So, you know, lets keep it just between us.
The problem is, in a way I havent felt in a few weeks, I feel called to write it.
I have to write the story whether I share it or not.
And, being the misfit I am, Ive grown too excited not to share.
Allow me to back up.
- When last I over-blathered my ‘not supposed to share’ Id returned to saying: You’re just not a priority right now.
(I kid you not about the *not supposed to share.* I found out the hard way it’s something of a secret who’s in the head pictured above.)
- The act of saying YES! was an experience of remembering it’s OK to prioritize family over all else—work included.
(I kid you not both posts are a celebration of the sweet sweet freedom pretty much no one in OAKLAND reads my blog)
- After many many false starts it was time to
shineembrace the TERROR Id had no idea would envelope me when placing an animal head over mine.
(I kid you not about sheer terror. Do we grow claustrophobic with age? I couldnt see. I couldnt *breathe.* The head is truly the closest Ive been to a full-on panic attack.)
I marked my debut as the child’s school mascot on my calendar and launched my fear-filled countdown.
You see, after donning the head in the photo above, PANICKING & yanking it off as quickly as I could I wasnt confident I could ever place it on again.
The mere thought of pressing the cougar-head over my own & PINNING it to the furry suit was enough to spark me to hyperventilate.
(I kid you not. As the child eagerly counted down days to her school’s Halloween parade I prayed something–ANYTHING!–would intervene so I didnt have to appear.)
Last week the day arrived.
FINALLY!!! through her eyes and CRAPBALLS!! (<—technical term) though mine.
(I kid you not as I awaited the parade start-time I WISHED for an emergency to prevent me from attending.)
Alas nothing intervened and it was time for me to make my COUGAR-debut.
I told myself I could do it. I reminded myself of the POWER of
moving meditation and the fact I could employ this as I ‘paraded.’
(I kid you not I outwardly panicked as they zipped me in the suit and affixed the head tightly to the body.)
I had an ‘out’ (another mom offered to do it if I “just couldnt”).
Problem was–more than disappointing the Tornado–I knew I’d be disappointed in *myself* if I didnt dig deep, focus on self-soothing & take the furry-leap.
And so I did.
(I kid you not I couldnt believe I did it. I didnt think I could. I spontaneously created a mantra of *you can breathe you can breathe* & chanted the entire time.)
When I was done (to my chagrin there’s no video of me dancing Gangnam style) it was a feeling of accomplishment unlike any Ive experienced in a long time.
(I kid you not Ive said this sentiment over & over to the poor Husband as no one else is *really* supposed to know Im the mascot.)
I write about doing one thing each day which scares me (pitching brands. pushing physical boundaries) yet cougar’ing showed me how *rarely* we grown-ups have the opportunity to do something which terrifies us and emerge the other side feeling UNSTOPPABLE.
(I kid you not. I feel frighteningly indomitable. NaNoWriMo? PUHLEASE! That’s simple. I can see *and* breathe when writing! Whats to fear?!)
I was afraid.
I had no faith I could face my fear.
I faced. I conquered. (I shocked!)
I feel as though Im capable of *anything* right now.
And that feels fantastic.