Mother’s Day 2010: What I wish for my daughter (video/giveaway post)

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A bit to my surprise—almost 365 days later—my wishes for my daughter (aka The Tornado) are pretty much the same.

She still adores how strong she & her mama are & is slowly learning that the word STRENGTH can refer to both mental & physical muscle.

I still frequently stumble upon her happily posing in the mirror.

She still rejoices when she notices she’s “getting másmásgrande Mama!” and taking up more space in the world.

A lot to my surprise, this impending Mother’s Day has me reflecting a more on my relationship with my mother.

It has me wondering what her wish was for me when I was the Tornado’s age & what it is today.

It has me mulling who she is outside of the role of mom and realizing (once again & to no small embarrassment) how little I know about the woman from whom I came.

It’s serving as a needed reminder that while she & I speak frequently so much of what we chat about focuses more on ME than it does on HER.

I like to think this is no accident (she’s pretty skilled at turning the conversation back to me when I ask about what’s happening with in her world. I think lots of it is the mother/daughter ‘roles’ can be challenging ones to shift away from)—but I also vow to make this the year I work to change that.

As a woman who believes there are signs everywhere (name the movie!) I recently discovered this book.

In it the author, Katherine Rosman, loses her mother to cancer and only after that works backwards to learn more about the woman she’d thought she’d known so well.

It repeatedly brought to mind the question: can we ever really wholly know our mothers while they are alive? or is the dynamic of caregiver/care-recipient one which limits this?

This is a query which I plan to spend the next 365 days attempting to answer in my own life.

As much as I can.

Id love to know if youve already answered this or, should you care to, if youd join me as well.

Have a great Mother’s Day weekend, American Peeps.

Ill report back to you on my findings in 2011.

As you may have noticed Ive ceased the giveaways up in herre for now. If you knew Suzy, however, so resonated with me I was compelled to reach out to the author & ask for copies to giveaway.

She was generous enough to give me three & you may be entered to win for the lowlow price of a MAMAcentric comment below.

USA & Canada only. Winner announced 5.11.2010

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Comments

  1. What a lovely video, MizFit.
    I know that I struggle daily to be the best mother I can be and should take this Mother’s Day to give a little back to my own mother.
    You make a good point about the dynamic tpically flowing in one direction.

  3. I am a little terrified of becoming a mother becyase of my relationship with my mother.

    Thanks for making me think too hard this Friday morning LOL

    I need to mend that fence first I think and then I can be a great mom like you are.

    Helen

  4. I love that video.

    Thank you for this post. You know my issues, but this has really made me think. Thank you.

    I shall be joining you.

    xoxoxo

  5. Ooh! I’d love a copy of the book!

    My mom is the ultimate example of selfless-motherhood. I love her dearly, but it has only been in the past few years that I have been learning more about her.

    And of course, like most people, I look back to my teenage years and am ashamed at how little I respected her back then when she is truly an amazing woman!

  6. I am already at work and can’t watch the video but that photo says it all.
    I would love to read If you knew Suzy.
    I’ve heard great things about it.

  7. This is an awesome post and I will so be following your lead with a post about my relationship with my own mommy. Thanks again for the inspiration.

  8. I love all of the muscle you put into being her mom. It makes my heart smile to witness.

    I adore my mom. While we live states away I feel like she’s with me everyday. Could I, should I know her and appreciate her more? Yes! I shall put a little more muscle into that!

  9. In an act of being mother dear-centric, I can say with full conviction that that book is something my mum would LOVE to read.

    Actually I think my aunt- who is a mother of twin 1.5 year olds- would also love to read it.

    I do think that there’s always a sort of gap between mothers and daughters. I find it interesting, because although my father treats me as an adult much of the time, I don’t think my mother ever will. And I don’t think there are many mothers who DO treat their daughters as “adults”. Their daughters are always 3-year-old Tornadoes 🙂 Not that there’s anything wrong with it- but it certainly does mean that as daughters we may have some degree of difficulty in KNOWING our mothers, beyond glimpses here and there. In one sense, anyways. In another sense, I think that daughters know their mothers better than anyone else does.

    And that’s what’s so special about the mother/daughter relationship.

  11. ……your post made me teary-eyed this morning. I wish, I WISH I would have gotten to know my mom more as a woman while she was here. Thank you for reminding readers that moms aren’t forever. Love you lady!

  12. I love this. And I just might join you on your exporation with my own mama.

    I love my mom and have never needed her more as I did this week! Lemme tell ya.

    Happy Mother’s Day, Miz.

  13. I am closing in on 50 and not a day goes by that I don’t miss mom.

    You’re an amazing mother, Carla.

    Hug your daughter close.

  14. Miz, as always, I adore your mothering ability, and that you model it for others.

    As far as my mom and me…she was an excellent mother, very selfless in caring for us. And, she made me believe I could do anything I set my mind to. (Etsy, here I come!)

    But now, when we talk, it is more about her talking about her life and me listening, which is okay. I am still sure there is much about her I don’t know, and on Sunday, I will attempt to allow her to share that with me. Thanks Miz.

  15. I am stealing from you post the idea to record video tributes to my twins every year on Mothers Day.

    They are only 16 months old right now and I’m excited to watch them and our relationship grow.

  16. I have no idea how I feel about that. I think I knew my mother as a person very well before she passed. But, I know there are aspects that I could have never known.

    I can’t express how baffled I am by the ideas you proposed here. This is one that I will need to really think about.
    Thanks.

  17. I mean the thank seriously. This question is one I want to think about and know the answer to.

  18. awesome post, awesome video. Thanks so much Carla! I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the pic of Tornado flexing her muscles. You are creating a wonderful legacy for your daughter. You’ve helped me today, to find a way to appreciate my mom.

    Thank you. Have a wonderful, spoiled rotten mother’s day. 🙂

  19. I recently heard (like 8th hand so it may not be right?) something Jillian Michaels said about motherhood which caused me to lose respect and admiration for her.

    I think I know what youre referring to (I read it on twitter :)) and need to google/search to see if she really did say that. Its so difficult to know whether anything we read is TRUE.

    You are my JM.

  20. Thank you for sharing this. My Mom and I have had to work through many, many issues but I started seeing my Mom as a person and getting to know her, really know her about 15 years ago. It truly started one day when she was trying to distance herself and told me she didn’t want to be too close because she felt it would hurt me after she was gone.I looked her square in the eyes and said, NO you need to leave me with good memories that I can grabbed onto once you are gone. This is MY choice, not yours. We have truly become best of friends, she is still the mommy I run to with everything but she is also a woman whom I respect and LOVE making MEMORIES with!
    It becomes, as usual, looking at it from a different perspective.

  21. I think it’s a continual journey with our mothers…I saw my mom have to take her own journey with HER mother (my grandmother) when she was dying of cancer. It’s an evolving relationship as we (both) get older, that’s for sure.

  22. I think it’s a continual journey with our mothers…I saw my mother have to take her own journey with HER mother (my grandmother) a few years ago when she was dying of cancer. It’s been interesting to see how we’ve changed as we (both) get older.

  23. Carla, I love your video. That is so wonderful and true. Wouldn’t it be great to keep a part of being 4 with us forever. I learn from Savannah every day. She is so comfortable and confident and loves herself. That sounds like a very moving book. It would be quite emotional for me since I lost my mom to cancer 5 years ago and we were very close and I also think I knew everything about her.

  25. I’m a mom of 3 boys so the struggles are a little different. My oldest son is very small for his age–perfectly normal and not a health issue–he’s just small like his father and I also were at that age. So far it hasn’t seemed to be a real problem for him but I worry about him all the same. He is also naturally shy which can also be hard for a boy, I think. My middle son (who is 4) is much like the Tornado–he’s a little Hurricane himself. He is always telling me how strong he is (“I am sooo strong”!) and wanting to join me in my workouts (but usually only sticks with it if I’m doing stretches or yoga). He is always confident and boisterous and I hope he stays that way.

    Anyway, what I actually wanted to say when I went to comment is that my relationship with my Mom has really changed in the last year or so. She has had some difficulties and has confided a lot in me. It’s not quite a role reversal, but it’s definitely not like she’s the caregiver of me anymore. It’s very weird for me but I have enough support elsewhere to be able to be the strong one in our relationship.

  26. Such a sweet post- I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s day. The tornado sounds like such an awesome little lady…I hope she is just as proud of her body and strength when she is 16 as she is today! I agree with you, Mom’s always want to turn the conversation back to YOU. The book sounds incredible. I’m sure its a REAL tear jerker

  27. I always wanted more for my daughter than what I had/was and I think I managed to give that to her. At least I hope so. In any case I’m very proud of the woman she has become. I’m not sure I’ll ever truly know my mother but maybe that’s ok.

  28. My mother is wonderful. Regarding the question, I don’t know as we can really truly know someone all the way, as it is always colored by our view.

    Sometimes we learn more about our loved ones by talking with other people that know them. Why does this only happen at a wake or funeral? Maybe we should take the time to ask other people about their memories are of our mothers (or fathers) while they are still living?

  29. Oh, this so resonated with me. I have boys, but I want them to skip all this torturous weight obsessing body issue junk I struggled with. I want them to learn to be happy and healthy and make good choices. I see that happening more and more as I set the example. LOVE IT.
    The part about your mom really got me thinking. Hmm. My mom and I have a pretty dysfunctional relationship. She almost…competes with me? I don’t know if that’s the right word, but I think it is. When we talk, it is a lot about her and what she wants to talk aobut. But I need to give her grace and realize she is doing the best she can. You definitely got me thinking.
    Thanks.

  30. I talk to my Mother at least twice a day, and you know what we talk about? ME me ME. Other than asking her how she’s doing, it’s all about ME. I feel selfish to some extent, but at the same time, she’s always been my #1 go to gal when I need to vent/rejoice/sob. To answer your ?, I am not sure that I’ll ever know my Mother for who she truly truly is, as I’m pretty biased in my thinking that she’s the best Mom on the planet. I have a son, but I try to be the greatest MOM I can for him.

    Happy Mother’s Day, Miz!

  31. Great post…thanks for allowing us a ‘peep’ in to your thoughts!

    I don’t know if it’s ‘generational’ but some moms (I have friends who’ve experienced the same thing) just don’t want to open up…sometimes it’s just plain hard to find a way in! My mom is in her 60’s and its almost like she doesn’t value herself like we (try to) do today. I’ve even caught her saying “oh, that’s silly to think about that.” Food for thought, though!

    Have a wonderful mothers day!

  32. I recently heard (like 8th hand so it may not be right?) something Jillian Michaels said about motherhood which caused me to lose respect and admiration for her.

    I think I know to what you are referring and I heard the same thing (ok by HEARD I mean READ ON TWITTER :)). I have to google and research to see if theres any truth to the quote…

  33. I’ve for the most part had a wonderful relationship with my mother. She was a single mom until I was about 7 years old. I really got to see a side of her that I realize (recently) most people don’t with their own mothers. Even my own brother (he’s 7 years younger than me). She brought me along for most things that she did while she was still single..hanging out with friends/dates. It always surprises me when my brother doesn’t want to hear certain things about her past because “mom’s don’t do those things” (he’s 21), but I lived through them with her and I understand as a 28 year old that if I’ve done those things and do those things…then why wouldn’t she have.

    Anyways…I might not know my mom entirely but I think I have a good idea of her whole personality and what she’s like and I’m very grateful for that.

  34. Miz! I loved this post! That daughter of yours is so freaking adorable, and so are you in that vlog. My girlfriend walked in while i was watching it, and doesn’t understand the first thing about blogging or vlogging, and i was all crushed out and telling her how much i loved your blog. To which she replies, but you don’t even know her.. ha. So thanks for another awesome post where you invite your readers into your life with such honesty and sweetness that we feel like we’re your real life friends : )

  35. Hmmm…just did a rambling too open for me comment. Changed my mind.

    Happy Mother’s Day Miz! Love your message to the gorgeous Tornado.

  39. Mother’s are the best. I definitely need to recommit to getting to know my mother better and learning to interact with her as an adult. I love my mom and hope she has a great mother’s day.

  42. Being the daughter of a lady with a wildly uncontrolled bi-polar disorder we never really had a chance to have a real relationship when I was younger.

    Regardless of the other issues this caused, it did have one fantastic benefit. Now that she’s been stable for 6 years, we’ve had a chance to get to know each other as people, really for the very first time. The caregiver issues were mine since that was more our dynamic.

    This will be our 6th mother’s day together where I get to celebrate her as a happy, healthy, wonderful mom. It’s definitely not the most traditional relationship but I’m endless proud of her, I can only imagine how hard she works each day to be as balanced as she is now.

    Happy Mother’s Day!

  44. Ah……the complicated relationship so vital to life. Sounds like an amazing project she assigned herself. Bravo.

  45. I moved across the country from my parents nearly three years ago after I graduated from college. Nothing has made me appreciate all that my mom has done (and continues to do) for me then not being able to see her for months at a time…

  46. Carla, reading this part:

    loses her mother to cancer and only after that works backwards to learn more about the woman she’d thought she’d known so well. It repeatedly brought to mind the question: can we ever really wholly know our mothers while they are alive? or is the dynamic of caregiver/care-recipient one which limits this?

    Since I lost my mom to cancer & I can’t go back, this got me all teary & knowing I will never know some of these things since so many of my relatives that know the answers are gone….

    Carla, I actually have a post for Monday about this very subject. I know you are one busy lady BUT I would love for you to stop by & comment as I think you have so much to say on this! THX!

  48. This is an interesting post considering the day I’ve had. I visited my grandmother who has reconnected with her daughter. When I tell her I don’t want a relationship with my mother, she tells me I am not right with God. She doesn’t understand that life and relationships go beyond forgiveness.

    *sigh*

    Wishing for someone to understand me.

  49. As I read my mother’s and grandmother’s poetry, I learn more and more about them both. Fabulous women, and I’m so glad I still have my mom.

  50. Ugh, my mom and I had an interesting relationship as I grew up to say the least. I got my gramma’s stubborness at a very early age and she just didn’t know how to deal with it without blowing up and yelling and getting angry. My favorite story is that one day, I was probably 3, I decided I didn’t like oatmeal. She put a bite of it in my mouth and told me I couldn’t leave the table until I swallowed and I wasn’t getting anything else.

    Fast forward 3 hours and it’s lunchtime. I’m still sitting at that table, oatmeal in mouth. She finally let me spit it out because she didn’t know how long I’d go and she didn’t want me to starve. She was not an angel herself (I remember one time she yelled at me for stealing her pencils and then yelled at me for my friends stealing her pencils and then found them later), but I was not either, for sure.

    We have a much better relationship now that I have moved out of the house, got through my wild partying phase, and have my own marriage, career success, financial stability, and healthy lifestyle. I’m pretty sure she thought it was touch and go for a while. 😉 Two incredibly strong personalities sharing the same house invokes a LOT of stress. My poor father… he always moderated (and usually sided with me to her chagrin). I’m sure we didn’t do much to help his blood pressure, heh.

  51. Happy Mother’s Day, Miz! It sounds to me like you’re raising a wonderful and well-adjusted daughter, with masmasgrande MUSCLES!

    Thanks for giving me a lot of food for thought about my relationship with my mom. I think the hard part for me is trying to figure out how to get her to talk about herself, about the parts I don’t know of her. I know some of it is because there’s a lot of pain in her past, but I’m sure there was lots of good stuff, too. You wouldn’t think it would be so, but my parents are nearly polar opposites: my dad tells quite a lot, my mom tells very little.

    I also found it interesting, when she was in the hospital, to see her in the context of people she knows through work. She used to work at the hospital where she had her heart surgery, and it was obvious the love and friendship she shared with several of her former colleagues who came to visit. That was a side I didn’t see often, and it was wonderful to see.

  52. Looks like you have already given your daughter the greatest gift that you could have received on mother’s day.

    Happy mother’s day, Carla.

  53. You’ve already given your daughter the greatest gift you could have received for Mother’s Day.

    Happy Mother’s Day, Carla!

  54. I think I know my mom pretty well. She raised as a single parent for many years so we know each other pretty intimately. I love my mom for all of her sacrifices for me and despite having a debilitating illness she still shows her strength and if able will fly to be my babysitter if necessary. Now that is a mother’s(and grandmother’s) love!

  55. When I became a mother, I called my own and said “thank-you” and then a few years later I said “sorry” and it made our bond even stronger! We talk almost everyday, today she told me about a pair of shoes she forgot about that she just found! I can only pray that my 4 kids will one day love and talk to me like my brother and I do with out mom…hopefully enough of the good stuff rubbed off!

  56. Hey Mary. Thanks for the touching read. I have a dear friend whose mother died yesterday. I’ve been reflecting a lot on my own relationship with my mother. This post just resonated what I was already thinking about, very cool. Also, I wanted to let you know I mentioned you in my post today. Stop by and say hi sometime. Hugs and Happy Mother’s Day to You and Tornado, Kirsten

  58. I can’t believe your last Mother’s Day post was a year ago this weekend. Wow, that went by fast!

    I talk to my mom everyday and feel like I know her pretty well, although as we both get older, I am finding myself wanting to more of the details regarding her life – I was raised in a city while she grew up dirt poor on a farm. Her goal in life was to give her kids everything she didn’t have. Now it’s nice to give back to her…and I shouldn’t wait for Mother’s Day to do that. Thanks for the reminder Miz!

  59. Your daughter is so lucky to have you as a mom. Love the double muscle shot of the Tornado.

    Happy Mother’s Day.

  60. My mom and I are very close. Due to her circumstances, I’ve at times been a mother to her. That’s allowed me to get to know her a lot. I wonder if it will ever be as much as she knows me.

    Thanks for sharing your mother-heart with us.

  61. Thanks for reminding me to try even harder to really get to know my mom… today was the anniversary of her own mother’s death.

  62. One things that eased the pain when Mum passed was going through old photos…seeing my Mum before and when she was “my” Mum. So many things she did before I even came around. I thought – wow, she had me at 40. I’m not even 40 yet and I know all I’ve done…and there was so much after that! There was so much of her I didn’t get to know…but so many wonderful memories.
    I missed my Mum yesterday…first Mother’s Day without her. Strange…

  63. Beautiful post and sentiment MizFit. You and your daughter are very lucky to have each other. Enjoy your journey.

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