Im no ringmaster.

by

This re-post is dedicated to a group of women who, on those days where I feel as though Ive been thrust into the Ringmaster role, rush to remind me it isn’t my circus.

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(this is her monkey)

I know this is a crazy week for many of us USA types.

It seems we are all a bit frantic. 

Some are off on vacation with, hopefully, more time spent frolicking than online.

Others are trolling the aisles at Target clutching school issued lists and snatching up supplies. 

For that very reason I shall keep this brief.

As terse as I can while still sharing the MONKEY MOMENT the Tornado and I had last week.

I love nine year old girls.

Nine year old girls bring the fun, smart, and insightful to all they do.

Nine year old girls (like their 46 year old counterparts) also bring the drama.

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ambling to camp. morning popsicle in tow.

The Child started a new camp last week.

The Child loves the camp.

The Child is seeing how the camp —crammed with swimming, sugar, silliness and sun —exhausts them quickly and can spark conflict over seemingly small stuffs.

Screen shot 2014-06-13 at 4.54.24 AM

For the first few days she returned home from camp with tales of nonsensical spats with other girls.

Disagreements which even she, as she relayed the stories, realized weren’t as catastrophic as they seemed in the overtired, overheated moment.

Screen shot 2014-06-13 at 4.54.24 AM

I knew it was time.

I’d hesitated to share my special six word solution mainly because I was all too aware of the semi-snark, sorta-sarcastic nature behind the words.

I knew it was time.

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I stopped her mid-explanation of yet another scenario where she was sucked into a girl-spat (something about water slides & line cutting) and shared six words.

Six words which shifted my perspective on idiocy & idiotic bickering the very first time I heard them:
rsz_2monkey

At first she laughed.

At first she didn’t get it.

And then I explained.

  • We laughed at the mental image of a circus filled with monkeys.
  • We discussed if it isn’t your monkey and it’s not from your circus—it is DEFINITELY not your problem.
  • We rehearsed ways to employ the phrase in situations where it would not result in hurt feelings.

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(these ARE our monkeys)

I know I’m biased (I think there’s nothing funnier than a 9 year old practicing a Polish proverb), yet there’s one thing I also know to be a truth:

Absolutely nothing conveys the not my problem sentiment better than a nice, firm:

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

And today we bestow that sentiment to you.

Again.

Try it.

The child & I are confident you shall enjoy.

 

 

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Comments

  10. I hadn’t heard that proverb, but I love it and will share it with my daughter, whose 7-year-old is just entering the ‘drama’ stage of life. 🙂

  13. My MawMaw used to tell me something WAY worse, but it worked–not that I’d tell my kids this: “people who want to pull you into their drama just want you to join in so that if it comes back to them they can fingerpoint toward you to spread out or shift the blame. Don’t let them do that. Leave the drama for All My Children when at least it’s at a predictable and enjoyable time for everyone.”

    She also tells me she’s busier than a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest, or a one-armed wallpaper hanger, so….humorous Southern aphorisms FTW?!

  15. Sadly I say this all too often as 47 year old women when I encounter some women– especially at my kids school where I am forced to interact with all kind of circus performers. It’s soothing, isn’t it? It allows you to disconnect and walk away unscathed.

  17. It is crazy how early the drama starts and how early we need to arm our girls with defenses.

  18. I just started seeing that among some of my friends within the last year or so. Liked it the first time I saw it, still do.

    Have to say that one thing I really like about where I am in life here in the late 40’s – really not much drama. It’s SO nice.

    • Yes! It is all that fantastic article from last Sunday’s New York Times about: IM TOO OLD FOR THAT.

  20. I use a similar phrase that my counselor taught me – “not on my plate”. My plate being any of the things in my life that are mine to own or are something over which I have some say/control. If it doesn’t meet those criteria, it’s not allowed on my plate. Which is why my co-worker calls my counseling appointment Tuesdays “dishwashing day” 🙂

  23. I’ve heard this proverb before and thought it was hysterical. But using it in the context of teenagers is brilliant. Must tell my grandaughter about this. Great idea for difusiing these catastrophes.

  25. Love the proverb: So true for so many things especially young girls—and older ones too.

    Is that our kind of Polish? Or Polish/Polish? Because while it has a bit of a bite all the “proverbs” I was taught sorta sting—but in a good way.
    (I don’t mean to be offensive to anybody of any ethnic group–just so good at it.)

  26. Also Polish. Also grew up with the saying. Recited it to myself in the car this morning while thinking of something that doesn’t actually concern me at all.

    (And no, I haven’t yet recited it to my nearly 10- and 8- year old boys. I should soon though. Because hooboy!)

  27. i should have read this before I went to teach class. Because it would have been the perfect saying for the situation i was in. Gosh i love your insight! and 9 year olds are the best!

  28. Oh my gosh, this is one of my favorite sayings. I repeat this at work quite a bit when my department is doing well and chaos is happening elsewhere. Only so many things are under my purview at my position, and I’d rather focus on making THOSE awesome, rather than worrying about everyone else’s “monkeys”. Especially when they are proverbially flinging poo. 🙂

    • and you KNOW my nine year old would LOVE the poo-flinging mental imagine as well. Im sharing 🙂

  30. A few years ago I was talking to the seven year old daughter of a friend. Somehow we got to talking about growing up. I was telling her about how she was so nice and all, and she told me that all changes. I asked her when that happens and she said at ten years old!

  32. Yaksi Masz!

    Wish I could say this about work situations…but sometimes you are forced into catching the monkey from the other circus.

  33. Oh! I-love-it!! Its perfect..and its Polish. What more can we ask for? dzi?kuj? for the smile and the insight. Im repeating this phrase until it wears out…which is never. 🙂 Autumn

  34. Humor is my security blanket…….. I laugh at everything – I fill silence with laughter – I joke about my stomach issues all the time… IT makes me feel better and you have to do whatever works for you, right?

  35. Oh Miz – I’d never heard that saying before (even being married to a half Polish man!) and just about fell off my chair laughing. A great way to teach perspective to a young lady entering her high drama-laden years.

  39. My daughter used to get in the car every day after school with some drama-filled story. Sometimes I let her vent but I always responded with “Don’t get sucked in to other people’s craziness. It never ends well.” She rolled her eyes for many years and then one day she actually said it before I did. I felt like mother of the year 🙂 Thanks for sharing via Women of Midlife!

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