Of Kübler-Ross and CARBS.

by

It IS Whole Foods pizza!

Um…it’s Whole Foods pizza?

 

A few years ago a friend was diagnosed with cancer.

Her entire village rallied around her & I was honored to help brainstorm her nutrition plan.

Less than specific foods we talked about how her tastes would be forced to shift (she was a self-proclaimed junk food junkie) & I shared with her how I weaned myself from sugars and slowly became an intuitive eater.

We villagers were THRILLED when we learned her prognosis was good.

We villagers CHEERED as our friend changed her approach to food & became an advocate of whole, clean nutrients.

We villagers did the KHAKI PANTS DANCE earlier this month when she received an amazing report from her doctor.

After our celebrations died down, my friend pulled me aside and confided she’d backslid in her eating habits after the initial urgency of diagnosis.

She shared she’d stuck to no fast food—but slowly & stealthily processed white had crept back onto her plate.

I feel terrible, she said.  Tired, bloated, irritable.  And I know it’s the processed white—but I cant seem to give it up.

Here’s where you need to know my dynamic with my friend.

If Im “somewhat irreverent” then she’s IRREVERENT.  Bolded, underlined, italicized with a slathering of gallows-humor on top.

As a result, I knew immediately how to break this all down for her so it would STICK.

She loved her processed white.  She knew in her heart the ‘white’ wasnt her friend.  She needed to Kübler-Ross the white.

I Kübler-Ross’ed the processed white carbs.

  • Denial.  My friend was remarkably healthy in comparison to where she’d been.  She felt worlds better than during treatment. What was a little white bread lethargy or processed cereal bloat now & again?  Didnt my friend now “deserve” to eat what she wanted?  Don’t those of us who’ve lost weight & maintained “deserve” to indulge in the white sometimes? There’s a chance it ISNT the processed white which makes feel this way, right?  It COULD be something else, right?!  Which brought my friend and me to…

 

  • Anger.  My friend was pissed (<—technical term.).  She’d fought her disease.  She’d been though enough.  She watched others consume processed white with seemingly no ill response.  She got mad how it impacted her body.  She grew angry as she felt she’d given up enough.  It seemed, to her, the processed was everywhere and everyone *else* was happily consuming away.  She was ANGRY so she started…

 

  • Bargaining.  Against my advice my friend tried a few days ON (all clean whole foods) & a few days OFF (trashtastic process white free for all).  Not to my surprise she felt WORSE than when her diet was completely processed.  Her body rebelled against her attempted bargaining process roller coaster of foods and, as a result, she found herself slipping downward toward…

 

  • Depression.  This eerily paralleled my friend’s acceptance of her cancer prognosis (initially not so good) &  my friend grew a little depressed.  She’d already rallied and fought.  HARD. She had feelings of: Eating this way is for the rest of my life? Im gonna hate this.  No more delivery pizza? Never again donuts?!  I may live longer but this is all going to feel a whole lot longer, too. (see bargaining. we headed back there again for a bit…)  Until…

 

  • Acceptance.  Acceptance for me was a plodding process. My friend, however, had the AH HA!! sudden change I did not.  Sparked by a dance with bargaining & acceptance where she realized:  I GET IT.  I’M DONE.  She had the SUDDEN realization she wasnt really LIVING given how poorly she felt whilst riding the processed pony.  (<—my words).  Life—long or short—felt so much more like LIVING without all the side-effects processed white had for her.

 

Here’s where I normally say it took lots of trial and error OR after many fits & starts my friend succeeded but that wouldnt be true.

After my friend and I went through these five stages (together. Im a member of her village that way) she was DONE.  She was OFF the processed pony and, I really believe, never to return.

She processed (pun intended) her love of the carbs, how the carbs sparked her to feel, how *she*might feel never eating them again, embraced her anger and moved on.

On to clean eating and energetic living.

Now you.

  • Would this Kübler-Ross approach work for *you* to shed the processed white?
  • Do you also mourn the loss of things you know arent good for you?

 

 

 

My friend decided she needed to STOP processed carbs.  You may or may not need to stop.  She gave me permission to share her story as both a sense of accountability (you may not know her–but you now know her story) & in case anyone else was struggling with the same thing.  PLEASE BE KIND in your comments. 

POSTS BY EMAIL

Never miss a post. Enter your email to get my latest posts delivered to your inbox.

Comments

  1. There are things in my life that I need to cut out…I think that I would go thru a grieving process if I actually did cut them out…I actually think that I have been thru the first few stages and stopped…I know I need to get back on and go through all the stages!

  3. This hits close to home for me. My mom battled breast cancer 15+ years ago and flipped her eating habits totally afterwards. She’s been cancer free the whole time but the old habits have crept back in. She’s now starting to slowly get back into things but there definitely has been a grieving process.

  4. It’s definitely a struggle with constant advertisements for, and grocery store shelves filled with, stuff we can’t eat!

    I find I’m crap at self-denial; for me, ditching whites was all about finding healthier substitutes that still feel like treats. So I use coconut flour, stevia and monk fruit and other natural sweeteners, make cauliflower pizzas, eat vast quantities of trail mix etc. Takes a while to find things that are both healthy and tasty, but once I did, it made it a lot easier to bypass the junk that used to be so tempting.

    So glad your friend is back “on the wagon” and hope she finds it easier this time!

  5. I love this idea- maybe I can use it with patients struggling to make healthier choices? I DEFINITELy experience all those stages myself.

  7. Great post. I’m on again off again too. Partly because I can’t get my family on board with me and I hate cooking two different meals. But no more excuses. I can do this.

  8. i’ve never heard of kubler ross – that’s really interesting though. itz awesome that she was able to tell a difference in the way she ate and the way she felt and itz even more awesome that you were by her side the whole way, letting her feel what she needed to feel instead of continuously preaching. you’re both awesome!

  9. “I feel terrible, she said. Tired, bloated, irritable. And I know it’s the processed white—but I cant seem to give it up.”

    Totally been there. It’s hard.

    I wish we all started eating clean BEFORE receiving a cancer (or any other serious) diagnostic. I’m trying hard and hope it will work (at keeping me healthy).

  12. it’s totally about the process of unprocessing. Connecting the why’s, the how’s, and the emotions, then accepting the REAL deal. Yes? Youre a good villager.
    😉

  14. I like this process because I am typically a cold turkey person and it rarely works the first time.

  15. I appreciate all your effort you did for your friend. It is really difficult to fix yourself to a particular diet in any disease. Very few people remain consistent with the diet; most people start eating foods, which are harmful for them.

  17. I am between bargaining & depression when it comes to the processed carbs. I think I have found acceptance, but the it’s back to bargaining. One day I’ll have full acceptance.

  18. I had numerous “stomach issues” (in retrospect it was much more) for years and suspected that I may not tolerate wheat very well. I limited wheat a lot, but I never gave it up all the way. I just told myself I couldn’t.

    I did a two-week cleanse in January and gave up wheat for that. When I reintroduced it, I had my definite answer. I felt awful. Since I had lived without any wheat for two weeks, I realized I didn’t have to go back to it, and I haven’t. Now I wonder why I didn’t do it much earlier…

    I love what you’ve done for your friend! It so makes sense to apply the 5 stages of grief to giving up a food you’ve loved for a long time…

  19. Interesting – I never would have thought of giving something up as being similar to the grieving process. But it makes sense. I’ve given up many foods that I once adored (hello cheetos) but I did it not necessarily with intention. I just simply stopped buying them and eating them and then just forgot about them.

  20. This is how I quit carbs. I thought I was the only person batty enough to use psychological models for TOTALLY UNRELATED stuff (that is totally related but you know what I mean)

    Love the post!!

  21. MISFITS UNITE. (which is, of course, different from MISFITS UNTIE which I initially typed…) .

  22. This came at a perfect time for me. I really need to cut out the processed sugar and carbs. I have PCOS and take meds for insulin resistant and I know the sugar and carbs make me feel worse. I really want to try clean eating!

  23. That’s definitely a great way to approach it. We are addicted to the processed stuff- it’s powerful! And there is definitely a grieving involved in giving up some of those habits!

  25. I know that the answer is yes, but I often wonder if it would be “worth it” to limit (not a big fan of eliminating anything) my processed foods.

  26. You and I are on parallel wavelengths today! This approach would surely help me with my sugar detox (I am at the acceptance point, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy to overcome the physiological cravings for a few days…)

    You are an AMAZING friend!

  27. Yes. After three years I am still in the bargaining stage, laces with anger and depression, regarding my gluten-intolerance. I KNOW how sick it makes me. I KNOW the myriad ill effects on my physical and emotional health. And still I mourn, as it feels I am not giving up foods but a portion of my identity, a way of life. It may seem ridiculous to someone who hasn’t experienced it, but food is so intertwined in everything that we do that a major change in diet is a major change, period.

    I could go on for days, but suffice it to say that I empathize. And I think that recognizing that it really is a grieving process does help.

  28. Ha! I think I went through this changing my diet as an endurance athlete.

    Denial – I run/bike/swim all the time so I can eat whatever I want, right? (gain lbs).
    Anger – WHY can I train for hours and hours a week and gain weight when normal people eat this way without the training and do fine?
    Bargaining – Ok, I’ll eat REALLY REALLY good in offseason and then eat whatever I want during tri season (didn’t work).
    Depression – I’ll never figure out how to look like an athlete.
    Acceptance – Ok, fine, I guess I’m one of those people who can’t eat anything they want, have to carefully track and calorie count, but it’s been than training hard and gaining weight.

  29. Great post! There are definitely things I have given up in my diet because I knew they were bad for me. And yes it was hard. But it’s so much better for me and my body. Great job to you and to your friend!!!

  30. Yes, i did this dance, for years. So angry that “everyone else” could eat whatever they wanted and never gain an ounce, and i inhale the smell of processed and gain weight (or so it seemed to me). Now i’m off the stuff, and i pray it’s forever.

    More power to your friend.

  31. Interesting approach…. I think that we should be more like cats… when a cat jumps on the stove and burns his paw, he never jumps on the stove again. A person, however, may jump on the stove several more times before they finally learn not to do it.

  32. I think it shows you how powerful the addiction to processed foods really is. Once you get off it for good and detox, you don’t miss it.

    The human body is really adaptable. When you eat healthy food your crave healthy food.

  33. This is so great, you supported her in such an awesome way. The processed white is on my list to nix, but I am becoming more aware of my intake so there is hope there!

  34. While I don’t actively avoid processed carbs/sugar, I don’t eat them that much either. For some reason I still don’t fully understand, I went straight from having them in abundance to acceptance that I can’t do that. Maybe it was the age at which I did it? I truly wish I could figure it out, because it might help others transition more easily. Maybe some day…

  38. We limit our amount of certain foods and it really does make a difference. I’m a firm believer in – Everything in Moderation!

  39. Cold turkey never works for me, and it’s why I always end up going back to the white stuff. I’m always in the denial stage…

  40. I too have struggled with cutting out the processed stuff in the past. It’s exponentially more difficult to do so when it’s literally around us all the time, and everywhere! But I believe it’s more about shifting your mindset to thinking of such changes as lifestyle changes rather than restrictions that you must place on yourself. If you think of it as a lifestyle shift, then you will naturally won’t feel like you’re constantly having to fight it.

  41. Hmmm… I love the Kubler-Ross approach to anything! (because it actually is applicable to pretty much any challenging situation!)

    Maybe I’m still deep in the Bargaining or the Denial when it comes to the Foodstuffs. Because (other than my dumb wonky hip) I am feel pretty darn good in general. I gave up the gluten (including substitutes for) for 30-40 days, as an Experiment, and felt NO DIFFERENT. Like, really. I was so shocked and kinda disappointed. I think I’d be more motivated if I really noticed a huge difference. I eat pretty healthy/nonprocessed most of the time, but I must be ridiculously insensitive because I feel no bad or immediate effects if I have pizza or a donut.

    On the other hand! I started meditating about 8 weeks ago and the difference was so wildly dramatic in 3 days, I thought, wow, I think my NONmeditating state is like other people who are gluten or processed foods sensitive.

  42. I think this approach is interesting! As a personal trainer, I’m always telling my clients to eat less of “the white stuff,” but I know from experience how hard it can be. I think for some people, identifying the stages–and giving a name to what they’re feeling–could be really helpful!

    It’s taken a lot of time, but I’ve slowly eliminated most processed foods. I might miss my favorite junk foods once in a while, but I don’t mourn them; it’s not sad for me to know that I’m not putting that stuff in my body.

    -Sarah

  43. I am not really into giving things up. I don’t really have any food allergies, but I do find the more sugar I eat the more I want.

    One thing I do miss would be food binges. I know that is silly, but it was kind of fun to eat with abandon and not worry about the consequences of it – although everyone could see the extra 100 pounds as a result of that.

  44. I am finding that as both the husband and I age, there are certain things that have had to change for health (his and mine) and that said changes have come with a plodding process that most definitely involves anger and rebellion and ultimately acceptance. Just this very evening we were talking fiber and how we may have gotten away without getting “enough” before, but how that’s just not working for us any more. Now I know why my grandparents drank prune juice every morning 😉

  45. Great blog, my brother in law is battling his cancer with a whole foods diet and is winning battle. “Processed Whites” is not a part of my fitness vocabulary.

  46. This is such a brilliant way of looking at the process of diet changing. I’ve been saying similar things at work forever (counseling) and everyone kinda looks at me like I’m being too dramatic. It’s so true though and you wrote it so well.

  47. Yikes, I’m not sure I could give up the processed whites. Am I a terrible person for saying I’m not even sure I want to? I’m really glad that she did though and that it helped her feel better.

  48. I have a relative who has struggled with cancer. He has changed his diet no processed foods, little meat, but relapsed a few time (chicken wing bings, burgers…), then did a bargaining strategy, but his body simply rejected this on and off diet. What has worked is sticking to the plan, great loving support, creative recipes, and continuing research i.e. reading great blogs like this one 🙂

  49. Oh yeah.

    I’m stuck firmly in the denial phase! I know that white flour products CAN give me heart-burn and joint pain. But, since it’s not an all the time thing, maybe I’m wrong! Maybe it’s something else!

    And here I admit to eating leftover brownie bites from dessert with friends last night. And now making friends with the TUMS again.

    White flour: I JUST CAN’T QUIT YOU!!

  50. Thank you for the great post. I think I need to sit down with my wife and go through something like this. A little over 10 years ago I read a book that got me fired up about eating all organic foods. My life really changed for the better. I felt better than I have ever felt in my life.
    Unfortunately I slowly broke away from the habit. Went back to carbs and fast food. Now my health is suffering immensely. I have high blood pressure, an irregular heart beat and bad allergies. I have tried going back to the organic diet with no success.
    Maybe if I sit down with my wife and discuss my feelings with my wife, get her in it with me, then I will be able to start eating better again. I know I would feel much better when I do it.

  51. So…..yes, I need to cut out the white processed stuff (don’t eat much but it’d be best if it was just gone) as well as other things (ahem sugar, scones, scones, scones). For me, it’s almost entirely related to time and stress and happiness levels. But I like this model a lot. I don’t think that I’ve been able to give it up yet because I haven’t gotten to the point where I feel ready – that I want to do it for me versus because I feel like I should do it, you know? Much to ponder.

  52. This really resonated with me.

    I need to get off the processed pony (<– I'm going to borrow this term from now until forever because I love it).

    I have relatives who have all died from diseases that they could have defended against with better diets.

    I read this post and I think… is my forty year old self going to hate my current twenty-five year old self for never getting off the processed pony… when she knew it would make things easier in the long run?

    I get trapped in the denial phase of "you're only 25, you can eat whatever and it won't be an issue.. you don't have to worry about this until your'e older"

    Wow.. thank you for this because it gave me a lot to think about.

  54. This is a terrific post. I am guilty as well of not sticking to my guns and falling short of my goals. I am healthy but I could be healthier. Every time I start a new workout routine or diet plan it seems I last about a month on it. I think we all need to hold ourselves accountable for our decisions and become more disciplined. Glad to hear that your friend is better. 🙂 Thanks for the story and the info.

  55. Wow… I feel like this about A LOT of the food I eat: diet coke, alcohol, excess carbs… etc. I just haven’t been strong enough to give any of it up even if it does make me feel better without it!

  56. First I’m happy that your friend is doing so well. I’ve seen cancer very close in my family and know how terrible this disease is.

    I’m still working on getting off the processed foods. There are days that are success and there are some that aren’t. But I keep trying and I’m not giving up.

  59. I am slowly starting to realize how processed makes me feel. It’s hard. It’s especially hard when you are dealing with issues bigger than food which is what prompted you to look at the food in the first place.

    Did that even make sense.

    On so many levels, you’re analogy is perfect.

  60. Great insight to uses the KR five stages! It’s amazing how we think we can’t give things up until we go something like that (the stages being akin to mourning the death of a loved one). It’s amazing how tied we get to our diets!

  61. Woo! Pittsburgh Steelers! (Sorry, had to get that out of the way. Now on to more important things…) I completely understand the struggle. I went through it not to long ago. I hated whole grain and whole wheat. I only ate white bread growing up and I refused to eat a sandwich made of anything else. Than I tried whole grain and realized that I hadn’t hated it all along, I had just “thought” I did. But just because I liked whole wheat didn’t mean I could stick to it. I much rather have white rice. I prefer normal spagetti over whole grain and I could eat a loaf of white bread no problem. I am slowly avoiding buying anything white, flour included in hopes to be able to over come it.

  62. Awesome post, I needed to read this today! I have lots of food allergies/sensitivities and I feel like I have been through all of those phases. I get so down sometimes when I feel bad about not eating certain foods – good foods that my body just doesn’t like (eggs, dairy,…lots more). I get frustrated and down, but the bottom line I have to constantly remind myself is that it isn’t worth the yucky feeling to “indulge”, especially when it is ruining my insides. Still working through feelings of deprivation (oy…that messes me up), but making progress nonetheless 🙂

  63. I am very glad this worked for your friend, but don’t see how she came to accept this, what had to change for her to change her mindset. It seems reductive compared to what it would take for me to really, truly break up with simple carbs. Maybe I’m the outlier here. This explanation of her process didn’t click with me, I guess.

    • I love your honesty and the fact you use the term outlier 🙂
      Alas, youre right. Carbs? Fitness? not one size fits all.
      Sorry this wasnt your…fit as I know the processed pony can be a challenging one.

  64. Hi, I’ve been a lurker around your blog for a few months. I love this article and your entire site! Looking forward to reading more!

Trackbacks

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This