The show on Sunday was fantastic.
The rehearsal on Saturday? Not so much.
I could ramble on and on about precisely why (the podium felt weird, reading from a binder felt wonky blather blather blather), but the only important point is I left the rehearsal wishing I could back out.
I felt panicked in a way which Id never felt before.
I love getting up in front of people.
I’m a performer at heart.
I longed to feign illness.
Not only was the Listen to your mother show a departure from my comfort zone—-it was a tribute to the Tornado.
I wanted, more than practically anything before, it to go flawlessly because it was essentially an act of love.
And after Saturday morning I was a frazzled mess.
I spent Sunday morning reading and rereading my essay.
In front of the mirror. At the breakfast table. Attempting from memory in the shower. Alone in my bedroom.
Over and over and over.
Mid oneoftheovers I heard a timid knock at the door & the Tornado came into the room.
“Mama,” she said with the confidence of one who has done myriad presentations. “When youre reading just pretend it is only Dada and me in the audience.”
And, as trite as it sounds, I immediately knew it would all be ok.
Id stammer. Or I wouldnt.
Id get tripped up. Or Id read it just fine.
I’d not make it through because I’d be sobbing too hard. I’d appear detached because I was working *so* hard not to cry.
I knew no matter how I did—-it would be perfect enough.
After the show was over (when the video is youtube‘d you can see how it all went down) we went out to dinner as a family.
“I knew you could do it, Mama.” The Tornado told me in her most serious of tones. “Good job. Now you know it, too.”
Today begins month number five of striving to live my priorities.
I think it’s a toss up between when Ive learned more about life and about myself: the past 42.75 years or the past five months.
I cant wait to see what the rest of 2012 has in store.
Helen saysMay 1, 2012 at 3:49 am
Kierston saysMay 1, 2012 at 5:38 am
The Tornado is so wise!
I know exactly how you felt because I used to travel around giving presentations. I reviewed my notes (constantly), practised my words in my head, in front of the mirror, in the shower, the car. Everywhere.
I look forward to seeing the video! I know you rocked it Miz!
Congrats on the show and cheers to an amazing 2012 and to month 5 in your striving to live your priorities! 🙂
Lyssa saysMay 1, 2012 at 5:39 am
Your blog was down!!
This is such a lovely post. Glad you’re back 🙂
christieo saysMay 1, 2012 at 5:47 am
“I think it’s a toss up between when Ive learned more about life and about myself: the past 42.75 years or the past five months.”
This is true for me too (make it 5 weeks though.)
I love this post, Miz. so much. It is crazy that our learning moments are the moments we would have never thought. I love how life challenges us still in any form at any age. I love how you rose to the occasion and left your comfy. And I love how you taught Tornado to recognize it and how she will rise herself too because she witnessed it firsthand.
Can’t wait to see the video! 🙂
The Well-Versed Mom saysMay 1, 2012 at 5:47 am
Wow, I’d never have guessed at Saturday rehearsal that you weren’t feeling utterly confident and composed! And on Sunday? You were fabulous. And it *was* perfect.
p.s. I was so happy to meet the Tornado backstage before the performance. She is adorable!
Barbara saysMay 1, 2012 at 5:51 am
What a wonderful story. The Tornado sounds wise beyond her years. 🙂
Nicole @ Making Good Choices saysMay 1, 2012 at 5:56 am
So proud of you. And I love how wise your daughter is. Can’t wait to watch the video!
lindsay saysMay 1, 2012 at 5:58 am
oh i am proud of you too! I love what tornado said, so genuine. Do we get a glimpse of this speech?
Hannah saysMay 1, 2012 at 6:06 am
This is one of my favorite posts, Miz.
messymimi saysMay 1, 2012 at 6:12 am
Our children are so wise in so many ways, and i hope the Tornado Keeps that can-do spirit. Knowing what i know about her Mama, she will.
Jody - Fit at 54 saysMay 1, 2012 at 6:17 am
LOVE the pic of you & Tornado but love more just the LOVE! You & RenMan have really raised quite a wonderful daughter. It is obvious that she is learning amazing things from you! She is one smart cookie already! 🙂
Lindsay @ The Lean Green Bean saysMay 1, 2012 at 6:26 am
that girl is wise beyond her years 🙂
Nita saysMay 1, 2012 at 6:29 am
I am so very proud of you (and glad your blog is back up LOL).
I can’t wait for the video to be up.
Runner Girl saysMay 1, 2012 at 6:30 am
It is interesting to me you point out here in a round about sense how important it is to show our children how we struggle and follow through.
I don’t have kids yet and now I want one.
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf saysMay 1, 2012 at 6:47 am
I’m glad that your blog is back up so that I could read this. What an incredible experience for you and I bet for Tornado so see you work through this challenge. I so agree with Runner Girl about the importance of showing our children that we struggle. Also, it always amazes me the wise words that comes out of children’s mouths. My son stumps me all the time. I can’t wait to see your performance!
beliteweight saysMay 1, 2012 at 6:51 am
Its good to see you active here. Nice sharing.
Anita saysMay 1, 2012 at 7:10 am
Kids can make life seem as simple as it really is.
Michele @ nycrunningmama saysMay 1, 2012 at 7:13 am
Can’t wait to watch the youtube video!! Your daughter is wise beyond her years – a tribute to how she was raised!
Missy @ Wonder, Friend saysMay 1, 2012 at 7:14 am
Oh, I know exactly what you mean – after Saturday I was stricken with complete and utter panic. But then Sunday was amazing and fun.
You did such an incredible job. I still cry every time I hear your piece, and seeing the Tornado filled with pride while you read… well, I nearly did the full-on, ugly cry.
I’m so thankful that I got to have this experience with you. It’s been wonderful getting to know you!
Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac saysMay 1, 2012 at 7:32 am
I had NO IDEA you left feeling like that on Saturday. You were amazing on Sunday! I really love when our children bring out the best in us…or bring out the courage in us.
After the rehearsal I told my 9yo daughter that I got pretty choked up reading my piece and that I needed to practice a lot more. She said, “That’s OK, Mom. It’s an emotional, personal story and the audience will understand.” (Ha! A director in the making!)
I loved having you in the show, Carla!
Amanda @RunToTheFinish saysMay 1, 2012 at 7:34 am
yeahhh, i love your stories about tornado, i think she is an old soul
Kerri O saysMay 1, 2012 at 7:36 am
Speaking to my heart you are.
Ann saysMay 1, 2012 at 7:38 am
Cat @ Breakfast to Bed saysMay 1, 2012 at 7:41 am
I <3 the Tornado.
misszippy1 saysMay 1, 2012 at 7:44 am
What I am quite sure of–you rocked it b/c it came from the heart. And ah, the wisdom of our young ones!
cheryl saysMay 1, 2012 at 8:01 am
out of the mouths of babes-!
we never stop learning. Especially about oneself.
Kim saysMay 1, 2012 at 8:03 am
You were fantastic, Carla.
Kim saysMay 1, 2012 at 8:06 am
Oh and why does it make me feel ‘normal’ you get nervous, too? 🙂
Shelley B saysMay 1, 2012 at 8:38 am
The Tornado is wonderful – just like her mama!
Wendi saysMay 1, 2012 at 8:40 am
You were so wonderful in the show & I confess to sneaking peeks at The Tornado while you were on stage. She was bursting.
Rachel @RunningRachel saysMay 1, 2012 at 8:53 am
Through the eyes of a child… we can learn so much!! LOVE this journey you are on… and how you are influencing SO MANY OTHERS (myself included) to focus on living each day to the fullest and fully being present in our children’s lives 🙂 LOVE IT!
KCLAnderson (Karen) saysMay 1, 2012 at 8:58 am
What strikes me is how wisdom goes around…it doesn’t just flow one way. I am very much looking forward to the video 🙂
Tamara saysMay 1, 2012 at 8:58 am
I love how children can see right through to the core of what matters! When (and why?) do we lose that ability as grownups (and have to work so hard to get it back)?
Looking forward to seeing the vid!
Kel saysMay 1, 2012 at 9:00 am
I love how you role model for her (and us) more than just fitness.
Good job, Mom.
Lori saysMay 1, 2012 at 9:06 am
Bravo! Getting out of your comfort zone, but doing it for reasons of love is the most special of all.
Karen@WaistingTime saysMay 1, 2012 at 10:18 am
Such wisdom from someone so young:) Of course, she learned it all from her amazing mom.
Kyra saysMay 1, 2012 at 10:38 am
Congrats on doing it! Being in front of people makes me want to die, so I’m extra admiring of you! (And aren’t daughters just the BEST?)
Leigh Ann saysMay 1, 2012 at 10:59 am
You showed no evidence of wavering in self confidence, but I so get it (my post goes up tonight about it). I didn’t feel the blast of confidence and energy until I started reading, and then I couldn’t get enough. You were fanTAStic, and your story was beautiful. A perfect piece of the LTYM puzzle.
Christine saysMay 1, 2012 at 11:21 am
Nice post about living your priorities.
That is one of the greatest gifts I’ve come about – when I really listen to what my kids have to say. As a mom I give them the support when they need it. Other times, they offer the wisdom. Its a nice exchange.
Morgan @ Life After Bagels saysMay 1, 2012 at 12:25 pm
oh man I just broke out in sobs … I pray that my child will be as clear headed, kind, and gracious as your 🙂
Hanlie saysMay 1, 2012 at 12:52 pm
I feel the same way about my 42.5 years vs. the last four months. Will look out for the video!
Heather Montgomery saysMay 1, 2012 at 4:20 pm
love it! she is such a sweetie.
MCM Mama saysMay 1, 2012 at 5:00 pm
What a smart and sweet little girl you have! And I bet you were amazing.
Julie (@ROJRunning) saysMay 1, 2012 at 7:38 pm
Could your daughter be anymore precious? She’s so smart and caring and supportive, I love to hear how to changes your view of the world.
Janice- The Fitness Cheerleader saysMay 1, 2012 at 8:19 pm
Children are wise beyond their years – when did we lose that? When did we start caring what others think?
Deb saysMay 1, 2012 at 9:49 pm
How precious is The Tornado?!? Can’t wait to see the video.
Fran saysMay 2, 2012 at 1:45 am
The Tornado got it totally right, I bet you were great too.
I’m not good at speaking for groups of people. I start shaking because of the nerves. The hardest thing I ever had to do, correction wanted to do, was speak at my father’s funeral. After I was done, I was shaking so badly my husband had to put both hands on my legs to stop them but I did it.
SinnerElla saysMay 2, 2012 at 8:27 am
You make me smile every day. Your posts are always so awesome and I get all girly/momish with tears when you talk about your days with your Tornado, because they make me remember the days when mine were little and preferred to play and hang out with me than irritate and hate me. lol
They don’t really hate me, but the onset of puberty in 2 kids of opposing genders and personalities simultaneously is the Universe’s way of punishing me with a preemptive strike for anything I may do in the future. Either that or the Universe likes to push me just to the edge of that cliff to see what it will take before I say screw it and leap off the mofo.
Fingers crossed it settles soon or I’ll be posting from my limited access in a psych ward. ha hee GAH!
Kara saysMay 2, 2012 at 3:00 pm
Your daughter is so cute! Love the nickname too :)))
Roz@weightingfor50 saysMay 2, 2012 at 3:52 pm
I heart tornado. And I heart the relationship you and she have. Unconditional support going both ways. LOVE it. So excited that you did well, though there was never a doubt in my mind you wouldn’t. I would SOOOO love to see you in person speaking one day. Who knows, maybe one day that will be a reality. Take care Miz. Hugs.
Coco saysMay 3, 2012 at 5:52 am
Coming back to comment after reading this on my phone — So interesting that you were nervous because of how much this meant to you for her, and she was able to put you at ease (or give you that little kick in the pants you needed)!
charlotte saysMay 3, 2012 at 8:16 am
Don’t you love it when our kids tell us exactly what we need to hear? I love their intuition! I’m so glad the reading went well & can’t wait to see it!!
Kiya saysMay 3, 2012 at 6:02 pm
In my experience, a horrible dress rehearsal means a wonderful show the next day 🙂
KymberlyFunFit saysMay 4, 2012 at 9:34 am
You sooo figured out the first key to speaking success – be genuine. I have loved presentations with so-called flaws that were from the heart and sincere, just like you!
Thomas saysMay 6, 2012 at 4:51 pm
I think Listen to your mother show (AKA leaving the zone of comfy.) | MizFitOnline is a nice blog article and you do a well written job of writing in depth. Thom – http://www.ep2p4u.com
Penny saysMay 8, 2012 at 12:58 am
I’ve been visiting your blog for a while now and I always find a gem in your new posts. Thanks for sharing.