of thinking!

  8. I love this post! I think those are wise words for any aspect of life, that it’s not about rushing to get to some idealized destination but about learning to appreciate the steps it takes you to get there. And…I’m going to stop because everything I’m writing is getting all woo-woo, so I’ll just say that I agree with what you are saying.

    P.S. What’s up with strangers asking such personal questions? Sheesh.

    • I love that you said “woo-woo!”
      I think he was really trying to be supportive – he was very complimentary, but I kept thinking “Obviously, you’ve never been overweight or you wouldn’t ask me this.”

  9. So well said! Although I do have a number, I haven’t moved towards it in quite some time, and I am very mindful of all my body has done for me. 20 pound loss from highest weight, 2 half marathons, 1 sprint triathlon, countless 5 and 10Ks, and and half-ironman distance Aqua-bike. I might not be able to say that I’ve hit my number goal, I can definitely say that I’ve been hitting my personal goals – which gets me to keep going.

  10. That is such an important realisation! And really chimes with me. I lost 90lbs four years ago but because I never reached that magic BMI number I never celebrated my success. I never felt like the “After”, even though I’d achieved so much getting to the goal seemed impossible and sure enough it all piled back on again. I’m starting my own “beginning” again now but I’ve learnt like you that the process is the goal.

  14. I needed exactly this today. I’m down about 85 pounds in 15 months. I’ve only lost about 5 pounds all summer.

    I know why (stupid food) but it’s still frustrating. I have a number in my head (or at least a range) and I have a dress size I’d like to get to.

    But, I need to remind myself that it doesn’t end there. It never does. I need to be constantly trying – striving – moving forward.

    • Congratulations on 85 pounds – that’s amazing. Don’t ever forget it. I’m glad this post helped, and that there are others out there who can relate 🙂

  16. This is an interesting twist. It’s often said to visualize yourself at a certain weight in order to get there. I struggled with that because I’d always been chubby. I was never “skinny” or fit. So I couldn’t picture myself as a fit, athletic person. Instead, I had to set a number goal. 100 was too scary, 50 was doable. I did 50. Then I decided to do 75. Then 100 was a breeze and I COULD picture myself at a “healthy weight.” I was getting there!

    This is a great post, Emily!

  17. I too have long struggled with knowing exactly what the “finish line” is – when do I know I’m there? I love your answer. There’s so much more to learn when you can appreciate where you are rather than always looking to the horizon for something else. Thank you for this Emily!

  18. Hurrah Emmie on your post. I used to think of a specific number too until the day I realized, well, really my goal is to become stronger and healthier; to listen to my body and push it, but not fight it; to feel comfortable in my own skin. And this is happening right now. And this will take a lifetime to grow into. It’s not either/ or for me, but found in the and.

  20. My husband told me a similar thing at the beginning of the summer. I had just signed up with a trainer who was asking my goals. I said I did not really have a number goal. I had ability goals. 1. lift a 40# bag of cat litter off the floor and put it in my car. 2. bike 10 miles with out the need to train, saddle sore ok 3. hike 2-3 hours. As my hubby pointed out, I could already do those things. Soooo, I guess I was there. It was kind of surprising because according to my goals, I had completed the journey. Time for new goals!

  22. Thank you so much for writing this! This in particular: “There isn’t a beginning and an end. There is a beginning and a DOING.” I needed this reminder because I’m on a weight-loss journey that has stalled for several months and it’s so frustrating. Every time I eat something I shouldn’t have, I beat myself up. I lose sight of the fact that I ate well for the four days before that and worked out every day. I try hard every day and that’s what counts: the DOING. Thanks, girl!

    • Oh girl, I know how beating yourself up feels, and it’s always worse than if someone else were beating you up. Accept the process and just DO. 🙂

  25. You are amazing and inspiring, my friend! I get overwhelmed with the big goal in mind and freak out… so i’m trying to stick with my small goals of 5-10 pounds at a time!

  26. Love this. I lost 25, and honestly, I’m fine if I stop here. I’m healthy, I’m running, I’m strong. Some size 10’s fit now, and I like how I look in jeans again. Still, what I’m trying to get to doesn’t really involve pounds any more. I’m trying to get back to me.

  27. Yes, there is a beginning and a doing! My beginning was 11 years ago. My doing has been ever since and will be evermore to come–but I enjoy the doing more and more!

  28. Yes! This is wonderful, insightful and inspiring. thank you! I think I’m going to post a little sign on my bedroom mirror. “There isn’t a beginning and an end. there’s a beginning and a DOING.”

    You look BEAUTIFUL right now by the way. Don’t let the plateau discourage you–every day that you do the “doing” your body is getting stronger, healthier and more efficient, no matter what the scale says. It could take several months for your metabolism to reset and stop trying to hold on to weight, but it will, and if it’s about the DOING, you won’t have missed a beat.

    • Ha, yes, I know about you and numbers! In hindsight, I’m glad he asked because it really made me think long and hard about it. And he certainly isn’t the only one to have asked lately. Thanks Deb

  32. Congrats on your weight loss! Its only when you begin weight loss that you realise that weight loss and maintenance are all part of a life long journey … tis about creating new habits that make you who you are now. Sometimes I lose focus as to where healthy eating and exercise is leading me it has to be said.

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