Strong just is.

by

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There’s been discussion recently about a photographer who, according to the articles, is teaching her daughters Strong is The New Pretty.

As the story goes, Kate Parker was prepping for a gallery show when she realized all her strongest images were of her daughters.

Her daughters simply being themselves. Brave, dirty, confident, messy, strong.

Thanks to having a mom who encouraged them in sports and what used to be seen as boy-type play (hello grit, determination & mud puddles) these photos perfectly captured the message Kate wanted to send:

They (and in turn we as exhibition viewer) should value personal character and strength over any societally-established beauty norms.

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I was never a girly girl.

One of the first times I wore a bikini was on stage, technically called a posing suit, and had nothing to do with pretty or sexy.

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I came in last. I didn’t care.

The first time I read about Kate’s exhibit I found myself nodding in agreement.

I loved her shared story about harnessing the power of her photographs to remind one of her daughters of (my words here) past successes.

I smiled as she described using one of the pictures to help her daughter recognize the confidence she already possessed.

Pretending to be strong gave her the confidence to say, wait a minute, I really am that way.

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I loved this sentiment.

Here we do it with words (Remember when we did ____? You rocked that! I know you can do the same thing now!) but it’s the same approach.

I remind my girl she’s unstoppable and I know that to be true because Ive seen her in action before.

That’s where Kate and I parted ways.

I read and reread the articles about her exhibit (she clarifies she intends us to meet our girls as they are and isn’t denigrating pink lovers) and still got snagged by the word pretty.

For me strong just is.

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the strongest, most resilient girl I know.

The power of her exhibit diminished in my eyes by the addition of the phrase “…is the new pretty.”  No matter how Kate qualified or explained it away I finished each article with the sense of:

Be strong not pretty.  Being pretty isn’t being strong. Pick one.

Why do we need to qualify the phrase with anything?

Why is it not enough to title the exhibit: Strength? Or The Power of Girls?

If, as Kate’s supporters have said, the exhibit showcases what it means to be a girl–why not drop the P-Word?

Why not simply show various ways girls display strength?

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she loves how pretty the photo is since her tee matches her trampoline.

To me strong is not the new skinny.

Strong is not the next SEXY.

Strong is definitely not the new pretty.

Strong and pretty can go hand in manicured hand.

For me just the word strong is enough.

And you?

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Comments

  2. I had missed this and kinda of see what you’re saying.
    I think it’s better than skinny but there is room for us all and not all us all (LOL) are pretty.

  3. YES!!!!!!! Strong just IS and what does “pretty” have to do with anything? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – strong is not the new – skinny, pretty, etc. IT JUST IS! Love this and agree 100%.

  4. I love this, Carla! I didn’t get a chance to see Kate’s article, so thanks for sharing it with us and opening this discussion. I get all kinds of annoyed about why anything has to qualify as the new “sexy” or “beautiful” it’s just more bs devolving women (one step forward, and two back, etc.), in my opinion. You’re very right, let’s stop qualifying, applying, and trying to redefine STRONG with adjectives and just leave it as it is!

  5. The hiccup for me is when people say BUT PRETTY IS BETTER than SKINNY.
    Why do we have to settle?
    I agree with you, Carla.
    It just is.

  6. You are preaching to the choir here. I know lots of strong women who are raising strong daughters – and they are strong whether they are rockin’ it on the soccer field or in the board room in a power suit.

    Strong is.

    Says the woman who is running double marathons the first weekend in May – in skirts.

  9. Yes! I remember seeing her photos a while back and, just looking at the photos and not reading anything else, I loved them – the grittiness and the character and the strength that poured from the images. But I agree, I don’t think that we need to qualify what strong is. I feel like it’s making an excuse or something. Strong just is what it is! Love all the photos in this post!

  11. Having a daughter really changes the way I view a lot of things. I agree, you can be pretty and strong. You don’t have to pick. You don’t have to be neatly labeled and put in a box. I want my girl to know she is beautiful and strong and amazing and smart and she can wear frills while playing cowboys and indians with her boy cousins. I want her to love her own skin and not want to be someone else. I would rather her look at amazing strong girl pictures like those in the exhibit than pageant pictures, but in the end it’s her choice and i want her to be happy,

  14. I like your point of view on this very much, Carla! I was afraid in the beginning as I felt some disagreement growing, as I was thinking that gentle is an important quality, but not for me to worry 🙂

    Now I’m thinking of many qualities for men that are really strong like kindness and compassion. They’re probably pretty too, lol

    • I replied to you privately but wanted to also say here how I LOVE your thoughts and appreciate the male perspective, too.

  16. I saw that awhile back and had the same thought. Loved the photos but am so tired of the “….is the new pretty.” We don’t need to shame women who want to be pretty any more than we need to encourage them to be strong. It’s not one or the other or one in place of the other; women can have it all.

  17. I haven’t heard about it but now I am curious. I will be looking it up.
    I know I feel my strongest when I am just being myself, doing something that makes me feed good INSIDE.

  18. I have to go back & look & read.

    I agree, strong is just strong BUT I clarify this a bit more in this world of media & things people have to do to get noticed. Her statement most likely got more attention & at least got the message you there. It is sad some of the things that have to be done to get noticed even if the message is a good one. Maybe she would have preferred strong is strong.. I am not sure…. I just know taglines get better coverage – from experience! 😉 I am not the best tagline person… 🙂

  19. Again…dissecting and over thinking. Don’t take things so seriously and word for word. Her message is good. Why tear it apart?

    • Just sharing my opinions and thoughts, Sister. In exactly the same way our tribe has embraced you and allowed you to share yours…

      • Then here’s something to chew on….I was thinking about this when I was swimming this a.m. I have been involved in women’s sport since I started a track team in 1970 before title nine at my high school. I have competed in track, road races, ultra running, cycling, swimming and triathlon events for 40+ years. There have been many talented ladies in each of these sports-but you know who gets picked for their branding and marketing? (something you admit to loving)- the attractive girls. The pretty ones. And they agree, for a $ amount to put on makeup and “pretty” clothes and don a cover. Or they take off their clothes (like the Olympian Amanda Beard) and kill whatever self esteem they had, to grace a magazine. I know of many women who have won things who were NOT asked to pose for covers, mainly because they would not help sell the magazine or product. We are our own worst enemies when it comes to this. So ladies if you have talent and are truly strong, you will demand that ALL talented and strong women are represented in media-and if you are plain looking, don’t let the photographers gussy you up for your photo shoot. Stay strong. My heroine, Ann Trason, graces the last page of the current running times. You really need to take a look at it. She represents STRONG in every way! Thanks for listening…

  23. Mostly agree, but I think if we want to educate (and influence?) others than those already in the choir, sometimes you have to message, what, gently? I think that when young girls see “strong is the new pretty” it may speak more to them than just, be strong. Also, “intelligent is the new beautiful.” I say anything that empowers girls to any extent in any way, go for it. Thanks.

    Anita

  25. I am that person who pays attention to and parses every word. So I appreciate calling into discussion whether the word “pretty” is the standard by which we compare or assess.

  26. AMEN! Strong is enough!
    We should just encourage our girls to be who they are – bright, brilliant, and wonderful. Pink or not.

  28. amen amen! strong has so many different uses. But i like how strong is enough. YOUR strong is enough, strength comes in many forms, not just muscles or grit.

  29. First of all, your daughter is adorable. And secondly, Carla, you are amazing. I know this wish isn’t really a reality for most of us, but I wish we could stop labeling ourselves (and others) as “strong, weak, pretty, plain, quiet, outgoing etc, etc…..and just”be”. Personally, I feel strong some days, other days, I just want to curl up and be taken care of. Doesn’t matter if I am weak or strong though, because every day is different, and it just makes me, ME. (does that make any sense whatsoever? 🙂 )

  30. Kate is an amazing person and I’m thrilled to see her work and message getting out there. You’re an amazing person too and I think the two of you want the same thing — for girls to grow up knowing their strength (which has many meanings beyond physical) isn’t tied to appearance–in spite of how much our culture focuses on looks–or anything fleeting. Especially during those preteen and young teen years when so many girls lose their inner fire feeling pressured to act or look a certain way. For the girls in my life, I try to balance the emphasis on “pretty” by complimenting them on something other than their appearance.

  31. Hats off to you for making me truly THINK with each of your posts 🙂 you challenge my “self”! I have regularly felt guilty for not being a fan of or promoting “strong is the new x”, and now I don’t feel bad!!

  32. I love this. Yes..strong is strong…that is enough.

    I am thrilled that you share your observations and musings. I love this tribe and I appreciate the tribe and you very much.

  33. I haven’t read the article about the exhibit but I so agree – strong is pretty and fit and healthy but not as a replacement! I want to be considered strong but I also like having my nails done – to me it’s a mix of a lot of things!!

  36. Thank you for articulating why this rhetoric always makes me uncomfortable! Ever since I was a little girl I’ve loved dresses and glitter and painted nails–and playing football with my cousins and running and being “strong.” They are far from mutually exclusive.

    Also, pretty is currently used as a metric against women have to measure up. Fix this, tweak this, change this–all in the name of being pretty enough. I don’t want strong or any other characteristic to be used like this, where there is constant pressure to be “strong enough.” I want our young girls to see that they are perfect just where they are, just as they are.

  37. I agree with you Carla. “Strong is definitely not the new pretty”.
    I think strength is beauty in itself because you, as a person are more authentic. (I am not
    considering strength as the same as being muscular).

    That doesn´t mean that you are not beautiful, if you are not or you do not feel strong. This just means that you are not showing your true potential.

    Now, here you discuss more about the physical strength, but what about the emotional strength.Is it not beauty on its own as well? (When you are emotionally strong your strong body shows even more).

    What about when you are on the path of finding or developing that physical and/or emotional strength. Is it not beauty also?

    Bottom line, strength and beauty are definitely not exclusive.

  38. I LOVE this.
    A few years ago I had a shirt that said ” Strong is the New Skinny” – then I got rid of it because I thought what in the world does strong have to do with skinny, or curvy , or fat, or any of that.

  39. I admit, I was so focused on the images, I did not initially have this reaction. However, just reading the phrase “strong just is,” I Prissel thought YES! Love it! And thank you for replacing one unnecessary phrase with a more powerful one.

Trackbacks

  5. […] Maybe you’ve seen the work recently of photographer, Kate Parker, who is teaching her daughter that “Strong is the New Pretty.” I like those lessons and the photographs that go with them. I think I like this response article from blogger, Carla Birnberg, even better – “Strong just is.” […]

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