The self-fulfilling prophecy.

by

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Lately Ive been a nostalgic Mama.

Less than pining for times gone by (windshield not review mirror!) Ive more been watching the (no longer much of a) Tornado, considering who she was and marveling at who she’s growing to be.

As  much as she’s changed—nine next month. when did that happen?!–in so many ways she’s stayed exactly the same.

I recall when she was young watching her on the playground always the first to rush over when someone fell and was hurt.

I remember when she was little how she’d notice the child who seemed sad or left out and be certain to include her in games.

Sure she was silly, quirky and, at times EXHAUSTING, but her caring-heart always overshadowed those traits.

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kindergarten. my calf-sleeves = fashionable arm warmers.

I observed her through preschool and watched as nothing really changed.

I wondered if Kindergarten and being surrounded by peers would lessen her kind heart?

I watched her transition.

Nothing seemed to shift yet I also I wasn’t privy to hours of her day.

I really no longer had a complete sense of how she behaved when I wasn’t around.

And then Kindergarten ended.

Her fantastic teacher spent hours selecting a word which embodied each child, painting the word on a stone for the child to keep, and had a special ceremony to present the rocks.

I still remember how the Tornado’s face lit up when the teacher read her word out loud.

I still recall the pride on the Tornado’s face and the confidence in her kinder-walk as she strode to the front of the room to receive her stone.

nurturing

I watched as pretty much immediately she made the word her own.

“What?!” she say when she’d catch me staring as she doted upon her younger cousin. “I’m nurturing!”

“Are you sure you’re having fun?” I’d ask when at block parties and holiday events she’d hang back with the younger kids and help.  “Of course I am! I’m nurturing!”

 rsz_533330_10151170470899466_2078321016_nnurturing her cousin when she was in the hospital.

 Years down the road things are virtually the same.

“How are you, Mama? She routinely asks on our walk home from school. “How can I help you? What do you need?”

This line of questioning used to make me uncomfortable.

I felt guilty.

I worried she felt as though she needed to take care of me.

As though I appeared unable to take care of myself.

“I’m FINE!” I’d respond.  “You don’t need to worry about me!”

“Yes I do,” she’d say.  “I’m nurturing you.”

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It’s been a hard year so far.

I watched. I listened.  I paid attention when she’d talk about spending recess hanging out in the office.

“Do you feel as though you have friends at school?” I gently asked one afternoon.

Her face crinkled into an expression of Why the heck would you even ask me that?!

“It just seems you spend recess in the office.  I wanted to be sure you weren’t feeling left out or lonely.”

“Just lunch-recess,” she responded her face still crinkled.  “I help Miss. Theresa with the kids who don’t feel well.  I nurture them.”

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On Friday she pulled the commendation pictured above from her backpack and presented it to me.

“This is amazing,” I said to her.  “Do you even know what compassion means?”

“Yes,” she said without a moment of hesitation. “It means I’m nurturing.”

“Yes. That’s exactly what it means.  And I’m proud of you and who you’ve grown to be.”

A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that directly or indirectly causes itself to become true.

I’ll never know if she’d have grown to be the same nurturing child had her teacher not bestowed the word upon her and, really, it doesn’t matter.

When given the gift of the word & stone she assimilated it into how she saw herself and it became a positive self-fulfilling prophecy.

Each time I think about this I’m also reminded of this quote:

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  • The way we talk to others can become their inner voice.
  • The way we talk to ourselves can be come our inner voice.

Words are powerful and if you’re like I am you believe they can alter the course of a life.

I’m watching it happen.

Right now.

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Comments

  2. I don’t think you could ask for much more from your child than a compassionate, nurturing personality. Well done! (and it will be interesting to see her career choice from this!)

  5. You have one amazing kiddo and you must be so very proud. On that note, it’s been a particularly challenging week with Emmie who is officially a threenager and the quote about how we talk to our children resonates with me and reminds me that I am shaping this little person into who she will become so thank you for that!

  9. I love this! Our oldest is nine and it is amazing the power of words and how he embodies them. Our youngest does the same, but right now he is enjoying figuring out what words to not define him 🙂

  18. Aw she’s turning into a little Carla but in her own right. She’s turning into a little person and I’m sure that’s so amazing to watch!

  19. Your daughter sounds like the type of little girl I would have wanted to have as a friend when I was little. I definitely believe that how people treat you affects your inner voice. I also believe that she gets her nurturing and compassionate personality from her mama! 🙂

  23. Lovely and so interesting, too.

    Self-fulfilling.. I have wondered that about my own life… I was told by a tea leaf reader when I was in my 20s that WATER would play a huge roll in my life… then many years later I bought a sailboat and we lived on her for 12 years and I still live a stone’s throw from the sea.

    I was a landlocked never-swam girl before that!

    Did I make that prophecy come true?

  24. Wow. It’s so cool to think of how many people she’s already touched, and how much better she’s made the world at such a young age. And she’s got a lifetime ahead of her! Kind souls like her can change the world.

  26. oh my gosh, seriously, she is one amazing child. To know what compassion and nurturing is at that age.. that’s truly a gift (which she must have learned from her mama!)

  28. Very cool. Kids emulate what they see and yes they are listening.
    My daughter is currently working with troubled youth and women with dementia. When I asked her why she was going into this field she told me that she remembered me working with all the special needs kids at school. The apple doesn’t fall far.

  30. Carla, this is an incredible post. We do own to the words we’re given in praise, which is incredible to watch her own them. She is wise in many ways and it seems is teaching you about words as much as you are teaching her. So lucky you have each other. Rockstar loving Mama you!

  32. You have raised an amazing little girl. In a world that’s filled with so much negativity and lack of compassion it’s FANATASTIC to see how nurturing she is… Xoxo

  33. The Tornado/Nurturer is such an amazing young lady already!!!
    I love that she asks how you a re and if you need anything and is willing to help in the office instead of going out to recess!!!

  34. Oh my gosh, the tornado may just be the worlds greatest little girl. WOW! What a beautiful person she is ALREADY! You are so right, and you have brought her up to be so loving, it is wonderful. I hope I can do the same with my children someday!

  36. I just love the young lady your Tornado has grown into, as someone else said she really is beautiful inside and out. I cross-stitched a Sampler a hundred years ago for my mom and dad that reads, “Parents who feel lucky in their children, usually have children lucky in their parents.” Ain’t that the truth?!

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