The sign of the cross.

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Ive shared before how I struggled growing up with wanting to fit in.

We all did in some fashion.  I know Im not unique in this way.

For me it was a little longing to go to CCD with my friends (why did I imagine that being super fun?) & want *not* to skip school for Jewish holidays (I cringe now, but back then just wanted not to stand out.)

Some of you shared how you wished you’d looked different (many “I wanted blond hair like Barbie!” remarks) or come from a different background–but all of us agreed it is what we’d once perceived to be“horrible” differences which make us the strong individuals we are today.

I was surprised the Tornado didn’t clamor to celebrate Christmas this year.

Id assumed with the advent of Kindergarten & being surrounded by the season at school (a rant for a different day) she’d ask about having a tree, hanging stockings or why we didnt receive the conveted visit from Santa.   I know I had these same thoughts & questions at her age.

Id was on high-alert around the holidays & ever prepared for the We’re Jewish. We celebrate Hanukkah. conversation.

What’s the quote?

We make map out religious conversation-plans and G-d laughs? 

Of course in this misfit-family thats precisely what happened.

The other day I discovered the Tornado fastidiously fashioning something out of popsicle sticks.

I didnt think too much about it as she’s recently been on an arts & crafts tear.  I figured she was attempting to make a G-d’s Eye as they had in school.

A few minutes later I heard the front door slam and because Im still HUGELY obsessed even at six she’s going to immediately run into the road and wait to be run over & I peeked out the window to see what she was doing.

She’d created a cross out of the sticks and was attempting to pound it into the ground with a rock.

When she came inside I nonchalantly asked what she’d been up to.  She responded:

I accidentally stepped on two snails, Mama.  I made a cross for them like we see on the road**.

And just like that our conversation about religion (& crosses & commemorating the place where people have died) was born.

Similar to many of our healthy living AH HA! moments the Tornado’s AH HA! about who she is & how our family is different unique was born not from a big!momentous!occasion! like Christmas—-but a smaller, almost aside of an incident.

Ive been fortunate to hear many, many of your stories about discovering your healthy living paths.

It seems the majority of you began your journey–as I did–not sparked by a life-altering moment but by a small quietly powerful incident.

Alas Ive no Seinfeldian-string to pull with this post.

There’s no sleight of hand where all my musings falls into place & the disparate pieces *snap* together.

The incident was simply a reminder to me of two things:

No matter how much we prepare for life it will take us by surprise (& that’s a good thing).

Who we are & how we define ourselves is a compilation of the small stuff.  The LITTLE ACTIONS which make big impacts.  (Even though I like to frequently think otherwise.)

In the end The Tornado decided not to make a popsicle stick Star of David (“like on Mama’s belly!”) & created a letter T instead.

While she insisted she chose it because it stood for “top! I mean wait, tears!!!” I think she, like her mama, just lacked the arts & crafts patience fashioning a 6-pointed would have necessitated.

That’s the navel-gazing (in more way than one) story here on this Tuesday.

Filled with crosses, ah ha! moments, & the differences which define us.

Oh, and if you starT seeing T’s all over AusTin or your Town, you’ll know the Tornado was capable of starTing a Trend.

Crazier things have happened….especially in my misfit life.

 

**There are, indeed, crosses all over the Austin roads many times accompanied by a white bicycle.

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Comments

  1. My ah-ha moment was the most silent shift in the history of what is Tara while concurrently making the most impact in the history of Tara.

    Also a little known piece of info: Halifax has its own ghost bikes.

  5. I was a Barbie one.
    I bleached my hair until I was almost bald so much fell out.
    It was not a good look for me!LOL

  10. Very sweet story. I always wanted to be petite and dark-haired like all the Italian girls I went to school with. They seemed to have such an easier time than being an awkward, tall blonde-haired girl did.

  11. Interesting post for Ash Wednesday. 🙂
    So touching that she has noticed the crosses and cared so much about the snails!
    I’m off to get ashes on my forehead and spend the day explaining that it’s not dirt and I’m not Catholic. :-0

  13. Lovely story — and what a compassionate child you have, to take notice of the crosses on the road and make one for the snails. Good job mama!

    As an aside–I totally get what you’re saying. It was hard growing up as one of the only four Jewish families in town but once I got to college, found tons of people “like me” — funny how identity can be strengthened just by your surroundings.

  14. Wow, and of course the Tornado didn’t think of it as a religious statement when she made that little cross. To her it was just the shape of a grave marker.

    It’s funny how with religion, what we’re saying isn’t always what people are hearing… how people look at what others say and do through the lens of the more “popular” religion, and assume.

    and then there’s always that awkward moment when… “you mean you’re not…?”

  15. Really thought provoking post Miz.

    My initial reaction was: what’s the big deal about her using a cross? It’s just a symbol.

    It is only a symbol, but not your symbol.

  16. Very interesting as my son came home from school with all kinds of questions and convictions about religion yesterday because they’re studying the major religions in social studies. It was kinda weird and I’m so curious to see where it will lead. It’s so interesting to see how our kids interpret the world around them.

  17. awwww she rocks!!!
    and love that she cared about the snails 🙂

    and I never fit it nor did I want to….hmmm probably why I hitch hiked 1200+ miles to get away the first chance I had! lol
    still don’t fit in…
    Oddly I had zero religion as a child other than the mandatory go to church for ‘show’ on Easter & Christmas…then got saved as an adult and ironically I still don’t fit in with my fellow Christians (least the local ones)…such is life…I like being ME..Tara..uniquely me!

  18. Religion is an interesting voyage that I’ve put plenty of thought into. As with fitness, I’ve learned to find my own way.

  20. I can so relate to what you wrote here.. being Jewish in small towns with few Jews & being teased & yes, the mean words. I actually went to CCD with friends just to be with them but got kicked out for rebelling! 😉 They did mot like me questioning them. Tough in school with Matzo sandwiches. I guess if we endure, it makes us stringer, being Jewish & fat! :-O

    Anyway, Carla, a beautiful story & love of Tornado & all she is & that part of her that is you & RenMan!

  22. I like the T, I think that will be a good trend.

    p.s. CCD classes were horrible. Every Saturday morning for way too many years of my life. You didn’t miss anything good. 😉

  24. What impresses me is that you have raised this beautiful girl who wanted to find a way to mark the passing of animals! Cross or no cross.

    As for the Jewish thing, ah the baggage I carry. I could go on and on. But won’t:) Yes, for that and many other reasons I also struggled to fit in. And, honestly, in some ways still do.

  28. I just love the fact that she wanted to give the snails a memorial of sorts. I’e had several religious ah-ha moments over the years and the most recent one is not that I don’t believe in God (because I do now), but that I don’t have a religion at all.

  29. This must have made you smile to yourself to know you have such a compassionate daughter. Its funny how little kids look at the simple things in life and create a way of knowing out of them. I love learning new things or ways of looking at things from little kids, because they definitely do live in a different, more simple world that we all wish we could revert back to. Did you explain to her the difference between marking graves for Catholics vs. Jews? Or did your “religion” talk only go as far as crosses and stars of David?

  30. OH OH OH KELLY I love your comment. Mainly because I struggle daily with the notion of ‘telling her how the chair applies to her and not how the chair is made.’

    (have you heard that before? I love it. the notion of answering what she’s asking and NOT giving too much information she’s not interested in…)

    Alas in that vein I didnt explain any of that.

    Yet 🙂

  33. You have a sweet girl. And an observant one! I like the T, but cracked up at the idea of the star of david being too much work…oh how I get that, lol!

    I always wanted to go to CCD classes too – my next-door neighbor, Peggy, made them seem mysterious and magical!

  36. You forgot to mention the most amazing element of all. That your dear daughter is so respectful of all of g-d’s life that she mourned it’s passing even if by her own feet! You may actually have a Buddhist on your hands!

    So darling!

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