If we had coffee…

by

my office. no.cal.branch

My office. No.Cal.branch

Ahhhh People.

It’s time. 

Ive missed our coffee dates.

It’s time for us to hang, chat *and* get all kinds of BLUNT & over-share’y.

This time, however, we’re heading to my new (fingerquote) office (unFQ).

My Oakland coffee-version of Cheers and, if youre not a coffee lover as am I, you can even choose to get Kombucha (!)

If we had coffee I’d drag you outside to one of the cafe tables & my yammering would commence.

Id tell you how Im an Orange Rhino. Id share, while Im not a yeller (I learned early the *power* of silence when people anticipate a rant), I wanna set myself up for success this summer. Patience isnt my strong suit and neither is the ability to *hide* impatience from showing on my face.  Id reveal Im 14 days in and am doing….so-so.  Id make you oooooh & aaaahhh at my homemade Orange Rhino manicure reminder.

reminder

 

Id stop & look around my new ‘hood.  Id say again I *love* the people here.  Id laugh and share how a few weeks ago I saw the most interesting and *random* of interactions.  I watched as a homeless man struggled to navigate the sidewalk on his bike.  His bike STACKED & LADEN with collapsed/twined, dirty, empty boxes.  A few moments later I saw a woman run up to him & ask prices for various sizes of boxes.  A short negotiation later the man easily biked away—now free of his cargo and money in his pocket.

 

Id check my watch, let you know I was listening but could *not* to be late for camp pick-up.  Id laugh and say I adore how kids think & how free and creative they are.   Id grab my phone and show you what the Tornado wore yesterday.  Id pause (and giggle) as I recalled what she’d said to me this morning about her attire.

You know how I had my black and yellow overalls on yesterday? Bees communicated with me!

Id look down at my orange fingernail for a moment.  Id share with you how the constant chatter can at times make me crazy—but I know if I dont STOP and listen to the small stuff….the bee stuff…she wont bring me the bigger, more scary ‘stuff’ down the road.

 

323299_10150662286499466_1005624359_o

 

We’d sit in comfortable, companionable silence and Id break it by telling you how lonely I felt.  Id share how it’s a weird loneliness.  One born out of being around people who’ve known each other forever and still being kinda new to the party.  Id laugh and say how the Tornado talks about comfy and not-yet-comfy friends and how that extends to us adult types too.  Id ramble about an article I read recently about making friends a priority and tell you I KNOW I need to get better about doing that in my new neighborhood.  And how it all feels like dating.  Telling my history again.  Sharing my likes and dislikes.  And how somehow it just feels tiring.

 

Id grow suddenly animated and shout oooh I didnt want to forget to tell you this!   Id remind you I lost my mind when Disney attempted to revamp and SEX UP Merida from Brave.  Id say I “got it” when people said: She’s just a Disney character.  Whats the big deal? but to me it was much more than that.  A feeling I couldnt put into words until an encounter I *had* to share.  One afternoon as I walked to pick up the child I made small talk with a neighbor.  I told him about rescuing Coop & he joked how noble and Californian the rescuing-thing was.  Having not much else to say I responded:  I know! I keep waiting for someone to rescue *me!*  To which my male neighbor replied in a very serious voice:

Ive seen your house.  Ive seen your car.  I think youve already been rescued.

Apparently he doesnt know me.  (Or the old Merida.)

 

oooh snap!

oooh snap!

Id then notice you were sneaking glances at your now empty cup.

empty=sad

empty = sad

Id realize it was almost camp pick-up time, too.

Id share how I was *just* finding my summer groove—but we *had* to plan our next meet up ASAP.

Right then.

Before we parted ways.

  • If we could just HANG and have coffee—what would YOU tell ME?

 

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Comments

  2. I’d share your angst about the meeting new friends thing.
    We found some awesome new pals after many awkward meetups in San Diego, totally bonded, and now they are moving back to Wisconsin. SUCKS. You seem like such a cool person to hang with, I suspect it won’t be long til you have a great east bay posse.

  3. I love this. I’d tell you about how nervous I am to start marathon training. Oh and you have to bring Coop, so I can love all over him 🙂

  4. I think you are just the best person ever. I think I would die with joy if I could have coffee with you! I would probably ramble on about school and applying to residency and making my CV and personal statement and how I hate that all I seem to do is try to prove myself over and over again. lol. Then I would see your orange rhino nail and be reminded to be quiet and enjoy 🙂

  5. OMG those overalls – to die. I’d tell you that I’m jealous that the tornado gets to go to Circus class…I WANNA GO! And that I love Merida’s Frizz! It reminds me of when I was a kid and had to have super frizzy hair (no hair products tll I was like 12) what an awesome role model! 11 days friend till PDX!

  7. How crazy VBC is going to be, and that i’m not sure i can do what i’ve been asked, since i’ve never worked this one before. How the kids are doing in school. What is working and not working in a few areas. Stuff to just chat about. Then i’d have to run because it would be time to go feed kittens again.

  9. This post feels like a big huge hug for some reason!!! I LOVE and really needed to hear the part about listening to the little stuff now so she’ll bring me the big stuff later. My Em is constantly talking….I know I need to tune in more! I would tell you that I crave summer like a smoker craves a cigarette…like I can’t stop thinking about walking out of school and not going back for months…just my girls and the beach!! I would say that I love my family to death but some days I crave the time alone!

  12. Well I would be hoping you would tell me how to make new friends. I have 2 close friends and sometimes I wish I had more to do other things with but the idea of starting a new friendship, getting to know each other and maybe it doesn’t work out and I have to start over again gets me demotivated even before I started.

    Here’s an idea: you’re an active person, you have got your own Bella/Coop. What about you are going to join me on the long walks that I have planned to do twice a month?

    Hmmmm might be getting a bit too expensive traveling but hey the idea is great, isn’t it?

  14. i love the child’s outfit! i’d tell you all about my bff’s wedding last night. my feet still hurt. i’ve tried putting them up and doing handstands to reverse the blood flow lol maybe some brunch will help!

  15. Keep Merida courageous, not sexy! Ugh. Silly Disney. Sorry about the lonely. I would share that it can get a bit lonely in these parts too working from home. My cats are great company, but they’re not much for conversation. 😉

  16. I LOVE Tornado’s bee outfit!
    If we had coffee I would tell you how I am uncertain of my own future and how that scares me beyond belief.

  17. Ahhh, making new friends in a new place takes so long. When I moved from Texas to California(!) I swear it took me 10 years to feel completely at home. So now when I contemplate moving, that really gives me pause. You are doing so good. But I get the lonely.

    The orange rhino thing? I need to join up! I’ll try to not yell at the dogs, and I’ll go along and be good for so long, like… 36 whole hours. And then I yell at them again.

    Does your coffee place allow dogs? I want to meet Coop!

  18. I’d tell you that I can’t wait to see you at Fitbloggin’ and that it’s GOOD that you are going away so soon after being rescued by Coop because it will give RenMan and Tornado an opportunity for more bonding and care-taking.

  19. I love my life and still feel painfully alone.
    Thank you for making me feel momentarily i great company.

  22. ALWAYS LOVE!!!!!!!!!!! Love your priority of the child & what that means to you & life & how important now is with her to establish later with her…

    After reading this I would want to give you a big hug cause I think you need one.. I would also tell you many of the things I just am not willing to blog about – like you & others that bare it all… and after this past weekend how much I miss my mom & dad & all the relatives no longer here.

  24. Making friends is hard. Keeping friends is also hard. Interests change. The people I used to spend the most time with are now doing new things that don’t include (or interest) me. They’re replacing the things we used to do together with the new things. Sigh.

    You might recall that I don’t care for coffee so I’ll be having chocolate milk since I’m not feeling the need for vodka at the moment.

    While I sip my chocolate milk, I might get brave and tell you that I’m secretly training for another marathon. It’s both thrilling and terrifying that I’ll be training in the hot humid summer and that I’ll be alone for the majority of it.

    You’ll tell me that I’m crazy, I’ll invite you to join me on a training run and you’ll politely decline. Good thing I’m a pretty fun person (IMO), or I’d get really freaking bored with myself. 😉

  25. I love that the lady bought the cardboard boxes from that man! Warms my heart to hear things like that. 🙂

    Making friends in new places is tough, although I thought it was a bit easier when my kids were in elementary school – more opportunities to meet other parents. When we moved from SA to CS, my kids were older and I wasn’t at their schools as often, and it took me forever to find friends. But I did, eventually – and I found one who would come over to commiserate after my house flooded recently. So there’s hope for you yet – it’s only been a few months!

  26. I would share the feelings of how hard it is to make new friends, and how sometimes it feels easier to keep them at the “un-comfy” distance because there is less to risk, but also how it so much less rewarding in the long run. Also, I always get sad when my coffee cup is empty. Also, when my fro-yo bowl is empty.

  27. I’d be torn between the coffee and kombucha (maybe kombucha if its later in the day) and I’d tell you I still feel that exact way even after having lived here 12+ years. Then I’d admit that lots of it is self-inflicted as I have a way of keeping some/many at arm’s length.

  28. I love these posts!I don’t drink coffee or kombucha but I would have some water and tell you it has been a BIG adjustment moving in with the bf!

  29. Oh, my goodness. Perfect day to read this post.

    I’d tell you so much you’d never want to have coffee with me again, mostly to do with how I totally get the loneliness. Not a loneliness of being alone but a loneliness of not yet having that you-shaped place in the community, where you fit perfectly with those around you because you’ve all adjusted to fit one another…and of feeling guilty for feeling that loneliness, like I’m just not trying hard enough, like I should be happier than I am and owe it to my lives ones not to let them know that’s not the case.

    And a bunch of other stuff.

  30. Loved ones. I don’t know what “lives ones” are but evidently my phone thinks I owe them something!

  31. love. the process of writing these posts. your comments to these posts. love. and thank you.

  33. What would I tell you?

    Mainly that I know exactly where you’re coming from. That working moms have to deal with a lot of conflicting demands. That big deadlines are just as important as play date recaps. That what other people see doesn’t usually match what’s going on inside and behind closed doors.

    And then I’d have to run and start my after school pick up routine!

  34. *Pleasant Smile* ????I would tell you that just listening to you makes my heart HAPPY… I am on the brink of making a HUGE CHANGE in my life also. Watching YOU gives me COURAGE!! #JustWantedYouToKnow ???? This change is NECESSARY for my MENTAL well-being…. Few will “get it” at first BUT I GET IT and I NEED IT and that’s ALL THAT MATTERS, right?!? #SoUnsure yet #Convicted *Is that even possible*. ????What I know for sure is that the POSSIBILITIES that lie ahead with this HUGE CHANGE excites me TREMENDOUSLY!!! I will step out ON FAITH (Soon) because I KNOW that my friends and family will CATCH ME if I fall… #YouAlwaysHave ????

  36. What a beautiful post. If we had coffee I’d remind you that the best friendships come from quick connections and they feel effortless. I’d remind you that if you keep putting yourself out there, you will find such a friendship and it will remind you that it’s worth putting yourself out there.

  37. I love these coffee posts. I’d share that I, too, need to get better about making friends. For a year I was the only one of my friends with a child, and the two that have had kids since, live far and their kids are young. I need to get better at just putting myself out there. Finding adult friends is similar to dating, and probably more scary…

  38. Me? Well, I’d probably yack about my recent hiking trip and I’d be curious about your ideas about focusing on the little things..and tell you how happy I am at your constant positive focus about being present with your daughter. 🙂

  39. I just love her overalls. Of course the bees communicated with her–she was just too adorable not to.

    I’d tell you that i’ve finally started to slow down and enjoy this crazy thing called motherhood. I’d also tell you that I have never left the east coast so travelling 5.5 hours in under 2 weeks is a bit overwhelming. I’d also tell you that I am so happy to have gotten 5 minutes for girl chat! 🙂

  40. I’d try to convince you that Californians rescue dogs AND love avocados!

    I’d tell you that I’m a natural Orange Rhino, but that may be because my kids are grown. It may also be because I hold things inside instead of letting them out, not the best way to be an orange rhino.

    While you shared pictures of the Tornado, I’d have to share a few of my smiley new grandson.

  41. I love this! I always say blogging is like sitting down with a friend and catching up over coffee! Just feels that good. We would definitely talk about Coop! I love that you rescued him. We have three cats that we rescued and I feel like we are just as lucky to have them as they are to have us. We would definitely talk about the Tornado communicating with bees. That totally cracks me up. She is such a cutie! Oh and we would definitely talk about the empty canvas you have going on and what you plan to do with it. I’m so ready for my tattoo! I need to find the time to get it done!

    I hope you have a great week!

  42. I’d tell you after 4 years I am still finding my friends in CT and some days i am still lost at who to call just to call someone. ANYONE who “got me”
    I’d tell you my daughter and I are starting a healthy living challenge becasue she is dangerously overweight and I am PRAYING that I do not fail this amazing teen I birthed. And how I feel like a mama failure for her even getting to where she is. And how I am and sick to the heart scared that she is not going to try.
    I’d tell you that I am SO ready to be the summer mama and I’d ask you to come to the lake and hang out with us. I’d ask you to bring the dog over to play with my dog and let Tornado play with my kittens. I’d tell you this: http://weightsover.com/weekly-cup-of-coffee-3/ And I’d write down a firm date for another coffee becasue talking to you makes me feel better. And I’d tell you this: http://weightsover.com/weekly-cup-of-coffee-3/

  43. I love this. SO much. The Tornado, the bee – you are spot on. Mini me brings me the big stuff, sometimes with a little nudge to get it out of her, but it’s all because of those moments when she was little.

    Ah, lonely? Yes. I’m speaking to a group of women this summer – married, single, all ages & stages to talk loneliness. Full house, full life, it happens.

    Funny, I just got some orange nail polish in the mail yesterday. Maybe it’s a sign I need to jump on the Orange Rhino even if 80% of my yelling is in my head.

    🙂

  44. I would be right there with you on the chatter – some days I don’t know if I can hear one more story about the ginormous Lego battle or who got traded to what team (NBA) but I make myself listen because, as you said, the small stuff now – the big stuff later!!!
    I love your coffee talks!!

  47. I’ve never lived anywhere but the Memphis area, and I love meeting new people, but it took me awhile to ‘make friends’ in my neighborhood. Time & patience.

    I’d probably share how scarywonderful the freelancing life is, and how I kind of hope it stays that way. 🙂

  49. That I was saying EXACTLY the same words to my husband the other day about making new friends.It can be so exhausting to explain who we are…maybe we can just drink coffee?

  50. Yes, I long for another coffee date please! The constant chatter really amazes me sometimes. There’s just so.much.to.talk.about.right.now! But yet, I’m constantly amazed at what does come out of my children’s mouths – their observations and creativity and I’d say I want and need more of that. So…coffee date soon? 🙂

  52. Hmmm, for me it would need to be decaf tea, but I’d definitely hope you brought Coop so I could meet him (because Oakland is pretty, we’d be outside somewhere :D). I’d tell you I’m getting nervous to leave for my first big race this year in 11 days, and probably make a joke about needing to fill out my will. I’d probably ask for some fashion tips from you and the tornado because you both always look like you’re having so much fun with your outfits and accessories! 🙂

  53. It is nice to just relax and talk and reminisce what we had gone through, our hopes, and our aches. I like what you said that “if I dont STOP and listen to the small stuff….the bee stuff…she wont bring me the bigger, more scary ‘stuff’ down the road.” It is all about being comfortable with somebody. It sure takes time to develop.

  54. I never shut up so I would tell you everything. How I am really struggling with balance right now, but because all these amazing things are happening in my life and we’d figure out some ideas together.

  56. I’d tell you that I’m proud of how well I’m doing at the “be healthier” part of my 2013 goals but how I’m scared that the depression will keep me from fully realizing the “and happier” part of the goals. I would share that I’m frustrated by how much weight (and abdominal fat) I still need to lose in order to be truly healthy even as people around me keep congratulating me for how far I’ve come. I might wrap things up by asking if you wouldn’t mind showing me how to use the foam roller I bought because my hamstrings are seriously as tight as violin strings.

    Can I buy you a cup in Portland???

  57. If we could just hang together I would start by telling you how I so appreciate just being able to be real. No pressure to be someone I’m not. I would tell you how exciting it is to finally be hitting my groove with the weight loss journey and it has helped me so much to be a new, better person!

    So much to talk about…..

  58. I’d tell you that I can relate so well to the lonely feeling. I have struggled to make true friendships since leaving grad school (um, that was 8 years ago). It is tiring. And it’s so hard with so many other things demanding my time. But it’s so important, too.

    I love this post and love your blog.

  59. I’d tell you what a great mom and role model you are!

    My oldest was a chatty/inquisitive child from the day she learned how to talk and ask questions she never stopped. Sometimes I would set the kitchen timer for 5 minutes and we played the “quiet” game so I could make a phone call or just enjoy the silence. All that chatter paid off, she became a high school English/Spanish teacher.

    I understand how much work it is to make new friends, but it’s so worth the investment. Eventually you have a new set of friends with a new shared history.

  60. Loved this post!

    I would tell you that I understand how hard it is to make friends. That I’m trying to put myself out there, but damn it’s just as scary when I was trying to find a husband.

    I’d tell you that I’m really scared about leaving my job with absolutely no back up and just hoping that it all works out because I don’t want to regret it or look like a failure to the ones I love.

    I’d tell you how I’m contemplating all these life changes and how I know it’s what I want. But that chasing after it is scary. That I let it stun me and keep me from moving forward. But I’m working on it.

    I’d also tell you that I’m really excited to meet you next week because this year at Fitbloggin, I’m not leaving with any regrets!

  61. Hey there! I’d ask you if could come over and try thar strider thing. Too cool! And I’d tell you how I’m so frustrated with my lack of lost weight. But then I’d tell you about the amazing things I’ve been doing, like run/walk a 5k every month(color me rad July–Color Run August) and about the most amazing sweaty spin class I took tonight. And how I wish I was a blogger for real so I could meet you and our other friends, Sue and Roni.
    Then I’d tell you just wait until the tornado gets older like my daughter. 16.5 is an amazing age. But I learned that all the ages are. I’d tell you how my kid said hey mom let’s get matching tattoos. And I say what of. And she says about us , it’s my fav quote “people plan, God laughs” And I’d tell u what u already know. That those babies of ours were meant to be, our bashert.

  63. Great post, it is very hard to meet new friends, we have been in Warwick UK for 5 years now and not one set of friends to call our own. meet-up is an online place to meet people, not sad at all and we have made new friends for chit chats! think it is global too.

  65. Wow, what a wonderful virtual-coffee date. I would tell you how it makes me sad that I don’t have a bff. I have some good friends, but they all have friends who are closer. I can’t seem to find that female-friend connection. I’m really close to my husband, but it’s just not the same as a girlfriend. It’s not that I want something FROM a girlfriend, I want a girlfriend who I can GIVE to. I have a lot of girly support and care to share. Damn it, I’m tearing up. Thanks for coffee.

  66. Great post Carla, I concur that it feels like a big hug. I’d commiserate with you that it is tough finding new friends as adults, I know because I don’t have many–lots of acquaintances, but no bff to lean on. I’d listen to you tell stories about the Tornado and smile and share some about my “baby” who is so excited that this is the last week of school and next year she’ll be a big third-grader. I’d suggest a play date of scootering or gliding and we both could get our cardio on which always seems to help with what’s ailing you. Then I’d say thanks for the coffee and the friendship, same time tomorrow? ~xo

  67. If we could just hang and have coffee, I would tell you that I’m struggling with my weight loss program. I really wish someone could cheer me up right now. 🙁

  68. Love this! I’d tell you how much I can relate to how hard it is to make friends, I really just don’t want to. ha ha And that I find it to be quite tiring and almost fake at times. I really feel like all I need is my daughter and hubby, but also know that it’s probably a good idea to have others to reach out to in life. And I would tell you how much I appreciate you saying the things that I at times won’t say outloud for fear it would come out wrong (the constant chatter), and tell you that you’re not alone. Holy moly my girl goes a mile a minute!!! But I stop, and remember, that I won’t have her at this age for very long. And I must soak it up as much as humanly possible!

  69. LOVE THAT SHIRT! Self-rescuing princess! Also, I was super annoyed when they sexed up Merida! She was perfect before! Spunky, cute, strong and independent!!!

  70. your comments. your private emails. for some reason more than any other post you share with these coffeetimes. and I treasure each one…

  71. That was a nice story about the homeless man on the bike. His hard work and determination paid off. Love it.

  72. I just love blogger coffee chats. 😀 I would tell you that I love hearing about you adjusting to CA as I am no longer there, and that I totally understand being an “outsider” and love the Tornado’s descriptions of “comfy” and “not-yet-comfy” friends. I get that!

    I’d also rave about how excited I am for my mom to visit this Thursday night, how I’ll be working when she comes in and my husband picks her up and how I’m going to try to beat them home from the gym so I’m there with her favorite music on when she arrives! And how I’m so nervous-excited for my first marathon in the mountains this weekend! 😀

  73. Ah, I love me a good cuppa!

    What would I tell you (this week)?

    That I just finished reading A Northern Light by Jennifer Donnally and LOVED IT! It’s about a teenaged girl who wants to go college and be a writer when everyone around her in 1905 quits school after 8th grade. The girls get married and have babies. The boys become farmers.

    I’d admit that I’m a bit hurt/angry that I burned myself (fairly badly) on Sunday and the spouser didn’t care at all.

    I’d admit that I’m isolated and lonely and nothing I try to fix it works. I’m wondering if it’s my fate in life.

    Then I’d tell you that my dogs make me laugh at least once a day.. and ask if Coop is doing the same for you.

  76. Carla, besides all the coffee addictions many people have it can never be kept silent that our loneliness can be solved simply by having a relationship with out Lord and getting to know Him through the Word of God…And all your loneliness and selfishness will go away…Thanks for the post…

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