If we had coffee…

by

sweet morning liquid-of-life

sweet morning liquid-of-life

A little while ago I stumbled upon this blog post.

It resonated with me because it’s precisely how blog reading feels/is to me. I read blogs in the morning with my coffee *before* the zaniness of my day begins.

I also liked the concept because my favorite blogs to *read* are written in that manner.

As if we were just two friends getting together and chatting over coffee.

Ive got lots rolling around in my cranium today and really–if I could–I might not blog at all.

Id just invite you over for a cup.

Id share Im feeling sad & make you listen to a story.

Id tell you how, when I was a trainer, I had a multimillionaire client who led a fear based life. He was terribly frugal because he feared he’d never have an idea as great as his first. He worried if he lost his wealth he’d never re-create it. Im not that man. When people appropriate my ideas I think AWESOME. MUST HAVE BEEN A GOOD ONE! I HAVE MORE! but then Id reveal how seeing “friends” appropriate my ideas has made me sad.

(pls. giggle at my Phil Spector specs)

Phil Spector specs.

Then Id grow excited and share how I saw something which increased my faith in humanity & resilience.

Id tell you I was feeling the sad of the above when I saw a woman walking her dog. More aptly put she was helping her dog to walk.

djfkjd

Meet Barkly!

I asked if she’d share the dog’s story & she told me this: Barkly has a disease like Multiple Sclerosis and about six months to live. Right now he’s pain-free so we walk daily. I was amazed by the dog’s joy (I was repeatedly face-licked) & resiliency (the cart was new) *and* by his human’s capacity for kindness. The interaction made me grateful Id slowed, stopped and asked.

Id sit for a moment, absentmindedly twirl my hair and shout: OH! I forgot to tell you…

Recently Id noticed the Tornado’s hair looked nice yet different. I complimented her (to my delight she said THANK YOU!) and asked: Did you cut some bangs?! True to age seven she initially denied the hair cutting. True to being a misfit-mama I laughed & told her Id been 7 once, it was fine, & next time Id happily bring her to a salon. Id tell you about our mother/daughter group at school & how it’s a reminder things are *so* different now than when I was 7 and yet simultaneously entirely the same.

jh

when I was young I did this too!

 

Id ask how things were with your family & Id share how the longer Im married the more Im realizing it’s just like fitness.

Id talk about weight-loss maintenance & say how, for me, it’s just recommitting to healthy living each morning no matter how the prior day went.  I say Ive realized marriage is the same.  Id yammer about how no one talks candidly about the time and work required *daily* to maintain a healthy union.  How (like weight-loss maintaining) marriage maintenance isnt “sexy” so few people are honest about the effort required.   Id mumble about blogging this, but trail off  knowing Id likely not.

Sadly, at this point our cups would be empty and life would beg to intrude on our time.

We’d separate promising it wouldnt be as long between our coffee talks—yet both of us knowing, as promises were made, it probably would be.

  •  If we could have a slice of silence, coffee and over-share today—what would you tell me?

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. I can see where you are going with this and have a pretty good idea of what’s troubling you because I’ve been there too. I’d mention how frustated my current path. However, if there were something troubling my friend I would make another coffee “date” really soon.

  3. I would tell you every morning I am drinking a cup of coffe while reading this. I love the insight you put into everything and I would tell you that like you everyday I re commit my self to a healthy life style but to not go overboard. It is all about having fun. I love the stories about Tornado! What an amazing young lady.

  4. That I’m feeling like to much to do and so little time, but looking forward to watching my step daughter play soccer after work 🙂 More coffee, please?

  5. I’d tell you I’d much rather be sipping coffee than this warm lemon water I’m using for the whole alkaline body purpose.
    My 8 year old hasn’t snipped any of her hair but her Barbies are a whole different story.

  6. another post proving what an awesome momma and lady you are! i know that’s not what you’re looking for, but seriously every post you write amazes me. i love your honesty, i love how true to you you are, and i strive to be like that in my daily life along with my blog. 🙂 thanks for being an inspiration! i’d tell you that today is our three year anniversary, and you’re right: relationships are hard. they take work and maintenance and some not so sexy stuff. i’d also tell you that they’re worth it and i love my hubby so much! 🙂

  7. In my life, I tend to “do” and not analyze, and so I don’t really have a philosophy about marriage or how we’ve managed to happily celebrate 25 years (30 since we were together). We had our rough patches, but it was always a matter of getting through, not looking for an exit. I truly feel like my husband is my rock — or more aptly the pillow I lay my head on when I collapse at the end of the day.

  8. i’d tell you i’ve been 7 and cut my bangs too and i’ve hairsprayed them up. Oh my. I’d tell you marriage is hard and draining and worth every DROP you invest in it, but you have to invest. Yes, best investment ever. I’d tell you i wish i could yammer with you in real life or at town lake and how i appreciate your honesty. then i’d tell you we need to meet at 5am more.

  13. I’d tell you Emmalyne’s new favorite phrase is “show me”. We tell her that when she is having a hard time articulating what she needs. Now, when she wants something, she grabs our hands and says “show me” and leads the way.

  14. I’d laugh and tell you that not only did I cut my hair when I was younger, but I chopped my eyelashes off too! I was so tired of strangers complimenting me on how long they were (as a 10 year old it was totally embarrassing) so I thought I’d fix the situation permanently 🙂 Whoops.

  15. First, I would reach to give you the biggest hug, and accidentally spill my coffee all over myself. With my large brown stain on the front of my shirt, like a neon sign, I would say Oh Well, worth it! and sip on ice water, hoping another spill will wash the first one away.

    I would tell you I enjoy the sharing of Tornado, as it reminds me I am on the right path with the 11 yr old princess even though I am in the twilight zone of middle school and it is SO different this time around.

    I will tell you I feel quite lost these days, just trying to keep my head above the water of fear with every day life of $$, my current health issues, no health insurance, and all my kids futures….I would tell you my fabulous idea for a non profit i have dreamed of having and HOPE that you would steal my idea…as YOU could probably put new life into it.

    and I would tell you how hurt and disappointed I felt when someone close stole an idea from me, to the point of getting an intellectual property for said idea. The sadness is that they could have just asked and I would freely have given it to them…..as a friend…

    But most of all, I would *listen* to you and your everyday things that no amount of writing could share…the smile, the hug, the caring in your eyes. and I would leave you with the same xoxo

    • I had this conversation TWICE last week and again just yesterday!! Get to know me, yes I will share with you! ASK me as a friend, yes I will share with you.

      (sorry this happened)

  17. I’d tell you how I am struggling to find time in the day to do it all. That I wish I could just snap my fingers and everything would be taken care of. Then I’d have to leave so I could actually go take care of everything.

  18. I’d tell you how much I miss you and our gab fests. I’d tell you about how crappy I feel being sick right now and how I’m really digging deep to push through for my competition in 18 days. I’d tell you how much I love your istagrams of E, what a great mama I think you are, and that I bet if we lived closer E & A would be besties 🙂 I’d tell you that as of 10/31 my longstanding jobby gig will be over and am in reinvention mode yet again. I’d tell you how awesome an artist A is and show you her anime drawings. I’d tell you how I sometimes feel lonely and wish I had a core lady posse to connect with regularly (even if online). I’d tell you that my first treat post-comp will be some maple bacon granola I ordered. I’d tell you that I’m so grateful to know you and call you friend. 😉

  19. And now I have a warm feeling I shall carry with me all day. Thanks for the coffee and the sharing.

    And I’m dying to know who thinks they can copy you.

  20. First they cut their bangs, then it’s a slippery slope to wearing a foam finger, lol!

    We’d be laughing or crying over that cup, Carla!

  21. I drink coffee with you every morning – that’s my blog reading time too. I wish it were longer, but when the cup is gone, it’s time to get my little behind moving.

    One time – the first time a friend and I left our 4 kids with a babysitter and went to dinner and a movie – the 2 older kids (4 years old), cut my son’s hair (he was 2). It’s hilarious now. They all justified it by saying that he said it was ok. And, 4 year olds don’t just trim. He looked awful. (we all laughed in the other room).

    • And I forgot to say that I totally agree with you about marriage. I have to remind myself to put as much effort into my marriage as I do into my kids. We deserve that.

      And that dog – love him. I want to kiss him and snuggle him.

  22. O love these posts Carla – love!!! That dog is amazing by the way!

    I know I have shared with you the trials & tribulations of my marriage thru the years – how hard it was at times, how it almost ended, how we had to fight to make it work – yes, it is like health & fitness – commit to making it work…. & keeping looking for what works for that time.

    As for what I would tell you today – I am scared & I would go from there…

  23. I’d tell you that 7-yr old hair cutting must be a rite of passage. My daughter “fell into” her scissors while working on a project. I’d agree that yes, marriage is LOTS of hard work and that communication truly is key, as cliche as it is. And I’d admit that overnight, my son seems to have become a teenager and that I don’t think I’m going to enjoy these years as much as those leading up to them!

  24. I’d tell you how I feel extremely blessed…how I feel that life is finally showing me some direction and making some kind of sense. How good that feels can be described, but yet I feel words don’t do it justice.

    I do my best each day to smile and not let fear sneak it’s way into my daily routine. That sneaky fear, it brings nothing but sadness and I don’t want to be sad. I want to continue to be happy and enjoy life.

  25. I’d tell you how much I love your inspiration, your honesty, your realness. I’d tell you how you just reminded my of how much my blind dog can inspire me too with his resilience. When we go to the dog park, everyone is amazed at his spirit. He’s not afraid, he takes off as if he can see. No fears holding him back. I want to be that way.

  26. I’m never the pro at advise on these fronts as I’m a newbie and in the ‘lets argue about everything’ phase but I have to remind myself that I did take vows to invest in this man and we will work it out – perfection isn’t the goal, just compromise

  28. Thanks for keeping it real! You’re so right about marriage requiring a lot of work. I’d probably talk about how wiped out I’ve been lately, and how I’m looking for ways to create space in my life and cut out the extras.

  29. I would tell you that becoming a business owner has been a huge struggle for me and therefore put strain on our marriage – nothing that can’t be repaired just requiring that extra work right now!!!
    I would probably cry at some point during our coffee chat because lately I tend to do that – weird since I used to never cry!!!

  30. hahaha oh tornado! LOVE!!
    I had bangs as a kid my Mom always cut my hair in the kitchen, but it was NEVER straight. I used to be so embarrassed! So I would spend hours locked in the bathroom trying to fix it. I to this day leave the hair cutting to the professionals!

  31. First I’d yammer too long about how excited I was to be with you in analog instead of in digital 😉

    I’d ramble for a bit about how frustrated I am to have come up with amazing services and classes with no people in them.

    I’d share my sheer excitement that our boy is potty-trained and isn’t quite two. And share probably one too many cute anecdotes.

    I’d mention that I’m in a general stuff purge and how good every trip to Goodwill feels.

    I’d share my gratitude in finding a healthy lifestyle and despite it getting more extreme, still feeling balanced.

    And then I’d sheepishly realize that I hadn’t let you talk :/

  33. I’m slogging through my giant mug with you right now, cruising Craigslist and whatnot and SMDH over all the awesome unpaid writing “internships.”

    Oh, you know what we’d be talking about.

  34. The story about the lady with the dog warms my heart and the story with the little girl that cut her bangs definitely hit home for me. My sister used to cut her own bangs ALL the time when we were growing up. This was always funny since they never turned out good and mom was always in a panic. It quickly became not as funny when she cut my hair. As her little brother, she found a way to talk me into it. That was the first and last time I let her do that!

  35. I’d share that I’m feeling under the weather today. That I still fit a walk in with my rescued pup this morning. That seeing Barkley made me very thankful that my family (human and not) are healthy. That I’m trying to make ti through with a smile on my face and your mention of self-given haircuts helped. And that I did a post similar to yours this morning because it was easier than trying to be smart, witty, and upbeat when I just wanted to crawl back in bed.

  36. I’d tell you that I’m all about the refresh lately. How I’m decluttering. My insides and out.

    I’d also tell you that when I was younger, my Dad cut my bangs once. They were all cruckid (sp?!). I’d also tell you how I always ask my Dad to blow dry my hair because I’d not know how. He was really good at it. It was perfect as opposed to my wild hair I refuse to brush more than once a day now. (If even lol)- Funny enough, I told this story to SuperFit last week.

  37. I love these posts! Maybe I should do something similar. And I would tell you that I love the dog story although it is a sad one and that I too cut my bangs myself about that age. lol

  38. I think these are my favorite posts of yours. I just feel like we’re sitting and chatting. I love that metaphor for marriage. It is. Daily recommitment that does take work. Love that you talk about these things. And the example you set for us mommas with younger kiddos. When M hits 7 and no doubt takes some scissors to her hair I just need to follow your lead.

  39. I totally cut my own bangs….like three days ago!!! I’d tell you that I’m in a place where I don’t feel like I’m doing anything well…how I question my job choice even though it is what I’ve wanted to do my whole life…schools are becoming factories. I would tell you that I would love to skip this time of struggle but I’m sure you would aptly point out some amazing lesson I’m am learning!

  40. I’d tell you how much I love these posts. I’d tell you that the dog tugged very hard at my heartstrings. I’d tell you my bangs need cutting but wouldn’t ask you to set up an appointment for me at the Tornado Salon. Marriage really is a lot of work and commitment, and so are some friendships. Some are worth the work, and others…not so much. I’d give you a big hug before we parted too, and be very happy WE are friends!!! Take care Carla!

  41. I’d tell you marriage is really hard, and everyone talks about the perfect love they have and no one talks about the real problems that can arise and how to deal with them. BUT, what I’ve learned – about life, marriage included, is that no good thing was received easily.

  43. I would probably go on talking about some natural, non-pharma stuff that I’m using, or complain about government conspiracies. And in that moment, if you passed me a plate with a large slice of pie, I would gladly offer you a tidbit of silence while I chewed.

    Really love this post, Miz. Could be my all time favorite of those that you’ve written.

  44. I’d tell you that…I focus too much on age and getting older. That I know 32 is not old but I can’t believe I’m this old and don’t have children to think or speak of (and know it’s going to be a difficult process getting one) and still *feeeel so young. But you once wrote a post on “old is the new fat” and I should probably go back and re read it.

  45. Me being me, I’d first ask if I had accidentally stolen something of yours and if I had, I’d assure you it was unintentional, because I’ve had it happen to me too. By friends.

    And then I’d likely show you counter top samples and ask you to help me make a decision.

  46. I’d tell you that you’ve been an inspiration to me for many years now even though we’ve never met. Since we now live pretty close to each other, maybe we should change that some day! 🙂

  47. Oh I would love to have coffee with you! I would tell you that I too cut my bangs around the age of 7. Mind you I have curly hair… EPIC fail! lol. I had a small chia pet on my head for a few months. I would also tell you that my marriage is super hard… but I’m up for the challenge! I am married to an amazing man, and I’ll fight for that!

  48. I love these posts and I DO want to have coffee! NYC or SF/Oakland is fine with me. I’m flexible 🙂

    I’d tell you that I’m feeling content and excited at the moment. I definitely don’t have things figured out but I feel optimistic about the direction I’m headed in. The thought of teaching yoga still scares me (and I do wonder if I am/will be good at it) but I love the process of it all. I’d also tell you that I can’t believe how big my boys are getting and that I have cut my own bangs way too many times!

  49. If we were having coffee I’d tell you how sad I am about my mom. I’d tell you about the hospice people who help take care of her and what characters they all are. I’d tell you how great it feels knowing you are there listening. I’d tell you how much you will love when Tornado is 16. I’d tell you how nervous I am about my daughter driving, but how wonderful and sweet she is. I’d call our friends Roni and Sue on google hangout so we could all have coffee together.

  50. First I’d tell you that I totally agree about marriage & a healthy lifestyle being equally high maintenance (and both totally worthy of the time spent to care for them).

    Then I’d lean closer so that no one else could hear and whisper that my life is so perfect for me right now that it honestly scares me. (Not “perfect” but perfect for me.) What scares me is that surely it can’t be this easy to be happy every day and there must be something lurking that I can’t see. I’d be sure to mention, though, that I’m finally allowing myself to bask in the happy anyway, instead of just worrying about how long it will last.

    When ARE we having coffee??? 🙂

  51. First I’d ask if you have a measuring spoon for my creamer because I always end up putting too much in when I just pour.

    Then I’d tell you about how I’ve got so many things I want to do, from the epic to the mundane, but I can’t seem to bring myself to do them.

    Then I’d elaborate on how I can’t decide if that means they are not a priority to me or if fear is holding me back, because honestly I can’t tell at this point.

    Next I’d give you an update on my family and then we’d spend the rest of our time talking about how life’s biggest curve balls can make you realize how amazing life is.

  52. Oh if only there were a bitchslap app your loyal peeps could use on the copycats.

    and you know we would just snark over coffee! xo

  55. First I’d confess to you the talk I had to have with myself about 10 years ago – the one where I had to decide that if I was committed to my marriage then I needed to act like it and stop plotting an “escape” every time we had a fight. (Spoiler alert – We’re still together, and happy to be)

    Then I’d tell you that I although I never cut my own bangs, I did once shave a swath across my hairy 9 year old leg with my older sister’s razor. Just one 6 inch strip, that’s all. It was an interesting look, to say the least. 🙂

    Lastly, I’d give you a hug (I’ve been told I give the best hugs EVER) and I’d say “I feel your pain, Sister” because sometimes you just need someone to be on your side, no matter what the issue is.

    xoxo

  56. I would say, i’m doing fine. Not great not terrible. You ever get to that point in your life where you just think damn what happened to the last 5 years. I’ve either accomplished so much or not what I really wanted to. We’d have a good chat about the wonderful members we have and sharing the joy of seeing people accomplish what they started.

  57. Lady, I’d love to hang and have coffee (decaf of course!:P) with you. I want to pick your brain about maintaining fitness throughout illness. I have recently been diagnosed with something that will change how I workout and live for some time and I’d love to be able to get advice on how to exercise healthily throughout the chemo and treatment I soon start for my breast cancer. I am in the best shape of my life now going into things and I know this is a very good thing…and I want to maintain my health while I kick this and get back to my awesome life. 🙂

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