Monday Facetime

by

This week’s LUCKY winner? Shelley. Email me and the fantabulous head covering is yours.

Facetime focus? SILENCING Negative Self Chatter.

Forgive me. I ramble because I love.

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Comments

  1. Err, bloggers are guilty of negative thinking? Yikes, let’s tell them to stop it! We can’t let them be a bad influence on us. But how ever can we get them to go to their cheerful place?

  3. Girl – you’ve got some seriously rockin’ arms! I want those arms!

    One of my biggies is “my body likes it at 295 lbs” I’ve been stuck here so long that it seems to be true. I know this is not a healthy weight, but if I say it, I’m not to blame. (riiiiiight)

    Good one to work on! Thanks.

  4. Is the bit below “Forgive me. I ramble because I love” a podcast or YouTube clip cos I can’t see it on my stupid computer at work. For me the screen is blank for several inches below that line, until the comments.

    I will have to look again when at home!

  5. Have you been spying on me? ::is concerned::

    Perhaps the only real struggle I have left is a fixation with the flabby aftermath of losing 90 lbs. I keep telling myself I’m gorgeous on the inside, but there are times when it just doesn’t work so well. The “stop it” method has worked for me before; maybe I’ll try it for this one.

    Excellent topic for this week! Timely, too. 🙂

    Have a great week!

  6. Man, I HEART the Bumbling Band & *beyond* appreciate the fact that youve watched, mulled and shared.

    M.

  7. Hi MizFit,

    You could e-mail me the link but I’m not sure I would be able to play it at work, I think simply access to YouTube is barred at work. I will look again later tonight.

    Thanks anyway,
    Sharon

    P.S. Yes I am feeling a bit fitter and healthier despite no weight loss this week — I almost added a paragraph to say so to my blog (might edit it in a while if people keep asking!).

  8. I also can’t see the video at work (no YouTube–boo!), but negative self-talk is something I really struggle with. I’m working on getting to a place where I have a positive internal dialogue. It takes time and attention, but I think it’s worth it in the end…

  9. interesting.

    not sure i’m ready to share on this one, but i will anyway because my new no excuse mantra is “just shut up and do it!”…so most neg chatter for me would be “you’re not good enough/not successful enough.” I’ve made lists of things that I’ve done/do and that sometimes helps, but overall am stuck on this one. (no i don’t have daddy issues 😉 )

  10. M’yeah. Those arms. Seriously? Of all of my body parts, I wish better things mostly for my arms.

    Nice!

  11. Thank you Fitarella for paving the way.

    For FEELING THE FEAR & sharing anyway.

    M.

  12. This will be me for the rest of the day: *stopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopit* “What? No, I don’t need a buck Mr. Stranger on the Street. Why do you ask?” *stopitstopitstopitstopitstopit*

    Fitarella – I’m right there with ya girl. My brain’s current fave is “You’re not good at anything that’s important.” Apparently I’m down on the minutiae;)

    “Happy McSlacker”!!!! Love it.

  13. Thank you so much for posting about negative self talk. This is something that I struggle with every day. For me I find that the more organized I am with tracking my food and exercise, the more positive I feel about myself because I’m able to have something written down to glance at and remind myself how hard I’ve worked to get where I am.

  14. Charlotte? If it is with you all day (like a MiniMizFit on yer shoulder) I’m HONORED.

    Kathryn? That’s such a great suggestion. So obvious and yet I’d never thought to use exercise/food journaling in a self-esteem boosting way!

    M.

  15. Negative? Moi?!
    Just because my constant head chatter consists of: “I’m too fat, stupid, lazy, clumsy, ugly, ugly, ugly and useless”, does that mean I’m down on myself? Gosh, who’d’a’thunk?

    (Happy McSlacker – cracked me up!!)

  16. My negative self talk mostly comes with work/school. Like this: you’re never going to graduate, you’ll be here for 7 years, if you worked harder you’d be out sooner (which may or may not be true!) you’re not smart enough for a PhD, blahbitty blah blah blah.

    I’ve been trying really hard to get in a positive mindset about it so that I’ll have the right attitude to get to the lab, do the work, and graduate on time. After all, being in school for 21 out of 26 years of your life can be really trying, and I’m ready to move on.

    Stop! will become my new mantra this week. Thanks so much for this post, this is an excellent time for me to hear this message!

  17. Hi all I’m delurking. I love this sight and the topic today of negative self talk really hit home. I’ve only got about 10 lbs I’d like to drop but I’m very negative about myself and say things ,in my head, to myself all the time. It’s hard to be positive about the accomplishments you’ve had when you point out to yourself all your faults constantly. I’m my own worst enemy. Thanks for the pointers on being more aware of the habit and a way to correct it,most importantly.

  18. I *just* posted about this on Friday! My most common negative talk is usually along the lines of “Why do you even bother, you never ____”

    What’s helped me is to observe those thoughts as they enter my mind, but not to accept them as true — and challenge them by asking myself “Is this really true?”

    (Also, I got my bike. Totally stoked! …yes, I say “stoked”)

  19. great facetime!

    my negative thought buster mantra is…

    “be THAT girl!”

    we all know (or think we know) that certain someone that SEEMS to do and have “it all”. instead of letting it get to me and bringing me down i use it as a motivator to get out and accomplish something that i may not want to start. long run, big house project, ect.

    i have a few friends that we use it on each other to get our butts out the door. like…….
    “are you going to be THAT girl today???!!!”

    of course i’m not ALWAYS that girl but it mostly works for me!

  21. As a very goal oriented person, I find if I have clear goals outlined, a life plan if you will, I can measure my success by progress. A fear of failure keeps me progressing, so maybe I should work on that one 🙂

  22. Seeing a friend of mine sitting at her desk with a blank, far off stare, I asked, “Are you OK?” She peacefully said, “Sometimes when you have been feeling bad long enough, it starts to feel good.”

    I think some people are “happier” being negative.

    I am not one of them 🙂

  23. Trying SO HARD lately with the positive talk. I find that the more I talk about positive thinking, the more positively I start thinking. And if you talk about it then you’re more likely to spread the positivity, too. Everybody wins!

    Dr. J- that’s so sad! And unfortunately enough I’ve heard other people say that, too…

    Mamarunswithscissors- I love your mantra. I’m totally taking it as mine too:)

  24. I can’t see the post at work either but just by reading comments I would have to say it sounds fab…
    so my negative self talk, hmm…probably why bother, your just going to fail anyway.
    ***Sigh*** I am soooooooooooooo working on that one. I mean, right now it is just b/c I am trying to be a healthier person. How can you fail at being healthier? I suppose you can, but as long as you try it is pretty darned hard.
    Oh, and the motivation. Again. Why work out when people are just going to look at you like the fat slacker you are.
    Hmmm, think I have issues?

  25. Wow..love this facetime! So true!! I have really been working on this also and it seems the more positive I become, the more I notice other people around me using negative self talk. Many of my clients use it and I force them right then and there to restate what they just said to make it positive. They have many times told me that I am not just a personal trainer, but a therapist! LOL! Hey, whatever works! 😉

  26. Wow.

    I love & appreciated all you’ve shared.

    (and am, for today, stealing, errr, borrowing the BE THAT GIRL sentiment.)

    M.

  27. I am opening up my “Think Kind” project this week which is designed specifically to deal with our negative self chatter. For this reason, I am offering you this:

    Ten Think Kind bracelets for your Friday Free-bies.
    (the website still needs editing so please be kind..)
    http://www.loveyourselffirst.org/ if you’re interested.

    My trainer and I use these during workout. Before I begin a move, I must envision a positive success. If I say “I can’t..”.. he stops the exercise, takes the weight, makes me remove the bracelet and rephrase in a positve statement, replace the bracelet, then we start where we let off.

    And he says something negative, I get to stop and do the same. Ah, the joys of a trainer who is 80% the same personality type!

  28. Your therapist roots are showing!

    If I told myself “Stop” out loud every time, people would think I had tourets. I do try to catch myself when I get on those negative talk kicks because it tends to turn self-fulfilling for me. It makes me feel defeated so I quit trying. When I find myself feeling or thinking that way, I tend to break things up into much smaller, more achievable goals. If I start thinking “I might as well just eat that brownie with 2000 calories because I’m already fat” I break it down into resisting the brownie for 15 minutes or 10 minutes. Or if I wonder to myself what the point of exercising today is because I’m not seeing any results – I know I’m getting caught up in the big picture so I remind myself that I will feel like I accomplished something if I just walk for 15 minutes. If I do the 15, I see if I can do another 5 and then another 5. I tell myself that 15 minutes is better than nothing. I just get way too caught up in the big picture or big goals and sometimes need to remind myself to focus on the immediate present.

  30. This post is very fitting, considering I was “hearing” a lot of negative self chatter yesterday during my long run. I think I’m going to try combating the negative self chatter with louder, stronger, positive self chatter. Do I sound crazy yet? 🙂 I’ll let you know how it turns out.

  31. When the negative brain chatter starts, I remind myself that I am my own best friend. I would never tell my best friend she’s too fat. I would never tell her she’s inadequate. I would never tell her that she can’t accomplish her goals. I think about what I would say to my best friend if she called to tell me she wanted to blow off her workout. How would I encourage her if she said she just ate the entire bag of chips. If I am my own best friend, I get to use all of those kind and encouraging words on ME!!

  32. I use negative self talk a lot to rationalize things that I should but don’t want to do.

    Like when I know I *should* get up and work out at 5:30 in the morning, I’ll think to myself “What’s the point? You already missed a workout this week, so this isn’t going to help.”

    Or when I know I *should* not have the ice cream, I’ll tell myself “Well, you already blew it this week and you are going to stay fat.”

    Ugh. It’s terrible to write that down. I would *never* talk to anyone like that…but I do it to myself all the time!

  33. I think what baffles me is how common this all is.

    could you imagine, if we all walked around with those comic strip thought bubbles above our heads, what our society would look like?

    Kellie nailed it with the best friend notion and yet—as seemingly simple as that is—it’s still a daily struggle.

    Perhaps take this week to seek what works for you.

    try out the notebook approach.

    the rubberband snap.

    the STOP (or, perhaps, a more hip version of that. any suggestions? Talk to the hand & Oh No You Didnt! are so played out).

    Or simply envision your BEST FRIEND’S REACTION should you have said that to him or her.

    M.

  34. Wow, I am about to start to cry at my desk at my office, which is not really a good thing. You really hit the nail on the head about the problem. I just can’t seem to get past the constant self-criticism. The only reason I am not happy is me. Ack! No one wants to admit that. It is very hard, but thank you. I definitely needed the reminder.

  35. Negative thinking? ME??? Never! If by “never” I mean “quite often”, that is.
    I WILL get a great job!!!

  36. (Rips off BabyMama bandanna. Dons her Masters in Counseling baseball cap & commences furiously thumbtyping)

    But, Allison, that’s such great news!!

    In counseling we learn/realize that we can control no one BUT ourselves….our actions.

    If the reason you weren’t happy was yer mama (*wink*) it would be so much tougher to get beyond because you can’t change her behavior.

    You *can* work to shift *your* thinking….in a backwards way it’s *good news* as you can learn to shove yourself out of your own way.

    I promise.

    M.

  37. My first and foremost inner thought always is, “what the hell was I just thinking?” Is that negative? Then I get the Obama message, Yes I Can. <—approved by Barack Obama

  38. The Bag Lady is so glad you posted this today — she has already gone out and accomplished a lot of what she had been postponing because “that won’t work” or “I can’t do that” — and loves some of the suggestions y’all are coming up with!!
    The Bag Lady’s new mantra “Are you talkin’ to ME? Because if you are, you are talking to one of the Bumbling Band of Mizfits, so you’d better watch yo’ mouth!!”

  39. I caught myself in a downward spiral of negative thinking the other night that kept me up until 2AM. Seriously – four non-stop hours of icky, sticky negativity is bad news. The amazing thing is that I was beating myself up about things that happened 5-10 years ago and tallying them up in my head with my more recent self-frustrations. I finally got out of bed and found a positive book that managed to reframe my thinking and emphasize the things that I AM managing to do well (the book is Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman, if you’re curious) with some basic tips for how I can approach some of my frustrating life scenarios from a different angle. That and some deep breathing did the trick and I was able to sleep like a rock until about 6.

    It also helped to talk with my husband the next day and let it all out. That doesn’t mean that I’ve combatted it all, but I feel better knowing that I’m taking steps to cut back on the negative self-chatter and start emphasizing the positive in myself the way I do for others.

    I’m a relatively optimistic and cheery-natured person, but negativity is sneaky . . . and often likes to hang with perfectionism. They’re a bad pair to invite to a party!

  40. My self talk can be so mean you wouldn’t even see it on reality TV. I even say mean things to myself about not being able to stop the negative self-talk. I’ve tried a zillion ways to stop it–
    Asking myself “would you let someone say that to your sister?” “Do you want your children to think those things about themselves?”
    Telling myself “I love you.”
    “Mothering” myself: responding to the negative thought with what I would tell my child if s/he said that about him/herself.

    Often, I don’t catch the negative talk as it’s happening because it’s so ingrained. But I know when I start feeling miserable, I should think about what I’ve been telling myself recently.

    Toddler calls. Must run to potty-training.

  41. Oh, MizFit…you know I love the deep reflection. I’m a worrier, so my negative self-talk tends to center around “What if?” I can work myself up over different possible scenarios.

    I learned a two-word philosophy last year when I was writing Shape’s Weight-Loss Diary column. My life coach taught me to say, “So what?” For example, I was really scared to reveal my weight in the initial column — I worried that I’d be judged, made fun of, or that I wouldn’t be able to lose the weight. Through our work together, I learned to say, “So what?” So what if people judge me? So what if I didn’t work out today? I’ll do it tomorrow. So what if I had a brownie? I’ll adjust my calories the rest of the day.

    It kind of helped me to see that as long as everybody’s healthy, none of my “what ifs” are really that dire.

    It’s been kind of life changing…

  42. Amazing how much we all have in common! I’ve been working on this a lot lately, especially since I just turned in my comprehensive exam 15 minutes ago. 36 pages in 72 hours. I’m having to stop the negative self-talk right now. It was hard, but I finished!

    Like Sagan, I’ve been really working on positive thinking. It used to annoy me because I felt like people couldn’t be honest about the reality, which is that bad stuff happens sometimes, and it’s okay to feel bad sometimes. When other people were overly cheerful, it made me feel worse sometimes. But now I realize it’s not about that, it’s about the choice that we make, and choosing to have a positive outlook on life has truly made me happier.

    I like mamaruns tactic! Will try. I also worry like Dara.

    I agree with Heather on the mothering. Although I’m not a parent, I’ve found it helpful to take on the role of a caring, understanding, sympathetic, loving parent when I’m feeling especially weak.

  43. Wow, lots of comments, haven’t looked at all of them yet, because I wanted to respond. I’m a little late in doing so, but wanted to say that my most negative thought is, “I can’t lose the weight.” So my positive thinking is, “Weight is not the measure. It is doing healthy and eating healthy that matters, not a number.” It’s taken me a while to get there and to focus on the positive of who I am right now. I’m a work in progress ~

  44. Always towards the end I am to comment. ‘Sigh’ Darn work computers won’t let me do important things like read blogs and watch videos! 😉

    I really like that last suggestion you made – when negative self-talk arises ask, “How is this going to help me achieve my goals?” That puts things in perspective for me.

    My negative chatter is similar to others in that I hear, “You’re just not good enough. You can’t achieve that.” Instead I will work on thinking, “I AM a valuable and a wonderful human being! I CAN do this! Let me see just what steps I can make to move forwards towards what I want to achieve.”

  46. I’m late here, but what a timely topic. I’m working on a new work life now that my youngest will be in school all day next year!

    I have to study. I have to memorize. I have to meet my goal. I have to meet a deadline. All the support has been given to me, the opportunity for work is therein a great environment, and now my fear, needing to really push myself out of my comfort zone is there. Big time.

    So, I’m completely stealing “beTHAT girl” utterly fantastic! I’ll report back when I reach my job goal. Because, I am THAT girl!

    thanks, big time.

  47. what a fantastic idea – I’m loving everyone’s ideas/ MizFit – you speak so eloquently and yet without the tiniest trace of condescension – thank you. I have just started trying to say “STOP” inmy mind which actually works for me. As does not looking in the mirror a bazillion times a day. Sure, I check myself out before heading out the door or while applying makeup, but I’ve stopped turning around, maked, and staring at my cellulite. I mean, let’s face it, it’s gonna be there forever so why beat myself up over it?

    And of course, as you recently read in my ultra-long post on the topic, no more scales! And I’ve also been trying to consciously compliment myself every day – whether that means, during a power pump class, saying “Woe, you’re legs look strong and HOT!” or holding the door open for a little old man and telling myself I’m a kind person.

  48. what a fantastic idea – I’m loving everyone’s ideas/ MizFit – you speak so eloquently and yet without the tiniest trace of condescension – thank you. I have just started trying to say “STOP” inmy mind which actually works for me. As does not looking in the mirror a bazillion times a day. Sure, I check myself out before heading out the door or while applying makeup, but I’ve stopped turning around, maked, and staring at my cellulite. I mean, let’s face it, it’s gonna be there forever so why beat myself up over it?

    And of course, as you recently read in my ultra-long post on the topic, no more scales! And I’ve also been trying to consciously compliment myself every day – whether that means, during a power pump class, saying “Wow, you’re legs look strong and HOT!” or holding the door open for a little old man and telling myself I’m a kind person.

  49. BTW how freaking funny is it that I just hit “submit comment” twice in a row by accident and this warning came up that said, “Slow down, you are posting comments too quickly.” I feel like the computer just yelled at me!

  50. It was great hearing you talk about self-image. I’ve actually used that “STOP” mechanism before, but not with body image issues (it’s been more along the lines of thinking about some dude who doesn’t deserve to have so much thought devoted to him…).

  51. Hey MizFit, thanks for stopping by my blog!

    I really liked this video and know a number of folks who would be interested in hearing some tips on how to deal with negative chatter. I have a new website called EnduranceSportsBar.com where I serve up various interesting stuff online, including thoughts & tips on Thursdays. I will link to this great blog post next Thursday!

  52. Thanks for the comment on my blog! Negative self-talk is a HUGE issue for me due to abuse issues from my childhood. Thanks for reminding me that I CAN overcome those things and live the life *I* want to live! I know it’s the end of the week already, but I’m definitely going to focus on this issue for myself next week.

    BTW, I have to agree with others, your arms are amazing! Rock on, MizFit!

  53. Nice video. I need to work on this too. Actually you wouldn’t believe the horrid list of potential blog names I came up with before I settled on Little by Little. Most of them had “fat” in the title and then I suddenly realized that putting that in there would forever define me as fat and how was I going to progress with that as my defining label. The more successes I set up for myself the more the positive talk takes over but there is still a lot of negativity going on. I’m thinking I’ll try the writing down bit.

  54. i finally watched this last night, and 1. i think your advice for getting rid of negative chatter is great, and 2. how can i get arms like yours? holy crap!!

  55. Found you via EnduranceSportsBar.com

    Interesting ideas! I’ll have to try the notebook idea. Writing stuff down definitely puts perspective on a thought.

    BTW…do you think I look fat? 🙂

  56. Sorry for such a late response, I just found this site. I love it!

    This (along with emotional eating) are both things I’m realizing I REALLY need to work on. I’ve lost 60 lbs (highest weight 230 lbs) but over the past couple months 10 have crept back on 🙁 All the weight was gained during university (my undergrad) and my “normal” weight is usually between 130-140 lbs and that is my goal. I just need to get back on track and ditch that extra 10 plus more!

    Anyway, the most negative things I usually say to myself are:

    “You’re never actually going to do this, you’re just going to gain it all back again”

    “How could you let yourself get this way in the first place??”

    and

    “Even if you do lose it all, your body is never going to be the same as it was anyway (saggy skin, stretch marks…) So what’s the point in putting the work in to lose it?”

    I know, REALLY negative. But that’s what I hear on the really bad days.

  57. my negative self-thought is most always on those days when i’m really hungry and i’ve just eaten something over my allotted ww points, and i catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and i see my back fat or whatever. (i don’t know why it’s there, but i’m ~ 3 lbs from my goal weight and it’s still there, so i dunno, i guess it’s for good). that’s the worst. but remembering that today / that meal was just a blip in the week tends to help a lot.

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