The Weight of Fear (Or Good Reasons to Be A Big Fat Coward)

by

Subtitle: no words from me needed. (ok one: amazing) please to enjoy.

Lynn C, a 36 years old, displaced Yankee. Self described as a mother, a writer, a dreamer, and quite possibly the proud owner of a very small black hole residing somewhere under her desk that tends to eat small kittens, odd socks, every single stapler she has ever owned, car keys, and that book you were reading and almost done with…

I have not owned my own scale in my life.

Ever.

My parents had a scale, back when I was growing up.

My mother’s morning routine, which involved sitting on the toilet for 20 minutes before she weighed to make sure she didn’t have any excess poundage in her pee (How much weight can a full bladder REALLY add? I mean, seriously?) and stepping on and off the thing several times, adjusting the little knob on the top of the scale, and sometimes moving the scale around in the bathroom, in case gravity was stronger in the northern corner of the room than to the south. She planned how much she didn’t eat based on those numbers and often made me late for school. Or showing up at school with an unwashed face and unbrushed teeth.

Mostly, I avoided the scale. I stepped on it… at the urgings of one or other of my hyper skinny girlfriends. I still remember this, because I was the heaviest of us, as well as being the shortest.

Annie, at 5’6″, who ran track, had no breasts whatsoever, and by the time she graduated high school at 19 years old, still hadn’t started menstruating. Weighed in at 89-93 pounds.

Leigh, at 5’8″ (My father, who stands tall at his impressive 5’7″, used to call her “Tree”) wasn’t particularly athletic, but did live off in the middle of nowhere and did a lot of walking, came in at a respectable 114 – 117 pounds.

Jenny, who was only a smidge taller than me, at 5’4″, was obsessed with her weight. Her mother clocked in somewhere over 400 pounds, and Jenny was terrified of food. She weighed 97 pounds.

I was 5’1″ at the time, had more chestworks than all my friends put together, and generally weighed in between 119 and 123.

I was “the fat one” out of the bunch. Whenever we got together in groups of larger than 2, we’d have these body-comparison discussions that included weighing and measuring. I remember these experiences as being some of the more mortifying ones of my life. Even worse than lining up in PE class to have our weights done as a class, since I could always count on Melissa H to outweigh me by at least 20 pounds, and Patricia L usually had a note to excuse her from weighing in, since our best guesses put her at well over 180. (That she seemed so incredibly large to me at the time makes me wince in retrospect. I was THRILLED to weigh 180 two months ago).

If didn’t matter that I was the ONLY girl in our group who consistently had a boyfriend, or someone asking me out. It didn’t matter that Annie and Leigh had nothing remotely resembling breasts, or that Leigh was so covered in reddish brown freckles as to look like she’d been dipped in cinnamon or that Jenny had horrible acne and because her mother was a terrible housekeeper with 90 cats, always smelled just faintly like cat litter. I was the fat one, and therefore on the bottom of our social pecking order.

Jenny, who lived just up the street from me, used to hound me about exercise. Whenever the scale meetings put me at more than 120, she’d make it her life’s mission to make me walk into town (about two miles there and back) and ask me every morning while waiting for the bus, what I weighed that morning. And what I’d eaten.

I lied.

A lot.

When I went off to college, I lived in the dorm, and certainly I didn’t think I needed a scale. I was sure that if I wanted to know how much I weighed, someone in the dorm would have one. I’m sure that someone did, but I never asked. I was just as happy not to know.

When I got my own apartment, I needed so many things – bed, couch, chairs, table, desk – that a scale just seemed frivolous. My apartment was furnished in late 70’s Hideous and that was the most I could afford from the Salvation Army. Spending an extra $20 for a scale? Pffft. It was completely dismissed from consideration, and I admit I wasn’t miserable without it.

I know that my old high school friends would blame my weight gain on the simple fact that because I didn’t know how much I weighed every single day.

When my husband and I decided to start Weight Watchers, both of us had over 75 pounds to lose.

“Do you want to buy a scale?” Thomas asked me.

“No.”

He blinked at me. “Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to jump on the thing every day. And I know I would.”

I would probably step on that damn thing more than once a day. I’d probably step on it every single time I went to the bathroom. I would get obsessed at the difference between first-thing-in-the-morning, naked weight and after-five-pm-fully-dressed-at-Weight-Watcher’s weight.

Six pound fluctuations in a single week would drive me to distraction. I’d mess with the dial.

I’d try to discover if there was some holy place in the apartment where I weighed three pounds less. (I understand someone recently discovered that weighing in the closet made her scale give her a 40 pound loss. I can’t remember who that was, however.)

I’d play with that little knob that’s supposed to calibrate your scale. How far up could I slide that knob before my husband noticed and would go find a five pound weight to test it against?

I obsess with the numbers as it is. A gain at weigh-in can put a damper on my mood for the rest of the week. I check percentages and trends and averages. I can’t imagine how many charts I would meddle with if I decided to weigh in every day. I’ve been known to use my food scale to decide which shirt to wear to weigh in. I live in dread of summer ending, since I’ve been weighing in wearing shorts, tank tops, and open-topped shoes. I’m going to gain like 5 pounds as soon as I go back to wearing pants, long-sleeved shirts, and boots.

I recognize that this cannot possibly be healthy. That one number shouldn’t be the entirety of my self-worth.

So, while I’m working on that, I won’t tempt myself. I don’t keep Kit Kats in the house, so I’m not tempted to sabotage myself. (There’s nothing wrong with eating a Kit Kat from time to time, but if I want one, I should make myself leave the house to get it, so I can make sure I really, actually want it.) And I don’t keep a scale in the house. So I won’t spend all my time standing on it, and using it to decide what I should eat today.

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Comments

  1. Wow.. I recognize those scale-tricking methods. They’re nuts. and yet….

    I think I’ll go hide that scale now. 🙂

    Best of luck.. sounds like you’re on a good track.

  2. HALLELUJAH.

    I was guilty of the five-times-per-day steppage myself and GAVE IT UP.

    Because it became (for three years) less about me and my being happy and more about “is this shirt heavier? is my food digesting slower?”

    Thanks for the awesome post.

  3. This post could not have been better timed. I confess, I’ve been obsessing over the numbers recently. I’ve gained a couple pounds recently due to an injury that’s kept me out of the pool and off the track. Just this morning I weighed myself, and had to go pick up my exercise journal from last year just to look at the numbers and reassure myself that I haven’t completely reverted. It’s a downward spiral. Like Amanda says, it all becomes less about being happy and more about pointless statistics. Fabulous post. Thank you for sharing.

  4. I often receive the posts far in advance of when they run and Ive been loooonging to post her words for a while.

    powerful stuff huh?

    Ive got open slots, too.

    EMAIL ME if youd wanna share thoughts from your journey.
    It’s amazing how what feels like “nothing” to us.

    what can feel trivial because it’s our life can truly spark an AH HA! moment in others when shared…

    M.

  5. great post.
    i don’t own a scale either, never have, although i was contemplating it for when i hit my target WW weight. since that is so far away, i am hoping by then i won’t be obsessed with the numbers.

  7. Don’t give in – stay scale free! My husband purchased one to help with his running. He is a competitive runner, and one or two extra pounds can add unwanted seconds to his race times. Anyway, I swore to stay off, but I didn’t. I try to only step on once a week or so, but if those numbers are up, I freak out. Scales – bad bad bad.

  8. amen, Mara.

    For me it only clicked after I tried to maintain (CLICK HERE) but since then it’s been all about, for me, the check-in jeans (nudge nudge FGF :))

    (and feel free to link your post!)
    M.

  9. Ohhhh, how I relate! I wish I could list all of the things I do that make me wonder if I’m just weird or if other people do those things as well – scale shifting is one of them. I used to be terribly scale obsessed – I can’t keep the scale in the bathroom or I’ll be on it every time I pee…for real. So I put it upstairs in my room where I really have to WANT to know my weight enough to climb the stairs.

    I’ve really started to appreciate lately that the scale is not my friend. I can now measure my progress by looking in the mirror or paying attention to how my clothes fit. It’s much more satisfying that way.

    I still weigh, but I don’t worry about where the scale sits, what direction it’s pointing, the phase of the moon, or which direction the wind is blowing anymore.

    Great post! Thanks.

  10. Good for you – I did have one for a while but it is now hidden in the back of a closet. I can usually tell by how my clothes fit (or don’t fit) if I have gained/lost weight. Guess the older I get the less it seems to matter!

  11. That is a great article. I wish I had something like that to share with everyone.

    I think most of us have tried to trick the scale from time to time. I weigh in Monday morning and drink or eat NOTHING after around 7pm Sunday night. I try to make sure my body has time to ‘get rid of’ anything it does not want weighed in the morning.

  12. Not that I’m an eavesdropper, mind you, but I frequently overhear “scale” discussions at the Y. Unfortunately, they usually go something like: “I’m down one-pound today, let’s go to Cinnabon after we’re done!”

    That’s why it’s good to focus more on performance goals. When you want to be strong and fast, you start thinking about things like nutrition, and not eating crap like Cinnabons that will only clog up your system and slow you down.

    I do weigh myself every morning, but in a non-obsessive way; I already know before I get on the scale if I’ve been eating right or not.

  13. I want workout pants that make my ass look small!!!

    Last night, while I was doing pilates and watching the debates, I saw the scale under my bed. I gave it the bird and shoved it further back. I know that it says I weigh 3 pounds less in the corner between the shower and the tub. The floor by the toilet gives 2 pounds more. I used to pee first, take off my clothes and then step on. A few times to get the average. NOT healthy.

    Lynn is so right, “That one number shouldn’t be the entirety of my self-worth.” My self worth is a whole other blog…

  15. it is amazing to me that no matter how we all agree on how SHITTY (yeah. I said it. no fancy strike outs or stars) the scale makes us feel we still (the royal we as Im quite confident in saying we have ALL BEEN THERE AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER) bow down to the hunk of metal and let it tell us our self-worth.

    I was emailing a friend yesterday and she asked me about the MizFit bracelets(CLICK HERE).

    wondered if they were a big generator of revenue for Miz.

    (they arent but they are NOT set up to be. After shipping etc. I break 100% even. completely.)

    I explained the above to her but didnt get into the ramble about how, for me, the orange circle of rubber is a constant reminder.

    not to weigh. not to get sucked off my path and down the path of most obsession (for me? JOURNALING).

    a constant reminder that Im not doing this alone.

    by any stretch.
    I may be alone in the MOMENT.

    LITERALLY ALONE at 5a when Im doing the recumbent bike——————-but Im a member of an enormous VIRTUAL gymcommunity.

    all in this together.

    the metalthingwithnumbers?

    so.not.invited.

    M.

  16. What a great post. I am bad about the scale but nearly as bad as some people. I do check my weight every morning after using the bathroom before the shower. I don’t want my hair being wet to cause any weight gain…hehe. I know it’s probably not healthy to use the numbers as our guide but it helps keep me on track. If I see that the numbers aren’t looking good for the week, I can work out harder/longer. If the numbers are looking good, however, it can tend to give me an excuse to relax a little on the exercise (or could). I try to not let it but that isn’t always what happens.

  17. While I really appreciate (and empathize with) your scale issues, I really enjoyed reading the piece as a whole – your descriptions, use of analogy, time/place, etc. Very well written. Thanks MizFit for posting it 🙂 This is why I love it here.

  18. Scales aren’t the enemy we are. People say, measure your weight by how your clothes fit. Well, for me the clothes can drive me into a bad day, just as well as stepping on the scale. If a pair of pants I love still doesn’t fit. There goes my day. I could/would try on many outfits until I found something; that gives me that “great” I lost some weight feeling. Knowing all along, that its the brand and how its made is the only reason this certain item fit. But, in my head, I had lost weight. So until we find that balance, and start enjoying life instead of worrying did I lose or gain today feeling. We sabotage our entire day mentally over weight loss.

  19. I used to weight myself umpteen times a day. Every stinking time I walked by the scale. Then, after a discussion on this site, I put it away in the closet and forgot about it for several months.

    The husband, who now rides his bike everywhere, brought it back out a few months ago, to monitor his weight and make sure his freakishly skinny frame doesn’t get too skinny.

    I’ve impressed myself. Oh, I get on the thing a couple of times a week, but I keep managing to shrug off whatever it says. Up a couple lbs? Who cares, the thing is not remotely accurate anyway! I feel like I’ve finally reached a place where I am completely happy with the shape and size I am. It’s a great place to be, and I hope I can stay here.

  20. Wow. I needed to read this post today! My mom used to do the same scale techniques to get best results and was always trying some weight-loss fad when I was a wee kid! I know that the number isn’t entirety of my self-worth but…

    I am a bit scale-obsessed at the moment…my scale mysteriously broke last week so I haven’t seen my number since Saturday’s WW weigh-in. I have been freaking out! I know it’s bad to rely on the “holy scale”, but gosh darnit, they don’t give stars for workout minutes achieved!

  21. Yep is all I can say. We never evaluated weight in middle or high school like your friends did, but at 5’7″ and 135-140 pounds (when my best friend was 5’2″ and 105) I was the fat one. I would give my left arm to be that “fat” again! Ok, I wouldn’t, but reallyI’d be happy with 175 at this point. A far cry from 135.

    And, it’s amazing how much self esteem issues were raised from being at that weight. I felt so out of place and a freak. A big fatty. Yet, I’m more comfortable with myself at 205 and 30 than I was at 135 and 16. People are so jealous of youth, but I have no idea why! I think they’ve either forgotten all the negative (even if it seemed like they had it all…most still felt bad).

    It’s amazing how many people are going or went through the exact same thing…I doubt many of us realize it. Thanks for sharing your story. And, thanks to MizFit for having such great guest speakers!

  22. I have started weighing myself every morning…not sure how I feel about doing that yet. So far, I don’t feel that it has iimpacted me in a negative way…so far…

  23. I think ditching the scale thing only works if you have a place to go once a week. But, I think I’ll have my hubby put it away and pull it out once a week. Maybe I’ll finally let him look at the number. (yes, he knows I’m sure, but when you weigh the same as your 6’0″ husband at 5’7″ it’s not happy fun times with the scale)

  24. Oh, Lynn, how DO I love thee? I can’t even begin to count the ways. 🙂 Thanks for posting this, and thanks, Miz, for guest-hosting one of my very most favoritest bloggers.

    Lynn, you always make me laugh AND think. I love this particular post as a perfect way of dealing with scale-obsessive tendencies. There are lots of other ways to do the same damage to ourselves – measuring, compulsively trying on a “yardstick” outfit, you name it – but most of us have one particular “trigger” method, and for a lot of people it’s the scale. How wise to recognize it and simply eliminate it as an issue, and what a demonstration of common sense and self-determination! But that’s you in a nutshell, I think.

    Thanks for sharing, I love the post!

    V.

  26. Amazing story. It’s incredible how the things as a child totally affect us as adults.

    Sounds like you’re on the right path with your weight loss goals!

  27. THANK YOU LYNN.

    for this remark:

    I really enjoyed reading the piece as a whole – your descriptions, use of analogy, time/place, etc. Very well written.

    I know even I fell prey to the YESYESYES! of it all and didnt take a moment to express how amazingly LynnC uses words *in general*

    and DBJ? good point as well with the place to go.
    for me it’s the pair of jeans which should fit. arent (finger quote) SKINNY JEANS (unFQ) but what I can typically fit into with an amount of exercising I can easily and consistently fit into my life.

    I love the notion of your (supportive) hubby yanking the scale out one time each week.

    M.

  28. I have one. I didn’t for many years and my denial was partly my reason for getting 100 plus pounds overweight. I need to be accountable weekly right now but I can see how it could easily become an obsession.

  29. That’s why you need a digital scale… no fiddling with the knob 🙂 But seriously, when I bought my scale in January, I used to weigh myself two or three times a day. Once in the morning, once after work, once before bed. Why? Was I bored? Maybe. But still, today, I’ll weigh myself before bed and guesstimate what my weight will be in the morning. Why do we need to torture ourselves like this?

  30. first? this is all about me. not lynn nor am I casting aspersions on anyone else (is that spelled right? aspersions? my thumbs have no clue).

    for me it was 100% about shifting from EXTERNAL ACCOUNTABILITY AND VALIDATION to **INTERNAL**

    in a broader sense.

    looking to others (bosses, friends, romantic relationships, PARENTS) for a source of my OK’NESS

    (which never works. and is no different, IMO, than looking to the scale)

    versus looking inside me.

    and there are still many days when I look inward and am accountable to myself and dont adore what I see.

    but it is all measuring me against ME.
    My goals.
    My standards.
    My chosen mission in life.

    I know.
    more than my .02

    my 50 cents I guess…

    M.

  31. This was a great post. My, how times have changed. When I was in school, I was the tall (5’7″), skinny one (120 lbs), and my best friend was the short (5’2″) chubby (150 lbs) one. Unfortunately, in those days, being tall and skinny made me the butt of many jokes. They called me TTT (Terry Tiny Tits).
    Oh, how I long for those days now…..

    I use the scale every day now, but try to make it once a day only.

  33. LOVE this post, thankyou Lynn! My scale ritual is virtually identical to your mother’s, even now. Luckily now it’s not every day.

    I used to have a boyfriend who was really sh**ty to me. I felt like I never quite measured up as a girlfriend. I would consistently go back to him, hoping for his approval every time, but I was never good enough for him.

    My scale sits in the corner of my bathroom now and every time I look at it I think of him. Of never measuring up. Of never feeling loved or wanted. I swear, the man and the inanimate object have become inextricably linked in my mind.

    TA (who wants to guest post but suspects she will be in a writing whirlwind for a month or so after the weekend! But after? If there’s room for a wee one?) x

  34. I have to share this…
    (Oh GREAT post by the way)
    What is the expression again? Paralysis by analasys?

    Here at my office, people are getting on a health kick as one of the team recently had a scare landing him in the hospital with chest pains. He’s a good 150 pounds overweight and drinks beer in quantities that resemble whale gulps of water. Anywho; so everyone wants to get healthy and lose weight. They all chipped in together (about 10 people) to buy a high end fat measuring, water measuring, BMI measuring, mood measuring etc etc scale. They have all been getting on this “techno scale” for the past 3 weeks, marveling how they go from being 44% fat and 56% water one day to opposite numbers the next. 3 weeks have now passed, no action has been taken, and lots of plans formed have been nixed. Now the new idea is to get a nutrionist involved to help them interpret the numbers and to put them on a diet that plan.

    A week ago they asked me for help, but then they decided that I eat “weird sh..” for breakfast and they really didn’t want to do that either ;-).

    STAY AWAY from the Scale.

    Marc

  35. I’m a guy. We have a scale. I use it occasionally. It makes me feel good when it goes down, it makes me feel bad when it goes up. And the truth is, if I gain muscle and lose fat – the scale doesn’t tell me that. A mirror – yes, a mirror can tell me that, but not a scale. Or how my clothes fit – they can tell me that – the scale doesn’t tell me that. It’s a number – with nothing to back it up. Could be bad, could be good (and that’s the case if the number goes up or the number goes down).

  36. So, I went and found my “check in jeans” and put them on. They whimpered. Which is ok, because last time they outright guffawed…

    Full length mirror? NFW!!!!! Unless I can move it to a part of the room where the light bends…

  37. We have a scale at my house and it hides under our bed. It used to be pulled from it’s darkness until my wife and I got too creaky for our knees to work and our arms seemed to shrink which made it troublesome to drag out.

    I think there was also something about using it on a rug which was another reason for not retrieving it; as it gave or took away 10 to 40 pounds or somewhere in there.

    There’s also a point when this contraption starts to lie continuously, I believe this coincided with our age. Once we hit 40+ we could never believe it would tell you the truth again.

    Oh, and yes men do weight themselves also.

  39. I lovelove when the guys weigh (rimshot!) in.
    So thank you.

    And wasn’t there a horrible celeb scale for a while?
    A joke scale where instead of weight it deemed you a celeb?
    (Or is MizFit officially old & losing it?)

    There’s your moneymakingidea Tom!
    And over-40 scale.

    With a compliment at every place where there would be a number.

    ‘Look at me! This morning I’m at YOU AWESOME! & just last week I was YOU ARE SO STRONG & FIT.
    Didn’t see that coming!’

    M.

  40. Wow, I think you described my behaviors to the tee. Luckily, i don’t live at home anymore and don’t have a scale. bought one at one point, but decided it would be destructive and returned it. haven’t thought of getting one since. now i just struggle with the mirror.

    kudos to you babe. scales suck.

  41. I’ll be in the minority here, but I love my scale. Of course, it also does my hydration and body fat %, so if I gain, there’s two other numbers to look at.

    And really the only one I care about is the body fat%. Which works, because you can’t starve yourself when you want more muscles.

  42. that was a great read. i am a quantitative person and for a long time i gauged my success in life with the number that represents my weight. so the scale drives me crazy. i keep it around because i actually threw my scale out (down the trash chute) in college and i gained 40 lbs that semester out of just not caring. but now it sits in a box on a shelf in the bathroom.

    the gym scale is a whole other story, however…

  43. good point tricia.

    To quote a movie I’m confident I’m the only one who has seen (Pumping Iron 2: the women):

    You can’t flex BONE.

    (Yeah. In my mind that totally fits in with the discussion….)

    M.

  44. I honestly can say that I’m not scale obsessed. I sometimes like to weigh in daily just to keep myself in check, but I never dwell on the number. I just say “cool.. I’m still in my range”. Half the time, I forget to get on it and it sits in my back bedroom with my computer. I just don’t think about it all the time. I’ve stayed around the same weight for more than a year now, so I’m ok with that. Even when I was out sick and not running for more than a month, I think I weighed myself 2 or 3 times just so I could give the doctors the correct number when it came time to administer drugs!

    I do know from a past experience about the food obsession, and the weight obsession. In high school, I was down to 86 pounds, a bag of bones. The pictures of me looked horrific, and I was way too skinny. I like where I am now, even though I would like a less flabby stomach. The truth is, I’m happy, my boyfriend thinks I’m sexy and he makes me feel sexy. I enjoy being as healthy as I possibly can.

    Ok. Ramble over!

  45. Awesome blog entry! I know that I can relate to the high school feelings of inadequacy and I am sure others can as well. Thanks for the great read!

  46. Fantastic! Beautifully written and such an inspiring story.

    I’ve never owned a scale, either. I was very lucky to grow up in a house where my parents were both fairly athletic (my dad used to run the occasional marathon and had to be in good shape as a cop; my mum was active with running and skiing and doing workout videos and coaching field hockey). They never discussed weight or calories or anything like that with my sister and I… I didn’t even know what a lot of that stuff was until I started learning about it on my own in high schoolish.

    I LOVE the comparison between the scale and the kitkat with regards to temptation. We have a scale at work for the dogs so 2 or 3 times a week I’ll step on it, but the number doesn’t mean much to me… it’s just to keep myself accountable. I never want to be ruled by a number.

  47. I’ve been a scale-hater most of my life. When I was thin I rarely used it. Now fat, I use it a lot. I like weighing when I’m naked. If only Weight Watchers would provide a curtain around their scale so that I could weigh naked there as well.

  49. I’ve come to view checking the scale daily the same way I view checking my bank account online every day. The number I see each day basically ‘is what it is’ based on recent activity. It’s up to me to manage my ‘deposits’ – whether food or money, and the number on my scale or in my bank balance is a direct reflection of my day to day habits.

    Some things I can control (watch sodium intake, limit alchohol, watch impulse spending, use coupons….) and other things I can’t control (hormone fluctuations, water retention, mortgage payment, car insurance deducted….).

    So getting on the scale daily or checking my bank account is something I do to make sure nothing too drastic is going on, and I can make quick adjustments in the upcoming days based on the number I see, with the hope of avoiding having a huge gain, (or dollar deficit) to correct later. (oops, shouldn’t have had that extra slice last night – run an extra mile today). Maybe I should have waited on the new purse, no pedicure this month….)

    For me, viewing it this way takes at least some of the emotional component out of checking the scale each day. But like everything else in life, some times our hard work and dedication is rewarded, other times unfortunately it is not, or at least not as quickly as we’d like…but that is never a reason to abandon our efforts altogether.

  50. very interesting more DETATCHED way of viewing the scale, Cyndi.
    I’d never thought of it in that fashion….

    M.

  51. WOW great post!!

    I didn’t own a scale for well most of my life. Due to that I never knew where I was till one day I had to know and omg what a shock it was. Looking back I wish I had had a scale before I finally got one. I wish that I had seen the numbers and been forced to look even if it had made me a bit obsessed with the numbers. (not always a bad thing) I think not knowing for some is great but for me it was a very bad thing. Maybe I would have never made it to 427lbs.

    Now I weigh daily and will for the rest of my life. Its not a scary number its just the number the scale happens to say that day. Like a commenter said above its like checking my checking account every day. Its just part of my day. It is a mental note of where I am and which way I am headed. It gives me a daily chance to change what I am doing instead of waiting till its to late or much harder to correct.

    Its just a tool. No different then any other tool in the life’s tool box. It doesnt control you, you control it. We should never let something so small have such great power over us. At the end of the day its not who we are it just happens to be what we weigh while we are being who we are.

    My 2 cents of course lol.

    Have a great day!
    *huggles*
    =0)

  54. Scales? We don’t need no stinkin’ scales.
    Snakes have scales.

    (I prefer the ‘skinny jeans’ approach, though that doesn’t stop me from the occasional obsessional weigh in.)

  55. Great post!

    Haven’t gotten on the scale in a really long time; it was helpful during a certain time in my life, but that time seems to be past.

    Thanks for sharing this!

  56. Wow, great post. I grew up like that, too. I was the “fat one” in my group of friends (probably 5’4″ and 120 at the time — I would love to be 120 now…) and it sucked. Those teen years are tough. Wouldn’t want to go back to them, that’s for sure.

    I rarely weigh myself, except when I go to a doctor’s appt. but I can’t obsess on the number. I go by how my clothes fit.

  57. all i want to say about this post is AMEN, SISTER!!

    oh, and also that it makes me want to kick those neurotic and unsupportive and really just downright MEAN girlfriends that thought it was their business to keep their “fat” friend in the check right in the shins. HARD.

  58. amen, auntie.

    here’s hoping that those girls are now women who realize, well, let’s just say here’s hoping they are now grownass woman who REALIZE.

    M.

  59. I was the fat one, and therefore on the bottom of our social pecking order.

    That is SO me. Never mind that I was 5’8″, and I was always the one with the boys hanging around. In high school, when my weight crept up to 140 lbs I freaked out and promptly lost 20 of them.

    Now? I long to weigh 140-145 again.

    Thanks for this post. It really spoke to me- I’ve been obsessing about the scale even more than usual lately and I’ve got to stop.

  60. I don’t own a scale either. A room mate had one at one point and I am sure my mom had one when I lived at home, but me never. It’s never been of interest to me. Even when I was riddled in Disordered Eating I didn’t step on a scale. It scared me.

    Now, I only step on the scale at the gym once or twice a week and that’s in front of a room of strangers.

  61. Amazing story. Great timing, too. We all need to remember that journeys are journeys.. they have interesting points where they begin.. and never really end.

    Today is the anniversary of my very first workout to lose weight (I grew up underweight). It is really important to me to remember where I was that day. I reposted the blog posts about that workout as today’s post.

    The above post is another that will need to revisited.

  63. Great post. I wonder what life would be without a scale. I think I’ll put mine away for a while. I had to laugh at your Mother’s trick. They are mine! Thanks for visiting my site. I need a shrink. HA!

  64. AMEN! I have a scale… I step on it about once a week. I don’t step on it every day because I can’t see it. Its tucked away behind the cute little basket that holds the pretty rolls of toilet paper. So if I turn a certain way I can see it and go “I wonder what I weigh today” and “how long has it been since I weighed myself last?”. But if it was out in the open? EVERY TIME I WOULD WALK IN THE BATHROOM I WOULD BE ON THE DARN THING! No thank you.

    Wonderful post, you are a great writer.

  65. I am seriously loving MizFit’s idea for a scale that compliments you! What a fun way to start the day:)

    The scale is definitely an unhealthy obsession for me – but not the one in my house, the one in my parents house. I must confess, when I go home twice a year to visit I look forward to ‘checking in’ with it. It’s the same sort of guilty pleasure as when I have a candy bar in my bag and I can’t wait to be alone to eat it so that no one sees me in a fallen, junk food eating state. Weird! This post really made me think!

  66. I have a scale in the house. But I put it inconvenient location (in one of the pantry). In order to use, I would have to take it down from the top shelf (which requires the unfolding of a step stool). Since the scale is behind closed doors, I rarely even think about it. But I like having one around to weigh my luggage the night before heading out to the airport. =)

  67. I read all the comment and most of em more than once (they are all send to my handheld).

    this?

    I was the fat one, and therefore on the bottom of our social pecking order.

    breaks my heart.

    M.

  68. Oh MY. The thought of weighing and measuring myself with my friends? TERRIFYING.

    I am anti-weighing, too. Yes, I do own a scale and hop up on it every now and then…but it’s definitely something I can’t – nor do I want to – do everyday.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! 🙂

  69. After years of not owning a scale, I purchased one a couple of months ago. For years I went by the “don’t weigh yourself” diet model yet I joined WW among other diet plans which I weighed-in at weekly. I kept going to meetings or appointments and being weighed, having other folks monitor my poundage as if I wasn’t able to do that myself without someone else eyeballing the number on the scale, writing it down and quizzing me about intake.
    As an adult I can monitor myself and it’s all okay. I don’t use the scale to decide what I will eat in a given day. It is just a tools I use in the privacy of my own home to keep me focused because I’m a food addict and take each day at a time. It’s not quite a 3rd party in my range of tools. I’d use walking the same way though I derive a lot more joy out of a good walk than a jump on the scale.

  70. I was always competing with my friends to be “skinny” in high school. We never said we were competing, but the feeling was there, nonetheless. Like it mattered.

    Scales are awful. My mother gives up all healthy eating and exercise goals as soon as she gets on one and find that she hasn’t immediately lost weight. I’m going to talk to my father about hiding it from her.

  71. Wow, I can relate to your scale story. I am one of those obsessive people who try standing on one leg while leaning over the scale in the perfect angle to see if it makes a difference:O)
    Thank you for sharing.
    BTW-I saw your response to my blog. Thank you. I haven’t quite figured out how to post a response to a response yet, but I am working on that:)

  72. OK. IM CURIOUS. This:

    I was always competing with my friends to be “skinny” in high school.

    wasnt my experience and NOT because I was skinny.
    I was average, errr, american average 🙂

    could have stood to lose ten pounds easily.

    is it a generation thing?
    (the competition I mean)

    a MizFitWasJustClueless thing?

    M.

  73. Wow-I totally respect your message here! Scales are dangerous. It is way to easy to be a slave. I am in recovery from an eating disorder , and it was one of the most darkest experiences of my life. I don’t own a scale anymore, nor am I looking to lose weight. I’m looking to be happy with my body. Who’s with me?

  75. Great post! And oh yes, the “gee-I-thought-I-was-so-fat-and-was-really-a-teenage-hottie” story is mine as well.

    True scale story: before I got pregnant with Thing 1, we had a digital scale. I never did like what it had to say, but when I went to my first pregnancy appointment, I discovered that our digital scale was off by 20 pounds MORE. Big oops! Current scale is not digital and relatively in line with the doctor’s office scale.

    I’d like to say I’m at the point Cyndi mentions (comment #49)–I like the bank account analogy. I am getting closer, though. I worry more when I don’t get enough exercise or miss a strength training day (things I can control) than when the scale goes up or down (thing I can’t control fully). (Although I still freak a little on the weekly weigh-in, in which I record my weight.) I think it helps that the dial is so tiny, I can’t get really precise measurements…it’s either above or below a 5-pound or 10-pound mark. 😉

    Another thing that has helped distract me in a way is having OTHER numbers to track, so that one becomes part of the whole picture. Lately I’ve gotten so many other nifty numbers to play with…blood glucose levels, a1c, cholesterol, blood pressure, number of minutes exercised, monthly body measurements…scale weight becomes only one part of the picture. Body measurements help, because if I’m in that bloaty part of the month and the scale isn’t moving, I can whip out the tape measure and reassure myself that I’m making some progress.

  76. wow! I’m glad to know I’m not the only scale obsesser. I didn’t realize how bad I had gotten until I started gaining back all the weight i had lost on WW. It was like weighing every day would keep the scale from going up or something (it didn’t) now I fight the urge to weigh every day because I know it’s not going to drop every day (and I’d get discouraged.) Thanks Miz

  77. Oh, Lynn! You succeeded in breaking the curse of the Obsessively Weighing Herself Mama. Siiiiiiigh. I actually still start sobbing like I should have when I was a child when the subject of weight comes up in my family. Makes me scared to have a daughter. But your sensible scale-free story has given me hope.

    (OH. And your story made me laugh: I had guys falling all OVER me during the chunkiest part of my college career, when I justdidn’tcarewhatsoever. Not sure whether it was b/c I had real boobs for the first time ever or confidence, or both, but yeah– that resonated.)

  78. What a great post! I’ve never owned a scale either and have always used my clothes as a gauge. Clothes too tight? Cut back on the calories and/or add a little more exercise. You can make yourself crazy with the scale and in the end it’s really about how you LOOK and FEEL. It’s highly unlikely anyone’s going to try to lift you, anyway, so what does it matter what the scale says?

    My rule is to never buy clothes bigger than what I’ve already got. It’s a rule that has served me well.

  79. My rental daughter was telling me the other day that a bunch of her girlfriends were together and told another girl – mind you these are 12 year olds and getting that puberty pudge – that she is FAT. The girl in question told them that she was NOT, and to SHUT UP. There were friends lost over this. I don’t think I could ever tell someone that they are fat.

  80. In high school, I could not compare to my friends who were all skinny, skinny. I was average – not heavy; my friends were all thin. I could not have competed with them no matter what. I was happy with me back then. I’m still happy with me.

  81. marianne? that is so what I meant with regards to the generation thing.

    were 12 year olds doing that when I was twelve and I missed the whole thing? I dont think so.

    and POD? I was you. Am you. (wanna be you?! :))

    I was totally averageaverageaverage. in all from fitness to smartness and for some reason was quite happy and content.

    if only I can pass that on to my Toddler—-Ill be a happy happy MizFitmama.

  82. The timing of this post couldn’t be better. I was just having the scale devil conversation with my boyfriend last night. Being in the military, he’s required to be within a certain weight range. Lately, he’s been hopping on the scale several times a day and it’s making both of us nuts!!! Reminding him that weight fluctuation is affected by nutrition, exercise, stress, muscle to fat ratio and being over 40 seems to be of little comfort to him.

    I get on the scale once a day to make sure I stay within a five pound range of my goal. I really liked Cyndi’s checking account balance analogy. I get just as many helpful insights from the comments as I do the posts. I HEART the Bumbling Band.

  83. This is such a good, honest post. I don’t weigh myself often because it just gets frustrating – some days I could weigh 3 pounds more than I did the day before and it’s just because it’s at a different time, I ate differently, I drank more water, etc…

    I really enjoyed reading about your friends as well. Really good post. 🙂

  84. I hear you too. On October 8th I made a decision that I was not going to weigh myself until November 1st. So far so good. It isn’t easy b/c just out of habit I do it almost every morning for the reassurance or whatever it is I look to it for. I hope when November 1st gets here I will realize that I don’t need or want to weigh everyday. I really want to step on the scale but I am refraining and sticking to my commitment.

  85. Wow…thanks for sharing your story. That must have been really hard growing up with family AND friends who were so critical about weight and the number on the scale. Good for you for battling against that and knowing your limitations!

  86. Great post. Oh how I wish we could take every young girl in school and scrub the body image issues off their brains for good. So much damage done in those early years.

    AND I KNOW that at home is where it starts. My daughter will learn most about her body by how I view/treat/love/hate my body. I’m working on it.

    I loved the comment by Cyndi about the scale being like a bank account. I weigh almost every single day–and post it to my blog–and was feeling a bit freaked out by all the negative scale comments. Perhaps I should hate the scale, too! But, thank you CYNDI! for the brilliant analogy. I truly (I think) have gotten to where it’s a tool, and not a torture device. I still have emotional reactions at times when it doesn’t do what I think it should, but for the most part it helps keeps me in line, in a good way.

    That’s my story and I’m stinking to it.

  88. When I first saw the post I thought woah, mammoth, not reading, just gonna skim, get the gist, far too late in the day for Cara to be digesting more than a paragraph’s worth of reading…of course I actually ending up absorbing every syllable and being rather sad it had to end…not only beautifully written but incredibly resonating.

    My scales are tucked in at the bottom of my wardrobe, only ever really taken out if I feel like I may be at the lower end of my present weight-range…and yet regardless of how skinny I feel or how loose my jeans are, if I find out that the numbers are slightly higher than expected (and with me I haven’t fluctuated more than 7lbs the last few years) then heavens but all hope is lost and the world must end.

    It is ridiculous and irrational and yet…okay, I got nothing, no justification, no reasoning to make sense of it all. I crazy.

  90. I need a t-shirt that reads, “Don’t let the scale steal your happiness.” It’s mind boggling when I think how much power I used to give to a piece of metal with numbers.

  91. I had one, only b/c it was given to us as a wedding present. Nice, eh? Actually threw it out when we moved in May, after it had been sitting in the cabinet under the sink for years. I think I really only used it when I was preggo with my first baby. I judge by tone and the way my clothes fit.

    I’d be obsessed as well, and I don’t want to pass that onto my girls. I try as much as I can to emphasize healthy habits rather than weight.

  92. I had one, only b/c it was given to us as a wedding present.

    good GOSH who on EARTH gives that as a wedding gift.

    (seriously. you gonna dish SassyStephanie?!)

    M.

  93. Lynn, I just want to say I am shocked that you do not have some sort of eating disorder/ extremely unhealthy relationship with food. You seem like you know your strengths and weaknesses well and are on your way yo a healthy lifestyle!

  94. About a month ago I moved my scale to an inconvenient room. I didn’t want to toss it because I like to weigh my little boys (I’m waiting for one to get to 40 lbs before I move him to a booster in the car, so I check him for a good reason). Then the hubby started asking for the scale this weekend. I told him where it was and of course he moved it right back into the bathroom. I hadn’t checked it in over a month and now I’ve been sneaking on daily again. I was happier without it and I didn’t gain any weight (but I did maintain when I’d rather have lost). Annoying husband.

  95. I hadn’t checked it in over a month and now I’ve been sneaking on daily again. I was happier without it.

    Ok, Fig.

    are we gonna have to start making a list of things you could do instead of weighing?

    1. Write MizFit a guest post
    2. Add to your vision and gratitude boards (I know you have them, right? right??)
    3. Make a list of the top 5 things your body can do for you and for which youre most grateful.
    4. Watch an episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta.
    5. Cancel Bravo (I kid. I kid. I love me some Bravo)
    6. (NOW YOU….)

    M.

  97. Just showing you some love. Miss you. Tell the baby boss to give me minute to read blogs again. Did I tell you I am wearing my air rift ALL THE TIME? They look awesome with jeans.

  99. GREAT POINT Chris.

    in that it is entirely my belief that we do not need to share the SAME STRUGGLE to understand & empathize with another’s difficult journey.

    M.

  100. This post made me emmensly greatful that dureing high school I had very good quality friends. I could not have survived without those girls, they were nothing but supportive and helpful and we all leant on each other. I know this isn’t the norm and knew it at the time. I am so thankfull.

    Our program does not require weigh ins, that was a delibrate choice. Clients are generally able to track there progress by how they feel. If you’ve lost weight, you know it.

  101. Thanks for yet another great thought-provoker. I’m okay with the scale, for the most part. I don’t get on that often, up a few doesn’t bother me now and then. Like some others have said, though, the mirror is not my friend. I’ll stick to the clothes-fit and feel-good tests…

  102. About the Vision/Gratitude boards, that sounds like something crafty. Can I make that stuff on the computer instead? I’m much more about the computer stuff than the crafty stuff? How many times can I use the word “stuff” in this comment?

  104. This was a great post. Thanks for sharing that.

    I have a rather unrelated question, but I figured this was as good a place as any to ask it. Have you ever posted a video of how to do triceps exercises? I searched but found nothing. I am not so sure I am doing kickbacks properly. And um, the batwings need help 🙂

  105. triceps? CLICK HERE!

    and lanie? the gratitude board/vision board facetime is coming in 2 weeks. you can definitely do it on the computer if that’s your preferred medium!

    M.

  106. I thought I was the only one who once weighed my clothes to see which to wear to a WW meeting. As for my insanity…I would wake up every morning and go jump on the scale….my hubby said he wished I would wake up to him with that determination…..that made me stop the insanity. LOVED THIS POST!

  107. Wow…that’s powerful.

    I have had a love/hate relationship with the scale my whole life (as in, loved it when the number was down, hated it when the number was up). I thought that number was a true reflection of the state of my body until…I wrote the Weight-Loss Diary column for Shape magazine and was virtually a slave to that scale for a year. I have seen firsthand how much the number is just one measure — and not even a good one — of the overall picture of my body and its health.

    There are just too many variables to give the number much importance. When I finished writing the column — and yes, I made goal weight — I refused to buy a scale for my house. I use my clothes and how I feel as a guide. When I went to the doctor a few weeks ago for a check-up, I got on the scale for the first time in a year and was within five pounds of where I finished. (And knowing what I know about what can affect that number, I wasn’t worried about the five-pound fluctuation).

    So, no scale for me — or for my 12-year-old daughter. I’m setting a better example for her by focusing on eating well, regular exercise and feeling good about my body than I would be if I bought a scale and became obsessed with how a silly metal box tells me I should feel about myself.

    The hell with that.

  108. The scale doesn’t steal our happiness. It’s an effing hunk of metal and plastic and (the uber-modern ones, anyway) glass.

    WE steal our own happiness. Human being have an amazing way of inventing something useful (scales have plenty of valid, non-emotionally traumatizing uses, like figuring out how much cargo a truck can hold), and perverting them into something to torment ourselves.

    I’m being tough on myself too when I paraphrase Will Shakespeare here, because I’ve tormented myself for years, too: The fault lies not in the scales but in ourselves if we chose to hate ourselves based on its numbers. And yet the cycle continues. Lord, don’t I know it.

  109. ok that just caused my adolescent life to flash before my eyes. I remember the first time I ever felt “fat” was when i was a fourth grader 5’0″ (tallest girl in my class) and I was home and my mom asked me to step on the scale, never even remember stepping on one of those before. I weighed 83 pounds, my mom gasped in horror because her other friends kids weighed no where near that. I had to go on diets…my lunch was carrot sticks.

    Then in sixth grade I hit 120 and 5’4…and a very full c cup. My mom about died…I wish I hadn’t told her, and well my love hate relationship with food control began…I remember writing in my diary about how a teacher mistaked me with some “fat” girl who must have weighed 150 as I wrote in my diary…now that is my goal weight…go figure…

    good luck in your endeavors…sorry for my babble. you tugged some heart strings today.

  110. this is fabulously written. I feel like I was actually there, with her and her friends, stepping on the scale one after another. And everyone had something – a perosnal issue, an overweight mother, etc. We all have our own $hit and it comes out all too often as obsessing over weight. i don’t own a scale and am SO happy about that.

  111. Not that I disagree with the point of the post, or even the comments, but sometimes a GOOD scale can provide some useful information.

    Don’t let the scale rule you, rule the scale. If you need/want to use it, let it provide you information that contribute to your goals and your mental well being. When it becomes a weight (heh) around your neck, ditch it and use a tool that does help you.

    I ended up writing a huge comment, and pared it down to the above. If it’s not poor etiquette here (just started reading (thinks for a great site Miz)) the full text of my comment is a post on my blog here: http://aaronrunsagain.blogspot.com/2008/10/miz-fit-comment.html

  113. I know this post is days old, but since I’m back, and these get sent to your PDA, I’m commenting anyway. ;D

    I can’t get on the scale without going insane. I think it’s because I LOVE instant gratification and I know deep down that if I JUST DON”T EAT for a day or two (or three) that number on the scale will drop like a ROCK. Right away. Immediately. (Dare I say it?) INSTANTLY.

    On the other hand, judging by the fit of my clothes gives me a teeny bit too much leeway.

    I do best with a tape measure once a week. Because I can’t starve myself in 3 or 4 days enough for that measurement to decrease noticeably, but if I eat well and get some exercise, the measurement will decrease over time. It’s my way of forcing myself to delay gratification.

    Now ask me why I have a scale, but my tape measure is buried in the back of my cupboard. (No, wait, don’t ask. That’s a whole ‘nother post.)

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