We love the fig up in herre.

by

Fitness Fig is basically always busy spreading her Figness all over the ‘net.She’s got no particular qualifications (MizFit note: her words not mine) other than having already packed a lot of living into just 34 years and being way too willing to start something new (again and again).She calls herself fat but fit but looks forward to a day when she will just be plain fit. She blogs most days over at FitnessFig.com but has also just started a little networking site called Fit at Home for fans of home fitness (DVDs, treadmills, bikes, weights, whatevs)

LOSE THE GUILT

How often do you hear people trying to lose weight talk about feeling guilty when they eat something yummy or miss a workout? I have lots of friends who are trying to lose weight, or at least maintain their current weight or trying to gain more muscle. So many times their talk about nutrition and exercise is painfully interwoven with ideas of sin, guilt, and failure. Just one cookie or one missed cardio session will send them into paroxysms of guilt and self-disappointment. I think the dieting industry has encouraged this kind of thinking-playing off our Judeo-Christian heritage and guilt tendencies. It makes sense for them-we feel guilty about our weight or our behavior so we buy their products or books to try to redeem ourselves.

Part of the guilt trips of weight loss is the allure of the forbidden. Suddenly a simple chocolate chip cookie becomes a secret delight. Foods branded as “naughty” become more than foods. It’s almost as if they have power over us. Our only recourse is to ban them completely and control everything we put in our mouth. But for many of us, that only elevates the forbidden foods even more and we start to crave them. Then when we give in and have a taste we end up bingeing.

I’ve been there, too. I am a yo-yo dieter. I know it and I’m fighting it. Obviously I’d like to lose weight and keep it off. A couple of pregnancies hasn’t helped, of course, but even 3 years after giving birth, I tend to gain and lose the same 20 pounds. I have tried numerous diets and dieting websites. Sometimes I lose a bit, then I stall out, and then I start gaining again. I let my emotions go haywire along with my weight and next thing you know, I’m guilt-ridden and overeating anyway. But you know what? I am through with the guilt. It is NOT helping. And I’m through with the dieting.

So I’ve been thinking about this sinful eating issue, and it brought to mind another aspect of my religious heritage-what does a sinner need? Forgiveness. Who can forgive me for eating my weight in chocolate chip cookies or skipping my planned workouts two days in a row? I CAN. I don’t want to eat a cookie and then go on a major guilt trip to Depression with a side trip to Binge-town.

So what do you think? Do you want to kick guilt to the curb with me or do you feel you need to hang on to it to keep you in line?

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Comments

  1. I personally TRY to eat guilt free. I always try to remember that eating is a means to live, not the other way around. And although I do indulge, probably more than I should, its ok because I can substitute that indulgence with anything that I feel will empower me. seriously, ANYTHING. For example…I make a list of things I want to do…sometime in the future, such as…cleaning/organizing my closet. Its not first on my list, but sometime THIS YEAR, i want to get it done, so if I can complete it within given time boundaries, it will counterbalance the pie episode and all the world is back to norm.

    This method allows me to focus on my control over the issue rather than the actual calories in and out. My other routines remain constant, exercise and good nutrition.

  2. Oh the guilt needs to go big time! I’m getting better at not letting it in but I still slip every now and then. We are much to hard on ourselves and that is a huge part of the problem to begin with. Unrealistic ideals and resolutions that are all but impossible to achieve and maintain. No wonder we end up guilt-ridden and feeling like a failure. Setting more reasonable goals and taking our time to reach them makes much more sense.

  3. “So what do you think? Do you want to kick guilt to the curb with me or do you feel you need to hang on to it to keep you in line?” Heck yes! Keep spreading the Figness! 🙂

  4. I LOVED THIS POST AS SOON AS SHE SENT IT.
    For me it was read with the backdrop of motherhood.

    I immediately thought of my best friend growing up and how junkfood was entirely forbidden in her home and, anytime we hung out, her pockets were crammed with change just in case we passed a vending maching.

    She didnt have too much guilt after eating it (we were 10 at the time it started. we didnt have much guilt about anything :)) but so much of the allure was the ‘naughty’ as Fig says above.

    Im working not to empower ANYTHING (words, food, movies etc.) EXCEPT MY DAUGHTER.

  5. Great post Fig and thank you Miz for pointing to another blog for me to read ( I will never get my work done now!)

    I also like how you put the motherhood twist on it Miz.

    I need to think about that because I do see my own guilt about foods already rubbing off on my twins.

  6. My religion does not incorporate the notion of sinner etc. but my weighloss religion definitely does LOL

    I need to lose the guilt and quickly I htink.

    Yesterday I was at the park with my son and he ate a cookie a friend gave to him and looked at me with guilt on his face because he knows that I do not eat cookies because they are a bad food on my diet.

  7. Very much needed topic, Fig! I am one of the ones that has felt intensely guilty after eaten something I shouldn’t. My cycle started about 5 yr ago when I first tried the Atkins diet. I stayed on induction way too long…….and in that phase, if you go over your 20 carbs, you learn that you have lost days or even a week of fat burning while your body has to get rid of the glucose stores again. That’s what triggered my mentality………..one lick, one bite and I am doomed! I do have to mention here, when I was following induction doing Atkins, I lost the most weight so there is something to that phase for sure.

    I still follow some Atkins, Zone-type guidelines………basically trying to eat clean, but I allow myself some room because I know trying to avoid every favorite “not so good” food for a lifetime is totally unrealistic.

    Miz, thanks for the decadent list link 🙂

  8. It is always about being realistic for me as well.

    I work on setting myself up to succeed and avoid the guilt that way.
    Thanks Fig.

    I am adding you to my reader.

  9. I’m finally an early commenter!
    Great post Fig.
    It is time for me to lose the guilt, too.

    Miz? I can’t find the decadence link Annette mention in Fig’s post.

    What is that??

  10. Great post! I hadn’t read Fitness Fig before so I’ll be checking out that blog:)

    It’s funny how we will have a healthy relationship with food, then decide we need to lose weight/eat healthier etc and suddenly foods we never even cared about before seem tantalizing just because they’re on the list of what not to eat.

  11. Miz, yeah, I do think a lot about what I’m teaching my kids about eating. I don’t talk to them about the fact that I’m trying to lose weight or anything, but I’ve been trying to use the SuperNoots with them and that sort of thing to encourage healthy eating. The oldest is super-picky and the younger one is now following in his wake (though the little one used to eat anything we set in front of him).

    My husband is one of those who just eats whatever he feels like and doesn’t struggle with weight. When I was reading Intuitive Eating and talking to him about it, he said, “Yeah, that’s how I eat” and seemed surprised I needed a book to learn these things. He just doesn’t have any emotional baggage with food.

  12. I just found Fitness Fig earlier this week and started reading. What a coincidence.

    I eat guilt free these days, I really do. I used to be totally burdened by guilt due, in part, to the good and bad tags that were applied to foods when I was growing up, foods that were forbidden, etc. Eating the bad foods made me feel guilty, which led to eating more. No good! I think no foods should be forbidden.

  13. ok FAST THOUGHTS/responses and then back to the Fig:

    *MizFit Matchups Peeps? Keep an eye out for tweets (on twitter.com) or just read the TWEET BOX at top of this page for nudges, suggestions and reminders.
    (If you wanna add me on twitter Im @carlabirnberg)

    * all my videos can be seen here at youtube, Nan:
    http://www.youtube.com/user/chickenbus2006

    The DECADENCE LIST video is actually titled Emotional Eating (and isnt linked above) and details my approach to selfdistraction when the Oreos are a’calling.

    back to the fig…

  14. so true. i’d love to just say goodbye and have guilt be gone, but I know it’ll take some work. it’s worth it though! stupid media…

  15. Hey Miz
    I wanted to let you know there’s something up with your site. It took me like 10 tries to get it to work.

  16. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head exactly: “…it is NOT helping.” If guilt and angst and worry and regret actually changed anything, I’m sure I’d be the slimmest, fittest, richest, smartest, most beautiful woman on the planet. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to accomplish anything except increase the likelihood I’ll succumb to the same mistake through stress!

    There’s something John Berardi writes (although it might be Cosgrove or Ballantyne, I get them all mixed up) about stop thinking about if a food is “good” or “bad”; think “does this move me closer to my goals or farther away?” That both helps me stick with my fitness plans and also reduces it to a less emotionally-based decision when I do stray from the path.

  18. I agree and disagree. I agree that one should be able to eat a cookie or cupcake or whatever without getting all depressed and bingeing. However, once I “allow” myself to indulge and schedule it into my day, it loses some of the fun, which is kind of a letdown. My solution? make room for treats every day, but only eat them if/when I want them. I’ve found that that way, I don’t think about the treats as much, so they’ve slowly lost their appeal.

    Also, I get depressed when I eat chocolate as a snack. It does something to my brain chemistry/blood sugar and makes me feel utterly worthless (usually about 3 hours after I ate it, so it isn’t initial guilt about eating it). However, as a small part of a snack or meal? I’m fine.

  19. I have mixed feelings about this. If you don’t feel bad or guilt when you do something wrong, what deters you?

    I wonder sometimes when I see bloggers say that they don’t feel bad if they “fall off the wagon” or over-indulge. It seems to me that those who don’t feel bad are the ones who are falling off or over-indulging the most.

    We live in a society that’s all about the “feel goods” and not the natural emotional responses and consequences of our own behavior. No wonder we’re all medicating ourselves with food.

  20. I agree with Lainie that guilt shouldn’t be part of the food for fuel lifestyle however; I don’t know how the message can get out for over indulgence. This majority of the country (I think it’s at 69% now) is considered overweight or obese. Telling individuals that the food choices they have been making are not correct doesn’t seem to work. Where else do caring people have to turn then guilt?

  21. Fab Kate, I definitely see your point, but I’m just advocating getting out of the emotional rut of guilt-induced bingeing that some dieters deal with–the feeling that they’ve already screwed up and then they just give up and binge more. I don’t know what to replace the guilt with (though common sense seems like a good idea, maybe) but I feel there’s got to be a better way than associating foods with sin and guilt.

  22. I love this too. I am struggling with ridding my life of the guilt factor in general, and that includes in the eating and dieting arena. I am trying to be deliberate and conscious about the decisions I make regarding workouts and food, and when I’m deliberate about it, there’s no guilt. It’s the times when I let a workout pass passively or eat subconsciously that I have guilt and really then it’s less about food/exercise than it is about my laziness.

  23. For me (waves @ kate upon whom I may rely too much to present fantastic opposite viewpoints. Thank you) it’s about the word GUILT.

    And her bestfriend SHAME.

    I do think we need to, at times, feel ‘badly’ about our actions because they may not be meshing with goals we have set and *want* or because they, in the process of satisfying our wants, *hurt* others.

    I still, however, am wedded to my No Guilt With Regards To Food stance.

    Wanna talk me out of it? 😉
    I’d love that…

  24. I entirely agree Fig.
    I have a lot of food guilt which I know I should lose.
    Is it the word?
    Could we call is a different word?

  25. Great post!

    A little bit of guilt actually works well as a motivator for me, but then I’m weird. Gets me back on track. Smugness and self-congratulation are also handy tools when I’ve been good. Gosh, I’m so evolved!

  26. This post could not be more timely for me, thanks Lainie!

    I’m currently on a massive guilt trip for breaking plan and maintaining rather than losing weight for the last ten days or so. I know I can forgive myself if I choose to, but I also know that forgiveness will mean giving up the possibility of losing more weight, at least temporarily.

    I always use guilt as a road back into self-discipline and weight loss, so I’m reluctant to forgive myself my sins in case I sacrifice progress….

    TA x

  27. I love this post. I love it. It seems very brave to me.

    I want to kick guilt to the curb with you. I don’t find it productive, personally. And I think as Mizfit mentioned it’s helpful to think of “shame” as an accompanying emotion. In some ways, I think guilt and shame PRECEDE overeating or making bad choices (whether related to food or not). The I-ate-crap-and-too-much guilt can actually be a welcome distraction from the deeper, am-I-a-good-worthwhile-person guilt. For me, guilt and shame don’t accompany true morality– they are the unthinking, reflexive alternatives.

  28. Dear Fig,

    Are you my sister from another mister? 😉

    This post could have been written by me. I also have 3 kids, have vacillated up and down the same 20 lbs, and guilt, bingeing and I are very old friends. My biggest hangup is probably the fact that I can be very “all or nothing” at times and I really need to kick that when it comes to my health and fitness endeavours. It gets me every. single. time.

    Awesome, amazing post! Adding you to my faves. 🙂

  29. Great post and thanks for the introduction to another kick ass site!! Guilt is an evil word that needs to be banished from our vocabulary – How to do that is the big question?? It is always easier said than done that is for sure. How that word creeps in to so many areas of life that if I could kick it..{{words cannot describe how good that would feel}}

  30. Now I am thinking about how for me the guilt and shame are so closely tied.

    I think if I only felt guilty that would be a good thing as kate says above but it is the shame for me which is bad.

    Stacey

  32. Awesome post. I agree with getting rid of the whole guilt thing because for me, it just hinders progress. If I feel guilty over that piece of cake that I just ate, and don’t forgive myself, then I’ll just keep eating sweets, and not get back on track. If I say to myself “That’s in the past and just forget about it and move on”, then I will.

  34. I don’t have guilt about food(s) now, because I have personally decided that there are no “BAD” foods, I just need to be aware of portions and make sure that I do limit (NOT entirely exclude) calorie dense/nutrition light foods. Taking the stigma away from food has truly helped me balance my diet more easily. Now, that being said, I do feel guilt/shame still because of my actions sometimes. For example last weekend I WAY overindulged – in food and alcohol – and I felt crappy physically and mad at myself for letting me down. I know better, but I did it anyways. And paid for it. On the other hand, it has helped me re-realize why I eat the way I do normally, and why I usually stop after one or two drinks. So, yeah. Those are my thoughts…

    🙂

  35. If I over-indulge (say, half a carton of dark chocolate dipped fruit) I deflect the guilt by declaring that it was the high part of a carb-cycle to raise my G-Flux.

    Mind you, this only works if I actually use that extra energy to fuel a great workout the next day.

  36. Do you mean to tell me that I’ve been going to confession and telling the priest that I’ve eaten a whole pizza and a sleeve of thin mints for nothing??

    I wish it were as easy as saying a “Hail Mary” after eating something delicious to keep off the pounds.

  37. I swear that D’Mamma and I are not the same woman—-yet I DO THE SAME THING.

    and the next day when I lift I think in my head:

    Girl, you BEST be strong today you have all those extra sugars inside.

    and wouldnt you know? I AM STRONG.

  41. LOVE THIS. For me, the lightbulb moment came when someone said flat-out, “Food is AMORAL. It is not good or bad from a moral standpoint, so guilt and shame have no place in relation to food, since they are ALL ABOUT morals.” When I remember that, I actually eat better. And if I DO “fall off the wagon,” I’m more likely to think, “Wow, I feel like crap. I guess I won’t eat like THAT again anytime soon” instead of thinking, “I am a FAILURE who doesn’t deserve to feel better, and this is my penance.” One is productive and one is NOT.

    Also, re: Fab Kate’s comment:
    We live in a society that’s all about the “feel goods” and not the natural emotional responses and consequences of our own behavior.
    I’d argue though Kate, that guilt and shame are NOT “natural emotional responses.” Guilt and shame are by definition learned behaviors. A “natural” emotional response would be more like grief when a loved one dies, or anxiety over a threatening situation. Guilt and shame are different. That said, one could also argue that the “natural” response to eating crap would be having a headache, a stomachache, feeling bloated and generally crappy. I think that would be a GOOD place of motivation to come from, because when you (the general, not YOU in particular) feel that way, you’re more focused on doing better for yourself because you want to take care of yourself, as opposed to wanting to do better so that you can “redeem” yourself. (And of course, since no one is perfect, we can’t ever really “redeem” ourselves, so the cycle of guilt and shame – and often, low self-esteem because of it – just perpetuates itself.)

  42. Oh, how timely! I’ve been working on this! Just this morning I read a quote from “Overcoming Overeating” that I think may be appropriate:

    “You think, ‘I can’t stand the way i look.” You notice the thought and remind yourself that it won’t get you anywhere productive. ‘There’s no point to this kind of thinking. It just repeats itself endlessly.’ You then remind yourself of your new way of thinking. ‘Although I don’t like the way I look, I’m trying to come to terms with it. If I keep thinking negatively about myself, I’ll feel awful and THEN I’LL NEED TO EAT.)”
    (Emphasis mine.)

    I think that last sentence says it all; we’re constantly trying to beat ourselves into being “better.” But does it work? When I encourage and support my kids, they do (and feel ) a lot better than when I yell. People respond much better to encouragement than they do to to being berated and insulted.
    I know I want to eat when I’m feeling bad. How is making myself feel worse going to stop me from heading to the fridge?

  43. oh! This post speaks volumes. And again, I’m compelled to give credit to my son with autism for helping me on this very topic. If you’ve ever had anything go “not as planned” with one of your kids, then you know the mommy’s mind of immediately thinking, “What could I have done differently…?” Moms are so great at claiming guilt and so handicapped at claiming forgiveness, especially from ourselves as we cling to the “what-if’s”…I decided a long while back that guilt only slows me down in doing what I want to do for my son and then was able to generalize this belief to life in general. Even when I go for a run, I give myself true permission to walk. Then, I keep running because I really do give myself permission and forgiveness. And when I do take myself up on the offer, there is no guilt. I didn’t meet my goal of running the entire time. So, that doesn’t mean that I can’t. So, I ate cherry cobbler…that doesn’t mean I’m a failure. It means I like cherry cobbler! 🙂

  44. Yes, love all the comments! This is why I wanted this particular post to be on MizFit where I could see more comments and get other viewpoints.

    Marste, exactly–when did eating get tied up with morality? I mean, I guess gluttony is one of the 7 deadly sins, but still. And don’t you know people who are totally self-righteous about eating healthier than other people (in whatever way they define as healthy).

  45. I’m trying to get rid of guilt in all aspects of life, including diet, fitness, parenting, and relationships. I think guilt is very female. For some reason we women are incredibly hard on ourselves. Men don’t seem to experience the levels of guilt we experience.

  47. I make sure I fit in all the things I want (like cheese) in moderation – no one can live the rest of their lives without eating a chocolate chip cookie and a piece of deep dish pizza.

    That being said, I drink too much wine – I need to “moderate” that a bit more I think!

  48. I’m so with you about ditching the guilt! My only problem is that while I desperately want to, I don’t know how! It doesn’t seem to be simply a matter of just saying “I’m not going to feel guilty anymore.” Or maybe it is and I just haven’t been firm enough with myself about it? Anyhow, thanks for the great post!

  49. Therein lies the proverbial rub, huh Charlotte?
    it’s so easy (relatively) to decide that it is ‘wrong’ to feel a certain way but the harder part (for me anyway) is the search to find answers to WHY and HOW not to.

    Id say to you NO.

    IMO it isnt that you havent been firm enough as that would, in a sense, be MUSTurbating.

    saying I MUST feel a certain way PERIOD and not working through the whys and from whence the feelings originate.

    Is this an additional post? Im not sure.

    For me the steps to losing the guilt (and her best friend, Shame) no matter the origin (food/exercise/whatevs):

    *PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. Owning my actions and realizing that whatever I did it was, indeed, a choice (which is for me FREEING. I control my destiny in this realm of my life! *cue confetti*)

    *Realizing Im human. I feel guilty because whatever I did isnt in alignment with how I see myself/my goals. Realizing that and love myself anyway.

    *Forgive myself.

    *MOVE FORWARD.

    short thumbtyped version here.

    more wanted? you tell me!

  50. So many thoughts…this is why I don’t really mind being late to comment, because as wonderful as the original post is, there is always so much more added in the comments.

    I definitely agree with the post. Guilt does, indeed, breed shame, most of the time, and shame is so self-destructive. It does not in any way build up the foundation of self-love that we need to support us as we try to be the best we can be.

    It’s such a habit, though. As children, we are taught guilt almost before we are taught anything else. Unlearning a habit of a lifetime is difficult, particularly when it’s one so subtle that you don’t even realize it’s there, and yet so deeply entrenched.

    I’m working on it. But it’s slow going. It took me 30 years to get into the guilt-pit…I guess as long as it takes something less than 30 to get out, I’m ahead of the game? 🙂

    V.

  51. The relationship that I have with food is complex. I don’t feel guilt about anything I eat. Maybe that is part of the problem?! But guilt is something I have worked toward eliminating all together so I totally get that tie-in with Personal Responsibility!

  52. I would love to kick guilt to the curb but like the commenter above it is not that simple for me.

    As you point out in you suggested steps Miz. I get tripped up on the forgiving myself.

    guilt and shame and self loathing all go together for me.

    Alyson

  55. See, I’m the opposite. As long as I *regularly* keep certain foods in rotation ie: treats, I can’t get enough of them.
    If I eliminate them for the most part, my body doesn’t crave them.
    That being said, I’ve tried to relax my *rules* about eating and actually enjoyed some delicious chocolate cake last week at dinner out with a friend. My problem isn’t with guilt it’s our so-not-friend Perfection.

    I’m trying to learn from my binges now ~~ WHY am I doing this? WHAT am I feeling right now. WHAT do I need? Rarely is it about the actual food for me. I pig out on cereal now when I’m bingeing, not ice cream or pizza so it’s NOT the food. Binge eating is an emotional response to something IMO.
    People tell me not to worry about it, it’s only cereal but my point is WHY I ate it. If I’m eating when I’m not hungry but to stuff down uncomfy feelings that = a binge to me. Just my definition, I guess.
    I’ve learned to move on from these times and just start fresh with the next meal. It does alleviate alot of pressure to do this.
    I’m not sure that it’s even BAD to just go crazy on some food *every now and again* It’s like a pressure release.
    As long as it doesn’t become a habit ~~ maybe once a month?
    My other thought is, if you’re obese, you definitely have to make sacrifices/decisions that are going to be a little uncomfortable in order to reach your goals. You can’t just eat the same food as you’ve always done and expect different results. Or eat it as often anyway.
    Oh and I do agree with the point that guilt should not be partnered with food.
    It’s just food.

  56. I think I was able to stick this time because I did give up the guilt and I didn’t brand anything as *taboo*. The branding of certain fruits and vegetables as *bad* seemd silly to me, too. So, I gave that up, too. All fruits and veggies are labeled *good* in my head. The whole guilt thing is tied up heavily in ideals of perfection, too. I gave that up, too. I feel so much saner, so much happier and the weight has stayed off.

  57. I think I was able to stick this time because I did give up the guilt and I didn’t brand anything as *taboo*. The branding of certain fruits and vegetables as *bad* seemd silly to me, too. So, I gave that up, too. All fruits and veggies are labeled *good* in my head. The whole guilt thing is tied up heavily in ideals of perfection, too. I gave that up, too. I feel so much saner, so much happier and the weight has stayed off.

  59. Thank you Miz, for introducing me to another blogger. And thank you Fig for giving me some food (sinful or otherwise) for thought!

  60. Guilt and worry – the cause of so much angst. I attended a workshop a few years ago, based in Buddhist philosophy and the instructor said

    Worry is thought about the future

    Guilt is thought about the past.

    This made perfect sense to me. So if we feel guilty eating food it makes me wonder, what story are we recalling, perhaps subconsciously, from our past? To find that answer could quite possibly relieve the guilt (the past) and simply allow us to be with what is.

  61. The key to dieting is to realize that you are always going to be on a diet. It is like being an alcoholic or drug addict. You always have to keep exercising and watching what you eat or you will blimp up.

    Those folks who go on a diet and lose 50 lbs. and then stop and forget about it are in dreamland. That is why they all gain it back. There is no end to being fit. You either keep working at staying in shape or else you will be a blimp.

  62. Yes!! All set for some kicking! 🙂 It’s so horribly negative and unproductive! I feel fat so I eat, then I feel guilty and I eat some more, it’s just a vicious circle! I’m trying to be more relaxed about my food, but I have major issues with having just one treat. It’s like it opens flood-gates and I feel like I have to eat as much junk as possible before I regain control and it’s back to limited quantities again!! 🙂

  63. I am definitely guilty of feeling guilty about overeating. I just can’t help it! I think the key is to not mindlessly eat because then it’s not even worth it. Planning ahead is also quite nice, because actually enjoying a “guilty treat” that you’ve been looking forward to… well, that’s just staying sane.

  64. Great post, Fig Girl! 🙂 ummm…I talk about my guilt all the time- about eating like a crazy person during holidays and not exercising. so I guess I need to work on that a bit.

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  1. […] a spot. I’ve been thinking about the concept of “ditching the guilt” since your guest post ages ago.  Not in a good way. I enjoyed the post but then felt worse because I havent been successful at […]

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