Listen to your mother show (AKA leaving the zone of comfy.)

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The show on Sunday was fantastic.

The rehearsal on Saturday? Not so much.

I could ramble on and on about precisely why (the podium felt weird, reading from a binder felt wonky blather blather blather), but the only important point is I left the rehearsal wishing I could back out.

I felt panicked in a way which Id never felt before.

I love getting up in front of people.

I’m a performer at heart.

I longed to feign illness.

Not only was the Listen to your mother show a departure from my comfort zone—-it was a tribute to the Tornado.

I wanted, more than practically anything before,  it to go flawlessly because it was essentially an act of love.

For her.

And after Saturday morning I was a frazzled mess.

I spent Sunday morning reading and rereading my essay.

In front of the mirror.  At the breakfast table.  Attempting from memory in the shower.  Alone in my bedroom.

Over and over and over.

Mid oneoftheovers I heard a timid knock at the door & the Tornado came into the room.

“Mama,” she said with the confidence of one who has done myriad presentations.  “When youre reading just pretend it is only Dada and me in the audience.”

And, as trite as it sounds, I immediately knew it would all be ok.

Id stammer.  Or I wouldnt.

Id get tripped up.  Or Id read it just fine.

I’d not make it through because I’d be sobbing too hard.  I’d appear detached because I was working *so* hard not to cry.

I knew no matter how I did—-it would be perfect enough.

After the show was over (when the video is youtube‘d you can see how it all went down) we went out to dinner as a family.

“I knew you could do it, Mama.”  The Tornado told me in her most serious of tones.  “Good job.  Now you know it, too.”

Today begins month number five of striving to live my priorities.

I think it’s a toss up between when Ive learned more about life and about myself: the past 42.75 years or the past five months.

I cant wait to see what the rest of 2012 has in store.

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Comments

  2. The Tornado is so wise!

    I know exactly how you felt because I used to travel around giving presentations. I reviewed my notes (constantly), practised my words in my head, in front of the mirror, in the shower, the car. Everywhere.

    I look forward to seeing the video! I know you rocked it Miz!

    Congrats on the show and cheers to an amazing 2012 and to month 5 in your striving to live your priorities! 🙂

  4. Wow.

    “I think it’s a toss up between when Ive learned more about life and about myself: the past 42.75 years or the past five months.”

    This is true for me too (make it 5 weeks though.)

    I love this post, Miz. so much. It is crazy that our learning moments are the moments we would have never thought. I love how life challenges us still in any form at any age. I love how you rose to the occasion and left your comfy. And I love how you taught Tornado to recognize it and how she will rise herself too because she witnessed it firsthand.

    Can’t wait to see the video! 🙂

  5. Wow, I’d never have guessed at Saturday rehearsal that you weren’t feeling utterly confident and composed! And on Sunday? You were fabulous. And it *was* perfect.

    –C

    p.s. I was so happy to meet the Tornado backstage before the performance. She is adorable!

  10. Our children are so wise in so many ways, and i hope the Tornado Keeps that can-do spirit. Knowing what i know about her Mama, she will.

  11. LOVE the pic of you & Tornado but love more just the LOVE! You & RenMan have really raised quite a wonderful daughter. It is obvious that she is learning amazing things from you! She is one smart cookie already! 🙂

  13. I am so very proud of you (and glad your blog is back up LOL).
    I can’t wait for the video to be up.
    When? When?

  14. It is interesting to me you point out here in a round about sense how important it is to show our children how we struggle and follow through.
    I don’t have kids yet and now I want one.
    🙂

  15. I’m glad that your blog is back up so that I could read this. What an incredible experience for you and I bet for Tornado so see you work through this challenge. I so agree with Runner Girl about the importance of showing our children that we struggle. Also, it always amazes me the wise words that comes out of children’s mouths. My son stumps me all the time. I can’t wait to see your performance!

  19. Oh, I know exactly what you mean – after Saturday I was stricken with complete and utter panic. But then Sunday was amazing and fun.

    You did such an incredible job. I still cry every time I hear your piece, and seeing the Tornado filled with pride while you read… well, I nearly did the full-on, ugly cry.

    I’m so thankful that I got to have this experience with you. It’s been wonderful getting to know you!

  20. I had NO IDEA you left feeling like that on Saturday. You were amazing on Sunday! I really love when our children bring out the best in us…or bring out the courage in us.

    After the rehearsal I told my 9yo daughter that I got pretty choked up reading my piece and that I needed to practice a lot more. She said, “That’s OK, Mom. It’s an emotional, personal story and the audience will understand.” (Ha! A director in the making!)

    I loved having you in the show, Carla!

  26. out of the mouths of babes-!

    we never stop learning. Especially about oneself.

  30. You were so wonderful in the show & I confess to sneaking peeks at The Tornado while you were on stage. She was bursting.

    xo

  31. Through the eyes of a child… we can learn so much!! LOVE this journey you are on… and how you are influencing SO MANY OTHERS (myself included) to focus on living each day to the fullest and fully being present in our children’s lives 🙂 LOVE IT!

  33. I love how children can see right through to the core of what matters! When (and why?) do we lose that ability as grownups (and have to work so hard to get it back)?

    Looking forward to seeing the vid!

  34. I love how you role model for her (and us) more than just fitness.

    Good job, Mom.

  35. Bravo! Getting out of your comfort zone, but doing it for reasons of love is the most special of all.

  37. Congrats on doing it! Being in front of people makes me want to die, so I’m extra admiring of you! (And aren’t daughters just the BEST?)

  38. You showed no evidence of wavering in self confidence, but I so get it (my post goes up tonight about it). I didn’t feel the blast of confidence and energy until I started reading, and then I couldn’t get enough. You were fanTAStic, and your story was beautiful. A perfect piece of the LTYM puzzle.

  39. Nice post about living your priorities.

    That is one of the greatest gifts I’ve come about – when I really listen to what my kids have to say. As a mom I give them the support when they need it. Other times, they offer the wisdom. Its a nice exchange.

  47. The Tornado got it totally right, I bet you were great too.

    I’m not good at speaking for groups of people. I start shaking because of the nerves. The hardest thing I ever had to do, correction wanted to do, was speak at my father’s funeral. After I was done, I was shaking so badly my husband had to put both hands on my legs to stop them but I did it.

  48. You make me smile every day. Your posts are always so awesome and I get all girly/momish with tears when you talk about your days with your Tornado, because they make me remember the days when mine were little and preferred to play and hang out with me than irritate and hate me. lol

    They don’t really hate me, but the onset of puberty in 2 kids of opposing genders and personalities simultaneously is the Universe’s way of punishing me with a preemptive strike for anything I may do in the future. Either that or the Universe likes to push me just to the edge of that cliff to see what it will take before I say screw it and leap off the mofo.

    Fingers crossed it settles soon or I’ll be posting from my limited access in a psych ward. ha hee GAH!

  50. I heart tornado. And I heart the relationship you and she have. Unconditional support going both ways. LOVE it. So excited that you did well, though there was never a doubt in my mind you wouldn’t. I would SOOOO love to see you in person speaking one day. Who knows, maybe one day that will be a reality. Take care Miz. Hugs.

  51. Coming back to comment after reading this on my phone — So interesting that you were nervous because of how much this meant to you for her, and she was able to put you at ease (or give you that little kick in the pants you needed)!

  52. Don’t you love it when our kids tell us exactly what we need to hear? I love their intuition! I’m so glad the reading went well & can’t wait to see it!!

  54. You sooo figured out the first key to speaking success – be genuine. I have loved presentations with so-called flaws that were from the heart and sincere, just like you!

  56. I’ve been visiting your blog for a while now and I always find a gem in your new posts. Thanks for sharing.

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