Three reasons why I advocate the family meal.

by

not here so much

long before the family meal

I was born in the ’60s.

An era of family dinners, women mainly working inside the home, and jobs *really* being 9-5.

Life is strikingly different now.

d

we are strikingly different now

  • Many women work outside the home.
  • Kids are crazy over-scheduled with after school & weekend activities.
  • It’s rarely a reality to get home from an office by 6 pm (a post for a different day. that whole concept makes me sad).

If my mom-friends are any indication dinnertime has morphed into a period more of chaos than connection.

They lament the fact kids “have” to eat the evening meal in the car en route to practices.

Stories abound of one parent *consistently* eating dinner with the kids while the other is still working/stuck in a long commute home.

Screens are turned on so parents can multitask and/or catch up on work.

This approach to meal time isnt healthy for our families or our connection to partners/spouses.

ahh love. you take work.

ahh love. you take work.

  • Studies show toddlers acquire eating habits by watching us.Ā  This study was conducted by ME in *my* home—but you get the idea.Ā  We all know kids mimic what they see. A screen-free, mindfully eaten, conversation-filled meal together is one of the best teaching tools around.
she learned this by watching me.

she learned this by watching me.

  • Studies show older children share at mealtime. Disclosure: Another study from my domicile, yet I believe it true.Ā  Family meals offer teaching moments (Tornado knows being part of our family means helping prepare/clean up) AND provide opportunity for conversation games which give insights into a child’s day. High/low is a fave here & precisely what prompted this post.
that was for ricing--but ok...

that was for ricing–but ok…

  • Studies show teens who experience family dinners are less likely to use alcohol/drugs. The data here isnā€™t clear why, but seems to indicate bonds created through family gathering encourage teens to be more open.Ā  Iā€™d guess it boils down to TIME.Ā  The more TIME we spend with our kids–the more we’d *notice* if something seemed “off.”

Wait.

Did I say we never eat family dinners?

When I became a mom I quickly realized family dinners would never work for our early rising, late-at-office trio.

the late-working member of our trio

the late-worker in our group

As a result, I implemented the family breakfast.

While other families are sleeping or muddling through their mornings we make the time to gather.

We sit sans-screens, chat about the happenings of yesterday and share what weā€™re looking forward to that day.

For us this family meal time works perfectly.

We get the nighttime family meal benefits plus there’s no chance a surprise meeting/deadline will intrude on our time.

My favorite piece—and now I want to ask the husband and Tornado theirs—is how perfectly it launches my day.

I feel as though I matter.Ā  I feel optimistic and content.Ā  I feel *connected* to those most important to me.Ā  All before my day truly begins.

And you?

What do you think?

  • Are you a believer in the family meal?

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Comments

  1. My little family exists only of me and the hub. We live together for 19 years this year and we eat every dinner at the table. We both have our hobbies that we do at night and dinner is the opportunity for us to catch up on each other’s day.

    I know people that have a family breakfast instead of dinner because that works better for them.

    For me having dinner together is important. I also think that “I don’t have the time” isn’t an excuse. It’s wheather or not you make it a priority. You can’t make me believe that you don’t have one evening/morning a week at least to eat a meal together.

    • I agree. The days that I do work are long 13 hour days. On those days my wife and I only have a couple of hours together before she goes to bed so dinner for us is the best way for us to communicate about the day both of us had and talk about things.

      I’m all for family meals. Preferably with no television.

  2. My kids are still fairly young (3) so we still have time and the schedule to eat most of our dinners together. But as they get older, I see breakfast as taking over. It’s the perfect way to start the day with a reminder to slow down and enjoy your food rather than rushing out the door stuffing your face.

  3. This is a tough one for me. My husband works swing shift in a factory. Some nights he’s home to eat, some nights he’s home to sleep, or he’s not home at all. Up until this year it included weekends. This is/was our normal. I try to have family meals whenever possible but this is just the way it is for us.

  4. I think I read or saw the concept of family breakfast somewhere else and it was as though a lightbulb went off!! YES we can eat a meal together – it’s just not dinner as we also have a late worker among us! The kids are only 4 but we try to eat breakfast together each morning. It’s a great way to start the day!

  5. Love family meals together…the more the merrier. It does get hard as the kids get older, but we expect dinner to be together whenever possible! It doesn’t always happen that way, but we cherish it when it does!

  6. Love how you made this goal your own by focusing on breakfast — it’s the most important meal of the day anyway, right? Now that we are empty nesters, I’m afraid we’ve diminished to a weekly date night. For some reason my husband doesn’t wait for me to eat when I may only fix up a grilled cheese sandwich.

    • I agree, family breakfast sounds like a wonderful way to start your day off. We have family dinner, but it sometimes does get interrupted by a busy schedule. We do dinner with no screens and no music, not to force conversation but to relax and unwind. Either way a faimly meal is essential to a healthy family unit.

  7. Agree whole heartedly! That said the Caveman leaves for the gym at 4:45 and isn’t seen again until at least 7pm. We do sit around the table and eat, unplugged though, although the kids have already had their evening meal. Maybe not optimal but it is what it is.

  8. We have a family meal nearly every night. Beer Geek made an intentional choice in his career path that allows him to be home almost every evening. Because he is an early riser and at work super early, we tend to have dinner on the early side. This works well with this area because most of the boys’ activities are right after school or not until after 6, when most parents get off work.

    A 5:40pm dinner every night is probably as unconventional as your family breakfast, but it’s how we manage to eat as a family every night.

  9. Like Angela, my daughter is only 3 so there aren’t too many distractions to break up our dinner yet… although two nights a week my husband does get back late. We’ve also started doing breakfast together since he goes in later those mornings, which I love. Great post, btw.

  10. This is my hardcore, non-negotiable point of parenting. Dinner is eaten at the dining room table, every night, as a family. It is extremely rare that one of us misses – my husband has even helped foster this by taking on some of the cooking duties now that my daughter has an earlier Taekwondo class, because he gets home a little earlier than I do. Crock-pots, Foreman grills, whatever tools I need to use to make this happen, I will use. It’s the one solid anchor for our days – no matter what else is going on, you can count on the family dinner.

    I love the idea of starting the day with the family meal, though. My husband and I always have breakfast together – again, it’s very rare that we don’t – and I love that regular “couple-time”. It’s about our only quiet time together when no one will interrupt! It does start the day off on a sweet note.

  11. I have never thought about the fact it could NOT be dinner, Mizzy!
    We are bumping up against all the practice and scouts stuff too and I was ready to give up.

    You rock for the twist on the family meal.

  12. we often have to shift meal time due to our schedules too. I am learning that any meal is good to have together, we just need one. Love how you start your day together. That’s a good start! Sharing, caring, eating, enjoying!

  13. You’re awesome – I love how you always challenge the status quo and make things work for YOUR family! It’s tough these days, but totally doable! We spend a lot of QT together – but you’re right, LOVE DOES TAKE WORK!

  14. Yes! Families should eat AND cook together. Kids learn from parents and their more likely to eat the good stuff if they prepare it. Plus learning how to cook is a valuable skill to pass on to the next generation.

  16. I love family dinners! We still eat at my grandparents’ house on Sundays. I wish we could do that FOREVER, ya know?

    PS: I specifically chose an open floor plan for our house because the kitchen, dining, and living area should be one big “family” room.

  18. I couldn’t agree with this view more! I grew up with family dinners and continue to enjoy at least once weekly family dinners with my parents. So key in developing a healthy relationship with food, but also family dynamics!

  19. Thank you for saying it’s about connection with your husband as well.
    I think my boyfriend and I might benefit from a meal not in front of the tv every once in a while.

  20. I have mixed memories of the family meal as a kid! It was far from Leave it to Beaver šŸ™‚

    Of course, if yours is all in the family, do it!

  21. This is HUGE for me! I grew up with just my mom and we would eat dinner together every night with candles and classical music to talk about our day. It’s something I plan on doing in our house too.

    Right now, we make a point of a family meal on the weekends because of Chris’ work schedule. He leaves for work by 5:30AM and doesn’t get home until 7PM so fitting that in with a toddler’s schedule is impossible. Instead, Emmie eats at 5:30PM and I sit with her. I eat later with Chris. It’s what works for us right now but I am looking forward to a time when we ca sit down together EVERY night.

  22. I’m a HUGE believer in family meal time. my parents always made it a point to have dinner together, no tv, and talk about our day. I truly believe that this made us all closer and I grew up not realizing that other families didn’t do that. My husband family ate whenever they felt like it around the tv and I’ve made sure to implement family meal time in my home now too.

  24. Yes, we need family meals. Yes, we need to have them at a time that works for our individual family.

    Every “routine” needs to be tweaked to what works best for you.

  26. I’d never stopped to think about how my dad was home every night and we had dinner as a family.
    It wasn’t a choice in my house unless you had something really big happening.
    In fact, I don’t recall ever missing a family dinner!!!!
    We could have friends over,but we were all there.

  27. we totally grew up on family dinners!! and my family is SO close and open with each other!! we talked about eeeeeeverything at family dinners… like usually tmi and inappropriate topics but i do feel like that’s one of the reasons we’re so close today!

  29. YES to the family meal!! That’s all I knew growing up. Even when I played soccer, my parents would wait until I was home and we’d eat together. You’ve got the right idea here Carla!! šŸ™‚

  31. I think family meal time is necessary! growing up we always had dinner together. As we got older ie. out of high school they came few and far between but I know that in my early childhood and adolescence those family dinners were key for my personal growth and relationship with my parents.

  33. I am a believer in the family meal. At the same time, it doesn’t happen every night here b/c of practices. Breakfast doesn’t happen b/c kids are on different schedules. BUT–I do aim for several family dinners/week, each and every night we can make it happen. And screens are NEVER a part of a meal here–cannot imagine that.

    On the topic of teens/tweens (mine is almost 13) sharing at the meal–I’ve found mine shares more when we are side-by-side, ala a hike, run or bike ride, than face-to-face.

  34. Growing up, our family always ate dinner together. We weren’t too scattered at breakfast either, but it was less official (more that my brother and I would both eat together). I love the idea of keeping this family meal and really believe strongly in it, although I find it tougher with just 2 of us… Especially with a husband in grad school who knows how to FOCUS…never met a more focused individual (this can be very good and very bad!). This is a reminder for me make our meal time more precious, and even though we often eat breakfast together too, there are often screens involved. Love the idea of changing up the meal from dinner to breakfast; do what works!

  36. We eat dinner together every single night. Regardless of the kids’ activities. The children each have different nights where they’re my ‘sous’ chef; perfect for just hanging out, chatting and learning new skills.

    Exactly the same as when I was growing up!

  37. yes we still have family dinner…even as much as we have an official family dinner once a week at my Mom’s house with the whole family…brother,nephew, cousins, and grandkids.

    One thing as my kids grew older, I expanded our “talks” to drives. When we were traveling to and from games, or other events, we had some of our best conversations. It still works today with the older kids (in their 20’s) We go for drives. We go for long drives on the backroads and talk when something is really bothering them.

  38. I 2nd, 3rd, 4th……everything you just wrote!! (maybe because I am part of the same generation as you!)
    We do family dinner almost every night – some nights it is less than 30 minutes because of scheduling issues but it is still a VERY VITAL part of our day!!! This school year we have had to be more creative than ever due to more activities (oh, the joys of teenagers!!) but I’m a firm believer that our family meals are the most important part of our day!!!
    Love that y’all do a family breakfast since dinner won’t work for you!

  39. We always have a family meal because it is a rare time of day when we can all calmly sit and talk to each other! šŸ™‚

  40. Now that my at home family is just my husband and me, we always sit down together for dinner. I was a single mom when my kids were younger, so it didn’t always happen, but we tried and succeeded several times a week. I hope they remember, just as I remember the meals with my family when I was growing up.

  41. I’ve read very positive study results about the family meal. They support my personal experience: family meals were a wonderful, unequaled learning and connecting experience. Even when working late and if we have evening activities, we ALWAYS sit together to have supper.

  42. I *love* how you modded this to work for your life. bravo!

    with just me and my husband to cook for, we’ve adjusted a bit over the years. in the last year, his commute extended to 3 hours a day, which cut into together time seriously. 3 nights a week, we plan good meals and sit and talk – where before, we were watching shows while we ate.

    We’ve also been trying something new, where we take one weekend day a month and plan it to just stay in and cook together. This is a challenge to me because it’s easier for me to just DO IT than work together, but it’s a good challenge, and I’m trying. Because together time is the ultimate joy. I can see how joyfull it is for you by your post too. šŸ™‚

  45. I love that you found a time of day that works for you. For us when our kids were growing up it was the evening meal. Some of .their friends would join us and some of them had never sat down to eat with a family before! They couldn’t believe it something we did everyday. It was a great time to talk, laugh and share

  46. We had them — my mom worked, but we had them. I had piano lessons one night a week, and we still had family meals, all five of us together. It’s just what’s done. I think when practices and rehearsals start interfering with family meals every single night, maybe the kid is overscheduled. Might be hard to reconcile this with very many kids, though.

  47. It’s great that at least one meal of your day is eaten together with the whole family. I grew up eating dinner together with my family almost every night and I truly appreciate that.

  48. Growing up we never really had much of family meal time because both my parents worked and sometimes nights. We all left at different times in the morning, too. The only meal times we really all ate together were the holidays!

    Now, there are just 2 of us in the household. We do eat more meals together. Not always the same food, but at the same time. We also have our ritual twice weekly bagel out šŸ˜€

  49. Family meals are the best times. We focus on having as many as possible in our house. It really helps to keep the family unit strong and in touch.

  50. I cherish meal times together as a family. When I was younger, it was very seldom that we did not have dinner together. It was always THE time that we all had together to talk, connect and share (without the use of electronics). Now, SuperFit and I have dinner make a point to have dinner together every night. It’s our time to just be. After being all day, we finally get to be together.

    I am so grateful for my family in that they instilled the importance to come together. As a teen, I may not have understood the significance of it but…I do. I really. really.do.

    xo

  52. Growing up, my mom ALWAYS cooked dinner and we had a sit down meal. My mom is my hero and I really don’t know how she pulled it off with 7 kids and she babysat 6 kids on top of that.. I TRY to have sit down dinners every night, but most nights it does not work. I think when we get a new dining table soon, it will make all the difference!!!! Great post!

  53. In this crazy & face paced plus tech world, I do think it is important for kids to understand & LEARN face to face time which they don’t get with all the tech PLUS family time.. we had meals together as a kid – I have fond memories…

  54. I love this and how you made breakfast your family meal time. While I believe in the family meal it has been a struggle for us with our different schedules. At a minimum we try to sit with the boys while they eat but you’ve made me think about how we need to make that time more meaningful.

  55. Yes oh yes! My husband’s family did not do the family meal thing (his dad was a firefighter), so showing him the value of it has taken 8 years. He is now onboard with it and although he isn’t normally hungry when we are, he does come and sit down with us when we eat.

  56. I love family meals. I remember when I was younger we would ALWAYS have dinner with the WHOLE FAMILY on Saturday and Sunday. It was required. We could be out before and after but we needed to have dinner with the family. And while I was annoyed and rebellious when I was younger, I crave a family dinner all the time now that I live many many miles away from my parents šŸ™

  60. Definitely a believer! And the first to admit we’re not always the best at it either. šŸ™

    It never occurred to me to do family breakfast rather than dinner!

    PS – LOVE all the family pics in this post.

  62. While it’s just me and my significant other, dinner is where we rehash the day and talk about what’s coming up. breakfast is get-ready-for work time, and to get focused on the day’s projects. I do recall the days when my mom, or dad, or mom-and-dad, and us kids, would sit down to dinner together, and talk about the day’s events.

  63. LOVE the family breakfast idea!!! Dennis and I try to have a nice cooked breakfast and sit down at the table one morning each weekend. We both have lots on the go, but we feel it is important to dine together as much as possible…its a great way to connect in an undistracted place.

  65. Having a family breakfast than a family supper makes a lot of sense if you know one parent will never make it to supper. It honestly sounds like a great way to stay connected to everyone, but still allow the evenings their freedom.

  66. I am often reminded of how great it is to have family meals together during the holidays when everyone is around. It’s so crucial to maintaining and growing a bond between family members! Great article!

  67. I’ve always enjoyed the fellowship everyone can enjoy (unless your kids don’t eat their veggies) at the family meal. When they grow up and get older, it’s important to understand that they probably want to eat with friends, etc., but keep ahold of at least a couple of nights that are dedicated to family time.

  69. I love the idea of the family breakfast! Such a nice way to bring everyone together when dinner doesn’t work.

    We always ate dinner together as a family, growing up, and I DEFINITELY believe that it brought us all closer together and really strengthened the relationships and bonds.

    Mr Science and I pretty much always eat dinner together. If one of us gets home later, the other will sit with them while they eat dinner. It’s important to take that time to just sit down and talk and BE. Together.

  70. I’m a big advocate for a daily family meal. I didn’t have it growing up and feel like I missed out. I definitely want to have it for my family. So far family dinner is just my husband and myself, but come November our first child is due so we can make it a three person meal!

  71. I LOVE our family meals when we were younger. Every week night we would sit at the table, no TV, talk, and have a home cooked meal or take out. I am so grateful for those moments. My Dad always came home and if he had to go back to the hospital or work, he would do it after dinner. Family meals are so important and I truly believed I learned a lot from those moments and so grateful for them.

  74. I actually would love to sit at a dinner table every night – but my husband ALWAYS wants to watch t.v.

    So here I am, 45 years old and eating my delicious dinner I’ve spent a good chunk of time on eating on the arm of a couch watching Wheel of Fortune. Gah!

    Love your idea of breakfast together!!

  75. We take the family meals as we can on a daily basis – sometimes it is at breakfast and sometimes dinner. Definately NO T.V. during meals as I did when i was growing up. To help ease the schedule each child is enrolled in only one weekly commitment lie sports, etc…. Kids need time to “be bored”outside and play.

  77. I love this.

    I grew up in a home where no family meals were implemented at all. We all just at at different times of the day whenever we wanted.

    The moment my fiancee and I had our child, we knew eating together was something we wanted to do. Our main family meal is during dinner. No matter how busy our days are, we always make sure to have dinner together.

  78. YES I am such a believer in the family meal! I have good memories of my own, and plan to keep it going someday for my own future family! For all the reasons you mention above šŸ™‚ So important.

  80. Yes! I totally agree. Even when I’m home visiting my parents, we still sit down for a family meal – so happy they instilled that habit in me. If I’m eating alone, I still sit down at a table and focus on eating mindfully (rather than in front of the TV).

  81. I’ve always been pro-family dinner but for whatever reason (my eldest started 6th grade?) it’s become the most important time of our day and I’ll do whatever it takes to get us all sitting down at the same time. I don’t love cooking but I do love cooking for family. My fave part is where the kids tell us their “rose” and “thorn” for their day. P.S. Love the pics! You guys are adorable!!

  82. I grew up with the family dinner too and I think it’s really important (even if I hated it as a kid/teen). I plan on doing that with the future kiddos. Unplug the tv and phone, and just be together.

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