In favor of snap judgements.

by

We’ve talked about the fact I’m working not to be judgmental.

I’ve not walked miles any shoes save my own (I may think I know what theirs feel like—I have no idea).

For me, however, judging is different from intuitive living.

Passing judgement is not the same as trusting our guts & going with the immediate feedback they provide.

It’s not the same, to define in its most basic of ways, as making snap judgements.

And, when framed in the gut-tapping way, I’m all in *favor* of the snap judgements.

Here’s why.

Once upon a time the Child would assemble outfits based on instinct:

zensah calf sleeves

(yep, those ARE my compression-sleeves.)

She’d put on what “felt right” (<—there’s that “gut” & intuitive living) and proceed with her day without giving her attire another thought.

One of my fave phases was when she’d add pink weight lifting gloves to every outfit and refer to them as her finger-puffs (?).

(sadly no pics remain of the puffs can be found)

She’d also spontaneously tattoo her face seeming to intuit Mike Tyson’ing herself was that day’s way to go:

Screen Shot 2015-03-08 at 5.21.09 AM

Or she’d snag her pink gloves (oh I miss those things. I still haven’t discovered what mine are), yank ’em on and proceed about her daily duties.

Screen Shot 2015-03-08 at 4.41.05 AM

they returned once & never again.

I never gave these sartorial choices much thought.

I, too, instinctively knew what “felt good” on my bod on any given day and I respected her decisions.

As long as it wasn’t inappropriate, I let her wear whatever she selected.

rsz_screen_shot_2015-03-08_at_53001_am

(I’d help only when asked.)

One morning, as she was about to climb on the bus “finger puffs” firmly in place, the husband called her back, hugged her, slipped the ‘puffs off and set her on her way.

I must have given him a quizzical look as he explained:

People judge. Sometimes, as parents, our job is to save her from herself.

zensah

I found this line of thought intriguing as it hadn’t occurred to me until he said it.

He was right, people might make snap judgements about her.

He was probably right, other kids might make snap judgements (here’s where he’s most likely entirely correct.  I think at 45 I may have forgotten how unkind kids can be).

Yet, as a misfit who lives intuitively I spend my days making snap judgements.

I mainly frame it as going with my gut and assuming others are going with theirs.

People see my attire and make the snap judgement I workout all day.

I don’t, but I do strive to fit-in-fitness and #wycwyc my day as I work—so they’re not entirely wrong.

Hoke oneone

workout wear = my WORK WEAR!

People judge my book by its CrAzY cover and make snap-assumptions about me all the time.

And you know what? I’ll surrender much of the time they’re spot-on.

And when they’re not it’s often still a result of the way Ive dressed or styled or am choosing to carry my exterior.

These initial impressions color (tattoo pun intended) how we connect with those around us from first sight forward.

And all of this happens in a SNAP.

Now you.

What do you think?

  • When you’re honest with yourself–do you ever make snap judgements?
  • Do you view these snaps as negative or as merely going with your gut?

POSTS BY EMAIL

Never miss a post. Enter your email to get my latest posts delivered to your inbox.

Comments

  1. So sad to say I am very guilty of this…and if I saw you and didn’t know you (being totally honest hear an dcalling myself out) I’d judge from your colorful exterior…but thanks to people like you I’m changing, I”m a constant work in process and I love that…I can change for the better and again thanks to awesome people in the world like you I can learn what we see on the outside is just a shell, what’s inside counts

  2. I’d love to say I don’t make snap judgements but I do . A lot. Sometimes they are right on. Others I’m way off. I catch myself making a judgement and then I’ll try to remember – everyone has their own hard. That most likely will get me out of the judgy zone.

  3. I make a lot, but as you’ve said so well the ones I make are usually spot on.
    When people make them about me and they are right and they are not what I want to hear I get annoyed.
    So I know they are right.

  4. I’ve not thought about snap judgements as intuitive living.
    When I make them they are usually off and judgey 🙂

  5. i definitely make some snap judgments – some spot on, some not. i do go by intuition a lot when meeting new people at work – if i get a creepy crawly feeling with new clients or potential employees, they are not someone we want to do business with. my coworkers have learned to listen to this intuition.

  6. Guilty as charged but, I’m learning to talk myself down. I rarely judge in my head without immediately re-thinking it. I’m growing 🙂

  7. I find it intriguing you say people are usually right when they judge you.
    Especially when it comes to how you are dressed and stuff.
    I wonder if this is just the fact you are comfortable with who you are?
    I always feel attacked. :/

  8. I’m stuck on your husband’s comment. I sort of agree with him but then wonder if that discourages our kids from being apologetically themselves.
    P.S. Have you heard the public radio show called “Snap Judgment”? Good stuff!

  10. I have worked on my snap judgements over the years because I know people do the same thing when they see me, see my family, see my husband and I…it isn’t fair and it hurts (the looks, the disgust some show from doing the “math”, etc) so I try to be open and not make negative snaps as possible. I go by the feeling that we are all the same and you never know what someone’s struggle or triumph is by looking at them. And I LOVE that we can all be all be different and go by our own beat. I know I do every single day!

  11. Like the post and its true l am a person how makes snap judgement and then think after wards what l would have done….

  12. I think there are probably very few people on this earth who don’t make snap judgments at some point in their life. I know I’m guilty of it, but the difference is I will generally keep it to myself and feel bad about even thinking it. Not everyone does that, either.

  13. I think we’re wired to think quickly, but then we can always look down at our own shoes. 😉

  14. It’s human nature to make snap judgments. Everyone knows the old saying, “You never have a second chance to make a first impression”. We all sum people up in the first few seconds. I think the difference is being able to review that snap decision and alter it, if necessary, based on further knowledge.

  15. Snap judgements are hard to avoid…but if we catch ourselves making them, we can usually (hopefully) correct those judgements or at least stop them. And I don’t think snap judgements are always bad. I judge your kid every time I see a picture of her: “that is totally an awesome, infectious little lady.” (This is how I judge you to be, too!) I love the tattoos, the pink gloves…we all have our version of tattoos and pink gloves, right? My daughter goes everywhere in a crown right now. Ha!

  16. This is a tough one! Of course we all make snap judgments. I think sometimes that IS ok, but others, not so much. Let’s go with a case-by-case basis, how’s that?

  17. I think I’m friends with so many artists who look like serial killers, but are actually painters with bunny farms, that I’m more apt to come to the opposite conclusion about people than most.

    However, I do tend to completely snap-judge the well-pressed preppy people. I’m getting better with this, but honestly, I was so injured by their (or those who were clothed as such) ilk in my adolescence that I don’t know if I’m capable of completely letting it go.

  18. It’s taken me years to learn that my first impressions are usually correct. I don’t know if it’s my subconscious, or just a sixth sense. But when I resist I almost always end up on my ass, wishing I’d paid attention.

    A corollary is that the older I get, the more I let people know immediately exactly who and what I am. I used to work very hard (and be very successful) and giving you exactly what you were looking for — charming, supportive, lovable, attentive, caring — so that you’d like me. But I’d find it impossible to keep it up, long term. Now you get the cantankerous sarcastic obnoxious me, full bore, right out of the gate.

    Most people run and hide. Those who stay are there because they like the gloves.

  19. I think we all make snap judgments without being able to help it. That’s fine, I think, as long as we leave ourselves open to seeing more than our initial reaction.

  20. (I miss the photos of E with her Pink dishes gloves.)

    I do make snap judgments. I was trained to immediately start evaluating and forming an opinion in my work and I do it personally as well (I probably did if personally long before I could claim it being a professional reflex). My snap judgments are always evolving. Fluid not rigid or fixed. I’m always taking in new information and adjusting my thoughts on a person or situation. I find people fascinating. And I love finding out how I was wrong or right in my initial thoughts on someone. But those who I never meet? (I’m a people watcher from way back.) I totally make up a story for them in my head so those snap judgments are totally based on the books’ covers.

    In general, I think it is necessary to make some snap judgments and go with my gut. Is this a person I can trust? Is this a person I should fear? Do I feel okay that this person is being put in charge of my child? Is that dinosaur thinking I look like dinner?

  21. I do make snap judments and I usually trust my gut… my spidey senses! They have saved me from danger in the past and so I trust them.

    As for the FACE/EXTERIOR/COSTUMES we present to the world… I believe they say a lot about us. They might say we are whimsical and interesting, or they might say we are scary and mean, or they might say we don’t care… about ourselves or anyone else. But I do believe they TALK.

    Interesting post.

  22. We all make snap judgments, can’t help it in fact. Scientific study has proven it takes us less than a second to come to a conclusion about some things. It’s subconscious.

    The real deal is, once we’ve recognized the judgment, do we just go with it, or examine it for whether we’ve judged right or not. Do we suspend it for a moment and look again, just to make sure? Especially if we are making a snap judgment about a person based on appearance only.

    • Bingo — we all make snap judgments, but are you prepared to admit that you could be wrong? If you do turn out ot be wrong, are you prepared to learn from it for next time?

  23. I used to hem and haw about judgments but with my job, I find I need to make a lot of them a day. So, snapping the judgment is easier. I try to keep an open mind about people and not write them off until I get to know them, but I definitely think people assume things about the way we look before they get to know us.

  24. I do make snap judgements – this is something I’ve worked on for years!!
    I love the innocence of kids and wish that they could keep it always but sadly other people (often other kids) are mean because of snap judgements!!

  25. I thank you for making the distinction between the two. I think it’s normal for everyone to do both.. I know that this is true for me. The important thing is to always be aware and ask yourself which one it is. If I’m in a dark ally at midnight and there is a person who has multiple tattoos and is sporting a “street” look, they could be the nicest person in world, but that is an environment where I don’t want to find out– some may call that judgement, I call it erring on the side of safety.

  26. I think making “snap judgements” is all part of human nature. We are made to look for similarities within each other so that we feel comfortable. This is not always the best way to go about things because snap judgements are often wrong and you might miss out on being friends with someone because of your initial judgement. Thanks for making me reflect on this today!

  27. i have to make a conscious effort NOT to snap judge, but i think it’s human process. and then i realize to SNAP out of it because we don’t know that person, their life, their story, etc.

  28. I had to smile because when my daughter was little, I let her wear whatever she wanted – striped pants with rainbow shirt? yep. Pajama pants with a t-shirt and sandals, yep too. I loved that she didn’t care how she looked as long as she liked it – I had forgotten that until I read this post!

  29. Awww she is so cute and I love how you let her wear the compression sleeves and gloves. Little girls want to be like mommy and I see that you are setting a good example for her. I do snap judgments too but almost all the time they are in my head and not said aloud because I never want to offend anyone.

  32. I definitely am guilty of making snap judgements. Sometimes they’re spot on and other times I’m way off base. But usually when I catch myself making a snap judgement, I stop and I let it go, whatever it was. That’s a really interesting comment that your husband made because I do try to encourage my kids to do what they want and to not stifle them. But it’s true – our job is to help them as well.

  33. I think snap judgements are human nature and a couple of times come to mind when I did so and was totally wrong. Live and learn.

  34. I’ve learned to go with my gut because it subconsciously leans on accumulated info over your whole life. It keeps you out of trouble!

  35. I was JUST talking about this very thing to Mr. Science yesterday! I had caught myself in the act. Funny timing.

    If we get something out of it – if we learn something about ourselves and the world around us – if it feels right – I think it *can* be a positive. I’m ALL about the grey 😉

  37. I made a snap judgment on your final photo and decided you were either a returning war vet or a flamingo. Due to the colors, I might lean toward flamingo.

  38. I like to call it being intuitive 🙂

    Fortunately, my choices have been pretty good.

    The few misses do frighten me.

Trackbacks

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This