A recovering perfectionist (guest post).

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As a Type A, competitive, driven person, the phrase that has become a theme in my life the last few years is “progress, not perfection.”

Is anyone else a recovering perfectionist?

It’s so easy to set a high bar for myself and then become discouraged or frustrated when those goals are not met, without recognizing and celebrating the progress along the way.

The negativity is dangerous.Our minds soak up those critical messages as truth- they don’t know the difference between I feel like a failure and I am a failure.

If it’s not something we would say to a friend, we shouldn’t say it to ourselves, either.

These are a few of the areas that I’m working to accept progress over perfection:

  • Fitness– I used to stress over a missed workout or wonder how to fit everything in when I’m traveling but I’ve learned to do my best and enjoy the extra rest days. Progress… not perfection.
  • Healthy living– I still occasionally have an emotional eating day or week when I’m down. In the past, I would have been beating myself up for losing control.

Instead, I’ve learned to keep going forward, choosing not to dwell on poor choices.

It shouldn’t have the power to bring down my mood, so why let it? Why give it that power?

A healthy living journey has room for off days (or weeks).

Progress… not perfection.

Career- I’m always dreaming up new things I want to do with my work and all that I want to accomplish (start an e-book, offer group health coaching, read a bazillion more books) rather than focusing on the balanced wahm- sahm balance I’ve created and love. I’m choosing to be content where I am with the progress I’ve made. I have a whole lifetime to check off my career “to do” list. Progress… not perfection.

Family Balance- My work hours are very part time, and there are many days when I wish I had gotten more done, or had time to comment on more blogs, or could have had an extra hour or two to myself… but this is the only time my daughter will be little. I need to soak it up! So I’ve stopped the multi-tasking with my phone or checking emails in between moments of play. Progress… not perfection.

Quiet time/meditation/prayer– I’ve had great intentions of holding myself to more quiet time in the mornings or evenings to slow down and breathe, but it wasn’t happening. Finally, I gave myself permission to take just 5 minutes (rather than the 30 or whatever I thought was “ideal”) and I started actually following through and doing it. Progress… not perfection.

 

Naming the progress and good things in each day shifts my whole perspective to one of gratitude, contentment and joy.

  • Do you struggle with negative thoughts if you don’t meet your own expectations for yourself?
  • What is one way this month you’ve seen progress, not perfection?

 

 

 

Laura is a Holistic Health Coach who helps women navigate controversial nutrition info and determine what works best for their body to reach goals, without dieting.  She is a mom of one and one on the way, a running coach and spin instructor.  She blogs about health and running.

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Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing all of this Laura and I really appreciate your honesty. I think a lot of people (I used to struggle a lot with it too) struggle with missing workouts. I’ve come to the realization that your life is a collection of events. A single day or event isn’t going to make or break you.

  2. Love seeing Laura here! I’ve fallen into the perfection trap one too many times. I beat myself up but in the end I always have to step back and looks the bigger picture. It’s always a work in progress though!

  3. One of my favorites is here today! Great post, Laura. I think it’s something many of us struggle with–flipping the switch to progress instead is a great approach.

  4. I struggle with this a lot too and always tell myself I’ll “just change” when I get older.

  6. Ugh. Yes, this is so hard. I think progress, not perfection and getting there by #wycwyc works here too.

  8. All the time! I want to throw up my hands on a regular basis and say “I have no idea what I am doing!” But I stop, breathe and regroup. I tell my clients all the time progress not perfection. I just have to remind myself occasionally too.

  10. I’ve never heard the quote before about in the waiting we become.
    I’m so impatient.

    I need to become. :/

  11. I find the hardest place to keep this sentiment in mind is in the online world. It never sleeps. And there are always so many more things to do and better ways to do them. You’re right. There’s lots of time left in our careers (although I have less left than you do 😉 ).

    Breathe, relax, enjoy. The things I tell myself daily!

    Signed, a fellow perfectionist…

  14. The word “perfection” should only apply to diamonds or other inanimate objects that are cut, measured and honed to the point they have no flaws. It’s a nebulous term that cannot be applied to humans, although it has been used on them and about them, only to allow the human to fall, hard, from an artificial pedestal someone placed them upon.
    Having high expectations for myself and setting and meeting my goals successfully isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and doesn’t mean a person is even trying to approach perfection (whatever it means!) What I interpret to be my “perfect” workout, race, article for publication, report for work, or activity for my special needs kids at work, could, or would not be, interpreted the same way by someone else.
    No matter what goals I set for myself, however, I make sure they are higher than before, and I put in the work to get that 100% back in return. This includes being a good team leader during a fund-raiser for Relay for Life, training for my 120th triathlon, swimming my 9th swim for Alcatraz, completing a yoga/weight workout, tackling that nasty hill during a mountain bike ride, or moving a kayak through whitewater, as well as making sure my daughter was raised to be the productive, assertive, opinionated woman she is….I give it all my effort. My 100%. Otherwise, what is the point? I like challenges. I like winning. I am in no way trying to be “perfect”. (Again, what does that mean?)
    The key to progress and moving forward is setting goals where you challenge yourself, have successes, are rewarded, which in turn makes one set more goals to achieve, and so the circle continues, until it becomes a habit and a lifestyle- motivational exchange is the root of all human behavior. What’s YOUR motivational exchange?

  15. It’s very difficult for me to let go that perfectionism for myself. Others get a lot of slack i will not give myself.

  16. I love seeing Laura here. I’m definitely a perfectionist and I think that I’m in the recovering phase! At least I hope 🙂 But this perspective is so helpful. It is impossible to be perfect and we’re setting ourselves up for failure when that’s all we focus on. I admire you Laura and how are working to create a sustainable balance between the different aspects of your life.

  17. Great post!!
    I think this month I’ve made progress in learning that the list will never be completely done – I’m just doing a better job prioritizing:)

  18. I tend toward perfectionism. I am working on it! I love your thoughts. We can sometimes put sooo much pressure on ourselves because we are trying to be perfect. It attempts ot steal our joy.

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