Mattering.*

 

September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month.

My friend Sue passed away from ovarian cancer 3 months post-diagnosis.

I could blather at you about what an amazing person she was, but quite frankly even if I went that blather’y route Im confident I’d forget a facet of the amazingness which made her *HER.*

She was one of those people who *really* listened and you always left her company feeling heard.

Sue teased me all the time about how she “had no idea how to do the social media twitter thing—but whenever I wanted to talk in real life she was there.”

And yes.

Invariably she’d add in her joking fashion:  do people even do that anymore—or am I a dinosaur?

Sue was the type of person about whom *everyone* said:

Oh you know Sue, too? She’s my best friend!

We all felt as though we were her best friend because in every.single. interaction with her she made us feel as though we mattered.

Toward the end of her life—-though we had no idea it was coming—-Sue began to do work around the concept of mattering.

For me mattering is the extent to which we feel we make an impact on or are important to the world around us.

I try to show others they ‘matter’ to me on a daily basis.  For Sue it came naturally.  Almost like a reflex.

Sue taught me our perception of how we ‘matter’ impacts practically everything we do in life.

• For some “mattering” is measured by how important they feel they are to others/whether they’d be missed if they went away.  I hear a lot of talk of this with regards to social media.  Phrases such as “I didnt tweet for a week and no one noticed”  or “I put on Facebook I was struggling and no one commented.”

• For others “mattering” is measured by whether or not people listen to what you say.  I think any of us who blog or vlog can relate to this concept.

• For some the mere fact people depend on you is an indicator of “mattering.”  Ive seen evidence of this already in the Tornado.
  

I believe feeling consistently as though I “matter” has served to elevate my self-esteem.

I hope through conveying to the Tornado she matters (verbally & non-verbally) the same will be true for my daughter.

I consciously—with Sue in mind—place her in situations where she has the opportunity to STEP UP and ‘matter’ because I believe it will bolster her sense of self-worth.

Quite frankly, these days, I often wonder if my blog ‘matters.’

Blogs abound–far more than when I started—and I consistently ask myself if my blog musings improve upon the silence.  If they still matter.

I received an email I want to share.  Not to brag but because it was a moment of gratitude for me.  I felt as though I mattered/would be missed & I appreciated the reader for making the time let me know I’d mattered to her.

I started reading your blog six months ago and at the time I was in a very dark place. My life revolved around food, or rather lack of.

All the sports which I adored stopped. Hanging with friends diminished. I became a dark cloud that plagued my family, and thus was left alone with my obsession.

I wanted to be skinny, and no weight was ever good enough. So I say thank you again, because you showed me that being strong both mentally and physically is more beautiful then skinny could ever be.

I weight train now, and I know for a fact I’ve gained weight and I’m completely okay with that. I know now that I am at a healthy weight, and regardless of which am beautiful. Thank you.

The email reminded me immediately of Sue.

I’d not realized what Id felt was a sense of NOT MATTERING until I opened the email and had my matter-sense renewed.

And thats my challenge to you today. 

For yourself (make the time to remind yourself you rock.  you are a success in life) and for someone in your world.

All as a tribute to my friend Sue’s lifemission-cut-short.

• Think about a time when you felt you mattered.  Perhaps an experience—big or small—where you KNEW who you were/what you did was valued.  After you remind yourself how it feels to ‘matter’ & go forth and let someone else know s/he matters to you.  

 

 

* comments are closed.  I’d love if youd spend that time spreading the MATTERING to others.