Once upon a long time ago I wrote a series of If we had coffee… posts.
I’d forgotten about Coffee Talk (and hadn’t realized how I’d missed it) until I spied Christine’s Currently post.
Currently, I’m rolling toward reconciliation.
I’ve been very open about the fact my marriage has hit a rough patch.
More than any other reason because I know I feel a sense of release when others are honest about their challenges.
I know I feel a sense of not-so-alone as, often, their hard serves to normalize my current experience.
Currently, we’re still seeing Austin’s version of Dr. Creepy.
I’m a believer in counseling, yet I think there comes a point when one needs to put all she’s learned into practice, see how it translates with “real world application,” and return for adjustments and tune-ups.
Hence the roller skates pictured above.
One of our challenges was we’d fallen into that married for almost 20 years thing and stopped connecting over much except life-minutia (did you RSVP to the BBQ?) and kid-stuff.
My buying us skates has provided a sort of continual ropes course for our marriage.
Our skating facilitates team building. It reminds we need to frequently check-in on how the other person is doing or (s)he could fall and we’d not even notice.
Re-learning skating together has reinforced we need to turn toward each other and be present in times of
losing control/balance stress–not on.
Currently, I’m remembering how HARD it is to create new behaviors and habits.
I’d say Ive been lucky I’ve not needed to build new many habits before this year, but lucky wouldn’t be the right word.
It’s more I spent so much time in my 30’s working toward being the woman I wanted to become–I’d taken a hiatus of sorts to let those new behaviors sink in.
As I work now, at 46, to re-train my brain on how to respond to certain stimuli with a new! improved! attitude! I’m remembering how hard it really is.
Lately I’m feeling on a very basic level how easy it is to return to old, practiced responses instead of creating new ones and burning new neural pathways (is that even the right way to phrase it?!)
Currently I’ve been calling bullsh*t on the 21 days to make a habit! and leaning on the idea of practice (even when it doesn’t go as hoped) makes permanent.
Currently, I’m in the midst of teaching moments at my own “expense.”
I looked like this–except without a dog.
When it comes to mothering I’m a tremendous believer in practicing not preaching.
I’m also a fan of seizing teaching moments (good and bad) and using as examples with my daughter.
When she can anchor into an experience (I saw those girls teasing him) it makes it easier to talk about desired behaviors with a sense of relevancy.
Currently, I’ve been at the center of many of my best teaching moments.
We went to a water park. We bumped into friends we’d not see in years. One friend said something which simultaneously took me aback and hurt my feelings.
The remark stuck with me for the rest of the day and for dayS after that.
When I decided to heed my personal code (if I think about an interaction more than twice I need to say something) I also decided to share the story with my daughter on a level she could understand.
I told her how sometimes we don’t know what to say in the moment—and that’s OK.
I shared with her how being nice is important—but so is standing up for yourself.
I let her know I think it’s perfectly fine to “miss the moment,” return to it later and share your feelings have been hurt.
Currently, I’m so tired even coffee doesn’t help.
I love my morning coffee.
I usually make my “morning coffee” 20 hours in advance.
I drink my coffee. I let coffeemaker dry out. I make coffee and set timer for the next morning.
And then my coffeemaker died (pour out some grounds for our fallen homie).
I was shocked. I was in denial (unplugging for a bit fixes everything!). I was angry (seriously?! this is your one job!). I bargained (just work one more morning and I promise I’ll make time to get a new one). I grew depressed. I accepted (thank you Kubler-Ross).
When I hit the acceptance stage, I realized how often I woke, had a few silent moments, poured my coffee and barely touched it.
I let it grow cold while I moved on with my day.
I also realized how to the core exhausted I am and how less than enjoying my java I’d hoped it would magically energize me.
As I say to the husband:
I’ve got the tireds caffeine can’t touch.
As a result, Ive decided not to replace my beloved maker.
At first I thought this was a bad sign. An act of giving up.
The more I’ve gazed at the space on my counter, however, the more I’ve chosen to view it as positive.
Routine may rock–but change is good and can often teach us more than we’d anticipated.
And that’s my Currently, Lately: rolling toward reconciliation, practicing toward permanent and shockingly surprisingly decaffeinated.
- If we jettisoned the java & sat together: What would you share about your Currently, Lately?