The other morning I walked into the kitchen and found Tornado & Ren Man deep in conversation.
You remember Miss. Sarah. He was saying. You just saw her a few weeks ago.
The Tornado furrowed her brow and appeared to be deep in thought (is there anything better than facial expressions of kindergartners? is that really how we adults appear to them: all dramatics & theatrics?).
Ahhhhh yes. She pronounced. I do remember her. (dramatic pause) WAIT! (puts hand in Ren Man’s face in universal symbol for STOP) Is she the one who is, uh, um, straight like us (another dramatic pause) or not?
Ill admit my heart stopped as I was shocked to hear that term come out of her 5.8743 year old mouth.
I’m a liberal misfit Mama so it wasnt the gay/straight thing that bothered me. Just the fact she’d obviously (already?!) “learned” about these terms from her peers.
And that had not been my Mama-plan.
I did what I always do when taken aback by the words which emerge from her mouth.
I bought myself time by asking her to elaborate.
Straight like we are? I asked. What do you mean?
You know, she said. Like this (and she made a straight up & down motion in front of her belly).
In that moment it became crystal clear to Ren Man and me what she meant. Our friend, Sarah, was 8 months pregnant and definitely *not* straight like us.
You mean is she the one with a baby in her belly? Ren Man asked.
The Tornado nodded. I didnt want to ask if she had a big belly. I know that isnt nice to say.
(I’ll let you sit with that for a moment. Or at least pretend you, as I did, need to let it sink in.)
This exchange left me wondering more than a few things.
This exchange made me crave writing & wonder more than a few times what YOU would have done in this situation & how YOU would have responded.
(read: Im a big fan of passworded blogs only I can read journaling but sometimes life simply calls for crowdsourcing.)
Quite frankly it caused me to wonder if we havent grown too politically correct in our words when the Tornado was apprehensive about asking if Miss Sarah was the one with the big belly in the privacy of her own home.
It sparked me to ponder from where (teachers? peers?) she’s internalized asking about Miss Sarah’s ‘big belly’ wasnt a nice to do.
Have *I* taught that (by default) through squelching her outside the house questions with the rote response of : Everyone is different. We all have a unique look and that’s what makes us special.
And yeah.
I wondered if you, too, would have thought she was asking if Miss. Sarah was a heterosexual like we us are.
By way of full disclosure in the moment I did nothing.
(you can leave my mom of the year trophy on the porch)
I let the conversation naturally flow to Miss Sarah and her baby, but feel in my misfit heart of hearts the chat remains unfinished.
What would YOU have done?
PLEASE to hit me up with your wisdom below.
I’ll meet you there.
*Like we. I know. It’s like we are straight. That error makes me nuts even from a sweet sweet five year old.
Tara says
November 11, 2011 at 4:10 amActually if you don’t mind I’m just going to take that trophy you put out on the porch and bring it right back inside and put it in the brightest corner I can find for all to see. The fact that you just let the conversation flow and let the tornado figure out how to say what she needed to say is why you are in fact one of the coolest most put together moms I will ever have the pleasure of meeting…
Shelley says
November 11, 2011 at 6:30 amCompletely agree. This conversation is amazing, and I love that you let it be.
Wonderful.
KCLAnderson (Karen) says
November 11, 2011 at 2:09 pmYep…what Tara said 🙂
Samantha C says
November 12, 2011 at 1:15 pmA whole heaping helping of this.
Nettie says
November 11, 2011 at 4:51 amI agree.
It is not a popular topic or sentiment, but we have become too politically correct so people are afraid to speak.
Miz says
November 11, 2011 at 4:53 amFROM FACEBOOK.
FROM TWO WOMEN I ADMIRE.
Mallory Lass:
I don’t know much about raising kids, but I do think from the ones I have been around, the are a great barometer for society and can sense emotions from adults a mile away. They are very perceptive, whether they use that and understand it tends to be case by case. How I adore the Tornado. I think you are doing an excellent job letting her grow into herself.
Valerie Sanders:
Nothing, in the moment, is probably exactly what I would have done. I think your approach was great. By saying straight out “do you mean is she the one with a baby in her belly” you (the collective you) modeled an acceptable phrasing, with…out making it something for her to stress about later. Meanwhile, I do think it’s great that she’s displaying spontaneous empathy, though I understand your concerns about becoming overly correct. There’s a fine line between sensitivity and repression, and I think we tend to shepherd our children over that line out of excessive caution. It’s good for them to know that home is a safe place to try out those boundaries and learn what’s safe to say and what isn’t. I think your Tornado knows that, though – it sounds like she was mulling over phrasing, not really whether it was okay to ask about it at all.
I’d have wondered, too, if she were referring to sexuality. I’ll never forget the first time my younger daughter used the word “gay” and I thought she didn’t know what it meant – but she did. I think she was about 7 at the time. She was completely unconcerned about it – “some people like girls, and some people like boys, and sometimes girls like girls and boys like boys” so I left it alone, because I want her to know that it’s just a part of life and nothing to be worked up about. Still, it did catch me off guard, because it wasn’t something I’d addressed with her. I blame her seven-years-older sister…but the truth is, there’s so much information getting to them outside our walls that it’s hard to have much control over what they pick up. Again, if they know that home is the place to get the real answers about things, then you’re doing it right. I think you’re doing it right. 🙂
(my posts are going there as notes for some reason & I really wanted to share their comments here THANKS YOU TWO)
Hannah says
November 11, 2011 at 4:57 amI’d have panicked about the sexuality talk, too.
I am avoiding that one with my twins.
Runner Girl says
November 11, 2011 at 5:09 amI may be along, but I think it is good your daughter knows not to ask whether someone is fat or not.
Runner Girl says
November 11, 2011 at 5:09 amThat’s ALONE not along.
OPPS LOL
MrsFatass says
November 11, 2011 at 5:34 amI love how you just let the conversation flow. I would have done that too. You know me. I will say that my family has a great story on this topic:
My cousin, when she had her first child 30 years ago, was living in california and she and her husband decided they were going to be straightforward parents who answered questions directly and who didn’t use cutesy words for things, right?
So, a few years down the road, their daughter comes home from nursery school and asks “mom, what does gay mean?”
And my cousin, trying to stick to the plan, fumbles through a definition of homosexual.
THEN, after doing that, she asks her daughter “where did you hear that word?”
And her daughter said “On the Flintstones.” (Think: theme song . . . “they’ll have a gay old time!”)
Moral to the story: Ask for context BEFORE you answer the question. Lol.
Jana says
November 11, 2011 at 5:37 amI learned the hard way with my son to probe before answering (Penis question.).
I will disagree with you and say I don’t think we can teach our children to be too kind or careful with their weight words.
Words hurt.
Cort The Sport says
November 11, 2011 at 5:51 amSeems you handled it beautifully!
Those are the moments I’ve learned to pause, listen, and collect more information like you did. I try to discuss it in a way that shows I put no more importance on one physical (or other type) attribute than another. Even if my kids were describing someone homosexual or obese, i’d acknowledge it, indicated acceptance, and move on.
Kids definitely test our ability to think on the fly. My kids make me a better person too…they’ve definitely made me more conscious and aware of what I say and how I act/react.
Heather says
November 11, 2011 at 5:51 amI think you did exactly the right thing. Here’s the funny thing. Kids perceive things in ways we’ve forgotten how to do. The other day my 2yr old was explaining to me how I don’t need to use her special potty seat on the potty because I have a BIG bum. But in another two breaths she was explaining her own anatomy to me by telling me how the front is her little bum and the back is her big bum. She has no concept of fat or not. She just knows my butt is big enough not to need a potty seat. And, having spent many years of my life being big-bellied but not pregnant, I’ve had a few curious children (usually with mothers or close acquaintances who were pregnant) ask if I had a baby in my belly. While it’s not fun to hear, I’d always just say no and assure their uber-embarrassed parents it was fine. Because you know what? It is fine. I did have a big belly, and if a kid wants to know if it’s a baby? So what. Big girl panties on, you know?
I realize now that I have no idea what my point was. I like the way you handled things. I also worry about making my daughter too sensitive, as I grew up with a sister who’s that way and it’s tough. I want her to say whatever she wants at home, but understand that some things are not for public commentary. It’s weird.
Apparently I should not read blogs at 6am, as this is awfully long-winded. 🙂
Healthy Mama says
November 11, 2011 at 5:55 amI am finally a healthy mom and I had my feelings hurt so much by kids who were not taught not to point or stare.
I do not think we can be too careful.
Anon. says
November 11, 2011 at 6:00 amIt ISN’T nice to say someone has a big belly.
Smart girl.
Kim says
November 11, 2011 at 6:07 amStop worrying……you are perfect. 🙂
Seriously – you did great – she did great – and she is learning compassion. I’m afraid to say that I think my son would have just said, “The one with the big belly.”
Alissa says
November 11, 2011 at 6:15 amI think that it’s fantastic that she was so careful in her wording. Kids can be so hurtful without even realizing it in their innocence. She sounds like a sweet heart. Keep up the good work! 🙂
Coco says
November 11, 2011 at 6:31 amThanks for the smile! Yes, when kids ask questions that send our minds to a *sensitive* topic we’ve got to step back and figure out what they are really asking about. And, I don’t think there was any reason to take the conversation anywhere else.
Heather, I enjoyed your comment!
My funniest inappropriate child comment comes from a friend’s son. They also wanted to avoid euphamisms, so they taught him that babies grow in uteruses and that women have uteruses. He was excited to have this knowledge and went around the grocery store pointing at women and asking in a loud, excited voice if they have a uterus (Does she have a uterus? Does she?) I guess even that could be a tocuhy subject if he encountered someone who’d had a hysterectomy ….
Nicole says
November 11, 2011 at 6:50 amgreat post Miz. I’m not a mama right now, but I would like to think I would have handled it in the same way as you and asked what she meant. As a teacher, I often would do the same thing with my students when I wasn’t totally sure what they meant.
Marianne says
November 11, 2011 at 7:05 amThis is similiar to my then first grader asking me if I saw how amazing the brown kid could dive – not the milk chocolate brown kid, but the coffee with creamer brown kid. Oh yeah, the dark chocolate brown kid was a great swimmer, the kid the color of Dadoo’s work coat was even better. All of these words came tumbling out of his mouth in front of the mothers of these children that he was describing as food. I was mortified. They were on the floor laughing.
And, before I could apologize, they all thanked me individually for teaching my child that their children weren’t black and that he could individually describe each of them.
I was still mortified.
No, I didn’t think lesibian. But, I didn’t know where she was going with it either. Like you – I just let the conversation flow. Having one very straight laced engineering must be accurate descritives child and one artistic see the world through completely different lenses child – I’ve learned that I’ve just go to flow with them. ‘Cuz I don’t know where the train is going.
M.
Wanda says
November 11, 2011 at 7:06 amI think we’ve become too politcally correct.
Or at least we need to let kids know it’s ok to ask.
Leah J. Utas says
November 11, 2011 at 7:07 amI like to think I would have asked for clarification, but I have no idea.
Meanwhile, I disagree completely with being politically correct in the privacy of one’s own home. Kind, yes. Respectful of others, of course. But not PC.
Wanda says
November 11, 2011 at 7:07 amThis also causes me to be more terrified of motherhood for fear i’d say the wrong stuff. ;(
Wanda says
November 11, 2011 at 7:07 amI agree with Leah.
Barbara says
November 11, 2011 at 7:13 amLetting the conversation flow was just perfect.
Our Kindergartener knows we eat well to feel good and grow “up and down” and not “side to side.” We did this to avoid the whole fat vs. thin stuff at this early age because my losing over 90 pounds in the past year is a topic that comes up more often than I would like.
The thing is, try as we might to diffuse it, people come up to me (in front of the kids) saying, “Oh, you are skinny! You should be so proud, you are getting so thin, etc.” The kids here that and try as I might to downplay it, they see how much importance is placed on fat vs. thin in our society.
Makes me wish I had worked more to take the power out of the words others use than to come up with phrases like “up and down” and “side to side.”
Barbara says
November 11, 2011 at 7:14 amUgh, meant hear not here. I need more coffee. 😉
Heather J. says
November 11, 2011 at 7:14 amI love the way you write as I can envision the scenario unfolding.
I’m not sure what I would have done.
I keep returning to the idea of telling the child how something applies to them and not giving the whole history of a concept.
Vonnie says
November 11, 2011 at 7:15 amI’m not much help here, but wanted to add I laugh when you said the US and WE make you crazy.
Me as well.
Fab Kate says
November 11, 2011 at 7:28 amLOL… Because we had a large number of gay friends while the kids were little, They were well aware that some boys have boyfriends and some girls have girlfriends when they were 5. But I also know that the first thing kids think of is appearance, not sexual orientation (or religion or political party) when describing people, so I would have simply asked “What do you mean by straight?” … just as you did.
Of course you handled it perfectly, but if you also want to “go there” with her about the other meanings attached to the word, you might want to introduce her to Buddy and Pedro, two male penguins in the Toronto Zoo that have formed an attachment. 15% of penguins make same sex attachments, and these two penguins in the Toronto Zoo are in the news because they were SUPPOSED to be part of a breeding program, and now the Zoo has decided to break the couple up and try to reattach them to females. You might also pair this with the famously banned children’s book, And Tango Makes Three, which is based on the true story of two male coupled penguins in Central Park Zoo who were given an egg to raise.
Tara says
November 11, 2011 at 7:41 amOkay as someone extremely in love with her attached same sex parnter of kick assery, reading about these two lovely penguins makes me sad…Now someone give me an egg to raise!
Eleanor says
November 11, 2011 at 7:44 amI think it’s great that your child is respectful in how she talks about others. Children can be taught early on to show grace and kindness when speaking about other people.
Sallie says
November 11, 2011 at 7:45 amIt is do unto others and speak about others as you wish to be spoken about yourself.
Being too cautious is never bad/
Ronda says
November 11, 2011 at 7:52 amoh this reminds me of when I was flipping through the channels and my then 4 year old said, “I want to watch the brown lady”. Um, OMG, is she talking about Oprah? Nope, upon further questioning she was actually referring to Rachael Ray because of her brown hair. And of course, Paula Dean is the white lady!
Kristen @SEO Runner says
November 11, 2011 at 8:03 amI’m so happy you shared this! I have a 5 year old as well, I know where you were at with that comment – been there 1,000 times!
I think you handled it well in that what she said and how she said it could have meant several things. Allowing her to elaborate (and yes, buying time to develop an explanation, if needed) was the right thing.
Imagine if you jumped in about sexuality (whatever your thoughts are on it) and she was speaking about a pregnant belly. How confused would she have been?
It’s funny the way she described it, rather than saying something like “the one with the baby in her belly?” or something, but like all of us words are tricky at times.
While I think the sexuality conversation needs to be had I don’t think that was the time simply because that wasn’t her question.
I try to time answers with the questions, when he wants to know we discuss it. Some topics have included: girls w/girlfriends, boy vs girl anatomy (he loves the anatomy book), amputees, where babies come from (this was tricky), etc.
As one of the other commenters stated, they’re typically asking about appearance or something tangible at this age. Sexuality isn’t really a concept yet. We’ll talk about sex when it’s time, of course, but right now two men holding hands are about as shocking as a man and a woman holding hands and that’s just the way it should be.
Ryan @NoMoreBacon says
November 11, 2011 at 8:25 amHonestly, I would have frozen. My parents never talked to me about any of the straight or gay or sex stuff and I had to learn it on the hard streets of a Utah suburb 😉
Truly though, had that been the conversation, I wouldn’t have known how that dialogue is even supposed to go. I do love that you “asked questions to buy yourself some time.”
That seems smart not only in parenting but in many walks of life. I’m impressed by the skillz!
Kymberlyfunfit says
November 11, 2011 at 9:03 amLove it! The companion question is “is she crooked like so many others?” Then using your advanced mommy skills of interrogation masked as calm, you discover she is referring to the world of bad posture. As for the aspect of PCness, I land on the side of allowing for emotional honesty.
Big Girl Bombshell says
November 11, 2011 at 9:05 amYes..agreed. You have to ask where the question is coming from…their perspective…and as she gets older and the questions arise that become closer to the non childlike reference that becomes all that more important.
And as far as PC in their own home..I have mixed feelings…for example I listen to my 9 year old often defend her BFF who is not the same size as her. And wonder if she would be as apt to defend if we were not so PC at home? On the flip side, we too encourage honesty and asking those questions of us as parents, rather than forming their own answers from peers. Maybe just taking the “politically” out of the equation and remembering the correct golden rule approach (which is over the top obvious with you and your approach) is the way to be.
Samantha says
November 11, 2011 at 9:17 amI think you handled this beautifully. I’m not a parent, and honestly had no idea where this post was going when I started reading.
The idea of asking her questions like “what do you mean?” is PERFECT. That way you know you’re answering her question perfectly and not diving into some unexpected chat that’ll make you uncomfortable and confuse the little one.
Karen@WaistingTime says
November 11, 2011 at 9:40 amOh thank you for sharing that because I really did LOL and it just cheered me up a lot today:)
AlexandraFunFit says
November 11, 2011 at 10:06 amYes, she was in her own home, yet I wonder if she might have been chastised if she had said “big belly” in public. It may be sad, but it is true that we have to be careful about people’s feelings “out there.” So I’d say you have a very smart child, as she has figured out that there are ways to say what you mean that will probably be accepted by the group. We were raised to be 100% ourselves, which actually meant we were not taught how to blend in with our peers. It caused us a lot of hurt when we were younger.
Faith says
November 11, 2011 at 10:07 amLol
Did not see where she/you were heading with this one.
Helen Doinga180 says
November 11, 2011 at 11:27 amWith kids, most of the time you just have to wait a minute. If you don’t you take the chance of overloading them with information they aren’t even asking for. You did the right thing.
Political correctness has gone too far in my opinion. You child should be able to ask is she the one with the big belly or is she the one who is straight like us. Those are descriptors, not slurs – something the child is seeing in observation. Think of it this way: if she were to ask “is she the one with the brown skin?” what would you do? Again, it’s a descriptor, not a slur.
Inez says
November 11, 2011 at 11:48 amYes!!!!
We are far too pc these days.
lindsay says
November 11, 2011 at 11:48 amyes, the fact that a 5 year old knows that is shocking. Not the expression itself. Its like my niece who knew what the word skinny was at 5. WHAT? how does a 5 year old even know how to use those terms?? Honestly, i would have no idea what to say either.
Lyn says
November 11, 2011 at 11:53 amWell, I think you handled it fine!
We have daughters about the same age, as you know. I will share how we handle this kind of thing at our house. My little one knows that the reason we do not ask about size/weight/bellies is because it might hurt the other person’s feelings. Therefore, she feels comfortable asking me about it out of the other person’s earshot. She is very careful about this. We might get into the car and she will say, “that man was very big!” and then we can have a discussion about body size etc, while I praise her for waiting until we were in the car to say anything. Good conversation flow, no inhibitions on her part about sharing *anything* with mama, while remaining polite.
Charlotte says
November 11, 2011 at 12:42 pmThese questions are always so interesting with kids. On one hand it always shows me how much they pick up on without me saying a word but on the other hand usually I discover that it is much less complicated in their mind than I think it is. I know others have already said this but what works for me is to let them take the lead and just answer whatever questions they have.
Samantha says
November 11, 2011 at 12:49 pmWe haven’t used the words gay and straight in our home but my 5 year old (J) knows that there are different kinds of families and it’s all good. Right now he’s planning on marrying his best friend T (also a boy) and all I can say is that he best be able to do that by the time he’s an adult. But I wax political…
Re: the fat thing. I agree with Lyn. Avoiding the subject of fatness does not seem reasonable. It loads fat with BAD and secret. This doesn’t help anyone IMHO. And, there are lots of things that can hurt people’s feelings re: external appearances. It’s polite to err on the side of caution.
That said, it is our culture that judges fat. Our son has asked “why is uncle D so fat?” I answer simply. “He eats more than his body wants for the amount he is exercising and burning energy- so his body stores the extra as fat.” We eat healthfully and exercise and I think it’s important for kids to know why people get fat and that it’s not a horrible, secret thing, just something that isn’t healthy for most people.
Sarah says
November 11, 2011 at 12:52 pmIn our home the rule is we ask AT HOME in the privacy of our four walls.
Anything and any question is ok then.
Miz says
November 11, 2011 at 12:53 pmI love and appreciate all your insights.
I do tend to do what Sarah says above:
anything at home is ok…but lets WAIT till we are home.
Patricia says
November 11, 2011 at 1:28 pmI agree with others, you did the right thing letting the conversation keep going.
We have a book I bought for my daughter when she was 2 about how everyone in the world may live differently but we’re all the same inside. One of the lines is “I’ve got one daddy. I’ve got two”
Though it made my husband a bit uncomfortable I liked having it out there as a simple line in a book that this is something that is normal.
Just the other day (she is now 5) she said “girls can marry girls, boys can marry boys and girls can marry boys. I think I’m going to marry a boy”.
I agreed with her and inside was incredibly proud.
Patricia says
November 11, 2011 at 1:31 pmhttp://www.amazon.com/We-All-Sing-Same-Voice/dp/0060274751
The book
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBtk39S6Z9g
The original as sung on sesame street
Suzanne @WorkoutNirvana says
November 11, 2011 at 1:39 pmThis is fascinating. If my 7yo had said that, I would’ve reacted the same way – “What do you mean exactly?” And I would’ve been SHOCKED that she knew about such things (which she doesn’t). I’m liberal too so I suppose it’s never too early to talk about same-sex stuff (but I’ll wait til she brings it up ;)). As far as pregnancy, she’s mentioned a teacher who was pregnant and seemed comfortable about it. That’s one thing we don’t need to be politically correct about!
Rebecca says
November 11, 2011 at 2:37 pmI think the point is, it didn’t matter to Tornado that Miss Sarah was not like her … Love hearing your parenting tales Miz.
Natasha says
November 11, 2011 at 2:50 pmHonestly, I would have bust out laughing! I think it is great that your daughter is so sensitive.
Cammy@TippyToeDiet says
November 11, 2011 at 2:55 pmNot a mom, but this reminded me of the conversations I had with my godson when he was her age. It didn’t take me long to learn the ‘buy-time’ trick with an, “I’m not sure; why do you ask?” 🙂
Jody - Fit at 53 says
November 11, 2011 at 3:12 pmI am late to the game so everything has been said but like many, I agree with how you left the conversation take its course. I do feel that children need to learn form their parents because there is so much misinformation out there & kids can be mean but Tornado has a great support group right at home & you two are doing it well. I think if she were older, it may have needed more. Not to be to “candid” Carla, but you do live in a fairly conservative state so at some point, it may require more talk since you want Tornado to grow up respecting all people no matter what their race, religion gender or “whatever.
Greta says
November 11, 2011 at 3:14 pmI loved the picture.
Donna says
November 11, 2011 at 7:23 pmReminds me of the story of the woman driving down the road with her five year old, being passed by a convertible with a stark naked woman standing up and waving to everybody. Before she could come up with something to say, her son yelled, “Mom! Mom! Did you see that lady? She’s not wearing her seat belt!”
I just love kids!
addy says
November 12, 2011 at 4:26 amHonestly, you and Ren Man handled the situation amazingly well. It may be unfinished as you said. It is ok to speak freely in your own home. Five-year-olds and adults need that reassurance .
Hanlie says
November 12, 2011 at 4:49 amNot being a mother, I usually refrain from commenting on parenting posts, but this one was really interesting and I loved all the comments. I think that the best thing we can teach our children is kindness towards others – even when they’re different from us. We see the opposite of that all around us, and it saddens me.
I think you’re a great mom, Miz! And I love your tales about the Tornado.
Erin says
November 12, 2011 at 7:38 amI want to be open with Sam when she gets of age to ask these questions. I grew up with divorced parents. One my mother was open and loving of every kind, color and size of person. My father on th other hand was the biggest bigot I ever met.
Luckily I adopted my mother’s perspective on people and life and hope to teach that to Sam as well!
Tanya says
November 12, 2011 at 12:13 pmI did immediately assume sexuality when I heard the word ‘straight’. I think you handled things beautifully. I agree with posters who said that it wasn’t the appropriate time to discuss sexuality because that wasn’t even being asked about.
I disagree though with those who said they will wait until their child asks about something to explain it. I’ve read that the first thing we are told about an issue tends to be what sticks with us, even if we learn differently later. Do people really want their kids learning about such important matters from someone other than them?
There are easy ways to introduce things. From the time my kids were tiny, we always used both genders in discussion. For example, if I’d find myself saying ‘when you’re a grown-up, you might decide to get married, and then your husband or wife….etc etc.’ We also played the game Life a lot (dunno if anyone does anymore) and we’d always ask the kids at the Get Married square if they wanted to marry a boy or girl. I’m glad we did all that. I think it made it much easier for my son to come out at age 13 and to now at age 18 be completely comfortable with who he is.
Crabby McSlacker says
November 13, 2011 at 9:28 amLove the way you handled it, and I’m sure when the time comes (which may be any day, given how much more quickly kids are exposed to things) you will handle the other “straight” question beautifully too.
And actually, I don’t think any age is too young for the notion that some people end up living happily ever after with others of the same gender. After all, kids hear all about heterosexual relationships, like marriage and dating and romance, practically from birth–every book they read or tv show they see features straight folks. But that doesn’t mean kids need to know the details of physical intimacy until they’re ready. But I don’t think there’s any need to protect kids from the fact that some people are gay or bi, any more than you need to protect them from the notion that most folks end up in some sort of boy-girl pairing when they’re grown up.
But then I’m not a parent, so what do I know about timing?
And as to the big-belly thing, given we live in a fat-phobic society, I think for her to be intuitively aware that weight is a touchy topic that could be hurtful just speaks to her empathy and your good parenting!
Joy says
November 13, 2011 at 11:04 amKids are amazing ~ I love the way they think! I think you handled it well. Keep up the great work Mom and enjoy EVERY MINUTE….they grow up fast!!
Keep focused!
Amanda says
November 23, 2011 at 4:43 pmWe can be as careful as we want, they will still interpret things their way. My 5 year old deeply identifies with darker skin—asian, hispanic, african american, makes no difference, it’s the doll/avatar she chooses. Whenever she shares something that involves an asian person she puts her fingers at the outer corner of her eyes and pulls. It kills me, I have asked her to stop, but that is how she adds “detail.” I am stymied, but I tell her other parts are more important to describe, she disagrees.
Trophy time share?