A New Normal (guest post).

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hiking

Around this time last year, I was scouring the internet for answers.

I wanted to know how and when a woman could get back to lifting weights after a bilateral mastectomy.

Because this was going to be me very soon.

I was in darn good shape for a fifty-year-old woman – eight unassisted pull ups and plenty more pushups.

A passionate lifter for close to 20 years, I knew I had to have this preventative surgery, but I wondered how it would affect doing what I loved.

Lifting weights isn’t something I do just for looks or even for health… Lifting weights is my inner peace, my stress relief, my escape – my nirvana.

After a bit of searching, I found a woman in her forties who had undergone a mastectomy and was also an avid lifter. I hungrily read all her articles – she was walking a mile in week three, didn’t have any problems, and got back to lifting in week six. Wow!

I figured that if she could do that, why not me?

The Dark Days

Fast forward to a month after my five-hour surgery:

Stiff silicone shells are installed in each breast (called tissue expanders). The expanders are filled with saline each week to make room for implants in a couple of months.

My neck is achy from lying propped on my back all night and my chest feels tight and stretched, swollen from the injections the day before.

The long drains coming out of my armpits have been removed, but I can still barely dress myself due to limited upper-body mobility. Each time the expanders are filled, all the mobility gains I’d made in physical therapy seem to evaporate. My stamina is next to nothing, my digestion is jacked, and I still can’t even open a window.
Why wasn’t I doing as well as that woman I’d found on the internet?

I couldn’t even fathom lifting anything heavy for a long ass time. She was walking a mile in week three and I could only walk a couple of blocks without feeling nauseous and dizzy. When was I going to turn the corner and start feeling normal again?

They Call Them Steps For A Reason

These kind of thoughts went through my head for a few weeks before I realized that I wasn’t that woman I’d found on the internet.

I was me.

I had a unique body, a different doctor, and a completely different experience. I’d have to reach milestones on my own timetable, not someone else’s.

And I need to love and accept where I was on this journey.

In time, I was able to walk the one-mile route through the neighborhood. Then one day I rejoiced because I could take the route without stopping to rest. Later I found myself walking faster.

And then one day, I walked the route just like I had before the surgery, strong and fast, pumping my arms and feeling the wind in my face.

I had started out taking small, shaky steps holding on to my husband’s arm. Now I was making good progress – yes.

A New Normal

You would think that as personal trainer, I would know better than anyone that we all start where we are.

I’ve seen one person conquer an exercise on their first try, another struggle for awhile before getting it, and still another whom the exercise just didn’t fit so we tried something else.

The truth is that I’m just like most people who find themselves faced with a challenges or goal: I compare myself to others to find a frame a reference, a role model, hope, and possibility.

I don’t think comparing ourselves to others is inherently a bad thing. In some cases, it can be motivating to find someone who is a few steps – or a lot of steps – ahead of ourselves.

But we need to allow ourselves room to go at a different pace, take different steps, or even end up with a very different result than anyone else.

One year later, I’m back to feeling strong and fit.

Am I exactly back to where I was prior to my mastectomies?

That matters less than building on the new normal I have today.

I love a good challenge, though, and will keep pushing using me as my best frame of reference.

And if I never get back to eight unassisted pull ups? That’ll be ok with me, because it will be because I chose not to.

Now that’s a perspective I can live with.

 

Suzanne Digre is a Denver-based mom, writer, and NASM-certified personal trainer. She can be found at WorkoutNirvana where she teaches women how to eat and train for a strong, muscular physique.

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Comments

  1. Though I have (thankfully) not undergone this type of procedure, I very much understand the concept of the new normal–having a chronic illness and then breaking my back last year will do that! I sometimes struggle to remember that the new normal doesn’t mean it is the forever normal. Best of luck to you on your fight!

    • Thanks Susie! It’s a good thing our bodies are so fluid and dynamic. I figure that no matter what the trauma, we’re constantly evolving and striving for a new equilibrium. Best of luck to you too!

  3. i definitely understand a new normal. Small victories. although I’ve never had that type of surgery and I thank GOD that you are healthy now Suzanne. Because you are my inspiration. And I adore you, wholeheartedly.

  4. I tried commenting and got spat out (grr) just wanted to say how amazed I am at your get up and go attitude and that you are so far ahead of most of us (even with your huge setback) Good on you and I hope all goes well in the future.

    • Thanks Leanne – what you say is so interesting to me and I need to remember it. Simply being fit is an achievement in and of itself, and it definitely helps you get through any trauma too.

  8. You are so brave and and proof of the fact our attitudes carry us further than anything else.

  9. Suzanne, I’ve watched you do incredible things this past year and KNOW that it’s your underlying CAN-DO attitude that’s made it all possible. I wish that everybody was so positive and forward thinking xoxo

    • Thank you T! I feel so blessed to have strong, wise women like you in my life. We lift each other up <3

  10. It’s really hard sometimes for me to remember the lesson of running my own race (metaphorically) and I think I would have googled and focused on someone who healed rapidly and then beaten myself up for not doing the same.
    I appreciate you sharing your story.

    • Thanks for your comment, Franki. So important NOT to beat ourselves up, so hope my story helps someone.

  11. Your perseverance and tenacity are inspiring, Suzanne! Your story is a good reminder that comparing ourselves to others can be motivational, but it’s so important to know yourself and be loving, kind and realistic. Here’s to your continuing strength and good health!

  13. Thank you for having the courage to break the myth that you can just go back to being the way you were before major surgery – healing is a process, and sometimes muscles actually can’t go back to the way they were before, but you as a person can continue to grow and challenge yourself, surprise and surpass yourself in so many different ways.

    • Very true, Patty, and I love that you said this. It’s very possible to surpass our “previous selves” if we just believe in our present selves.

  14. Encouraging words of wellness. I loved the simplicity and hopefulness of this post. Such a beautiful window into the individuality and uniqueness of each one’s own healing path. Inspirational for sure.

  15. Great perspective….it’s so hard to keep when you have gone through something as invasive as your procedure. I can see you doing those pull ups soon.

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