Viewer Mail. The Jillian Michaels as Substitute MizFit edition

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We’ve previously established that I’m a tenacious one & a firm believer that, if you want something, you must speak up and ask for it.

Start down this path however you choose (pray, visualize, pin a photo-shopped picture of you & Jillian holding hands & filming a workout video on your Vision Board), but in the end it’s you who must step up, step out of your comfort zone & go after what you want.

With that mind-numbing digression thought I give you Jillian.

She’s amazing, motivating, awe inspiring, kinda terrifying (in that great & I’ll do whatever you say! way), fabulous & strong.

I dont think it’s a stretch to say she’s the woman most of us aspire to be (and yeah, guys, Im dragging you into the mix here as well).

My favorite part of her guest post?

The fact I received it the day this post ran at MizFit.

While I know she’s not a reader (yet)—–I like to think that we’ve some kind of ‘great minds kindasorta think alike‘ happening.

You know, in an entirely not icky, non-stalker’y way…

Jillian’s Tip for MizFit Readers: Don’t Be Afraid to Say No

While I always say weight loss is about eating less and moving more, sometimes there are other factors that keep the pounds dropping off. Are you one of those people who feels as though she does everything for everyone else, and nothing for herself? You have to face that fear of putting yourself first — otherwise you won’t have enough TIME to concentrate on getting healthy.

The overwhelming fear of saying no and letting other people down consumes so many people. Don’t feel like you have to be super-mom, super-dad, super-friend, or super-employee — in other words, stop being a people-pleaser and say no once in a while. Make time for the gym, make time to eat healthfully, and don’t let other people’s demands overwhelm you. You have weight-loss goals to reach. If you’re exhausted, how are you going to kick butt in the gym? If you’re stressed and prone to emotional eating, how is that calorie overload helping you?

You need to get this into your head: You’re not letting anyone down by taking care of yourself, and you’re not doing anyone any favors by wearing yourself out trying to be a superhero. Now’s the time to STOP worrying and start understanding that you’re only human. Here are some things you can do to help yourself get over the fear of letting people down:

  1. Take a second to think: When someone asks you to do something, stall for some time. Say something like, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” Then you have a chance to evaluate whether the task is something you want to take on. If you’re stressed beyond belief, or if it derails your new healthy-living routine, don’t do it!
  2. Practice saying no: I know it’s easier to think “no” than it is to actually say it. But believe it or not, there are plenty of nice ways to say no – you don’t have to feel like a jerk! If you’ve been busy all week and just want to take Friday night for yourself, then simply explain: “Oh gosh, I’d love to, but I’ve just been going non-stop this week and need some time to breathe.” Practice with a close friend and try out responses to the kinds of requests you think people might make of you. It’s the perfect practice for learning to assert yourself.
  3. Examine your own motivation: Ask yourself what YOU want. If you have the time and don’t feel burned out, then do what you feel good about doing. However, if people constantly keep asking for this and that, you’re only going to start resenting those relationships. Take a hard look at what you’re doing, communicate your needs, and don’t be afraid of letting anyone down.

Start feeling like the rock star you know you can be, and start saying NO!

There you go, Bumbling Band Rock Stars, the word has been handed down from the Buff & Mighty J.

It’s TWO LETTERS and we *cant* be afraid to use it.

How YOU applying her insights to your life starting NOW?

Please to hit us up in the comments.

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Comments

  1. Doing everything is definitely what made me obese. I was doing everything but taking care of myself.
    I’m still doing too much, mainly around the house, but I’ve got plans to get my husband to start helping out much more 🙂

    He’s finding out later.

  2. This is such good advice for the whole of life, but especially so when making sure people don’t use lack of time as an excuse for exercising – your exercise time should be allocated as a priority, not only when you have “done” everything else.

    Jillian and Bob came out for the Australian Biggest Loser series and I fell in love with her then – she’s awesome!

  3. Well, we all know how much of a Jillian fan I am (if we don’t, we probably don’t want to hear about it now!) so I won’t go there. Much. Except to say…Jillian never fails to amaze me. Being a closet milquetoast myself (meaning I talk the talk, but am a wimp when it comes to actually standing up for myself), I am a great admirer of strength in other people, and she’s got that down in every way – but she’s still a very caring and compassionate person.

    Saying “no” has never been my strong point. I don’t know if it’s the way I was raised or just my own fear of being judged, but I just feel so RUDE when I say no. I definitely need to work on ways of doing it without feeling that way. I need to remember that I don’t HAVE to have another “obligation” in order to turn down a request – time for myself should be just as much of an obligation as anything else, right?

    Thanks, Jillian, and thanks, Miz. 🙂

    V.

  4. and yet Im still MIGHTY THANKFUL the Amazing J didnt say no to my request…oh the irony (wait, is that irony this time? Im only half awake :)).

    Im REapplying this to my life starting today by NEVER NEVER answering in the moment.

    (same concept)

    No matter how tempting or NOT something sounds Im REmaking it my policy to say:

    “I need to check my schedule & get back to you.”

    My problem is, at times, the yes slips out BEFORE my brain has a chance to *process* it SHOULD be a no.

    (time, resentment down the road, TIME, putting my family first, TIME).

    M.

  6. There are few fitness advantages to being a lifelong Slacker, but one of those is: I know my limits and I’m very protective of my time. So even though it’s sometimes awkward, I’ve discovered that the “sorry, gosh, I really wish I could but…” approach is essential. And not just in creating workout time, but creating the life you want to lead.

    Great reminder, thanks MizFit and Jillian!

  8. Ok first I would like to say that I just love Jillian! That woman is so inspiring. I would love to have her as a personal trainer.

    I needed this post today! I am always running out of time because I try to do everything and be everything for everyone all the time. I am sick but still have not taken a rest and recoup day because I have too many obligations.

    Maybe my next 21 days should be learning to say NO!

  9. Yep, I have a friend who rarely exercises because she’s always frantically running around from one obligation to another. Truth be told, most of them really aren’t that important. Which leads me to believe that on a subconscious level, this is a feel-good way to justify skipping exercise.

    (By the way, Miz, I’ll be at a family funeral for the next week, and off-line. You all behave yourselves!)

  10. Marianne? what would we do without your makemelaugh comments?

    Jenn? do I see a blogpost about this in yer future?

    oooh. interesting point, D’Mamma. And not one Id thought about (the exercise skipping excuse).

    FOR ME, when I kept myself in a badwhirlwind, it was all about distraction.

    a way to avoid shit chickenbus in my life I didnt wanna deal with.

    NOW it is all the notion of “ooooh that sounds like fun!” and realizing I need to NOT say yes to everything—-fun or not.

    TRAVEL SAFELY.

    M.

  11. Bah, I loved Jillian last week, but the whole salt shaker thing’s kinda turned me cold. Yeah I’m fickle, I’m the public, what do you expect? I’m sure she’s lovely and she does have some good points on motivation. I don’t think it was a smart move to publicise that kind of trick to an adoring fanbase though.

    STILL

    I love the points about saying no. I am getting much better at making time for me these days. However, feeling guilty after the event is another issue. I let people make me feel bad, even if I have a valid reason to say no to them. How do we fix the GUILT? Anybody? Not sure I’ve figured it out….

    TA x

  12. Telling people that you need to check your schedule is very smart advice! Sometimes, ok a lot of the time, I say things without thinking just to fill the silence. Taking a moment to think or just coming right out and saying let me think about it, is OK!

    I think that sometimes it’s OK to do things that you might not really want to do, because sometimes it’s not about us, it’s about what other people need. But having said that, there needs to be balance!

    I think that it’s also about choices, Jillian says that we’ll start resenting the relationship, that has EVERYTHING to do with people (like me) feeling like they HAVE to say yes and not realizing that they do have a choice. It’s not fair to resent other people if you choose to say yes every time they ask you to do something. There is a LOT of fear in saying no. Especially for somebody like me that is a people pleaser! You do feel compelled to say yes, and then you do start resenting the other person. I have to laugh at myself because that doesn’t make any sense at all! I should be resenting myself for not being able to say no!!! 🙂

    So, starting right now, when someone asks me to do something, I’m going to take a moment to think, before I answer. I have to own the decision whether I say yes or no!!

    Just more stuff for me to work on!!! 🙂

    Great post Jillian, Thanks!

    Thanks Mizfit!!

  13. Great advice. I realized a while back that I didn’t need to accompany my “no” with an excuse. A simple, “sorry I can’t” suffices most people. Once I start making up excuses, they always try to help you find solutions so you CAN help them out.
    But today, I said No to the PTA meeting this morning. I still help them, but I don’t need to be at all the meetings.


  14. *crickets chirping*

    Nope. No argument here TA as I ONE HUNDRED PERCENT agree with you.

    And always take what works for me (in any realm) and leave what does/what I don’t agree with BEHIND.

    The guilt?

    Here’s what works for me (see? and what *you* may choose to leave behind :)):

    The image of the airplane pre-takeoff when they admonish us to AFFIX OUR OXYGEN MASKS BEFORE HELPING THOSE AROUND US.

    When I say NO to something this is, in essence, my barometer.

    Will it deter me from being ABLE to afffix my mask *or* will it render me unable to help those around me?

    (The latter being my family. My priority.)

    Just a thought….

    M.

  15. Huge Jillian fan here. HUGE.

    This is a new line that I have successfully been using to graciously say NO and stick to it:

    “That’s a noble cause, but my plate is full.”

    So far, so good! I keep waiting for folks to argue me into saying yes, but they have accepted it as a firm no!

    Hooray!

  16. I love that, Tricia.
    And shall now use (steal?) the NOBLE CAUSE notion.

    (when it applies. I’m thinking I can’t say to my inlaws this morning, with regards to the airport pickup, that it’s a noble cause but my plate is full’)

    And I use the ‘plate full’ thing a great deal, too.

    I’ve found, for me, that people may try to ‘beg to differ’ but they can’t.

    In that it’s MY plate.

    M.

  17. I learned to say no many years ago. I do not feel guilt. I usually tell people guilt requires a conscience and I don’t have one.
    My biggest problem with no is considering other people’s feelings and trying to be kind about it when I turn them down.

  18. I would definitely agree with this. I’m becoming better at saying no, but that darn Catholic guilt just eats at me sometimes. Bottom line, I think we have to make sure WE are healthy and can take care of ourselves, so that we can take care of others. Nobody is a rock star all the time! (Sigh…though I try). 🙂

  19. or, Holly, are we always rock stars.

    Just some days more MC Hammer post-bankrupcy than Sheryl Crow rallying back from cancer.

    M.

  20. First of all, Jillian you are fabulous and you should read the Mizfit every day! Thank you for this post- it was wonderful to read. I agree that you must must put yourself first sometimes in order to stay healthy! But I think there are defintely ways to combo the needs of your spouse, children, etc with your own needs to achieve a healthy lifestyle! Just read this post CLICK HERE.

  21. Fantastic.

    I’ve been a people pleaser (read: doormat) for so many years that I am having such fun now embracing the its-me-time attitude.

    My sister and I are both getting pretty overwhelmed lately and it seems that whenever that happens, people feel inspired to demand even more (the law of stress!). So we’ve been using each other to explain WHY we have to say no, and once we understand that its much easier to explain it to others and no have them get all in a tizzy about it.

  22. That’s cool that she took time out of her way to talk to us. I think she’s great – she can be pretty in your face about stuff (when needed), but also so supportive and helpful to the people she works with. Totally rocks.

    How cool would it be to change people’s lives like she does?? What a fabulous job to give people the tools to live differently. (you must like it too, right?)

    Anyhoo…I think I’ve got this one down ok – except what happens when the person you need to say no to is yourself? It’s not that others are creating this for me, it’s that I’m doing it to myself. I create more work (and volunteering for things when no one was directly asking me…just the collective) and run myself rampid. How do you role play that one? 🙂


  23. Erica? I made yer link pretty 🙂

    and, Sagan, I think I know why (as Ive kindasorta fallen almost prey to that just READING your blog):

    you make it all look so easy.

    so people keep asking.

    it’s a gift and a curse!

    M.

  24. Since you’re dragging me into the mix here Mizfit — sure, Jillian is the “woman” I aspire to be — she is awesome!! If I were to aspire to be a woman….No. Nothing against your gender MizFit (and Jillian) – I’m actually quite fond of you all. So…I continue to be a man…striving for a rock-hard body like Jillian has…

    The “no” stuff — great advice. “Yes” is the word that leads us down the path of extra stress, over-committed life, etc. Too many yes’s mean we are unable to say “yes” to the things that are important in our life…

  25. Such an excellent point, and at a great time for me! Thanks, Jillian!

    So many women, and I’m sure men too, are raised to be people-pleasers. Saying yes when asked for help/company/whatever is so ingrained in our behaviors that changing and saying NO for a change can be a real challenge! I am slowly learning to put my self and my own happiness and health first, and be accommodating later. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.

  28. DBJ? Were you my client here’s what I’d tell you:

    Before you say yes PAUSE and ask yourself if the ‘thing’ in question matches up with or WILL FURTHER your personal mission statement.

    IMO therein lies yer answer.

    And is there a chance you’re like I was? RunningRunningRunning as distraction?

    M.

  29. Ooh, that the Bag Lady could learn to say no. But the friggin’ cows, horses, dog and cats don’t give a rat’s ass about my “schedule” (and neither, truth be told, does the Cow Whisperer!)

    Tokaiangel – what shaker incident??? (I live under a rock…)

  30. I can’t remember the exact quote……

    “I cannot give you a formula for success, but I can give you
    the formula for failure – which is: try to please everybody.”

    It took me (and still at times) 20 plus years to overcome my pleasing everyone addiction.

    Marc

  31. This was fabulous, thanks Jillian!

    It has taken me way too many years to finally figure this out, and I still constantly have to remind myself that it is OKAY to take the ‘me time’. Over the years I have ‘dieted’, learned how to eat less, eat right etc. Pounds come off – that’s great. But guess what? They ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS come back! Why? Because I never took (demanded) the time to build exercise into my life. It was easy enough to learn to eat and not as ‘time consuming’ – after all, I eat WITH my family. But attempting to take that hour a few times a week for ‘just me’ always led to eventual guilt, and ultimately putting everyone else first.

    I have only been on my fitness journey for 12 weeks now, and I still get that little guilt twinge, or someone in the household gets a little, er, ‘I-need-you-for-THIS-first’…but I always stick to my guns, and say ‘wait’ or ‘no’. And guess what? The Fam is slowly catching on, understanding and respecting the importance of what I’m doing – and I’m very happy about that!

    By the way? LOVED Biggest Loser last night when Jillian wanted to make that guy (name escapes me at the moment) PUKE. My daughter and I were cracking up. Damned if he didn’t puke too – just like Jillian said he would ! Love it!

  32. Such great advice. Saying NO is something I am getting better at, but I still need some work on it. I still seem to be shocked whenever people tell me I am doing too much and I should slow down because I sometimes feel like I’m not doing enough. I am DEFINATELY a people pleaser, typical middle chilc syndrome, but I also truly value myself and my time alone. And finding a balance seems to be the one really difficult thing for me in my life. Thanks for the great guest post. Jillian is my favorite hard body!!

  33. “No” is one of the first words children learn after dad and mom! Guess it’s too easy to forget using it! Of course, with the toddler tornado, hasn’t happened yet
    🙂

  34. It’s all about the “no’s” – Jillian says you must say NO. MizFit says don’t take NO for an answer. And I kNOw they are both right. 🙂

  35. As a recovering “doormat”, I have been much better at saying “no” then I used to be. I do use the “have to check my schedule” if the person is persistent, but usually a simple “no, I am sorry I cannot” is sufficient. Can’t stand it when someone says yes just to be nice at the time, then backs out on the promise. grrr.

  36. Jillian makes a great point! You can’t let other people’s priorities overwhelm your own. And I like how she actually gives steps about how to accomplish that rather than just telling us to do it.

  37. yep, Dr.J
    We’ve glossed over NO and gone straightinto:

    I. Wanna. Do. It. All. By. My. Self!!

    M.

  39. What a great message and a great discussion. It’s funny, as my girlfriends and I become busier in our lives, we’re all trying to say no more, and sometimes that is to one another. What’s nice though, is that they all get it. So saying no isn’t hard anymore!

    BUT, when you come to my male friends, they don’t get it AT ALL. lol.

    p.s. I’ve always loved Jillian on BL, but this season I’m particularly fond of her. She just gets it when it comes to women and weight loss.

    p.s.s. Thanks to Erica and MizFit for the link love. 🙂

  40. I was always iffy about Jillian (her strong emphasis on looking good always turned me off a bit), and after the salt shaker thing, I’ve got to say that I’m not a fan. (does that count as saying “No”?)

  41. after the salt shaker thing, I’ve got to say that I’m not a fan. (does that count as saying “No”?)

    and there’s nothing wrong with that.
    Like any public person (from Oprah to Hungry Girl) not everyone is a fan and, as I yammered in comment 14, I entirely agree.

    IMO it was an irresponsible suggestion even though I do “get” what she was going for….

    M.

  42. Great post – I can never be reminded too many times that it is OK to say “no” and the importance of making self-care as much of a priority as taking care of others and 100 million little to dos…. thank you!

  43. LOVE Jillian (even though shes a little scary sometimes) and LOVE her post!

    I have just recently started saying NO and it feels GREAT to be doing for ME ME ME! Sorry if that sounds selfish..but ya know what..for 36 years its always been about everyone else..but now its MY turn and I feel great!

    You rock Jillian!! (and you too MizFit 😉 )

  44. LOVE on the MC Hammer/Sheryl Crow analogy! (or is it metaphor? Should have paid attention in English…). Today I’m feelin’ Britney Spears…you know, making a huge come back when everyone thought you were down for the count? (Not really, but it sounds good). 🙂

  45. Okay, here’s the funny thing: I’ve gotten quite good at saying “no,” but I surround myself with people who won’t take no for an answer. So I am working more on the Mizfit part of this equation than the Jillian part, and I been working hard on presenting my requests, at work and at home, as non-negotiable. IN FACT, I’ve realized that the more of these won’t-take-no-for-an-answer requests I make, the less I have to say no, which is nice, because I was becoming known as the-person-who-always-says-no.

    But now that I can demand– er, request– help at work and at home a little more, I have more time to say “yes” to some of the other things. As I said though, I’m still working on the “don’t take no for an answer” thing and have hardly gotten it 100% figured out…more like 15%, which was a big improvement for me!


  46. Holly? your britbrit remark totally made me think of this song:

    (which is, sadly, entirely thumbtyped from memory as Miz HEARTETH the LL.)

    Dont call it a comeback
    I been here for years.
    Rockin’ my peers and puttin’ suckas in fear
    Makin’ the tears rain down like a monsoon
    Listen to the bass go boomboom.

    M.

  47. This is great advice. My problem isn’t saying “No”, most of the time. As you alluded to earlier, my problem is trying to do it all by myself.

    And, I have to admit that I’ve used this as an excuse to myself for getting out of exercise. I know, and I have lived it, that I can make the time for the things that I find important if I really want to.

  48. No.No.No. Ahh! Feels nice! I’m a pretty assertive person however when it comes to saying no, I feel like I’m letting people down. Even when I do say no, people can easily persuade me with a simple ” Oh, come on”.

    Love Jillian, although I wouldn’t want to cross her in a dark alley at night. She intimidates me. She’d so bust out a can of woop a$$.

  50. Oh i so need to start doing this! Even my friends keep telling me “say no” it o.k. to do that 🙂 I just have to start listening to them.
    It’s just that when people, anyone, asks me to do something or for something i’ve always thought if there’s any possible way i can i will!
    Guess i need to get over that??

  51. i’ve always thought if there’s any possible way i can i will!
    Guess i need to get over that??

    Suzanne? NOT get over I dont think….but perhaps stop and realize you have the answer inside of you.

    for example:

    yesterday a woman asked me to be her personal trainer. I said no. I no longer do one on one training. period.
    She shared her COMPELLING story.
    I felt my resolve weaken. tremendously.

    I asked myself, not in so many words but close, IS THERE A POSSIBLE WAY I CAN MAKE THIS HAPPEN?

    the answer? not unless I quit something or let it infringe on my relationships to some degree.

    I said no.

    (but yes. I did take her name/number ‘just in case’ something quitME and I had time 😉 Im not that strong…)

    M.

  52. I love the “let me check and get back to you”. It’s like when a long winded person calls me. The first thing I say is, *I have 10 minutes. Gimme the short form!*

    LOVE Jillian!! thnx Mzfit!

  54. Jillian wants us to say no . . . to everyone but her, that is :b.

    Do you think Jillian has time to read blogs? Let’s collectively VISUALIZE her having a free moment and clicking on MizFit’s blog :). Or maybe collectively visualize one of her clients keeling over to make that free time happen? Heh.

  55. I’ve been MIA for a minute (midterms…’nuff said) and I’m glad I came back for this post. Jillian is a role model for me; I hope to be half the trainer she is! Anyway, I learned the magic of saying “no” and not feeling bad about it. I think that’s a problem women have because we feel we need to please everyone and do everything. Well, not me! Thanks for this great post 🙂

  56. i need to be better about saying “yes,” actually, when it comes to certain things. Like when my husband asks if I’d mind making him a PB and J, seeing as how I’m already in the kitchen and the PB is open. Sometimes I think, “I cook for no one!” and just whine, “I don’t feel like iiiiiiiitttttt.” But he would do it for me in a heartbeat. If I asked, I’d have the world’s largest jar of PB in my lap in 2.2 seconds. So I need to be a little less selfish there. Everywhere else in my life, saying NO is not a problem. Watch me: NO.

  57. My trip up…and thanks to YOU ALL Ive spent all morning pondering…is the backdrop of DO UNTO OTHERS.

    I try to live my life through that simple phrase BUT it gets me into trouble more often than not…as I think “but Id so love for some one to make *me* a PB & J”

    and I end up p b& j’ing for the masses.

    (thanks WG for that parallel)

    and liz?

    —————-
    Let’s collectively VISUALIZE her having a free moment and clicking on MizFit’s blog
    —————-

    Id love it. visualize or email her. either way 🙂

    (swiftly moves thumbs over to her email acct…)

    M.

  58. Huge Jillian fan here! I listen to her podcasts while I workout and have all her videos except 30 Day Shred. She can rip me a new one anytime and I’d probably ask her to do it again even if I could no longer move without pain 🙂

    I’m horrible about saying NO. My family gave me too much guilt for it in the past and said I was too selfish. But, I have to start using it again–to the fiance begging for attention when he can clearly see I’m about to hit the gym, to the friends who want to go to the restaurant with zero good food choices, etc.!

    Thanks MizFit for not taking No for an answer here!

  61. One of the women I occasionally work with suggested that I take over (completely) a tech/social club we’ve been working on. Develop it; grow it.

    I am taking time to evaluate my passion and understanding for the process before I promise to do so. This could be a BIG yes or disaster.

  62. The inability to say “no” has been a major roadblock in my past, and now, in retrospect, it really seems like an excuse.

    Once I started saying “no” to others and “yes” to me, I made the time to exercise, shopped for healthier foods, and developed an all together better lifestyle.

    The sad thing is I’d been telling people for years “You can’t draw water from an empty well” It was MY catchphrase, and I used it quite often with other moms who had handicapped kids to tell them they needed to take care of themselves if they wanted to take care of their kids.

    Oddly, I myself totally ignored my own very good advice.

    Now that I look back I realize that at times we don’t think we deserve to be treated well. So many of us were raised in a time or an environment where women especially are supposed to give, support, and nurture others with no thought of ourselves that we feel comfortable in those social bindings, even to our own destruction. We know we’re “bad” women if we look to our own needs first, and even as society changes, those feelings still seem to be the subconscious foundations of so many of our behaviors.

    The thing is I was right all those years ago. We’re more effective at doing what we need to do, better role models, more joyful givers, when we are whole and healthy… and that means giving to ourselves as fully as we’ve given to others.

  63. I really don’t know much about Jillian, but by scanning the comments, she seems to have a lot of fans. Also, her tips make her sound like a level-headed, kind person.

    And yet I had The Biggest Loser on last night while I was studying and cleaning (yes, multi-tasker) and Jillian was telling the contestants to exercise until they threw up. Way to make people hate exercise. And as (hopefully) a future personal trainer, I hope that clients don’t come to me expecting to be tortured.

    I don’t usually watch The Biggest Loser, so this may have been an isolated incident, but it did not make me a fan.

  65. hmmmm, runjess.
    I tivo’d so I didn’t see the show yet….so all I can add is that I always laughed at the bodybuilders whose *goal* it was to squat till they thew up.

    It seemed to me to be an indicator of pushtoofar?

    I need to watch the episode….anyone else?

    M.

  66. awesome post today!
    that is so cool that jillian took the time to shared these thoughts with us…and so timely too!
    definitely a people pleas-er here…it has taken me 38 years to recognize and finally admit this!!
    my oldest started pre-k at our neighborhood public elementary school this year and there are so many opportunities to volunteer. i need to learn to pick and choose and not overwhelm myself!
    have a great day everybody….i am off to be a rock star!:)

  69. I was just talking about this with another mom the other day! I was telling her that I would love to volunteer in her wonderful program, but I’m a homeschooling mommy of 3 and my autistic son’s force of nature as well as a long distance runner, so I simply can’t do it right now. She said she didn’t know I was a runner and I told her that’s because I only do it for myself, and that’s why it’s important. 2 years ago, I made the decision that a certain portion of my time would be blocked off for my health. I was run down, over-weight, and UNenergetic. It takes a lot of energy to accomplish being a force of nature, so I decided to put everything more in perspective and create for myself and my family more health and energy for all. Now, I have the energy to volley for my son and enjoy learning with all my kids. Now that I let go of being super-mom, I think I’m much closer to being super-mom.

  70. ooooh, I love the shirt.

    Great point DonnaLouise. Time. Money. All things I need to work on spending *wisely* as well.

    MamaRuns? Be that girl!
    (Nudgenudge)

    And Josha. Love your entire comment. We’ve already established I think you are an amazing mom.

    M.

  71. The J is seriously one of my inspirational chicas. I remember the first Biggest Loser and the tough love she exhibits there is exactly what I knew in my heart of hearts what my “internal dialogue” needed to sound like or I’d never be happy with my diet or activity level. I’m so glad you featured her work here girlfriend!

  72. Jillian is amazing.

    I’m trying to figure out what I want – careerwise, mainly. So that’s how I’m examining my motivation 🙂

  73. The “oxygen mask” talk works for me, too. I’ve used it many times when I’ve started to feel guilty saying “no” to a request.

  76. Hm. Two things.

    Re: Dragonmamma, #9 – I TOTALLY DO THAT. I am ACE at the self-sabotage. I’m pretty good at saying no to other people, because I’m fiercely protective of my time, but I’m having to learn to say NO to MYSELF. NO, you can’t stay up late watching TV and skip your workout tomorrow. NO, you can’t go run errands all evening and skip your workout tonight. NO, you can’t have a muffin for breakfast because you stayed up late last night and now you’re tired and want a sugar high. I call it learning to discipline my inner brat. LOL.

    Also, re: the oxygen masks – I heard a woman once lecture on this topic, but she used the metaphor of a well: that we can’t give others water until our well is full. I’ll never forget her saying, “When your well is low, you need that sustenance! Don’t be standing around up there, selling lemonade, trying to look cute!” It still makes me laugh!

  77. I can say “No” now, no problem, maybe it comes with age. Part of why I always said “yes” was because I was so flattered to be asked: “what, me? You want ME to do this?” It was pure ego entrapment. I’m so over that.

  78. Marste, LOVE the well/water analogy. I often refer to my being empty or tapped out when I’ve given all I’ve got and have nothing left. So this rings home.

    Great post from Jillian. Thanks for getting her over her. And thanks, Jillian!

    And as our kids get older, it’s important to say NO for them, as well. My daughter has many many opportunities to do extra curricular activities. But we do ONE. That’s it. She swims on the swim team, usu. on Tues and Thurs for an hour each practice, and 2 Saturdays a month. And it’s enough. We aren’t doing Girl Scouts. We aren’t doing soccer. We aren’t doing dance classes. Those are great activities. But it’s just as important not to over stretch my kids as it is not to overstretch myself (which, if I overstretch *them*, I automatically overstretch myself, so, you know, it’s kind of a win/win here).

    I’m vote YES to saying NO.

  79. love it! needed it! thank you MizFit and JM !! I just said last night as I was watching BL that I wanted to workout with JM and she can make me hurl any time… and what happened this AM? I almost hit the snooze button to skip the workout – but I didn’t I went ’cause I’m cool like that. No really, because if I want to reach my goals, I have to work at them – and that’s what I basically told myself! Thanks again… I will def. start saying NO !


  80. Kara? that was so me as well….yet I dont know that I even framed it that way until your comment.

    we call it FRESHMAN YEAR SYNDROME at Casa Miz.

    the feeling of if you say no to something that you might! miss! the! best! night! ever!

    M.

  81. wow! That is so me to a T. For so many years, I left no time in there for me! Until I started taking care of ME and letting a few others things go, I just got bigger every year and more and more in poor health.

    Great advice from Jillian 🙂 Just watched you last night….love your drive and the way you get the contestants to wake up 🙂

  82. Why is my toddler so great at saying “no” and I’m only just now re-learning the skill?

    I will learn from my two-year old.
    I will learn from my two-year old.

    (in so many ways.)

  83. MizFit you’re my own personal Rock Star for getting a guest post from Ms. Michael’s. I was reading her book on the swing in the sunshine yesterday, when BF called to ask to be picked up 20mins early. I said, Yes. I should have said, No. Lesson learned. I was enjoying my “non-workout-swing-workout-reading” session.

  85. Heather, that is AWESOME!!!!!

    There’ve been a lot of life lessons going around here, lately. My dad passed 3 weeks ago, and 500 people showed up to his memorial. It made me realize just how much impact one person can have on the world.

  86. that’s amazing Alyssa.
    now *I* want to know how he lived his life.

    and this:

    It made me realize just how much impact one person can have on the world.

    it is the TO THE WORLD YOU ARE ONE PERSON BUT TO ONE PERSON (or 500) YOU ARE THE WORLD.

    M.

  87. Great post, as always.

    Today, I had to say No to turning on my computer this morning. It had to wait. I had mucho toddler time that I needed to spend.

    I wish I could be better about saying No to people, though!

  89. Jillian and Miz doing a facetime together; that would be so totally awesome!!!

    In the past few years I have learned to say no because I found myself starting to get resentful and envisioned myself down the road as waspish, pissy, and bitter…not pretty. However, I’m still finding it hard to completely step out of my comfort zone and really go after/tell people what I want. *sigh*

  91. Why are we so eager to please everybody anyway? I give give give before people ask then get mad at myself for opening my mouth in the first place.

    I need to just shut up!

  92. ok did you have me in mind when writing this post or what! WOW! I am so this person, I need to take this wonderful advice and apply it to myself:) THANK MIZ

  94. OFF TOPIC.

    I just saw Foofa for the first time.

    the first time? Im not sure if I feel sorry for you (wink) or Im jealous.

    me? Im more of a MunoMizFit but the Toddler Tornado is all about Foofa.

    (anyone else?)

    M.

  97. wow – you never cease to wow me with your guest bloggers! i think its so awesome that jillian posted on your blog and such great tips!

  98. Great post!! Thanks for the reminder as it seems that over the last couple months that is exactly what I have been doing and I need to get back on track – I need to schedule Me time into my day and make sure I do not cancel that appointment as it is equally if not more important than the other stuff that crowds my day. 🙂

  99. I for sure need this lesson. I am the ultimate people pleaser. I struggle with internal validation, so I seek it by being a doormat to everyone around me. I don’t know that my problem is so much not saying “no”, but just not asserting myself in general.

    I still haven’t figured out that it’s okay for me to have an opinion and to make it heard. Instead I just go along with the other person/people and say “Sure” or “I guess so”, even if it’s not really something I want to do. My fear of rejection is so strong, that I don’t dare put myself out there, even if it’s something as simple as deciding on what movie to go see or at what restaurant we should eat.

    I am going to work on #3- “communicate my needs and don’t be afraid of letting anyone down”. I hate asking for help, and I definitely suck at communicating my needs. I’ve also learned first hand about resentment in relationships and I want to break the cycle.

    Time to pull out the “Why RooBabs is Fab” list again. Thank you MizFit for bringing us Jillian, and thank you for the kick in the pants (although I think I’d rather work out until I puke than do this self-reflection).

  100. Very wise words. I’ve gotten better at saying no, but it’s been tough at times, especially as I’m learning to tell myself ‘yes’. One false move…. 🙂

  102. I’m late, too Diana. I was thinking as I read this what I always think when someone talks about learning to say “no”–I thought, “Oh well, I’m great at that. I am careful not to over-extend myself and I say no easily”. Then I thought about how hard it is to say “no” to a beautiful pair of shoes. So yeah, I should heed the advice, too.

  104. VERY practical advice! i definitely need to work on the “no” thing. i also need to watch out not to say no for the sake of saying no and not feeling weak for saying yes though. its kind of like, learning not to care what others think about you. thats a good thing of course right? but i find that i can get to the extreme where instead of just not stopping at the “not being bothered by other’s opinions,” i can go to the extreme and get the “who gives a crap about you” mentality. well, maybe those don’t really have a connection but in my mind it kind of did!

    i was kind of skimming the comments, and was wondering if you don’t personal train at all anymore then? or just don’t train one-on-one?

  106. I’m so late to the commenting! My blog-reading habits are eating me alive. Perhaps I need to say “NO!” to subscribe links . . .

    I am not going to be Genesis’ bitch anymore. When they want me to take on extra responsibilities, it will be a polite, “Nah, I just don’t think I can handle anything extra right now.”

    And when they want me to take on extra responsibilities without compensation, it will be a hearty “Hell to the f*ck no!”

    Cause I’m gangsta like that.

  107. i just want to say that this is what i’ve long suspected. i always thought it might be good to say no and to take a timeout for myself — but it’s even BETTER when someone confirms for you, that yes, IT IS OK TO DO THIS!! Especially from someone like Jillian! (I love her by the way — I read her tips every day in my inbox, they inspire me and keep me going.) Great guestpost! Thank you Jillian for liberating me!

  108. I wholeheartedly agree with Jillian. It’s absolutely okay to be selfish. If you only do things for other people, you’re not being kind to yourself — and you have to be healthy and energized in order to continue helping other people!

  110. Jillian Michaels is unquestionably the biggest success with having a business at the moment. She should be careful not to encourage junk goods however when she says that the true approach to fitness is great food and exercise.

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