My struggle with the racing ego (guest post).

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Reading Carla’s recent post about taking her ego out of her race brought two thoughts to my mind.

First—Carla is a wise woman. But we all knew that.

Second—ego has not been my friend in racing over the years.

I started out in triathlon and running races over 16 years ago. I had a pretty good start, too, which set me up with all kinds of aspirations for my racing future.

Who knew what I could do with some hard work?

So I set goals and started chasing them.

Most I was able to check off.

I felt pretty proud of myself. I cared, quite a bit, about who I beat in races and where I placed.

Enter the racing ego.

Then I set my big marathon goal and started going hard after it. I came close a few times, but couldn’t quite get there.

Still, I was confident I was capable of that number, and dammit, I wanted to be able to say I had run a X.XX time.

Then my body started rebelling.

I started getting hurt. I had pretty severe anemia.

I wasn’t achieving my big goal in the midst of all that. I got so burned out by the marathon distance that I still don’t know when I’ll go back to it.

My ego got the best of me.

It was driving my racing, when the driver should have been my love of running.

Looking back now, a little wiser for the wear, I can see that.

But I learned the hard way.

The ego-centric tendencies are always going to be there, I think, but if I can let it go (cue the Frozen soundtrack), my racing will be so much more enjoyable. Not only that, it will be healthier.

If I see you at a race in the future, I’ll be the work in progress.

Not at getting faster, necessarily, but at letting go of my ego.

 

Amanda is a freelance writer, running coach, and the voice behind the MissZippy1 blog, a site for runners seeking a fun exchange of all things running. Her philosophy is running is a lifetime learning journey and, after 16 years, she’s just getting started.

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Comments

  1. I’ve found my ego getting involved a lot in my running. But then I get injured and need to check it at the door. It’s a constant battle to remind myself that I run because I love it not because I need to run faster than the next person.

  3. Oh this is a really, really incredibly hard thing to do. As you know, I’m super competitive and overly concerned (usually) with how I place in a race. I’m struggling right now with a sore hammy that needs rest, and a mind that wants to do a long run because I have the time and I don’t want to “lose fitness.” It’s definitely a struggle. Good luck fighting the good fight my friend!!

  4. Thank you for sharing! I find myself too absorbed in my performance at races. I’m not necessarily super fast but I definitely am crushed if I don’t reach my goals and at least place in my age range lol this is something I need to work on as well. We run because we love the run. Right?

  5. Totally totally get this and can relate. It’s so easy to create an expectation for ourselves. Natural to keep raising the bar. And oh so difficult to let go of the way we identified ourselves as circumstances change.

  6. Oh yes, for runners with a competitive nature, the ego is a dangerous thing! It’s helpful to see and learn from those like you who can acknowledge it and not let the ego run the show. 🙂

  7. Great post. It’s sometimes hard not to get caught up in a goal to the point that it takes away the fun. It’s a fine line and sometimes difficult to know how hard to push or what we are capable of. It’s a good reminder reading something like this.

  9. I love to race, but I do it just for fun. I have been competing in running races for 42 yrs and triathlon for 32. I have run hundreds of races and just completed my 119th triathlon. I train to do my best and often end up on the podium (lately because my age group doesn’t have a whole lot of women in it! But sometimes you just have to show up and give it your all.)
    There is always someone, somewhere, better and faster than you.
    Choose your races wisely, and have something else going on in your life that is more important to you (career, family, volunteer work, hobby) than your racing. This is what “works” for me. My opinion only.

  14. I think I’ve told you before (Amanda) that this is a big part of why I quit racing. I finally realized it was either run without racing or risk never running again – it was a no brainer for me!!!

  15. Carla thanks so much for sparking this in Amanda. And Amanda, thank you so much for sharing! Seriously, I feel like this is a lesson I keep re-learning over and over again. I just ran my fastest marathon ever and finished feeling triumphant and high on life. I was so ready to get out and tear up every summer race I had planned. Enter the injury. Two weeks post marathon. I wanted too much. Driven by my ego my desire for MORE success. Now I’ve put those racing plans on hold and I’m working to heal the parts of me that are injured and become a more balanced and stronger runner. I may however, let my injured ego, stay injured:)

  16. And that ego doesn’t just go away. Mine rose up when my recent marathon was much slower than anticipated (and much slower than I ever thought I’d run). I had a great time, I ran with my husband (who had no such ego problems), yet there was still this nagging, shame? Embarrassment? I’m not sure, but I felt I could (should) have done better.

    But, I still think that if you want to you can achieve your goals. You’re a wiser woman now, who has learned that the key to success is not driven by the ego, but my your mind, which will guide your training in the future (that old cliche, train smarter, not harder comes to mind).

  17. Oh yes! My ego has gotten in the way so many times! I so admire you Amanda for pulling back and taking the time to really work on things to get them right. It’s funny but while I love social media for all the encouragement and the community, I think that it did do a number on my ego and made me strive for more than I might be ready for/capable of sometimes.

  18. Hitting personal goals means little if you don’t like what you’re doing anymore … find the love again, and hold on to it this time! 🙂

  19. I think what made you not to achieve your goal was due to too big goal you have set for your self. In everything in life, you start with small goal and after it is being achieved, you set smaller one and keep on doing like this. This will encourage you and motivate you to go further. But let me ask this, what do you think could cause your hurt at that stage?

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