Comfort food.

by

As much as Ive struggled in my transition to Oakland there are many facets of my new ‘hood which are better than the ATX!!! I really enjoy.

OAKtown sidewalk surprise!

OAKtown sidewalk surprise!

The canines! The canines!

The canines! The canines!

The lovely lake.

ahhh Lake Merritt.

ahhh Lake Merritt.

The farmer’s markets.

Farmer's Market edible FLOWERS?!

Edible FLOWERS?!

Nothing has impacted me as profoundly, however, as our new synagogue (which surprised this Misfit Jew as “non-traditional” doesnt begin to capture my religious approach).

This year we’re participating in Family Sunday School pilot program.

our very serious Sunday School folder.

our very serious Sunday School folder.

A few Sundays ago our focus was on traditional foods and what we think of as comfort foods (it’s a misfit synagogue. there was lots of talk about secular Thanksgiving fare).

We went around the room and each had an opportunity to share what sprung to mind after heading the words COMFORT FOOD.

Everything was mentioned from lemon bars to latkes.

kkl

fried in OIL, Baby!

As my turn approached (mercifully slooooowed by reminiscing & food-fantasizing) I began to panic.

As we’ve chatted about before —I possess no foods of comfort.

Which isnt to say I didnt eat many of the foods mentioned (except chopped liver. anyone love the chopped liver?)—I just eat them when I crave them and Im done.

No real sense of comfort involved.

As I listened to the powerful memories the comfort foods evoked for my fellow misfit Jews classmates I wondered if  we werent missing out?

If I werent “denying” the Tornado some sort of life-experience as she doesnt really have a comfort food (yet) & not being a foodieMama theres little chance of us creating powerful food memories.

 

raspberries FTW!!

plain plain plain is how I roll.

We “bond” over food (in our own way) yet the majority of the time our bonding has little to do with the food at all.

Id never thought too much about comfort foods.

They arent how I lick my forearms–Im a comfort-MOVIE person–yet that’s all it really seemed to me.

A different approach to self-soothing.

Hearing the powerful connection between comfort foods & family-ties/comfort food’s power to lessen feelings of loneliness  sparked me to wonder if the Tornado is missing out potentially never having fond food memories to reflect back on.

So I look to you during this Thanksgivukkah season of food & family & hit you up with my many queries:

  • Am I really unique in having few memories which involve/center around food?
  • Do you feel–as I now do–comfort food isnt inherently “bad” just gotten a bad rap?

 

 

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Comments

  2. I’m not the biggest fan of holiday meals so I think you are fine. None of my favorite holiday memories involve food – maybe the gathering of people to eat a holiday meal but not the actual food.

    I totally think hot tea is a comfort food – it warms your belly and makes you feel like a big hug!

  4. so i just posted a CHICKEN SOUL soup today. It’s not UNhealthy, but it is comforting because it brings so much more the the plate than food. I think comfort food has gotten a bad wrap, but then again i think we did it.

  5. A lot of our family holidays have some sort of tradition with food. For example, every Christmas morning we have a certain coffee cake and party potatoes. It’s more about making them and being together than it is about the food but regardless it isn’t quite Christmas without them.

  6. I think it could be a great thing not to soothe with food.
    I don’t have many cultural ties to food but lots of comfort.

  7. i def think drinks (hot tea) can be considered comfort food! and i had to laugh at your chopped liver comment because just last week at school i was talking about it and asked, “is that jewish food? do you guys know what chopped liver is?” lol but my point was that my grandma makes an AMAZING fake chopped liver… with no liver at all!! it has like peas and walnuts in it or something and itz FABULOUS!!

  9. I think that having memories of connection are far more important than them being centered around a food. I wish I didn’t have many of the connections to food that I do, but I recognize how they were a comfort to my mom and how she still uses them. I would have preferred that comfort be a hula hoop, ha! 🙂

  11. I also like how you say you bond over food but it isn’t about the food.
    If I have children I’d love to follow this, too.

  12. Very interesting. I do have fond food-centric memories, but none that make a specific food something I want/crave. My comfort food is a solo-indulgence — cereal!

  13. Hmm…I’m stumped on this one. Typically, I would say that I don’t really tie memories to food either, but the more I think about it, Will has created many meals for me that trigger my favorite memories. Comfort foods? Nope. But they do make me smile 🙂

  14. There are food traditions that started with my family when I was a kid – like beef tenderloin on Christmas eve, homemade vanilla icecream in the summer and kitchen-sink cheese quesadillas on days when too lazy or busy to cook. While the food is certainly part of the memory, it’s not the food that brings comfort, it’s the memory that was made of being together. I could eat a box of Ramin for a holiday dinner and still feel comforted by the memories of my family.

  15. The funny thing about comfort food for me is that I got heavy on it so there is good & bad to anything.. BUT some of the memories of the gatherings & the laughter & love & fun we had… I would not want to trade that. The love of my Nan’s mac n’ cheese or how she made “coffee” which was mostly milk for me. My dad that loved to cook & made “fried grinch” – a crazy stew or his fried matzo. My mom the made the best simmus & amazing other goodies – like pies at the holidays… Now the comfort food is a bit different & portion control but I still love having it & as my today post explained, it will not end….. BUT if you are happy – all is good right?

  16. I don’t think I have a “comfort food” either. I have a lot of memories with food…but not necessarily one food in particular. I eat stereotypical “comfort foods” such as stews and spaghetti when I’m in the mood and that’s about it.

  17. I believe the memories from the food are really memories from the bonding that goes on at the dinner table. Yes, some of my mom’s famous German dishes that she only makes once every few years are memorable, but it’s the conversations and the storytelling that leave memories.

  18. Chopped liver is nasty. My in-law family loves it and will pass it around the table and serve up heaping spoonfuls. ICK!!!

    I think comfort food in theory is okay. I think when food becomes the ‘let me wallow in my misery as it’s my only comfort’ that it becomes a problem.

    It’s like a baby has different ways to soothe. Pacifier, thumb sucker, self soother… we all deal with food in different ways. I love the idea of tea as a comfort food – I definitely think my warm cup of coffee is a huge comfort to me.

  19. I have some foods that I consider in the comfort area, like pasta for example, but by using portion control it’s a non-issue.

  20. I definitely have food memories. But interestingly, a lot of the foods that evoke memories now, I didn’t really eat (much of) when I was younger and most of them I don’t eat now. I think it’s not really about the food for me but more about “bringing me back” to a certain time and place. If that makes sense.

    I don’t think comfort food has to be a “bad” thing. Soups for me are the ultimate comfort food. They are warming, and I love silky, blended soups. I make at least one big pot of soup every week, and it’s comfort in a bowl. My soups are delicious (in my opinion) and healthy. I think the problem arises when you try to “deal with problems/stress, etc” with food. But a nice warm bowl of soup can, and in my opinion should, be comforting and a pleasure to eat.

    And, yes, drinks can be comforting too. I finish every day with at least one cup of herbal tea for that reason…

  21. I definitely have comfort foods, especially around the holidays. It is mostly Christmas sweets. There is just something about gingerbread cookies. I usually eat at least 3 a day over the holidays!

  22. As much of a foodie as I am, I do not think it is necessary to have comfort food memories! Tornado will have more than her fair share of wonderful memories. And they will be there for her to enjoy without needing the food to bring the memories to mind.

    I do agree that tea and coffee are very comforting! And I also consciously work at making some of my new healthy foods ‘comforting’ (to replace some of the old not-so-healthy comfort foods.)

  24. I DEFINITELY think drinks, like hot tea, can be comfort foods. My husband is really big on tea. When anything hurts, or if you don’t feel good, his first questions is “Do you want some tea?” I love black tea with honey and lemon.

  25. Tea is actually super comforting to me because it is something my mother and I bonded over..also oatmeal because it was a childhood staple in my home. I can think of plenty of foods that I love but are not necessarily comforting.

  26. Fried in coconut oil?!
    I choose not to use food as comfort. Because that is my issue. I comforted my way to a size 22. So, I really don’t have a comfort FOOD, but I thought and thought and I think coffee might be my comfort food? Mmmmm coffeeeeee.

  27. I found this post and the comments soooo interesting!

    My comfort food is oatmeal! It has no emotional associations for me; I hated it when I was little and only discovered my love of it in my mid-30’s. It’s something healthy, warm and has the perfect ‘mouth-feel’ for those cold, dark mornings when I don’t want to get up!

    Many of the foods people listed as comfort foods I tend to think of a tradition foods. We eat them on special days of the year, with friends and family. Fondue on New Year’s Eve. Apricot muffins on Xmas morning. Turkey etc at Thanksgiving and Christmas. None of them fill emotional voids; all are surrounded with positive, emotional memories!

  28. I do think the term “comfort food” has gotten a bad rap. Does comfort food really have to be “unhealthy” or “bad” for you? I don’t think so.

    I think you answered your own question. 🙂 You aren’t depriving Tornado of anything. In fact, she may just have a comfort food without even realizing it just yet.

    You mentioned foods being associated with fond family memories/family ties.

    Perhaps someday Tornado with remember you two played with kelp noodles, and THEY will be her comfort food.

    Happy Hoidays Carla!

  29. As a recovered binge eater, I have to say you are doing your daughter a great service in not putting so much emphasis on food. Yes, it’s part of socializing and bonding and community times and good memories – but no attachment to food needed in that. 😉

  30. I have a lot of food memories especially from holidays. I don’t think it is necessarily a bad thing that neither of you have comfort foods, you have other things that take the place of comfort foods and those will be fond memories for you both!

  31. From the parenting research I’ve seen, eating together is MUCH more important than what you’re eating, or whether or not it’s a comfort food. My husband doesn’t get the comfort food idea either- we’re all different. 🙂

  33. All my family holidays seem to revolve around food, and made me a foodie, but I don’t think it’s anything odd if you aren’t so food focused. For me it is the preparation process more than the eating that I enjoy, and making the big meal with family and friends is more fun than the noshing at the end. It might have linked me to the weight and food issues I had, but comfort foods to me are more favourites than rewards to me. Right now dealing with chemo I am finding healthy comfort foods to be a real cheering thing…fave soups and smoothies 🙂
    You have your own things you share with Tornado and your husband that I missed out a lot on as a girl and to me they seem just as important, if not more, so than foods 🙂

  34. When I think of comfort foods, it invokes warm fuzzy memories of childhood, family times (past & current), special family recipes, and happy laughs. It is the combination of all those things that makes comfort foods so special and worthwhile to be consumed and enjoyed WITH OTHERS. Even if it comes in fried-form. The act of comfort foods consumed few and far between makes it more-bettah.

    If comfort foods are eaten daily for no reason other than for the eater to seek comfort, it is cause for concern.

  35. i think you are very unique in that sense and i actually envy you. i have such a passion for food but it causes me so much stress and anxiety. i often hear from friends who just don’t have any favorite foods, just eat what they like and move on, and don’t wonder all day what they will eat at each meal. i so envy those people. i know i should embrace my passions but much of the time food causes me so much stress that i wonder if it’s a worthwhile passion.

  36. I have some powerful food memories:

    -I was sick at Halloween several years. Powdered sugar donuts and apple cider became my Halloween tradition (instead of costumes, etc).

    -The left-over turkey sandwich…

    -My mom sharing her weakness for bologna on Rye bread…

    -my own tradition of latkes on Christmas Eve…

    So many more! For me, lots of foods feel like love. But I’ve discovered that eating the foods doesn’t substitute for love. And eating them out of loneliness can emphasis the emptiness.

    My current diet has separated me from many of these foods. Maybe that’s why you too don’t have them?

  37. My job as a child was washing the dishes after the big family meal. I would start while everyone was still talking and laughing. I still find doing the dishes comforting. I have favorite foods, but none I go to for comfort. I’ll chat with my family about this on Thanksgiving.

  39. Just made a big pot of stew on a rare cloudy/rainy day here in the Southwest.
    Mom’s recipe.
    All food is “good” food-it’s just knowing how much to eat/when to stop and still getting that workout in.

    Just had scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, hash browns and some pancakes.

    Lifted hard for an hour before and rode 2:30 worth of hilly trails yesterday (not horse)-you can “earn” that comfort food and not feel one bit guilty.

  40. oh and my sister NEVER let her kids have sugar, “unhealthy” foods when growing up. All three are borderline alcoholics, smoke and are overweight.
    just saying… (there is no control).

  41. If she knows how to self-soothe, then that’s the life skill she needs. The people who only know how to self soothe with eating calorie laden foods are done no favors by it.

    Make your food memories not about specific foods, but about the fun of exploring food together, figuring out which ones harm your health or attitude, and which ones give you fuel and help you stay healthy.

  42. Food does have so many positive associations for me … sometimes it gets hard to try and plan a “date” with hubby that doesn’t involve food. I know as a mom, I love it when the kids beg me to make certain things and rave about my baking. Ahhhh …. food.

  43. I’ve been thinking about this since you posted on FB and I think I tend to agree with you. What I’m craving is comfort food, and that changes often. I can give you a list of things that would be “comfort food”, but it’s just because I have a taste for them right now.

    The only exception are a small set of foods that I would generally eat while sick. Stuff like chicken noodle soup, mashed potatoes, maybe some mac and cheese, lasagna – easily digestable and easy on the tummy (so these are things that I might eat before or after a race, or if I have a tummy bug, etc).

    • Oh, also meant to say my family is ALL ABOUT the food holiday traditions. It’s not thanksgiving without turkey and the trimmings (and the leftovers – my mom will NOT do thanksgiving elsewhere because of it), christmas without lasagna, salad, garlic bread, and easter without ham and lamb cake (cake in the mold of a lamb).

      I don’t mind it, but if it were up to me, I’d eat whatever I felt like that day most instead of something arbitrarily “assigned” to the holiday.

  44. I don’t think of any food as bad, per se, but we can use it badly. (Or I can, anyway.)

    For me, comfort foods are more about the physical these days–hot food on a cold day, cold food on a hot day, easy food on…any day. LOL My favorite comfort meal is one I might be having tonight: scrambled eggs and toast. I shall ramp up the decadence by eating dinner curled up in a corner of the sofa watching Major Crimes. Ahhh…comfy!

  45. Drinks certainly can be comfort food! Going out for coffee is something I love to do with the people I love. It is a setting for good talks and laughter.

    Our family does love food and holidays and other occasions (super bowl) are a bit food centric, but there wouldn’t be the food without the family there.

  46. Funny – I don’t know if food is really my memory from events but every family and even friend get-together seems to involve food. I’m always trying to figure out how to have activities and events that don’t center on food but it seems like food is always going to at least have a small role.

  48. Drinks as comfort ‘foods’? Absolutely! I have great memories of hot chai teas with my roommate during college, coffee dates with some of my favorite lady friends and hot chocolate nights with my mom (which we still have!). The Tornado, I’m sure, has many memories that bring her the same joy that other may feel from food…I wouldn’t worry! 😉

  49. I definitely love comfort foods especially during holidays but now since I become a gym addict, I don’t usually eat them anymore. Great post you got here 🙂

  50. I think there are many types of comfort foods – ones used in bad ways, ones used in good ways. Good ways – memories, with family. Bad ways – food addiction, in lieu of getting true stress management down. I have comfort foods. I used to have both some good ones and some bad ones. Now I have more good ones than bad ones. Progress, not perfection 😀

  51. I do have really strong associations of food with comfort or at least of food playing a big part of my life growing up and maybe that’s what I think of as comfort – my childhood. But I am also a big comfort movie person too! I think that it comes down to different ways of connecting and it’s really that connection that brings us comfort whether at the dinner table or sitting together to share a movie.

  52. Tea is without a doubt a comfort food. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with food associations, as long as they are positive. Food really is more then just fuel for our bodies. To share a meal with friends or family is so special. Tornado may very well have her own food associations and comforting food memories.

  54. I used to have a lot of comfort foods, but now I do not seem to crave them as much and I am not sure why. The one comfort food that is always close to my heart is my Mom’s homemade red sauce and meatballs. It just reminds me of being a kid and the whole family eating dinner together. Good happy memories!

  55. I think chocolate is comfort food for me. The funny thing was we grew up with the focus on dessert and not the main course.
    Estelle

  56. Food, food, glorious food! Many, many, memories. I could probably tell you what I had at every meal I ever ate! LOL! I am fixated on the stuff! I think about it all the time!

  57. I’ve been thinking about this post since it was first written. I usually read the other comments, but didn’t this time. I didn’t want to be influenced… to feel like I’m off the wall with my point of view, and chicken out. So, here’s just one persons opinion.

    This is from one who reached a highest wt of 460 pounds. From one whose whole like was dominated, devastated and infected with an unhealthy relationship with food. Who was taught from infancy the wrong way to view food: as a comfort, as too important, a reward, bribe, diversion. As a Happy drug. etc etc etc.

    YES: create FUN FAMILY MEMORIES that involve traditions with good and yummy foods.

    NO: never ever ever ever EVER connect said food to the word Comfort.

    Huge difference between USING the food for comfort, or having loving and tender memories involving loved ones and “breaking bread” together, at holidays and special occasions. They lead in totally opposite directions.

    Please trust me on this. I wouldn’t wish this painful lifetime struggle on my worst enemy. Let alone those I care about.

  59. I love food, I love to eat and I love to cook but I have no such thing as comfort food. There’s no dish that I eat for comfort. However I can enjoy a homemade espresso with hot milk very very much.

  60. Such an interesting concept…My comfort foods are a bit odd: black coffee (specifically from Peet’s Coffee – Bay Area, what! what!) and Red & Black Licorice Bites (by Red Vines; you can’t get them many places!). When I see them, I buy them. They make me think of being home, of my mom and do comfort me; if I’m traveling by myself and there’s a Peet’s Coffee in an airport, that’s what I get. I heard that women tend to think of snack foods as comfort foods and men more of the meals (think: macaroni and cheese or stews – more full meals). Interesting! And while I have memories that involve food, I don’t think they’re centered on food. My memories involve community moments, which generally happens around holidays and when you all get together there is food! But it’s the moments held within, around, before and after the meals that make my memories. Truthfully, I could pass on turkey but just get together and eat anything and be very content on Thanksgiving. 😀

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