Kindness breeds kindness (guest post).

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I have learned so much about patience, attitude, faith and fearlessness from Krysten. 

I’ve invited her over today to share her musings on the notion of kindness.

I read this article – 15 things Incredibly Happy People Do – last week.

And I loved the principles!

A lot of the things listed are things I try to do in my everyday.

But I admit there are times, where the wear of the day-to-day grinds me down.

So I have made it my mission to be more mindful of my attitude and actions each day. And one of my goals is to compliment someone every day – Kindness breeds Kindness.

And I also think Kindness breeds Happiness.

Happiness for others, but also happiness for yourself.

I think it is almost impossible to do something kind for someone, and to not feel happier, lighter, more relaxed.

A lesson that was really brought home, but this stack of parking tickets. (yes they are all mine, kind of…)

At the moment they are doing construction on our building, so we are not able to use our parking garage. We have all been sent to park on the street for the next month while they complete the work.

And if you know anything about Toronto, than you know that the parking attendants can be aggressive. You can’t even run in to grab a coffee without ending up with a parking ticket (I learned that the hard way a couple of times…)

So our building asked the city for a parking exception. And we all got special notices to post in our window. But despite having my number posted, the parking attendants in my neighbourhood keep giving me (and the rest of the people in my building)
tickets anyways.

After ticket #4, I started to get frustrated.
Will they revoke these tickets? Will I have to pay all of these fines?
Am I parking in the wrong spot? What the heck?

So I called the city to ask what was going on. I ended up speaking to the woman who is responsible for ticketing/parking grievances in my area. She was defensive and not extremely helpful. I didn’t really feel like she was listening to me, and I felt myself getting upset.
I could hear my tone change. I was starting to get short and match her terse attitude.

But as we talked, I realized that she must spend all day being defensive. All she gets are calls from angry people who have been ticketed or towed. No one says thank-you. No one calls to say great job.  It must be hard to
do this type if job day in and day out.

So I relaxed my tone. I thanked her for being patient and for talking with me. I also told her, that I realized this must be a pretty tough gig, so I appreciated what she did.

She laughed, and I could tell she was smiling.

I was smiling too.

How often do we overlook that person on the other end of the phone. How often do we curse that guy that cut us off. How often do we ignore someone else’s experience and someone else’s plight, but galvanize our own?

Kindness breeds Kindness. And it requires so little of us -maybe a little more patience, maybe a little more empathy – but it can have such a big impact.

I challenge you to do something kind today. 

Maybe we will all smile a little brighter this week.

Love your Favourite Darwinian Fail,

Krysten

 

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Comments

  4. Having worked at a library reference desk for much of my career, I learned the hard way what it’s like to be on the receiving end of someone else’s frustration. Ever since then, I’ve done my best to always be pleasant when I am interacting – even if you don’t get what you want, you don’t come away feeling as frustrated and I’m sure the other person feels the same way.

  7. I love this post! I’m a community manager so part of my job is listening to people complain and curse me out on Twitter. It’s not always super fun, and it stinks that sometimes I have to just sort of “mentally remove” myself from the situation. But kindness DOES go along away and it’s interesting to see how people respond to a genuine kind word when they’re certainly not expecting it!

  8. i couldn’t agree more. One of my previous jobs was as customer service at a call center. You wouldn’t believe the way people treat customer service reps. Lately these has been a lot of press about bad customer service but I would love to see a story about the life of a customer service rep and the abuse they endure all day long. People are cruel. That’s what makes the kindness of a few all that more valuable.

  9. I think this is a lesson we could all heed a bit closer on a daily basis. It’s so easy to get angry but sometimes we don’t know the whole store to a situation and stepping back, breathing, and killing with kindness results in a far better outcome!

  12. Big smile on my face right now–you are so right. And it is always great to have a reminder to go that bit extra to spread some joy. Thank you.

  13. Krysten,
    I enjoyed that, thank you!

    I had a similar change of heart last week. I have a colleague who is a nice person, but needs to be reminded to do things, sometimes repeatedly. I ask again, and try hard to keep a civil tone. Sometimes I don’t do so well at that – repeating requests gets on my nerves.

    By the same token, it occurred to me that I have become a nag to this person, and I had been seeing info about people who have nothing but negative reinforcement and how that affects their personality.

    So last week I took a different tack. Things were going well, so I thought I’d turn that around. I complimented him on something he was doing and said thanks for that and the many good things that he does. He was very appreciative, and since that time he even seems to be performing better. I feel better, too.

    Best, Dave

  15. Hold up! You parked illegally to get coffee!!!! Tell me it wasn’t in a bike lane! Nothing gets this Torontonian more steamed up than that first guy that parks in the bike lane. If there are a bunch of people then fine I don’t know who started the mess and you really can’t make it any worse by adding another car.
    Considering we just started like this month to actually expect people out of province or country to pay their tickets, I think Toronto should be able to give you a break on those tickets.
    Yep I’m off topic but I’m passionate about parking!

    • Hahaha I didn’t park illegally – it was a proper spot, but I did try to cheat the meter and not pay for my 10 minutes. No such luck – I got a ticket in those 10 minutes… Sigh!

  16. Studies have proven that money buys happiness — if you are giving the money away. So it stands to reason that giving out kindness of any sort lifts your own mood.

    When i need to make a phone call, and it’s about something that has me upset, i tell the person on the phone up front, that i am upset, and that i will try to keep my cool, and that i am not upset with that him/her, and ask for that person’s patience with me. It works, it helps me remember that the person on the phone is there to help me, and it’s easier to stay in control.

  17. I love the way you changed your approach with the lady on the phone. I’m sure it made her day and probably helped solve your issue, too.
    I like what you said about kindness breeding happiness. On days when I’m in a funk I need to remember this and practice extra kindness!!

  19. Carla, I think it is impossible to leave your site without smiling, and today is no exception. I loved this guest post, and it is so true Krysten! What a great combination of lovely ladies. I went to coffee shop yesterday, and they had a whole wall of pay it forward coffee sleeves, and they had another stack on the counter for people to use. It made me smile a lot, there is a lot of good in this world, you two are a big part of it!

  20. My whole life has been about doing something for others…which is why I love my job so much. Kids appreciate me. They “get” me. They respond to me and they make my days worth living. Some of their parents, not so much. I make it a challenge to myself to “turn things around” when a parent comes to me upset/angry and fit to be tied. I can turn most of them around. Some I can’t reach. I know they are not angry with me-I (and other teachers) can be their scape goats for now, and I just have to accept that fact and move on. Sometimes it doesn’t come back, that which you give out.

  21. I believe kindness breeds kindness too… However, sometimes I feel like my kindness is taken for granted and people just know I am a people pleaser so they’ll abuse their privileges of having me in their lives….

  22. This reminds me of this maxim they have in Rio de Janeiro: “Gentileza gera gentileza”, which means kindness begets kindness. That’s an awesome mindset for a city! Loved this article!! 🙂

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